What Do You Need To Work On To Reach Your Vision Of Feminity?

In order to complete your particular vision of feminine presentation, what do you need to work on to get there? Two choices are allowed. Please add your thoughts to the comments. Note: While my experience is M>F, similar questions could also be posed for F>M. It would be interesting if someone took that on...

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  • Choosing the right clothes for a given occasion
  • Color coordination
  • Accessorizing
  • Feminine deportment
  • Makeup
  • Voice
  • Your walk
  • Hair/Wig styling
  • Building a wardrobe
  • Other (please describe in the comments)
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    • #339891
      Rachel Gwen
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      I chose makeup and voice. For me, I work so much that I seem to not have time to work on the makeup part. My voice does need some work even though I do tend to play around with it sometimes at work.

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    • #338839
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I chose department and voice but I could thought everything. Liking at the list of choices however I’m not bad at some of them, half of them in fact. That’s made me quite happy ☺.

      Take care girls

      Anne-Marie.

      Cool!

      They are all pieces to the puzzle. Conscious thought helps us to understand and prioritize…

      Good Luck!

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    • #338838
      anne-marie
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      I chose department and voice but I could thought everything. Liking at the list of choices however I’m not bad at some of them, half of them in fact. That’s made me quite happy ☺.

      Take care girls

      Anne-Marie.

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    • #338833
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I think it’s choosing right clothes for given occasion and my walk. Other all are ok for me.

      Way down below I mentioned a thread on Transgender Heaven called “Tips & Tricks for Walking”. If you can’t get to that, I post a few things here.

      One thing that helps the sway of the hips is a scaled down version of the Runway Walk. Models exaggerate hip movement by using a crossover step. For example, when the left foot is planted and the right foot moves forward, instead of the right foot moving directly forward models would place the right foot just to the left of the left foot. That’s what gives that very deep sway to the hips. For regular folks not on a runway, you can do the same thing, but instead of crossing over center with the right foot (referencing the above text), place it on center directly in front of the left foot or close. This will give the hip sway without the exaggeration. Keeping your feet parallel or slightly toes in also helps the effect. For a visual, Mrs. Maisel on the TV show The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” executes “The Walk” perfectly. I would also recommend watching Donna on “SUITS”. Her arm motion helps the effect. The arm motion is not parallel. It is angled a bit so the arms go from side to in front of the hips.

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    • #338653
      Shreya Shah
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      I think it’s choosing right clothes for given occasion and my walk. Other all are ok for me.

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    • #338643
      Kaitlyn Grant
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      Most definitely need to work on my voice and makeup!  Certain makeup will get better as I do it more, which I do my own makeup.  The voice well let’s face it I’m a man amd inside me is a woman that needs to get out.  When I dress up and I see myself dressed as Kaitlyn I’m in love with myself.  But then my deep voice kinda is a bummer lol.  So more work needs done on voice than makeup but both are a work in progress.  Got to be my best Kaitlyn I can be!

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    • #338066
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      Many folks mentioned Makeup as a topic to study. Most of my knowledge has come from professionals doing makeovers for me: 2 trips to a semi-retired professional who worked for stage and movie companies, 2 at MAC stores and another at the MAC counter of a department store. I’ve looked at a few YouTube videos by likely amateurs and have been disappointed. I’m at the point now where the basics are pretty decent, so refinement and next steps are what’s needed.

      The semi-retired professional got me started with Mary Kay. Great products, but I eventually felt that I needed more coverage. That led me to DERMABLEND. That definitely worked, but ultimately it didn’t help the fact that my face is VERY oily and living in the desert in the summer just makes it worse. At the time, they didn’t have any products the worked on controlling oily skin. That led me to MAC (as well as their history of supporting the LGBT community). So, I’ve been a MAC girl since December of 2016. They have 3 levels to their loyalty program with Obsessed being the highest. I’ve been Obsessed for the past 3 years and probably will be this year also.

      So, the real point is that MAC has started having their senior artists do ~1 hour tutorials on Twitter. One was yesterday, another today and a 3rd tomorrow. There will be others, but I don’t know if they will rotate the artists or what the schedules will be yet.

