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I had this discussion with some girls I worked with one day. Most had negative comments about it with a couple saying they had no issue with it. The ones with negative comments were that there must be something wrong with a guy that wants to wear feminism clothes and they really must be gay. The ones that had no issue pointed out the females wear pants and those were originally men’s clothes and said they wear other male type clothes and women had a larger selection of beautiful clothes so why would a guy not want to wear women’s clothes. Society norms are hard to change.
I have thought the same way of thinking so many times throughout C.D. LIFE THANKYOU!
The cis-females will soon have the floor, but just one observation in general… what they think about crossdressing in general is very different of how they may feel about their own boyfriend/husband/SO being a CD.
Even those who may be totally open minded about gender issues and even say “I have many CD friends” may react very differently to the idea of accepting a CD partner. (Ah, yes, personal experience, sadly)
Gaby 💜
I do think that’s true. I live in a large city where a genetic male in female clothing is not usually a cause for a second look. And I love that about these times, and tend to think of myself as open minded and an ally to all. People (ALL people) should be able to wear whatever the heck they want without worrying about judgement or their safety.
I have also read personal stories here which have brought me to tears. Caty’s recent post was so incredibly beautiful (and she looked STUNNING and sophisticated dressed up!!), I wanted to reach through my computer screen and give her a hug.
That said, in absolute honesty, seeing my own SO CD’ing (only photos so far): my honest reaction is “he looks like a man in a dress”. I definitely think it’s a different thing for the SO. NOT because I’m not accepting of who he is or his needs. But more because I can only see his handsome face that I absolutely love, the one I have built memories around, with strong shoulders and biceps that I respond to at a cellular level sticking out of a sleeveless blouse. And this familiar body is accentuated in another form. It’s not that I’m not accepting of him. It’s just very foreign to me when it’s MY SO. But there’s the difference.
But I’m committed to working with him along the journey. That’s love to me. As long as he respects my feelings too, I’m happy.
I hope my honesty didn’t offend.
Aw shucks Nic…..
Do you really think I look that good!!???
The hair and make up is strictly the domain of the lovely lady make up artists I have come to know and I really appreciate their skill and trust. Especially “Fran” who is always alone when she does my make up and sets my wigs. (It can be a bad, bad world out there!!).
Yes I do my own make up at times, but not for “public consumption”.
The clothes, shoes, jewellery etc??… “All my own work”……I bemuse myself that I take minimum care and attention to my male “clobber”. Hey whats hard about a T shirt and jeans/pullover/jacket.
But I do try ever so hard when it comes to clothes for Caty and it gladdens this old “chooks” heart, (translation: chicken), when someone like you makes the comments you did.
Its a standing joke amongst a lovely little private e.mail group I’m in all say that the brand of casual clothes I enjoy the most, (google Fella Hamilton) is for “old ladies”. The skirt and “cardi” in my last article are “FH”
You can be sure your wonderful compliment with be relayed to them…
Last but not least I once gave my wonderful beloved a FH gift voucher… Her response??
She backed up the girls in my e.mail group!!. “For really old ladies”. She says
Hang on she’s only a year younger than me…But sadly altho she knows about Caty, she very much disapproves. But still wears the jacket she bought with the voucher…
Sincerely
Caty
PS if you think The “casual look” was good, check out some of my more “formal shots” in my public photos
This is a very interesting topic. I think it depends on the stage of your relationship. I was very intrigued in the beginning. I wanted to know everything about it and why. I had so many questions. I have lots of respect and admiration for CDs. It is lots of work to dress as a woman. I feel in some ways it has helped me to take a look at myself to see how I am presenting myself. Am I doing all I can to take care of myself and look my best? Do I take it for granted being a woman? I know I wouldn’t want to be a man. I see most Crossdressers as very loving people. They understand their SO and what it takes to get ready, to look beautiful. Lastly I guess I worry my CD will look better than me.
Stay beautiful and be yourself,
Kayla
Great question. I love Kayla’s answer and agree with it and feel that way myself. I love seeing how CD’s dress, I find it fascinating and interesting. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about my hubbie looking ridiculous in an outfit or wig, but my worry was for nothing, she’s doing great at finding clothes that suit her. She’s finding her own personal sense of style. For me it’s about seeing someone feel happy with they way that look, that’s why I love being a hairstylist, I get to do that for people. I think like anyone, it’s about finding the cloths that suit your body and your sense of style. We all make mistakes, but it’s a learning process. I hope that answers your question.
