What Do You Need To Work On To Reach Your Vision Of Feminity?

In order to complete your particular vision of feminine presentation, what do you need to work on to get there? Two choices are allowed. Please add your thoughts to the comments. Note: While my experience is M>F, similar questions could also be posed for F>M. It would be interesting if someone took that on...

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  • Choosing the right clothes for a given occasion
  • Color coordination
  • Accessorizing
  • Feminine deportment
  • Makeup
  • Voice
  • Your walk
  • Hair/Wig styling
  • Building a wardrobe
  • Other (please describe in the comments)
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    • #329403
      Laura Lovett
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      Hi Dee-Ann

      I voted makeup and accessories.

      However, I don’t believe that my goal is feminization.

      I find that people really get behind the idea of cross dressing – some get it instantly and treat you like you’re a rock star just for being yourself.

      Some don’t immediately get it, but ask non-judgemental questions, even apologising for being nosey, and quickly understand that you’re just part of the rich colour of life.

      A minority form incorrect snap judgements and even go as far as to express their disapproval – but, since I didn’t ask them for approval, I leave them to catch up with 20th century understanding – and hope they make it to the 21st intact!

       

      The bottom line is that, unless you’re incredibly convincing, you will be seen through – but that doesn’t matter.

      Nicer makeup and accessories will give me more self assurance and make me feel prettier, but it won’t make me look like a GG.

       

      And that’s fine.

      It’s fine to be a cross dresser.

      What matters is that very few mind.

      And those who do mind don’t matter.

       

      Stay safe

      Love Laura

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    • #329320
      Ellie Hope
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      I certainly need lots of work in most all of these choices, but voice and deportment are my picks because I’ve so far to go in these very challenging areas.
      Love, Ellie

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    • #328943
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      All:

      Many have their walk as an item requiring work. There is a thread on Transgender Heaven called:

      Tips & Tricks for Walking

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    • #328933
      Vicki Smythe
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      While I answered to makeup and my walk it is essentially everything.  If I could feel better about myself presenting I would probably be more confident to going out in public.  My walk isn’t natural and while I think I am walking feminine not having someone to critique makes it difficult to know what I am missing.  Makeup is just a matter of my spending time in front of a mirror and just practicing.  I planned on getting a makeover but current events have definitely changed that from happening in the near future.

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    • #328893
      Katie Collins
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      Voice needs a lot of practice. I’ve only recently started stepping out, so it wasn’t necessary for years. I love high heels but struggle to walk in them. If I go out, it is often in flat shoes, which isn’t as much fun.

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    • #328749
      Berta
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      I chose “Voice” and “Other”:

      Voice because mine is in sad shape with only 1 barely working vocal chord, the other is permanently paralyzed due a surgeon’s bad efforts during throat surgery. Before that I had a very deep bass voice and in no way could make it sound feminine.  🙁

      Other because at almost 80 years old (4/26/20) and 250 lbs. I’d need to lose 100 lbs. or more for any hope of creating a feminine figure. At this time of my life I enjoy each out of the “closet” Berta opportunity like it’s my last.

      Berta  3/25/2020  2:40 AM  EDT

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    • #328711
      Bethany Delaney
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      I’ve gotten better at makeup. Still not perfect but getting there. Got no body hair at all which I love. Once this virus crap goes away I want to get my facial moles gone for good which I’ve wanted forever and also want to get electrolysis on my facial hair and laser removal elsewhere. I’ve never wanted facial hair even as a man and am the type even as close as I can shave there’s still a shadow I’ve gone a bit crazy spending on Bethany but I now have the freedom and a bit of extra moyand I can be myself (her) most of the time. The only things I wish I could change that’s impossible is my hands and feet big calloused working hands fortunately long fingers at least and I can squeeze into women’s size 12 shoes. I know I love wearing heels and heeled boots unfortunately they put me at 6’3-4” for average ones I’m 6’1’” barefoot. Those are the two hardest things for me actually

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    • #328563
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      On a personal note, thanks to all who have, or will, respond to this thread. It isn’t easy to talk about where we fall short, so I appreciate breaking out of those restraints. I would also encourage folks here to be observant in their daily lives. Lots of information can be gained just be being out in the world (I know, that’s a bit of a challenge in these times!). While we look to positive examples from which to draw information and inspiration, remember that the flip side is also true. The is much to be learned from being exposed to situations that did not turn out well. It helps us to set boundaries and to realize what we want to avoid…

      Be Well in these trying times…

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    • #328556
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      For me it’s the makeup and the voice.  I sing tenor but I speak baritone (bad combo) so the voice definitely needs work.  The makeup skills aren’t all that good either, eyeliner is a HUGE problem as are eyebrow pencil and eyeshadow, I guess anything eye, “eye” need to practice.  These seem to be the prevailing areas needing work so I’m not alone.  Thanks, DeeAnn, and all you other ladies for being in this together. I’ll be watching for skills tips and updates.