      While they do sometimes dip into the beginner range in terms of application techniques and theory, I would say that most of what I’ve seen so far is in the medium to advanced range with topics like blush application, working on dark areas under the eyes, different levels of makeup treatments (going shopping, going to work, social events, being on camera, etc.), effects and color choices of eye shadow and mascara, highlighting or deemphasizing certain facial features and other topics.

      One of the things that I like about MAC, and it also applies to Mary Kay, is that their artists are very familiar with their set of products. If anyone has any experience with Sephora or Ulta, I’m curious as to what happens there. They handle many brands, so if you go for a makeover, what do they use?

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    • #337928
      Sandy Craig
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      Voice voice voice!

      Simply this but to find the time and place has escaped me.

      Sandy

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    • #333601
      Jessica Scarlett Ray
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      At school we did a thing called Italic Handwriting the only thing is although it looks beautiful to look at you need to be a Dr to read it.

      But it’s a nice thought though.

      Thankyou to all! Jessica Scarlett. Happy Easter.

    • #333577
      Paula F
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      The other day, I was writing a couple of letters (yes, I do still use snail mail with some people) and I had to start the second one over again because I was having a hard time reading it, so I knew my cousin would also.  Then it dawned on me about this thread.  Under ‘Other’ I believe it would be a benefit for me to learn to write better, using a much more careful woman’s hand to work some much prettier longhand onto the paper to match the nicer stationary that I use.

      I think a lot of us have gotten so used to typing an email that our writing skills have grown a lot closer to what one of my teacher’s always called “chicken scratch”.  So, I have purchased a composition notebook and started practicing last night at work.  One small objective that shouldn’t be hard to achieve I don’t think.

      PaulaF

      • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Paula F.
    • #333529
      Patty Phose
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      I always like to look pretty and sexy. No matter where I go. To me, being femmes is sexy legs, nice breasts and pretty hair. If I can get those three right, the rest kind f takes care of itself, except for makeup. I always needed help with that. I can do bare minimum but when I try to do more the results are often not good.

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    • #332716
      Marcie May
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      Hi

      Most definitely makeup, this is the thing that brings everything else together. If your makeup is good, you feel so much more confident in yourself, feel totally girlie….

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    • #332694
      Morgan Staar
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      Social Mannerisms, not only how to talk and gesture, but what to talk about. What is really important to a feminine heart. How to react as female to comments and issues. Also how to read another person from feminine point of view….all subtle little things that can tip the scales of perception…and perception is reality…

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    • #332583
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      All:

      I appreciate the kind words. It lets me know that I’ve hit upon something that is significant for many of us. Since we were not Assigned Female At Birth, we’re coming from a big deficit. The poll choices reflect that. None of us arrived at where we are now in the last 30 minutes. It took part of a lifetime to sort ourselves out enough to be here. Given the wealth of information and experience that is needed, working towards our vision will never be the work of a minute.

      In a broad sense, there is a concept called The Wheelbarrow Theory. Now, I didn’t invent this, and I also don’t have an idea of where it came from. The notion is that Human Progress needs all of us to contribute. In other words, push the wheelbarrow down the road. It doesn’t make any difference if you go 2 inches or 2 miles. The important point is contribution in support of the progress. It is how we move forward.

      So, how does this apply to us? It works in a similar sort of way. Once we define those first 2 items to work on, the next step is figuring out what we need to accomplish that. After that, how and where do we find the resources needed? After that, JUST DO IT!!

      The idea is that we make progress with our own wheelbarrow. That progress will have peaks and valleys. It will have slow spots and other times it will speed up. Slow spots are inevitable. Sometimes we just need to catch our breath before moving on. It’s also good to periodically look back and notice how far we’ve traveled. That’s what reinforces the sense of accomplishment. But, the important thing is to continue. It’s how we get from A to B…

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    • #332576
      Sandy Jayson
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      I actually wanted to pick all the above, but for now if I could get makeup and deportment down acceptably, enough that I feel more comfortably going out in public.  then I can work on some of the other things.

