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    • #15972
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      What I feel this site is all about

      Well it is Monday January 11th, 2016 and I felt that I needed to write down what I was feeling after this weekend’s events. IT was the latest example of what I think this site is all about and repeated the same wonderful results that I have seen time and time again these past few months.

      When I read the forum posts and replies, I see so many people who have had unimaginable difficulties and pain in their lives-both as children or young adults or in their recent current lives. People who have suffered physical abuse, emotional blackmail, soul-searing cruelty…it literally breaks my heart sometimes to read their stories. When I am feeling sorry for myself over some slight that I experienced, I think of these members who have suffered so much just because they want to be true to what they are in their hearts and souls, and I feel ashamed that I compared the “inconveniences” that befell me to those punches in the gut.

      But that’s not why I’m writing this post! The forum posts are one thing but the real tough times come when someone comes into the chat room hurting from an experience-either recent or well in the past. The emotions can be raw and there is no time to stop and think carefully about how to respond. You have to go with your gut instincts and pray that you don’t screw things up. I have had several experiences recently with this situation-I won’t mention the names of the people who were in crisis-they can reply in the comments if they so choose. And I think I was fortunate enough to NOT screw things up with any of them, but it was not ME who helped them—it was all of YOU! The members of the CDH community! People who didn’t even necessarily KNOW each other months, weeks or even days ago saw a person in need of a friend and responded by opening their hearts and welcoming and comforting the person in their darkest hours! It is making me tear up here at work as I write this to think of the love that is evident in the chat room and on this site. This most recent event, while there were many who helped, it was Ginger, Kali-Ann, Jane and Cricket who stepped up and helped draw out the words that needed to be said to have a catharsis for the member in crisis. And this time it was clear even at the time that things were better for the person who had worried that they would not be accepted if they told the truth about what was bothering them!

      Other times, we didn’t find out until later how the person did because they left the room still upset even after the room was trying to help them. The pain the person was feeling was so great that it took a day or two for the love and support each and every member in the room was giving to be felt and accepted by the person in crisis. This made the members who had helped while the person was in the chat room nervous wrecks until we got the blessed news the next day that the person was better! I know I slept fitfully that night worried that I had somehow failed to help in a time of need –that my words had somehow been the wrong ones to say and made things worse. But even that part showed the love and strength in the community as the members consoled me and helped me to calm down.
      The love and support this community has for its own humbles me as I see it demonstrated time and time again. Folks helping other members to feel better about themselves, complimenting each other’s outfits and pictures, laughing and smiling with them at their successes, consoling and comforting them in their times of losses or failures, and being the family that so many of us need as we lose our biological families for being true to ourselves! IT is what a true family does and that is what I feel this community to be—MY FAMILY!

      Anyway, I just felt led to share these feelings. Please thank Vanessa for all she has done to make this site a HOME for each of us! She could have finished her transition and left to live an anonymous life-happy with her partner. Instead she spends an enormous amount of time and energy and sacrifices a great deal to help others realize their dreams! Thank you Vanessa for all you do! And most importantly:
      Thanks to ALL the members of CDH for helping your fellow members make it through life a little happier and feeling a lot more loved! Please keep up the fantastic job you have been doing and support your friends here-old and new-and welcome all our new members each day with open arms and open hearts! I am proud to be a small part of this community and let me close by saying:
      YOU LADIES ROCK!!!!!!!

      Love,
      Cyn

    • #15989
      Anonymous

      Well stated Cynthia. I feel that CDH has become so much a part of who I am and, as you say, the members here have become so much a part of a special family that I find it intriguing that when I look at my profile I see that I registered in this ‘new’ version of CDH on 6th October last year. Three months and six days – yet so very much has happened. I’ve read so many fantastic stories, I have met some wonderful people. I’ve shared my ups and my downs and I have tried to help those who also struggle with aspects of themselves.

      For me Crossdresser Heaven could also be Crossdresser Haven. It’s a place I feel safe, loved and appreciated. I hope that is how everyone feels.

    • #16039

      This site is about love.  This site is about acceptance.  This site is about sharing and encouragement, support and advice, direction and experience.  This site is about caring for others like you, who may be in transition, or not, may have more or less experience on the pathways that lead down similar ideas that you feel drawn to.  This site is about Normal.

