Viewing 15 reply threads
New Forums
  • Author
    Posts
    • #738642

      So, I’m out to family and friends. I’ve posted photos to FB. Most of my work know…..
      If life was perfect, I’d live full time presenting as a woman. I am more comfortable and confident when presenting as a woman. I think I look much better as a woman. I certainly spend more time on my appearance as a woman. I buy female clothing at least twice a week… I rarely buy male clothing.
      Here’s the thing…. I’m male. I’m not a woman trapped in a man’s body. I’m male. No part of me feels female. I don’t act, walk or talk female. I don’t disguise my voice. I’m male. I just prefer to present as a female.
      So I don’t consider myself trans, as I know my gender. Crossdressers tend to be part time.
      So I’d like to live full time presenting as a woman, but I my gender is male…. What do you call someone that only want to present as a female and not actually be one?
      Now I’m out as a crossdresser, the potential to live full time presenting as a woman is getting greater. I will always be a man in a dress. Is a full time crossdresser, still a crossdresser?
      Does anyone else feel the same? Are you a man that wants to stay a man but present as a female?

      Cerys

    • #738662
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador

      I’ve often argued that many CD’s are somewhere on the transgender spectrum.  You can be transgender and never transition.  There are plenty of girls that live full time, will never do a medical transition, and consider themselves trans.  You may have gender dysphoria and get relief from hormones or surgery.  That doesn’t make you trans or more trans.  It just means you’re transitioning.

      Lots of girls get hung up on labels….CD, gender fluid, non binary, transgender, whatever.  I would offer that we ought to de-emphasize that concern and just get on with living their lives.  Labels are for the benefit of others.  When someone asks, the simple answer is you are trans.  You may identify as a CD but an observer isn’t going to make that distinction.  They see someone that looks like a woman.  They’ll assume you’re trans….or a cis-female if you pass.

      Personally, I never related to being a guy.  It felt like a facade….or fraudulent.  I was in denial of who I truly am for decades.  Getting past that was the catalyst for transitioning.  The smartest thing I’ve ever done.

      /EA

      • #738666
        Cassie Jayson
        Duchess

        Thank you so much for your thoughts Emily. I feel I am somewhere between how Cerys describes herself and being ‘fully trans’. I am so close to presenting female 24/7. I am OK with my male self except I wish I didn’t have male parts and have feminine breasts only so when dressing fem I would appear more as a woman than a man in woman’s clothes.
        . Cassie

      • #738706

        This is the thing, I don’t feel female. My gender is correct for my body. I just prefer dressing as a woman. I’m rock solid in the brief that I’m male. I couldn’t be more certain.

        Cerys

      • #738717
        Harriette
        Lady

        You say that labels are for others, then, in the next sentence, you label Cerys as trans.

        Let Cerys pick her label or choose not to use one.

        • #738799
          Emily Alt
          Managing Ambassador

          Cerys can choose whatever label or identity she wants.  I have no issue with that.  I was only pointing out that in general, most of us fall onto the trans spectrum regardless of the label we use.  This is commonly accepted by most mental health professionals

      • #738847
        Fiona Black
        Baroness - Annual

        Emily,

        You said – “Lots of girls get hung up on labels……When someone asks, the simple answer is you are trans.” I agree 100%. The simple truth is that if you are a CD, you are somewhere on the transgendered spectrum. The idea that CD’s belong on the spectrum was discussed by long-time, noted trans activist, Dallas Denny (who I met last year) and was introduced back in the 1980’s as a way to lump all trans people under one big umbrella. Whether we like it or not, all of us are considered trans in today’s society.

        Fiona

    • #738664
      Peta Mari
      Lady

      I’m a man who likes female clothing.

      I dont know that I look better, but the clothes are more comfy.

      What does your wife think of you coming out to all?

      • #738704

        My wife was hesitant, but now it’s done she’s happy.

        Cerys

    • #738707

      I would think you are exactly what you said you are – a crossdresser. While I would love to present full time as a woman, I would still be a crossdresser as I have no desire to be a woman. I’m a man who simply prefers dressing in prettier things that hug and caress my body. Lace panties are so much nicer than tighty whiteys. Bras and forms add to the pleasures of imitating a woman. There’s nothing at all wrong with wanting to present 24/7. Unfortunately, for some of us it is practical.

      • #738708

        Heather, it’s nice to know that I’m not alone 🙂

        Cerys

    • #738716
      Harriette
      Lady

      “I will always be a man in a dress.”