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    • #332331
      sandra saunders
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      Hi, I notice the 2 options that top the poll are both things I have to work on. Hopefully I will get my make over and advice when the virus thingy is over. For my voice I think being out in public more and presenting as a lady will help my female voice develop along with the correct mannerisms.

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    • #332170
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I selected makeup and choosing appropriate clothing for the occasion, but the most important thing for me would be working on my own acceptance of myself. Although I have accepted that I am a CD and I guess somewhere on the CD/TG spectrum I am still not completely at ease with that.

      D.

      That’s an interesting point. I think that as we become more at ease with ourselves, it frees up a lot of tension that we carry. It’s like we are fighting an internal war with ourselves.

      “Yes I am. No you’re not. Yes I am. No you’re not.”

      The funny thing is that we don’t always know when the war is over. It’s like having a pain for some time and waking up one morning to the realization that the pain is gone. You don’t know exactly what happened or how or when, but it’s gone.

      There’s likely conscious and unconscious parts to this that need to settle and be processed. Our beings do adjust to new circumstances, but it isn’t necessarily quick or easy. Like making tea, some things just need to steep for a while…

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    • #332109
      DeLora
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      I selected makeup and choosing appropriate clothing for the occasion, but the most important thing for me would be working on my own acceptance of myself. Although I have accepted that I am a CD and I guess somewhere on the CD/TG spectrum I am still not completely at ease with that.

      D.

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    • #332094
      Breanna Leigh
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      SURGERY!!!!

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    • #332004
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I chose building a wardrobe.  Over the years I lost what I had in one way or another, not usually my choosing.  In the last 10 yrs it’s been hard to afford anything extra.  I had mediocre jobs that just paid the rent.  Whenever I had a little extra I was buying other things, like underwear, hosiery, shoes, makeup.  I never focused on clothing except for maybe nighties.  So I am waiting on the stimulus check to help me out some .  I will surely get some clothes I need badly.

      To paraphrase that famous line from The Graduate:

      “I’ve got just 2 words for you:”

      “Thrift Stores”

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    • #331732
      Meran Berwyck
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      I chose building a wardrobe.  Over the years I lost what I had in one way or another, not usually my choosing.  In the last 10 yrs it’s been hard to afford anything extra.  I had mediocre jobs that just paid the rent.  Whenever I had a little extra I was buying other things, like underwear, hosiery, shoes, makeup.  I never focused on clothing except for maybe nighties.  So I am waiting on the stimulus check to help me out some .  I will surely get some clothes I need badly.

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    • #331715
      https://images.crossdresserheaven.com/7mjKzxo-RsH54RL7/w:auto/h:auto/q:75/https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-gray-1.jpgAnonymous
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      Years as firefighter has wrecked my voice. Also smell! I can never physically pass at 6-0 and 190 .I am a gym rat…I have to be to do my job

      Yet from nipples to knees I totally feel feminine! My wife and I have not referred to what I have down there by any male term for 4-5 years. We both use the female terms! Our sexuality is 2 girls!

      The most important thing I accept and enjoy this part of me!

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    • #330370
      Harietta
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      The beard, at 62 it’s getting pretty white and doesn’t show so much as it used to but I’d love to see it gone, gone, gone!

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    • #330133
      Hippie
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      Other is my choice and it would be my attitude. I tend to be a (a persons name) and kinda heart-less.

      I’m working on that. Trying to be a nicer person.

    • #330126
      https://images.crossdresserheaven.com/7mjKzxo-RsH54RL7/w:auto/h:auto/q:75/https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-gray-1.jpgAnonymous
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      Makeup not really work on just applying different technics to be as passable as possible.

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    • #330122
      https://images.crossdresserheaven.com/7mjKzxo-RsH54RL7/w:auto/h:auto/q:75/https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-gray-1.jpgAnonymous
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      Thanks for this opportunity DeeAnn. I recently lost my spouse of 49 years and am experiencing the “Pink Fog”. I was a closet only type before but now I am able to enjoy my feminity (which I’ve felt since I was 5).

      As for the choices, I have to say Voice and Other, which includes almost all of the rest. I have a trainable voice but the rest will be work in progress.