      I experienced love here.  Love that is like no other, because there are no other people on earth that could possibly understand what we, I, go through as Crossdressers or Transgender individuals.  Transgender is a broad term in my use of it, and includes the persons just questioning their gender location, whether binary or non binary.

      I feel I have found a community here.  I dont know how it happened actually.  I think I joined initially some time in September.  But since then, I have made more friends and found more social acceptance to talk about MY issues, as well as listen to others in similar situations as me.  What I have learned is that I am no alone.  And indeed, no one here is alone, because of all of us.  We support each other.  We care for one another.  I am feeling very blessed to have Cyn and Denise, and all of the others here.  I cant list them all because there are too too many of us.  But just know that I am including all of you here.  Cyn was my first real friend here.  She sent me a welcome letter and interacted with me early on and made me feel so good about myself.  We are like sisters.  Cyn and I are similar in age and have similar desires, even if our timing is not the same.  Denise made me proud to be Trans.  Her history and her experience, given to me in a short speech online, made me see that it is possible to transition and lead a productive life.  She warned me that it wont be easy, but that it is worth the happiness.  What she wrote really touched on my desire to become the woman I think I am, and I decided then that I would be transitioning.

      That said, I have found it to be a roller coaster of emotion.  There are a great many things that one needs to think about, especially at 53.  At older ages, we have established our lives, often with children and spouses, or exes.  Work histories and long friendships.  Unlike younger Transitioners, we do not enjoy the same youthful appearance, and suffer more from self imposed fears of not passing, or other issues related to how we look as women.  We have to be concerned with economics and survival as well.  Our peer group, the middle aged baby boomers, are less likely to be accepting except for the casual nod.  Maintaining work and friends is more difficult as often times old friends start making space between them and us, fearing we are just a little too different for their other family or friends to deal with.

      I suffered a complete breakdown recently because of something someone said.  It brought upon me thoughts of disaster and loss, hatefulness and shame.  It sent me to a dark place and I just wanted to cry and scream.  I was mad for being Transgender.  Yes, I am transgender.  Whether I like it or not.  It is who I am.  Whether I like it or not.  For 53 years there was little but hate available to people like me who, like any person under attack, would hide our identities in order to survive.  We would shame ourselves over the many years of our lives for the impromptu dressing episodes, often times with any female clothing available.   The left over stuff at the laundromat when no one claimed it.  The sneaking into a dressing room hoping to find something abandoned on the floor that fit.  The girlfriends moms laundry.  The Wife’s stuff, and even when you were little, your sisters rooms.  OMG it never went AWAY!!!!   I was a freak as far as I could tell.  There was nowhere to turn, no where to talk, no where to hide except inside the body that I was handed at birth.  The identity that did not belong to me.  The years of self loathing and unhappiness.  The moments in the mirror where you did not recognize or approve of the person looking back at you in the mirror.  The years wondering, Who Am I?  The curse that never went away.  The self shame driving you deeper into loneliness, Isolation in a full room, quiet.

      I suffered that breakdown, out of nowhere.  Unforeseen and dangerous.  I had not expected it.  Cyn, Kalie Ann, Jane, Samantha, Katie, Brucelina, Miranda, Jasmine (3), Jaz, Joanna, Denise, Connie, Jessica, Misse, and all the others.  Whoever was there that night, to talk with me, listen to my rant.  They were here for me.  They were why I come here every day for my nourishment.  These wonderful people made me feel loved when I needed it the most, at my very darkest moments.  Cyn is my Angel.  She is my Sister in this part of my life when I need one the most.  So thank you dearest sister, your love is felt through every inch of my being.

      I love this site and all the girls and non girls here.  It is home to me, when I really needed it and continues to bring me joy every day, nourishment when I need it, but even more importantly, a place I can go to help someone else, who like me, will need love and understanding, or a few answers to what it is like to be Trans, or to simply provide an ear and a shoulder.

      I love this place!

       

      Dani

    • #16097
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      Cricket,
      Your words mean more to me than you can know. Thanks you for being my friend and for listening when we told you that you were indeed loved and not alone!From the first tie i spoke with you, I felt a kinship and knew that you were destined to do great things in your life!Your kind gentle spirit evokes people out of their shells and lets them see that they can be true to who they are in their hearts. You are such a positve asset to this site and we are so glad you didn’t leave when you might have after being attacked verbally and emotionally by another member. Thank you for giving us the time to determine what happened and the best reactions by our administerial class to solve this isaue!

      Cyn

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