-Gwenn
Gwenn I agree 100%. Developing a sense of style and dress that fit our bodies, allowing our personalities to be revealed through our feminine display of the GG’s that we admire and imitate is key.
I have to agree with Kayla it does make you look at yourself and take stock of how you look. And there is that niggling does she look better than I do.
And we will not go into the legs bit grr a lot of CD’s have great legs lol.
I get a feeling that my better half may think that I look better than she does. This isn’t a contest. I just like looking good in a dress…if I can, lol.
You’re right, it is not a competition. My SO has told me several times that she thinks that I look better then her when dressed. I tell her that I just try my best to look like a woman, at least the best that I can. She says that she is ok and has accepted what I do but on the other hand she also tells me that she does not want to know or see the things I order online for Holly until I have them on. Also when we shop together she will go somewhere else while I shop for Holly. And I have to keep the door closed while getting ready, she wants nothing to do with it, she only wants to see (if she is in the mood) the completed Holly. If she is not “in the mood” she will just leave until Holly leaves. Is this acceptance and support? She says it is but sometimes I have my doubts.
oh yes the legs!! What gets me is how lucky CD/TGs are to (mostly) not be susceptible to the cottage cheese cellulite. Many have amazing legs!!
And like some of the other ‘cis women’ have mentioned, it has me looking at myself and thinking “I should probably ditch the cotton granny panties- chaffing and infections be damned!” haha
Hummm I find people will be people regardless where, when or how or even what the issue is. I have absolutely no idea how or why I came to be bitten by the Femme Bug so late in life but I find the wide,Wild, Wonderful, World of Femininity absolutely intriguing & fascinating. I do regret how ignorant and asinine I had been in my younger days to the girls and women I had dated. I hope I’ve learned to listen to criticism as well as to compliments
I’m closeted (but maybe the earrings and sometimes nail polish give things away a bit?).
I find that I get a look, sometimes a double take or second look, and sometimes evena comment on my earrings, but the only negative vibes I get are from what I will call ‘old dowager types’.
ie older, ‘old skool’ type ladies, who probably have a very firm idea of how a male should look, act, and provide.In my experience, they are usually very negative across the board to anyone that doesn’t fit a very narrow prescription of what they think of as ‘normal and allowed. CDs included
Good question. My experience over the years has been mixed s well. I can tell ( sometimes) when I am out that the person I am interacting with is being patronizing, accepting, or just doesn’t care about what I’m wearing or how I am presenting myself. I have also had some active reactions, giggles, loud comments behind my back, etc. As such, I am careful about who I actually interact with. I am also careful about the people I share my real self with.
Sadly, my wife is one of the people who does not agree with or care to understand, who I was created to be. She takes every opportunity when the subject comes up via a character on a TV show or something, to tell me what she thinks of it. On the other hand, I have told some female friends about Emily and have had nothing but positive comments and support. I agree that it is very possibly a generation issue, as the most understanding people seem to be younger.
In my somewhat limited experience, when I’ve been in public as Alex the women I have met (usually SOs of fellow crossdressers) have been curious and respectful, though some have expressed to me a kind of sadness that their man is a little less so, with one in particular noting that this was a shortsighted view on her part. Personally, women will compliment my appearance and attention to detail, with some pointing out that most women don’t quite dress to the 9s as I do – I believe they find my interpretation of women’s fashion to be adorable but not quite accurate. This perspective has had the effect of inspiring me to explore casual looks with a bit more seriousness; I’ve found I love these looks quite a lot, in fact.
At a party, in a pub or nightclub, besides the fact that the best looking best dressed man in the room and surrounded by women is probably gay. Many girls or women have gay best friends and who can blame them?
It must be refreshing to be out in company and not be hit on or followed to the toilet by a wise cracking super cool men. Even the heros of stage and screen who constantly harras, browbeat and won’t take no for an answer in their quest to bed the leading lady has me shouting “tell him to piss off” at the TV.
I know that cross dressers are’nt usually gay, they are more into drag, and those just wanting to be ‘one of the girls’ are unlikely to whisper sweet nothings into a ladies ear so pass the awkward moment and the chances are that they will want to take you shopping!