      My large ‘him’ frame and extra weight are obstacles. Makeup is a trial and error for me, mostly the latter. Hair is another concern as I seem to have a larger head than the wig makers accommodate. Cheap wigs are just that. I want to work my way into the mainstream as a goal.

      As mentioned many times, the budget is a challenge. I find myself wanting way too many things I haven’t been able to obtain in the past.

      Confusing, exciting, new and liberating are my feelings. Thanks again for the question.

      xoxo Krysti

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    • #330120
      megan b brooks
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      Weight. I’d be so much more happy with my presentation if I could just drop a substantial amount of weight (70 to 80lbs) but this does not keep me from going out as my femme self.

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    • #329403
      Laura Lovett
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      Hi Dee-Ann

      I voted makeup and accessories.

      However, I don’t believe that my goal is feminization.

      I find that people really get behind the idea of cross dressing – some get it instantly and treat you like you’re a rock star just for being yourself.

      Some don’t immediately get it, but ask non-judgemental questions, even apologising for being nosey, and quickly understand that you’re just part of the rich colour of life.

      A minority form incorrect snap judgements and even go as far as to express their disapproval – but, since I didn’t ask them for approval, I leave them to catch up with 20th century understanding – and hope they make it to the 21st intact!

       

      The bottom line is that, unless you’re incredibly convincing, you will be seen through – but that doesn’t matter.

      Nicer makeup and accessories will give me more self assurance and make me feel prettier, but it won’t make me look like a GG.

       

      And that’s fine.

      It’s fine to be a cross dresser.

      What matters is that very few mind.

      And those who do mind don’t matter.

       

      Stay safe

      Love Laura

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    • #329320
      Ellie Hope
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      I certainly need lots of work in most all of these choices, but voice and deportment are my picks because I’ve so far to go in these very challenging areas.
      Love, Ellie

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    • #328943
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      All:

      Many have their walk as an item requiring work. There is a thread on Transgender Heaven called:

      Tips & Tricks for Walking

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    • #328933
      Vicki Smythe
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      While I answered to makeup and my walk it is essentially everything.  If I could feel better about myself presenting I would probably be more confident to going out in public.  My walk isn’t natural and while I think I am walking feminine not having someone to critique makes it difficult to know what I am missing.  Makeup is just a matter of my spending time in front of a mirror and just practicing.  I planned on getting a makeover but current events have definitely changed that from happening in the near future.

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    • #328893
      Katie Collins
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      Voice needs a lot of practice. I’ve only recently started stepping out, so it wasn’t necessary for years. I love high heels but struggle to walk in them. If I go out, it is often in flat shoes, which isn’t as much fun.

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    • #328749
      Berta
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      I chose “Voice” and “Other”:

      Voice because mine is in sad shape with only 1 barely working vocal chord, the other is permanently paralyzed due a surgeon’s bad efforts during throat surgery. Before that I had a very deep bass voice and in no way could make it sound feminine.  🙁

      Other because at almost 80 years old (4/26/20) and 250 lbs. I’d need to lose 100 lbs. or more for any hope of creating a feminine figure. At this time of my life I enjoy each out of the “closet” Berta opportunity like it’s my last.

      Berta  3/25/2020  2:40 AM  EDT

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    • #328711
      Bethany Delaney
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      I’ve gotten better at makeup. Still not perfect but getting there. Got no body hair at all which I love. Once this virus crap goes away I want to get my facial moles gone for good which I’ve wanted forever and also want to get electrolysis on my facial hair and laser removal elsewhere. I’ve never wanted facial hair even as a man and am the type even as close as I can shave there’s still a shadow I’ve gone a bit crazy spending on Bethany but I now have the freedom and a bit of extra moyand I can be myself (her) most of the time. The only things I wish I could change that’s impossible is my hands and feet big calloused working hands fortunately long fingers at least and I can squeeze into women’s size 12 shoes. I know I love wearing heels and heeled boots unfortunately they put me at 6’3-4” for average ones I’m 6’1’” barefoot. Those are the two hardest things for me actually