      One thing that is important to remember is that getting to where we want to be from where we are is not the work of a minute. I think sometimes we get impatient and frustrated with ourselves for that reason. For those assigned female at birth, folks have been working on makeup skills (and other things) for years. And for some, it’s been decades. We can’t allow ourselves to get sucked into the mindset of “I’ll NEVER get this…”. Our problem is that we didn’t have the nurturing and coaching of mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers and other women along the way. On the other hand, we are living in the Information Age with so many potential resources (pre-recorded and live) that are no further away than our computers, tablets and phones…

      And never forget:

      ”How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”

      ”Practice, practice, practice…”

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    • #328522
      Renea Day
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      For me it’s the makeup and the voice.  I sing tenor but I speak baritone (bad combo) so the voice definitely needs work.  The makeup skills aren’t all that good either, eyeliner is a HUGE problem as are eyebrow pencil and eyeshadow, I guess anything eye, “eye” need to practice.  These seem to be the prevailing areas needing work so I’m not alone.  Thanks, DeeAnn, and all you other ladies for being in this together. I’ll be watching for skills tips and updates.

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    • #328226
      Robin Snow
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      I voted “other” because “all of the above” was not a choice  LOL

      Robin

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    • #328158
      Jessica Ray
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      I love this article! It nice to see everyone want conformity, but may I suggest the key to all of the above is inner calm and a smile.

      My patner said you can never be a female your mechanics are different. Yes! I said but my ideals are not. I will also go a step further until you have estogen in your veins you will never have the sensitivity of a female.

      Has a former cross dresser there is no harm in practising the art of womanhood until you try it, don’t knock it. This has lead me on to become transgender, dressing and acting female for the present more and more 24/7. This honestly makes me whole and it’s my inner calm from being a dance teacher that allows me to integrate into female society.

      Yes! I do get made maybe because I am 6ft1″ in even a small heel and 6ft3″ In 4″ heel. No it’s not my makeup, it’s not my stance, it’s not my walk, it’s not my hair, it’s not my legs, it’s not my clothing, it’s not my arms, and it’s not my voice. Until I take the hormones my face gives it away. Hormones feminise your facial features along with other things going forward.

      Love and Kisses to you all and keep practising the art womanhood and feminity.

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    • #328133
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I have been out in public since the 60’s…

      I’ very had lots of time to think about your appropriate questions. I plan outfits for days, & even then as I am getting dressed,things change.

      I also teach this” Art” we all practice.As the teacher, I am thinking of all the many elements of presentation. That is what we do…present ourselves, as a performer presents for a performance.

       

      Dr.T.J.

      Interesting. Perhaps a more appropriate question for you would be what are the 2 most important things that you can pass along to new folks?

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    • #327899
      BigBangtheory
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      I chose makeup, although I am mostly pleased with my look I still struggle to get the eyes just right. I watch a lot of how to videos on makeup and take what works and discard the rest. The same goes for voice tutorials. That especially has given me enough information on the way to achieve a more feminine voice and I just need to practice more. I am very fortunate to have a spouse who helps and encourages me with all the aspects of being more feminine. She coaches me so far as my walk, sitting, eating and just standing. I never realized there were so many subtle differences between the sexes. Since I have a better sense of style than her, I usually pick out my clothes and hers! We have a great time shopping together. We spent two days away from home where I was able to be full enfemme shopping, sight seeing, and dining out. Watching genetic women my age gives me a good gauge on how my looks compare. I must say I feel like I blend in and that gives me confidence and a smile. So, all you gurls here don’t be so hard on yourself and look around. You probably look better than the next GG that walks in! Best wishes to all……Stephanie

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    • #327653
      Leonara
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      What a great topic and I thank the ladies for their participation and comments… It warms the heart that we are not alone in admitting our shortcomings to look our best … I need work with voice and
      Makeup skills… Please let’s share our strengths and experience with one another..
      Leonara

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    • #327528
      Samantha Murphy
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      Makeup and other were my choices. The other choice being weight/shape.  I have some outfits and enjoy wearing them when given a chance, but I would like to lose some more weight before buying clothing. I definitely need a lot of work on all of these choices and would in particular love to develop a more feminine voice and deportment.

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    • #327495
      Phoebe Smyth
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      Hello ladies.

      I had to put other.

      Although almost all the above would be an accurate description regarding most of it what I really need is to continue improving my figure. I’ve been actively loosing weight but that never goes as quickly as we wish. So far about 20 lbs and only 80 or so to go.
      After that I plan on focusing on everything else as obviously what ever I own now wont fit later. So for now it’s a few simple items and common accessories make up etc..
      So while I’m working on my weight I’m also letting my hair grow out. I want to see if I’ll still need a wig.