I think the perception is most CDs are gay, research differs. As a CIS woman I researched and asked many questions. I wanted to understand.
My son is gay. I have found gay peeps are so great to be around. They dress to impress and are kindhearted. I am proud of my son
Anyway my two cents
hugs
kayla
“I think the perception is most CDs are gay”. Yes. Conversation with my wife not so long ago: Those look like women’s shoes
Yes.
Are you turning gay in your old age?She has since grudgingly accepted my wardrobe choices, except for actual dresses. Too bad, because I have this denim skirt which I really love to wear.
UPDATE: The “no dresses” mandate seems to be explicit for DRESSES. I can now wear my denim skirts, tops…essentially everything…at home; and she has even expressed tolerance for makeup. It seems my feminine side is more attractive than she first thought. Lucky me
Hi Jennifer Its a good question. My experience has been not many people understsnd crossdresers . I have seen crossdresers on TV trying to explain what they are all about. I had several girlfriends in the past found it just weird not ugly but very confusing. In their mind why would you dress like a woman and sometimes a sexy woman if you were not trying to attract a man. I tried to explain to them it is very harmless we are not dressing to atttact any one . We just want to feel what it is like to be cute and feminate. We enjoy the image comming from the mirror. Most woman just say sounds ok and some enjoy being apart of it like my wife. They want assurance that you are not gay. Feeling like a woman is different for them. They want to be attractive so men will notice them not stare at them just be noticed by a small flirt , a smile or a little longer look than normal. That is enough for most woman. Woman get confused by gay men. Sometimes they are very feminate when gesturing and wiil sometimes speak like a woman in a male voice. Then you have drag queens they are men dressed like woman some are married to cis woman and some are gay. They are men attracted to men. They dress for fun and entertainment . Are you confused yet? Well think of a cis woman who is attracted to men and has just found out that her boyfriend or husband is a crossdreser. They panic first just because they do not understand and they may or may not like it. It is up to the individual woman. This is the opinion of a trans woman who likes woman but still deciding whether to transition or not . Luv Stephanie
I can only speak for myself. I’m a cis woman, think of myself as mostly heterosexual. I LOVE my partner who cross dresses. I love him as him, and I love her as her. Completely, totally. I’m attracted to both personas. I miss her woman side when she’s gone too long. If I had to choose only one gender? I’d think I’d prefer her female. She’s so much happier as a woman!
I don’t personally know a lot of women who feel as completely open to this as I do, but I do know some. 🙂
I have met several who liked it and were intrigued by it and would talk to me about it.. I guess those who didn’t just mostly kept to themselves or I might notice them keep looking or maybe pointing me out to someone else they are with.
But I often wondered if they are looking at me that way because they clocked me or just because I wasn’t dressed to blend in. There was an instance where I was in a store waiting to buy pantyhose. I was wearing pantyhose with short shorts and platform wedges. I heard a woman say ” what is this one trying to proove?” I assume she was speaking of me.
I am a closeted crossdresser. The only person who knows is my wife. She is somewhat accepting, but certainly not enthusiastic or a participant. From reading things on this site I would say she is not atypical. It would seem from most of the posts on this site that there are very few CD’s with totally accepting SO’s.
In my office, there is a very out crossdresser. He often brings in pictures of himself or discs with photos of himself fully dressed. Many of the women in the office look at these photos, make encouraging comments or suggestions, or ask questions about the clothes, make up or wigs. They seem fully accepting. I have never heard an unkind or nasty remark from any of these many women. (The men are a different story).
I can only conclude, that in the abstract, women have no problem with CD’s. They are curious and accepting. They do not, however, want a CD as a significant other.
This is my personal opinion on this topic, no scientific poll or survey, just 65 years of living and observing. I think the vast majority of people, cis women and men, maybe 80 to 85 %, have a negative opinion of crossdressing. I am sure if it is a lack of understanding or just built in prejudices, but I think most believe crossdressing is strange and weird. I know there are exceptions and there are people who are accepting and understanding, but my opinion is that is a small percentage. I do not mean to burst any bubbles or be negative, that’s just the way it is.
Now, for the rest of the story. I do not crossdress for those people or anyone, except myself. I dress because of the satisfaction and deep fulfillment at expressing my feminine side that I feel, and I know everyone here can understand that. I do not know why I have a feminine side that I need to explore, but I do and plan on continuing to let her out. I am comfortable with who I am and the kind of person I am, so what others think of crossdressing does not bother me, but I will be very careful who knows about Michelle because that’s just the way it is.