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    • #328563
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      On a personal note, thanks to all who have, or will, respond to this thread. It isn’t easy to talk about where we fall short, so I appreciate breaking out of those restraints. I would also encourage folks here to be observant in their daily lives. Lots of information can be gained just be being out in the world (I know, that’s a bit of a challenge in these times!). While we look to positive examples from which to draw information and inspiration, remember that the flip side is also true. The is much to be learned from being exposed to situations that did not turn out well. It helps us to set boundaries and to realize what we want to avoid…

      Be Well in these trying times…

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    • #328556
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      For me it’s the makeup and the voice.  I sing tenor but I speak baritone (bad combo) so the voice definitely needs work.  The makeup skills aren’t all that good either, eyeliner is a HUGE problem as are eyebrow pencil and eyeshadow, I guess anything eye, “eye” need to practice.  These seem to be the prevailing areas needing work so I’m not alone.  Thanks, DeeAnn, and all you other ladies for being in this together. I’ll be watching for skills tips and updates.

      One thing that is important to remember is that getting to where we want to be from where we are is not the work of a minute. I think sometimes we get impatient and frustrated with ourselves for that reason. For those assigned female at birth, folks have been working on makeup skills (and other things) for years. And for some, it’s been decades. We can’t allow ourselves to get sucked into the mindset of “I’ll NEVER get this…”. Our problem is that we didn’t have the nurturing and coaching of mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers and other women along the way. On the other hand, we are living in the Information Age with so many potential resources (pre-recorded and live) that are no further away than our computers, tablets and phones…

      And never forget:

      ”How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”

      ”Practice, practice, practice…”

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    • #328522
      Renea Day
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      For me it’s the makeup and the voice.  I sing tenor but I speak baritone (bad combo) so the voice definitely needs work.  The makeup skills aren’t all that good either, eyeliner is a HUGE problem as are eyebrow pencil and eyeshadow, I guess anything eye, “eye” need to practice.  These seem to be the prevailing areas needing work so I’m not alone.  Thanks, DeeAnn, and all you other ladies for being in this together. I’ll be watching for skills tips and updates.

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    • #328226
      Robin Snow
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      I voted “other” because “all of the above” was not a choice  LOL

      Robin

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    • #328158
      Jessica Scarlett Ray
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      I love this article! It nice to see everyone want conformity, but may I suggest the key to all of the above is inner calm and a smile.

      My patner said you can never be a female your mechanics are different. Yes! I said but my ideals are not. I will also go a step further until you have estogen in your veins you will never have the sensitivity of a female.

      Has a former cross dresser there is no harm in practising the art of womanhood until you try it, don’t knock it. This has lead me on to become transgender, dressing and acting female for the present more and more 24/7. This honestly makes me whole and it’s my inner calm from being a dance teacher that allows me to integrate into female society.

      Yes! I do get made maybe because I am 6ft1″ in even a small heel and 6ft3″ In 4″ heel. No it’s not my makeup, it’s not my stance, it’s not my walk, it’s not my hair, it’s not my legs, it’s not my clothing, it’s not my arms, and it’s not my voice. Until I take the hormones my face gives it away. Hormones feminise your facial features along with other things going forward.

      Love and Kisses to you all and keep practising the art womanhood and feminity.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #328133
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 375
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      I have been out in public since the 60’s…

      I’ very had lots of time to think about your appropriate questions. I plan outfits for days, & even then as I am getting dressed,things change.

      I also teach this” Art” we all practice.As the teacher, I am thinking of all the many elements of presentation. That is what we do…present ourselves, as a performer presents for a performance.

       

      Dr.T.J.

      Interesting. Perhaps a more appropriate question for you would be what are the 2 most important things that you can pass along to new folks?