      Just an aside, there is a Scotsman who goes by the on-line name “Rocky In A Skirt”. That sort of sums up something along the lines of what I do, too. I say “do” because this is still new to me. It isn’t necessarily a feeling.

      All of this is to say I understand what you are saying.

    • #738723
      Angela Booth
      Hostess

      I do understand Cerys.   According to the NHS website you can be Trans even if you don’t have surgery or hormones as you identify as a woman. I am not entering into the minefield of debate but take that description as a base.

      I am now all but living full time dressed appearing as a woman but have had no surgery so know I am a male, always have been and all my lovely family and friends that have known me all the years know too but accept this new me, the female – the feminine male. I have always wanted to dress as a woman and have had the inclination to be a complete woman physically but it hasn’t happened, I doubt it will. At times I wished to have been born a girl, that wasn’t to be and am quite possibly gender dysphoric but accept my body as it is what I was born with and have not changed my persona only my outer appearance ,overall mannerisms and presentation. To those that don’t know me they can draw their own conclusions, they don’t ask and I don’t tell and that’s a happy status quo. When it comes to work and other areas where a declaration is required say I am Trans, it’s a label known and understood and eases the path. Due to the way I dress I use the ladies loo and that has never been an issue. Other womens spaces I will avoid and not expect any ‘right’ to go into them. I do not take offence if I am called sir or by my real name if it is done with no malice or to cause offence that is very rare and otherwise expect to be afforded the courtesy of being addressed as I appear which has been the case overall.

      So what am I?  We have similarities, theonly difference at this time is that I have taken on the aesthetics of a woman and engaged into the female world  but, like you, I have Transitioned from appearing as male to a female so it could be claimed that we are Transgender using the NHS statement. As we don’t deny we are male could we be classed as crossdressers but are more full time than just occasional dressers. Is there one of those new fangled labels that could also apply to us such as non binary or something else new today.

      In reality is there an answer to your question and do we really need one to know who we are to explain it. I summed it up one day nervously meeting a friend for the first time dressed I simply said ‘This is how I like to be’.

       

       

      • #738724

        This is why I’m asking. I don’t identify as female. I present as female, but I Identify as male. Both sex and gender are male. Therefore, I don’t fit into the transgender category.

        Cerys

        • #738850
          Fiona Black
          Baroness - Annual

          Cerys,

          Please read my post to Emily below.

    • #738757

      I always tell folks I’m a Hetero Male To Female Crossdresser – I do not now, nor have I ever, felt the need/desire to transition.  I am happy living my life as a man who enjoys presenting as a woman.

      There are more of us out here, Sweetie. Maybe we should start a club? (giggle)

    • #738769
      Anonymous

      Hi Cerys,

      On the subject of labels.

      In ancient times I was doing my psychology degree, and one of the units was ‘Abnormal Psychology’. One lecture focussed on schizophrenia, and I left the room thinking, ‘oh my god, I’m schizophrenic’. Another lecture was on paranoia and, you guessed it, I left thinking ‘oh my god, now I’m a paranoic’. And so it went on.

      Others had a similar reaction to the lectures.

      Of course, I/we weren’t, but could vaguely identify with some of the traits discussed. And that’s because we’re all on the ‘spectrum’. To admit to some of the traits on any particular spectrum doesn’t make you 100% ‘this’ or ‘that’.

      So with that as basis, I’m quite comfortable with the idea of a transgender spectrum that applies to us all, and not only that, is a useful way of challenging the colourless and confusing binary approach that implies ‘if you’re not black you must be white’, or ‘if you’re not a woman you must be a man’. Life is much more subtle than that. As I’m sure you’ve realised 😉

      Labels !!! Harrumph !!! You can’t live with ’em, and you can’t live without ’em.

      eM x

      • #738774

        Marti, Thanks for this.
        TBH I never really thought of it, but I was talking to a friend the other day and he asked if I wanted to go full time. I answered yes, but only presenting as a woman, not actually being one.
        |This started the debate as to whether a man dressed as a woman full time would/could be considered transgender. His argument was that people would see me and assume I was TG. My argument was that I’m sure of my gender, and I don’t want/need for that to change.

        I thought I’d ask on here 🙂

        Cerys

        • #738830
          Harriette
          Lady

          So long as you know what you want or need, that is enough. Right? The others can just go along for the ride or take an off-ramp.

      • #738818
        Harriette
        Lady

        “I left the room thinking, ‘oh my god, I’m schizophrenic’.”

        Uh, an untreated schizophrenic usually is not capable of recognizing that they are schizophrenic (that’s a big part of the problem), so no, you were definitely not schizophrenic.