I don’t find it weird per say but Sometimes I struggle to understand why my fiancé dresses. That my big strong man feels good in panties a bra and a beautiful dress.
but I feel sexy in panties bra stockings and dress so why shouldn’t he?
I don’t think I’d feel sexy strutting around in a pair of Calvin Klein boxers.I think a lot of it is maybe a persons upbringing. I grew up in Ireland and i just didn’t see crossdressers .. ever! My first real experience of crossdressers was when I found my fiancé in dating sites geared towards crossdressers and honestly my first thought was .. well he must be gay. I don’t have a penis like these girls so why is he even with me.
not just wasn’t something I knew about, I knew about transgender and being born in the wrong body but about men enjoying dressing as women and switching back between the two, was just not something I was aware was a “thing”it was a very confusing time but when everything was finally out in the open.. was I going to leave him over some clothes? Absolutely not.
I’m learning more and more every day and understanding more.
I encouraged him to buy wigs and makeup and clothes. I set my boundaries on what I was comfortable which really was just no breast forms and no fake vagina undiesbut it was actually me who told him in the end after she shared some pictures that she needed some boobs.. the clothes would look so much better.
so if I’m honest at first I was just confused but the more I know – the better things get.
would I have chosen this for us? No, but in saying that, I’ve never seen him smile as much as she does so – I’m happy that I can be there for her and help in whatever way I can. Except picking clothes, she’s too picky!if it was discussed more I think people would be more understanding of it and it would be less of a shock.
Love this topic.
Purely anecdotal, but I have told several coworkers and close friends (all of whom are female). I have strongly hinted to others, like admitting I’m going as Frank N Furter for a live performance of RHPS this evening.
Only one was an enthusiastic supporter. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. We have traded dresses and she has been kind enough to buy a few for me. I will be doing her makeup for the RHPS tonight. 🙂
Most are amused or just amazed. They’re interested quickly (“OMG, is that you?!?”), and then pleasantly ambivalent about it. I will get a few references occasionally, but nothing untowards.
Only a few are openly “you’re just a man in a dress”. I’ve known one for forever, and she can’t unsee the male side- so Meghan, to her, is just male me gussied up. Others will say that I’m passable. I’ll meet them in the middle. 🙂
Hello, maybe I’m a bit late to the chat here but thought I would still comment as a ciswoman dating a cross dresser. My boyfriend told me he enjoyed cross dressing fairly early on while we were dating. I must admit that when I first found out I had preconceptions, surely this means he is gay to some extend? Does he actually want me as a partner or just a friend? But I can’t stress how grateful I was for knowing this before we entered in to a proper relationship. Being a cross dresser is such a huge part of a man’s life, so I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to enter in to a relationship with him but to only find out this big part so late on. I am pleased he trusted me enough to share it with me, so I could get to know the full him and not just the male him.
I took time deliberating over what this would mean to me. I can’t lie, sometimes I do feel uncomfortable when he is in girls clothes, as to me he is boyfriend. BUT regardless of how I feel, I always know he feels AMAZING as soon as he puts his girls clothes on. I love him, and I tell him daily, that I love all him, both sides and they both make up who he is.
Yes I might feel a bit uncomfortable sometimes when he is dressed and I’m not expecting it, but I love him and therefore that’s just something I need to change my perception of!
So i would say, if anyone has a partner who might admit to sometimes being out of their depth, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you! It means they need your help to help them understand where you are coming from and what you want of them (how to react to you/be your girlfriend or just female friend when you are dressed). My boyfriend and I walk through what we both want and how we both feel regularly and it’s great. Being honest and open will really keep your relationship strong.
It’s because, while we can ‘see’ other CD’ers, it’s honestly not the same in our relationship (for a number of reasons).
As a ‘cis woman’, I’m accepting of cross dressers, transgender individuals, gay/lesbian, bi, or anyone. But it’s a difficult thing when my own emotions and insecurities are directly affected.
I’m very humbled when that’s recognized and appreciated. It seems, from my short time on here, the couples who are most successful at their relationship actually have the support and understanding going BOTH ways. Not just looking for the support FROM their partner. Gives us something to strive for in our own relationships.
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