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For those of us who have wives or SO’s onboard with our CD’ing, what do you tell them.
I’m a male that likes to dress in women’s clothing. Or, I think of myself as a woman when dressed.
Initially I wasn’t sure my wife was going to accept me as a woman while dressed so I went the the l’m a male who likes women’s clothing thing. Lately I’ve decided to take a risk and tell her that I was a women when dressed as a woman. Her response, “ok”. Little point, but extremely liberating for me because I don’t have to pretend anymore. Look forward to your thoughts. ZI told mine the truth as I knew it: Love her, not turning gay in my old age, but dressing is something I have to do for peace of mind. I’ve since discovered that I’m more than “just” a CD, and when I figure out how to explain “social TG” to her, I will do so.
Hi Zoe,
While I’m out to my wife, how “onboard” she is, is up for debate. When I originally came out to her I told her I wanted to get in touch with my feminine side an feel more feminine. She said feeling feminine has nothing to do with the clothes, hair and makeup. The feeling comes from within, from the heart. I told her I’m all the clothes. She just rolled her eyes and said to do what you need to do to be happy. Fast forward a few months. Lately whenever I bring up the subject of dressing or try to share something she makes sure to remind me that feeling feminine has nothing to do with clothing, hair and makeup. Recently she threw in if you want to feel feminine, try having your period for 40 years. I’m at a point where I don’t want to bring up the subject and go back to therapy.
Hopefully, when your wife said “okay” she really meant it.
Robin
Robin,
In your wife’s defense: If I say “I feel like a girl, even when not dressed and it’s obvious that I’m not”, the ladies here will understand exactly what I’m saying. But a GG or non-Dresser has nothing on which to base the concept; they can only think we have a screw loose in our heads, or worse. And I can’t understand how my own wife accepted Bettylou so casually, but I feel blessed that she did…and I wish all the other girls here were as lucky as I.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Hi Zoe about the same as with my wife . She says ok about dressing but when we talk about when Stephanie is here on the weekends she still refers to me as male pronouns . Once in a great while she mentions Stephanie and my heart goes pity patter a few more times for the better . I try and remind her that im a woman girl friend but that kind of upsets her so we drop it , its a hard work in progress and some time it seems like we gain ground then sometimes not good luck lots of hugs girl friend
Stephanie
Hey Zoe, well done for being so brave! Hopefully you can work more Zoe into your lives together.
I went with the ‘I like to dress up in girly things, I like the look, the colours, the fabrics’ ‘ok’ she said. Then….. nothing. Fast forward three weeks, we are talking about what we might do after the lockdown. ‘Would you come with me for a makeover’ I ask. ‘What, like for clothes?’ ‘Well, I went to Sephora a few weeks ago for a makeover…’ ‘what, with foundation and eyeliner and everything?’ ‘Yes, the full works’ ‘what did it look like, did you get any photos?’ ‘No, no photos. I just feel like this has always been part of who I am’I’m working through in my head what the next step will be, but I know now that this is a big part of what I am.
Where we are going to end up…….??
S x
I’ve also been wondering if it’s easier to explain ones ‘needs’ (in these still non accepting times) as something further along the gender dysphoria/trans-gender spectrum as at least it is, if not acceptable at least commonly recognised. In my head being ‘just’ a cross dresser still jars with my acquired perception of acceptability.
S x
(maybe a little deep for a Tuesday morning….!)
Hi Zoe When my wife first found out by finding my clothes I just told her I was just interested in cross dressing. I really did not understand the why i desired to express my self as a female at the time. I guess there has to be a name or label or something I remember a cis girl friend i met when dressed called me at IT. I was not a woman or a man I was a IT. So cross dresser is better than being a IT. The confusion that our SO’s have is there clothing is a small part of being a woman. We make it the biggest. We try to emulate our vision of a woman and then try to feel what it is like to be a woman. I do not believe today we will ever get there. How could we. They know that. The emotional experience that cis woman go through when there body changes and their body starts to discharge blood must be crazy. Then estrogen is then being pumped into there brain making them feel a out of control. This is all happening at a very young age. That experience is what ties all woman together. Then comes child birth another very emotional out of control experience we will never experience. These experiences and so many others we do not recognize as significant are huge for cis woman. That is there confusion when we tell them or they find out we want to dress like woman or express ourselves as woman. What we share is our love for pretty and cute clothing. Why? we like it. I amstill trying to figure that one out . We all love how it makes us feel when wearing feminine clothing. That i know for sure. I think if we can keep that in mind when talking with our wives about our emotional desires, needs, yearnings or what ever word best expresses those feelings. We just want the fun part of being a woman and that can be fun for the both of us. We all have so much to share with our SO’s they do not have a clue what it is like to grow up and be expected to be a man. Our love for pretty and cute clothing and how it makes us feel is just another thing we have in common and we can enjoy it together if they will allow it. Embrace your femininity it does make us special people Luv Stephanie
I tried to broach the subject with my wife. She made it clear it wasn’t going to happen in our house. She is very adamant about it and no matter how I try she slams the door shut. So for now I will kept Dee undercover and just enjoy when I can. Maybe one day we will really talk about “Dee”.