        (A step-son, at the time, was diagnosed as schizophrenic. He didn’t live too long because he wouldn’t take care of himself because of denial.)

        But I know what you meant. 😉

        • #738824
          Anonymous

          Sorry, Cerys, my humour doesn’t always translate to the written page. I was being a bit hyperbolic.

          eM x

    • #738776
      J J
      Lady

      Another example of why labels fail. Nothing (or very little) in life is black and white. Personally I dislike the term crossdresser though I see why it is used. I would just accept the fact that you like to dress en femme and leave it a t that. While I do not want to dress en femme full time as you do, and more power to you if that is what you want, but I too am just a guy in a dress. We are all on our own personal journeys so what one person does may not be right for another.

      You are a guy who likes to dress en femme and wishes to do it full time, personally, I would just leave it at that.

    • #738781

      Hi Cerys

      In my opinion Crossdresser is a perfect description of you as far as how you dress is concerned. So you are exactly where you belong-Crossdresser heaven.

      B x

    • #738801

      Hi,

      As long as you are happy with the term crossdresser, then I would say it covers exactly what you are doing regardless of it being once a week or 24/7, just one being part time the other full time with varying degree of how you act while doing it.

      I would describe myself as a crossdresser. I love wearing all things femme, but I also like the fact that I don’t do it every day as it leads to a build up of excitement and anticipation.

      Also for me, I want to be as much of a girl as possible when dressed, so I try to walk, talk (not very well) sit, & act as a female as best I can for the time I’m dressed.

      We are all different, but I agree that there is a spectrum for crossdressing and we are just all part of that.

    • #738808
      Leah
      Baroness

      I would not get caught up in the “label” or “definition”  I woudl say you are a cross dresser. You do not identify as a female or wish to have full surgery or implants or take hormones.

      Enjoy what and who you are and don’t worry about what to call yourself.   Own what you are!

      • #738895

        Spot on, I believe. That is me to a “T”. Best, Marlene.

    • #738859
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual

      Cerys,

      “What do you call someone that only want to present as a female and not actually be one?”

      You call them Fiona Black. I present as a woman 90% of the time I am out in public and 100% of the time I am home. I am not a “man in a woman’s body”, do not have gender dysphoria and have no desire to transition via hormones or surgery. I have no problems being a male on those few occasions where I am. I also generally do not actually feel like a woman; it’s just not possible, I’m a genetic male. However, dressing as a woman bring out the more feminine side of my personality and there are definitely times where I feel exceptionally feminine. I do act, walk and adopt female mannerisms both because it helps me feel more feminine and because it helps me blend in while out in public. I enjoy living my life this way and will do so till I drop. And by today’s definition of the concept, I am trans. I think too many people might associate trans with transexual. To be trans is to want to present as a gender different from the one you were born with.

    • #738958

      • #738963

        Sadly, I cannot see the vid as I’m in the UK.

        Cerys

        • #739148

          It’s the song My Conviction from Hair. There’s probably a UK cleared copy somewhere on YouTube.

          Love the new pic, dear.

          Hugs & kisses,
          W.

    • #738996

      Hi Cerys and everyone

      Thanks for posting this, its a really interesting question and one that I have mentally been struggling with too.

      Sadly I don’t get the chance to dress full time, though I would love to – I think. I can only snatch the odd opportunity when my wife is out or away. Coming out to her or my friends is not an option for me.

      I am quite comfortable, in many senses of the word, in my male mode, though lately Helen has been in my thoughts more and more, but there are reasons for that. I find dressing when I’m going through a tough time emotionally (as is the case now) really helps me deal with it.

      I’m in my mid 60s now and don’t want to transition. I know people say its never too late but I think it is for me. Had I had the courage to do so when my first SO and I split back in the early 90s I might have done so, but the world, certainly in the UK, was a different place then. Now the thought of having to give everything up and start again, which I’m certain is what it would mean, is too much to contemplate. I have a back up plan in my head in case the worst happens and I get caught, but thats a scenario I don’t want to happen!

      So I guess I am trans, somewhere on the spectrum. Personally I prefer crossdresser because thats all I’m doing, and I have no desire to take it any further. But at the end of the day labels don’t really matter, it’s who you are as a human being that counts.

      Much love

      Helen xx

    • #739152
      Theresa
      Duchess

      What a horrible thought, right? To feel perfectly natural as a woman but stuck in a mans body in the end. I wish I was born a girl. I have felt that way since I can remember.

Viewing 15 reply threads
  • The forum ‘Personal Crossdressing Stories’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

Forgot your details?