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    • #327465
      Molly
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      I think I need another option: ‘All of the above’

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    • #327446
      T.J. Byron
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      I have been out in public since the 60’s…

      I’ very had lots of time to think about your appropriate questions. I plan outfits for days, & even then as I am getting dressed,things change.

      I also teach this” Art” we all practice.As the teacher, I am thinking of all the many elements of presentation. That is what we do…present ourselves, as a performer presents for a performance.

       

      Dr.T.J.

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    • #327329
      Falecia McGuire
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      Other > Weight and shape?

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    • #327324
      Alison Anderson
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      I chose makeup and voice.  I can do OK in both of those for quick interactions, but not for longer ones.

      However, if I had to, I would add two more in the other category.

      1.  Organizing my stuff so I can find it (accessories and makeup mostly)

      2.  You have building a wardrobe as a choice.  What I need is either restraint from adding to my wardrobe, or having the courage to give up on some items in my wardrobe before buying more.  I’m almost at a point where my wardrobe (closet and drawer space) isn’t big enough for my wardrobe (all the clothing I have).

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    • #327297
      Rozalyne Richards
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      I could have easily ticked all the boxes, but the two I ticked were getting my make-up done properly and being more feminine, I already have an extensive wardrobe so I’m off to a flying start, i would also like to work on my voice to sound more feminine and not speak with a manly voice xxxxx

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    • #327294
      Paula F
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      I chose that I needed to work on my voice and makeup.  My voice does sound feminine in a Kathleen Turner sort of way, but I would like the tones to be much softer and less ‘raspy?’.

      I do okay for makeup, not great, so I keep it light for the most part and sort of minimalist, but there are certain looks I would die to be able to do on myself that I just cannot master without it looking almost awful, especially smokin’, sexy eyes.  My nieces have both tried to show me, but I just end up paying them a little to do it for me.  They actually enjoy it, and it gives us time for some girl talk too.

      PaulaF

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    • #327246
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      Well done DA for this topic.

      For me/.

      1/. Get rid of my arm and leg hair, (tho I have now postponed this due to “The Bug”).

      2/.TRY… but I doubt it will work,…… to develop more of a femme voice.

      3/. MY SO!!! To see if she will understand why I crossdress, not even thinking of acceptance….

      4/. Can always improve on my make up skills, tho getting out and about with “The Bug” all around us has slowed that down considerably.

      Happy with everything else in the “Land of Caty”.

      Happy dressing

      Caty.

       

      PS Almost forgot….. I do VERY MUCH need to work on stop buying lovely “frillies” lingerie, camis panties bras etc. etc.

       

       

      Thanks!

      It is interesting how often people chose Voice. Definitely a big deal for MANY of us! With anything related to our physicality (including deportment and walking), it requires unlearning things that we have been doing for a lifetime and then learning the actions that we want going forward. That’s a lot of history and muscle memory to undo…

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    • #327233
      Danielle Heart
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      I chose makeup and other. In the makeup department I need lots of help!! And I mean lots!! Lol

      But the reason I chose other is my physique. I am working on that as far as trying to loose weight so that I can fit into more feminine clothing. I know there are all shapes and sizes of women out there, and that size really shouldn’t matter, but to me it does. Even my male physique is not what I’d like it to be. So for me this is the most important one of my two choices.

      Thanks,

      Danielle

       

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    • #327220
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      So, I chose Voice and Feminine Deportment…

      I’ve never tried to work on my voice, but I am moving towards addressing that and making it a priority. It is an obvious thing in terms of what other people notice.

      Feminine Deportment is much more nebulous for me. I mostly know what to do, but it is a matter of how much I’m willing to do as I have some physical challenges (arthritis since childhood). I was talking to my wife about this the other day and she commented that I stand like a guy (toes out). She pointed out that women tend to stand with their toes in. While I do this sometimes (and walk accordingly) it requires that I rotate my knees and hips in order to do that, placing some additional stress on those joints. Anyway, it is a work in progress…

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    • #327216
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      DeeAnn

      For me virtually everything on the list but chose makeup and hair as those are two things that I believe would be important in close interactions with others that I have not attempted or only superficially attempted to address.  Still a bit conflicted inside of myself  about the importance of being passable in relation to why I have ended up starting on this journey.

      Rachel

      By the way, the reason that I use the QUOTE function rather than REPLY is that REPLY doesn’t seem to work on my iPad. It doesn’t put the message reply under the message that is being replied to.