I think this is spot on. I suspect that most of us here on CDH have spent time in our own heads trying to understand the whys and wherefores. It is unreasonable to expect an SO who has known you as one person to suddenly understand and “accept” this new and different person. If one gets tolerance, anything more is a gift.
I’ve explained my feelings 10 times over to my wife but she just doesn’t get it or she doesn’t want to get it. Basically I get I didn’t marry a woman and I don’t want to be married to a woman and If that’s what I want then it’s over and I don’t mean if I want to transition but if that’s the way I feel that I am a woman then we are done. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place, wow. So basically I don’t talk about my feelings to her much, we have made some progress this last year or so but this is the impasse we are at. Not much fun, first I was a woman trapped in a man’s body, now I’m just trapped.
after I had dated with my now current wife for 5 months, I had been hinting around my dressing to test the waters as to her reaction before I finally told her, actually she guessed it… It was now or never as to fully tell her or regret not telling her. I knew that is she was not onboard, it woudl not be a good thing and we woudl not last. I made sure she fully understood and where I was and where I had no intentions of going. (no transition or being gay). As she said she was ok with it, but needed balance as she was not interested in being married to a lady nor did she want to see me that way all the time.
My dressing is still evolving and she is waling and exploring right along with me, which is very nice. We haev bought lingerie, make up and clothes together. She does my make and nails on occasion.I think she does struggle as in the past couple years I have started fully dressing and doing more makeup. Life is too short to not be able to explore and do what makes you happy.
I feel sorry for those that have non-supportive so/wife. Just not right and they are missing out big time in my opinion!
Been thinking. Just maybe my wife is willing to express my true self now just because of the worry of Covid 19. At thus point, dressing up and becoming a woman mentally brings me peace and comfort.
I’ve always enjoyed shopping with my wife, particularly for shoes. She asked me what I wanted for my bday in February and I said ‘a gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret?’ I got not only that, but a full spree that included dresses, shoes, underthings…I tell her I’m a man that feels beautiful and happy wearing women’s clothes. Since Covid, I’ve been able to spend much more time en femme. She worried only once, needed to hear that I was not interested in becoming a woman. She still wants her man! I make sure that the man is there, too.
When I came out to my wife I told here everything.
I like to dress in woman’s clothing
I have been doing if most of my life and have been hiding it
I used to borrow her clothes, but now I buy my own
I have tried to stop, but always start again
I dress at home when she is at work
I dress when I drive to the job site for my two week rotation
I have joined an online support group
I don’t know why I need to do it
It makes me happy
I am not gay
I am happy as a man, but sometimes a man in women’s clothing
I don’t feel the need to transition
I still love her!
I will answer and questions honestly.Since the talk we have not discussed it a whole lot, she is not super comfortable talking about it, but prefers I just do what I need to do. She will occasionally offer a compliment on an item of clothing or make remarks about my choices. I try to pay close attention to her body language so I can tell if I am pushing things a bit far for her.
I told my ex just before our first child was born. She hated it with a passion for the whole almost 30 years we were together. My current lovely SO found some jewellery about 7 years ago and since then its been “dont ask dont tell”.
I was close to the “talk” before the “Bug” hit, but now we are as good as in lockdown and she has a few health worries, now is not the time or place..
The “talk” was also due to encompass my long held desire to be completely hair free, (almost got that on my head these days anyway…)
But again, the “Bug” has stopped that
Happy (if you can) dressing
Caty
Hi Zoe,
When I told my wife she was accepting and supportive.
However as the pink fog envoloped me and I spent a little too much money, acted a little too feminine and accidently wore a Lacy thong during a spontaneous romantic opportunity the Divorse word came from her lips.
I had to determine that I could be happy being a man for her as she neededm masculinity.
I told her however I could not stop my feminine side as even if I wanted to.
So she accepted that and I have agreed to try to refrain from dressing in front of her very much and to keep Patty out of our romance.
Life is a balance and I love my wife and my marriage very much.
If I wasn’t married I may be a different person.
For now I think I am very blessed even if it is a struggle at times to balance needs and wants.
Still evolving
Patty
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