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327899
      BigBangtheory
      Participant
      Registered On: January 14, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 55
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      I chose makeup, although I am mostly pleased with my look I still struggle to get the eyes just right. I watch a lot of how to videos on makeup and take what works and discard the rest. The same goes for voice tutorials. That especially has given me enough information on the way to achieve a more feminine voice and I just need to practice more. I am very fortunate to have a spouse who helps and encourages me with all the aspects of being more feminine. She coaches me so far as my walk, sitting, eating and just standing. I never realized there were so many subtle differences between the sexes. Since I have a better sense of style than her, I usually pick out my clothes and hers! We have a great time shopping together. We spent two days away from home where I was able to be full enfemme shopping, sight seeing, and dining out. Watching genetic women my age gives me a good gauge on how my looks compare. I must say I feel like I blend in and that gives me confidence and a smile. So, all you gurls here don’t be so hard on yourself and look around. You probably look better than the next GG that walks in! Best wishes to all……Stephanie

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327653
      Leonara
      Ambassador
      Registered On: October 13, 2015
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 313
      Has thanked: 601 times
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      What a great topic and I thank the ladies for their participation and comments… It warms the heart that we are not alone in admitting our shortcomings to look our best … I need work with voice and
      Makeup skills… Please let’s share our strengths and experience with one another..
      Leonara

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327528
      Samantha Murphy
      Participant
      Registered On: February 20, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 27
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      Makeup and other were my choices. The other choice being weight/shape.  I have some outfits and enjoy wearing them when given a chance, but I would like to lose some more weight before buying clothing. I definitely need a lot of work on all of these choices and would in particular love to develop a more feminine voice and deportment.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327495
      Phoebe Smyth
      Participant
      Registered On: February 2, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 48
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      Hello ladies.

      I had to put other.

      Although almost all the above would be an accurate description regarding most of it what I really need is to continue improving my figure. I’ve been actively loosing weight but that never goes as quickly as we wish. So far about 20 lbs and only 80 or so to go.
      After that I plan on focusing on everything else as obviously what ever I own now wont fit later. So for now it’s a few simple items and common accessories make up etc..
      So while I’m working on my weight I’m also letting my hair grow out. I want to see if I’ll still need a wig.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327465
      Molly
      Participant
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 177
      Has thanked: 750 times
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      I think I need another option: ‘All of the above’

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327446
      T.J. Byron
      Participant
      Registered On: October 18, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 143
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      I have been out in public since the 60’s…

      I’ very had lots of time to think about your appropriate questions. I plan outfits for days, & even then as I am getting dressed,things change.

      I also teach this” Art” we all practice.As the teacher, I am thinking of all the many elements of presentation. That is what we do…present ourselves, as a performer presents for a performance.

       

      Dr.T.J.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327329
      Falecia McGuire
      Participant
      Registered On: January 11, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 76
      Has thanked: 58 times
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      Other > Weight and shape?

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327324
      Alison Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 148
      Has thanked: 62 times
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      I chose makeup and voice.  I can do OK in both of those for quick interactions, but not for longer ones.

      However, if I had to, I would add two more in the other category.

      1.  Organizing my stuff so I can find it (accessories and makeup mostly)

      2.  You have building a wardrobe as a choice.  What I need is either restraint from adding to my wardrobe, or having the courage to give up on some items in my wardrobe before buying more.  I’m almost at a point where my wardrobe (closet and drawer space) isn’t big enough for my wardrobe (all the clothing I have).

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327297
      Rozalyne Richards
      Participant
      Registered On: March 10, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 188
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      I could have easily ticked all the boxes, but the two I ticked were getting my make-up done properly and being more feminine, I already have an extensive wardrobe so I’m off to a flying start, i would also like to work on my voice to sound more feminine and not speak with a manly voice xxxxx

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327294
      Paula F
      Participant
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 350
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      I chose that I needed to work on my voice and makeup.  My voice does sound feminine in a Kathleen Turner sort of way, but I would like the tones to be much softer and less ‘raspy?’.

      I do okay for makeup, not great, so I keep it light for the most part and sort of minimalist, but there are certain looks I would die to be able to do on myself that I just cannot master without it looking almost awful, especially smokin’, sexy eyes.  My nieces have both tried to show me, but I just end up paying them a little to do it for me.  They actually enjoy it, and it gives us time for some girl talk too.

      PaulaF

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327246
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 375
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      Well done DA for this topic.

      For me/.

      1/. Get rid of my arm and leg hair, (tho I have now postponed this due to “The Bug”).