      Anyway, you touched on a topic that is pretty significant for our community: the concept of Passing. We all have different views on this. For some it is very important; others, not so much. It is a very personal thing. While that is something for me to work towards, I doubt that ultimately I will be passable. There is something about my combination of facial features that doesn’t exactly work because I’ve had people misgendered me before I say a word. It don’t think it has anything to do with how I am dressed. Not to brag, but I am always stylishly dressed, color coordinated and well accessorized. Makeup skills are not 100%, but a good 80%+.

      So, as I said, I doubt if I will ever exactly pass. My target is the Benefit of the Doubt Zone. In other words, close enough that people are not sure, so they don’t really care and move on…

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    • #327215
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      The proper answer to the question would have been “everything”; I’m a perfectionist, and oh, so far from perfection – or even acceptability. But for a bit of self-confidence in public, I think voice and makeup are the top two things, as they are most likely to “out you.

      Bettylou

      Good point and I tend to agree with you. Those two items have a lot of influence on how we are perceived.

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    • #327214
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      The proper answer to the question would have been “everything”; I’m a perfectionist, and oh, so far from perfection – or even acceptability. But for a bit of self-confidence in public, I think voice and makeup are the top two things, as they are most likely to “out you.

      Bettylou

      I understand what you mean. However, in the background a bit of prioritization is needed. It is exceedingly hard to work on 9 things at once and I think that can easily turn into depressing failure. However, if we focus on one or two things, I think good progress can be made. When we make progress, we feel good about ourselves and want to continue that progress.

      There’s an old quote:

      Do you want to progress, or do you want to see progress?

      I think both are important for us and one feeds the other…

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    • #327213
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      My bank account

      Understood!

    • #327202
      Heather Jameson
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      My bank account

    • #327184
      Bettylou Cox
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      The proper answer to the question would have been “everything”; I’m a perfectionist, and oh, so far from perfection – or even acceptability. But for a bit of self-confidence in public, I think voice and makeup are the top two things, as they are most likely to “out you.

      Bettylou

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    • #327178
      Carolyn Kay
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      I have to slim down, losing weight has always been an issue for me. I know I would feel so much better if I were to lose weight. My wardrobe is already huge but I would purge it all if I could slim down and go shopping, lol.

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    • #327177
      Danielle Wayne
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      My voice is always a work in progress.  I listen to you tube totorials and practice in my car, repeating the words the D.J. says, reading road signs, etc. Getting there, but a lot of work to do.

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    • #327151
      Amanda Woods
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      Everything really, but voice, makeup and walk would be a great start.

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    • #327149
      Seraphina
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      All of the above, but most of all, personal acceptance. If I can come to terms with what/who I am all of the above will become easier (I think….?)

      S x

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    • #327125
      Rachel Williams
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      DeeAnn

      For me virtually everything on the list but chose makeup and hair as those are two things that I believe would be important in close interactions with others that I have not attempted or only superficially attempted to address.  Still a bit conflicted inside of myself  about the importance of being passable in relation to why I have ended up starting on this journey.

      Rachel

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    • #327115
      Diane
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      Everything really – but makeup above all else.  I am hopeless at it.

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    • #327105
      Jessica Anderson
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      Hi DeeAnn,

      The truth is “all of the above”.

      I really have to learn how to really walk in heels. I won’t do makeup. I desperately need some dresses of my own. I wear(comfortably)a size 14 dress, but I can get into a 12. I would love to have a(good)wig so I can have shoulder length gray hair.

      I would love to wake up some day and be a woman.

      Jessica

       

       

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    • #327060
      Tiffany Alexis
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      For me it’s voice and “other”.
      Voice is self explanatory.
      Other is for me transitioning. Sure, I can improve makeup and wardrobe but I’ve reached the point that only small improvements are likely. So if I want t9 reach my ideal, gonna need physical changes. That’s why I started HRT last week. Cause boobs and hopefully curves will help. Later I’ll do FFS and more….

      She who dares, wins.

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    • #327057
      Erica Guy
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      Ummm! I need to work on pretty much everything to some extent. To achieve what I would like will take a lot of work. I am ok with were I am at now and always looking to improve but to achieve the level I dream of I think is unrealistic for me. I am ok with that but a girl can always dream.

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    • #327056
      Caty Ryan
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      Well done DA for this topic.

      For me/.

      1/. Get rid of my arm and leg hair, (tho I have now postponed this due to “The Bug”).

      2/.TRY… but I doubt it will work,…… to develop more of a femme voice.

      3/. MY SO!!! To see if she will understand why I crossdress, not even thinking of acceptance….

      4/. Can always improve on my make up skills, tho getting out and about with “The Bug” all around us has slowed that down considerably.

      Happy with everything else in the “Land of Caty”.

      Happy dressing

      Caty.

       

      PS Almost forgot….. I do VERY MUCH need to work on stop buying lovely “frillies” lingerie, camis panties bras etc. etc.

       

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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