      2/.TRY… but I doubt it will work,…… to develop more of a femme voice.

      3/. MY SO!!! To see if she will understand why I crossdress, not even thinking of acceptance….

      4/. Can always improve on my make up skills, tho getting out and about with “The Bug” all around us has slowed that down considerably.

      Happy with everything else in the “Land of Caty”.

      Happy dressing

      Caty.

       

      PS Almost forgot….. I do VERY MUCH need to work on stop buying lovely “frillies” lingerie, camis panties bras etc. etc.

       

       

      Thanks!

      It is interesting how often people chose Voice. Definitely a big deal for MANY of us! With anything related to our physicality (including deportment and walking), it requires unlearning things that we have been doing for a lifetime and then learning the actions that we want going forward. That’s a lot of history and muscle memory to undo…

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327233
      Danielle Heart
      Participant
      Registered On: March 3, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 2
      Has thanked: 9 times
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      I chose makeup and other. In the makeup department I need lots of help!! And I mean lots!! Lol

      But the reason I chose other is my physique. I am working on that as far as trying to loose weight so that I can fit into more feminine clothing. I know there are all shapes and sizes of women out there, and that size really shouldn’t matter, but to me it does. Even my male physique is not what I’d like it to be. So for me this is the most important one of my two choices.

      Thanks,

      Danielle

       

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327220
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 375
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      So, I chose Voice and Feminine Deportment…

      I’ve never tried to work on my voice, but I am moving towards addressing that and making it a priority. It is an obvious thing in terms of what other people notice.

      Feminine Deportment is much more nebulous for me. I mostly know what to do, but it is a matter of how much I’m willing to do as I have some physical challenges (arthritis since childhood). I was talking to my wife about this the other day and she commented that I stand like a guy (toes out). She pointed out that women tend to stand with their toes in. While I do this sometimes (and walk accordingly) it requires that I rotate my knees and hips in order to do that, placing some additional stress on those joints. Anyway, it is a work in progress…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327216
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 375
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      DeeAnn

      For me virtually everything on the list but chose makeup and hair as those are two things that I believe would be important in close interactions with others that I have not attempted or only superficially attempted to address.  Still a bit conflicted inside of myself  about the importance of being passable in relation to why I have ended up starting on this journey.

      Rachel

      By the way, the reason that I use the QUOTE function rather than REPLY is that REPLY doesn’t seem to work on my iPad. It doesn’t put the message reply under the message that is being replied to.

      Anyway, you touched on a topic that is pretty significant for our community: the concept of Passing. We all have different views on this. For some it is very important; others, not so much. It is a very personal thing. While that is something for me to work towards, I doubt that ultimately I will be passable. There is something about my combination of facial features that doesn’t exactly work because I’ve had people misgendered me before I say a word. It don’t think it has anything to do with how I am dressed. Not to brag, but I am always stylishly dressed, color coordinated and well accessorized. Makeup skills are not 100%, but a good 80%+.

      So, as I said, I doubt if I will ever exactly pass. My target is the Benefit of the Doubt Zone. In other words, close enough that people are not sure, so they don’t really care and move on…

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327215
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 375
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      The proper answer to the question would have been “everything”; I’m a perfectionist, and oh, so far from perfection – or even acceptability. But for a bit of self-confidence in public, I think voice and makeup are the top two things, as they are most likely to “out you.

      Bettylou

      Good point and I tend to agree with you. Those two items have a lot of influence on how we are perceived.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327214
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 375
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      The proper answer to the question would have been “everything”; I’m a perfectionist, and oh, so far from perfection – or even acceptability. But for a bit of self-confidence in public, I think voice and makeup are the top two things, as they are most likely to “out you.

      Bettylou

      I understand what you mean. However, in the background a bit of prioritization is needed. It is exceedingly hard to work on 9 things at once and I think that can easily turn into depressing failure. However, if we focus on one or two things, I think good progress can be made. When we make progress, we feel good about ourselves and want to continue that progress.

      There’s an old quote:

      Do you want to progress, or do you want to see progress?

      I think both are important for us and one feeds the other…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327213
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 375
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      My bank account

      Understood!

    • #327202
      Heather Jameson
      Participant
      Registered On: April 1, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 276
      Has thanked: 417 times
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      My bank account

    • #327184
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 1032
      Has thanked: 1299 times
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      The proper answer to the question would have been “everything”; I’m a perfectionist, and oh, so far from perfection – or even acceptability. But for a bit of self-confidence in public, I think voice and makeup are the top two things, as they are most likely to “out you.

      Bettylou

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327178
      Carolyn Kay
      Participant
      Registered On: August 25, 2016
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 156
      Has thanked: 762 times
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      I have to slim down, losing weight has always been an issue for me. I know I would feel so much better if I were to lose weight. My wardrobe is already huge but I would purge it all if I could slim down and go shopping, lol.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327177
      Danielle Wayne
      Participant
      Registered On: December 2, 2017
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 7
      Has thanked: 2 times
      Been thanked: 42 times

      My voice is always a work in progress.  I listen to you tube totorials and practice in my car, repeating the words the D.J. says, reading road signs, etc. Getting there, but a lot of work to do.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327151
      Amanda Woods
      Participant
      Registered On: November 26, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 17
      Has thanked: 36 times
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      Everything really, but voice, makeup and walk would be a great start.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327149
      Seraphina
      Participant
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 216
      Has thanked: 1819 times
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      All of the above, but most of all, personal acceptance. If I can come to terms with what/who I am all of the above will become easier (I think….?)

      S x

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327125
      Rachel Williams
      Participant
      Registered On: November 3, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 85
      Has thanked: 145 times
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      DeeAnn

      For me virtually everything on the list but chose makeup and hair as those are two things that I believe would be important in close interactions with others that I have not attempted or only superficially attempted to address.  Still a bit conflicted inside of myself  about the importance of being passable in relation to why I have ended up starting on this journey.

      Rachel

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327115
      Diane
      Participant
      Registered On: August 6, 2018
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 189
      Has thanked: 113 times
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      Everything really – but makeup above all else.  I am hopeless at it.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327105
      Amanda Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 310
      Has thanked: 373 times
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      Hi DeeAnn,

      The truth is “all of the above”.

      I really have to learn how to really walk in heels. I won’t do makeup. I desperately need some dresses of my own. I wear(comfortably)a size 14 dress, but I can get into a 12. I would love to have a(good)wig so I can have shoulder length gray hair.

      I would love to wake up some day and be a woman.

      Jessica

       

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #327060
      Tiffany Alexis
      Participant
      Registered On: March 28, 2019
      Topics: 416
      Replies: 1287
      Has thanked: 1964 times
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      For me it’s voice and “other”.
      Voice is self explanatory.
      Other is for me transitioning. Sure, I can improve makeup and wardrobe but I’ve reached the point that only small improvements are likely. So if I want t9 reach my ideal, gonna need physical changes. That’s why I started HRT last week. Cause boobs and hopefully curves will help. Later I’ll do FFS and more….

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327057
      Erica Guy
      Participant
      Registered On: August 23, 2019
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 39
      Has thanked: 29 times
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      Ummm! I need to work on pretty much everything to some extent. To achieve what I would like will take a lot of work. I am ok with were I am at now and always looking to improve but to achieve the level I dream of I think is unrealistic for me. I am ok with that but a girl can always dream.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #327056
      Caty Ryan
      Participant
      Registered On: August 27, 2017
      Topics: 54
      Replies: 555
      Has thanked: 4 times
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      Well done DA for this topic.

      For me/.

      1/. Get rid of my arm and leg hair, (tho I have now postponed this due to “The Bug”).

      2/.TRY… but I doubt it will work,…… to develop more of a femme voice.

      3/. MY SO!!! To see if she will understand why I crossdress, not even thinking of acceptance….

      4/. Can always improve on my make up skills, tho getting out and about with “The Bug” all around us has slowed that down considerably.

      Happy with everything else in the “Land of Caty”.

      Happy dressing

      Caty.

       

      PS Almost forgot….. I do VERY MUCH need to work on stop buying lovely “frillies” lingerie, camis panties bras etc. etc.

       

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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