If there were an off switch to permanently shut off your urge to crossdress and all memory of it would you pull it?

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  • This topic has 69 replies, 53 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by Holly.
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    • #273324
      Holly
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      Absolutely not it’s part of who I am. I wouldn’t change my history at all because it has made me who I am today. Would I like to take away memories of past abuse, sure; again it has made me who I am. Right or wrong, good or bad I am me.

      I have become proud of who I am and would not change it for anything!

      Interesting topic though, at first I thought it silly but then I pondered and came to the conclusion that not everyone is the same and opinions matter. Whatever you believe in, yourself should be on the top of that list.

      Stay beautiful

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    • #273296
      Paula1
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      NO this is who I am and I would never change it,

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    • #273265
      Sonia Pink
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      I voted no ! , would I like to pull the switch ?? Sometimes I would have said yes , but if I did  would I be me ?? Would I have the same empathy for women?? The same eye for certain things !! I doubt it .  So for those reasons I’m happy to have the switch on

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    • #273217
      Sandy Jayson
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      The reason I voted no is all the time my CD activity consumes.   Not the nearly blissful time spent dressed up, but all the time spent in my head thinking of the next time I can dress up and what I can wear.  Then there is the time spent shaving my legs and arms.  I get it done and find a couple patches missed.  But OOOOO  those shaved legs feel soooo good.

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    • #272353
      Alicen Thairms
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      My answer No.

      If asked this question in my early 20’s I would have said yes, I found it a distracting bother at times.  In my late 20’s I accepted it – I’m glad I did.

      Giving up part of who you are is not a good thing, you have to develop and grow all of yourself – without my feminine side expressed I would be incomplete.

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    • #272151
      Jenni Raine
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      I voted no. I wouldn’t want to deny a significant part of who I am.

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    • #271822
      Gigi Mathews
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      No!!! not a chance DeLora. I am a proud crossdresser and I love every aspect about dressing. So Girly. I wouldn’t give it up for any mans money. I Love the way I look as Gigi.

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    • #271675
      Susan Gray
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      No I like being Susan and even if I could not dress any more Susan would still be with me. I look at the world in a more feminine way.

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    • #271626
      Ellie Hope
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      Heavens No,

      As Ellie continues to emerge, I feel more complete as a person and my life richer. I regret the many years she was present but repressed because I didn’t have the self confidence or courage to let her out. She always make me happy, even in guy mode knowing I can bring her out nearly any time

      Ellie Hope

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    • #271436
      Charlene Victoria
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      DeLora, my what a soul searching question. Thank you for asking. I trust as you work through discovering your own self, answers will come, and along with those answers peace.

      I have read every reply posted to date. The transparency, honesty, vulnerability, and from-the-heart replies of so many ladies here has been such a blessing to my heart.

      Ladies, I suppose it is your heart for our shared complexity that regularly draws me back to CDH. In so many of your answers I found a comfort, for I found a sisterhood; a sorority if you will, of like minded souls amongst whom each of us are afforded what we rarely find in the world at large; Acceptance. – of who we are and where we are on the gender spectrum. May I say that I am so happy to be here, at home among so many who are understanding, caring and loving.

      I voted “no”, I wouldn’t flip off my femme nature side.  So many of your answers already reveal why I would make that choice.

      I am learning far to late in life that being a CDer or as is my case a trans womsn, is not bad or what has caused the majority of my life long frustration. No, what creates my real struggle, is my lifetime of less than honest dealing with myself and hiding (lying?) from others. The hiding; the stealth if you will is what has created the truly large mountains that seem impossible, impractical or selfish at this time to scale in order to achieve the most full expression of my womanhood.

      I am contented to be a trans woman. I love my male cloaked womanhood. I am learning my dis content comes not from being trans but from being dis honest. My regret is found not being trans, but in not handling my trans nature more honestly when there were far less loved ones whose life would be impacted by my living out of my authentic self.

    • #271316
      Katie Collins
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      Why would I get rid of something that brings me such enjoyment? So no! Same as I would not get rid of my wife, my kids, football (soccer) parkruns, chocolate or pizza.

      Katie ⚽️

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    • #271262
      Jennifer Swanson
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      I would never pull the switch for 2 reasons.  First of all,  it has opened up a much more complete life for me.  I love feeling girly.  However I am also happy with my guy side.  Go figure.  Secondly, I have met the most wonderful people who have a similar mindset.  I love all the gurls and would much rather be with them than any guy friends.  I have found a community I never dreamed even existed.

    • #271242
      Falecia McGuire
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      In my first installment, I referred to a sort of physical narcissism because when I learned the label narcissist, as an adolescent, I learned that narcissism was a fixation with oneself and one’s physical appearance.  By this definition, virtually all or any crossdressers are narcissists on a physical level.  More recently, we have learned a more nuanced psychological definition of narcissism that encompasses behavior traits centered around arrogance and a dismissal of others as worthy.  We all know of political and/or entertainment industry personalities who seem to embody this later definition of narcissism.  I believe that many of we CDs are genuinely humble and self-grounded in many aspects of our lives.  Autogynephilia, if we accept it as a diagnosis, explains our fascination with our feminine selves.  In reality, most of us do not achieve a very reasonable facsimile of the feminine to which we aspire.  But our need to enjoy many (if not all) things feminine has for me become a port-in-the-storm of everyday life.  So, in spite of the compromises necessary to maintain my crossdressing experiences, it has been worth it.

      FAM

    • #271175
      Brittany Lov
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      I voted no because i think i would rather turn off the switch on the other half that dresses like a man..  lol

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    • #271063
      Jamie Sweetly
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      Voted NO, but…. Why can’t the world accept me? Why do I have to hide half of me?

      • #271180
        DeLora
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        Jamie,
        That’s a good question, why is what we do so misunderstood by broader society? Crossdressing or forms of it were an important part of many cultures in the past. Early European explorers of North America observed what is now called 2 spirited people. I am not sure if these were what we would call crossdressers or transgendered people, but they performed important roles in the communities in which the lived. it would not surprise me if there were similar people in other cultures including earlier European civilizations, but somehow these have been lost and anyone that does not fit neatly into the gender binary is considered deviant.
        I guess it is up to us as crossdressers to re-establish our place in modern society. I consider it my duty as a CD to try and work toward this goal so that in the future it will be easier for folks like us to come out and be accepted. Now, how am I going to achieve that… not sure yet!!

    • #271036
      Tricia Lynn
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      I’ve had a similar question posed to me by a former member here before and gave it a lot of thought before I answered, “No.”

      However, I am really not sure. You see, I have been doing this on and off for over fifty years, as I know many of us have been. Actually went many years without doing it at all, but I was pretty busy at the time working full time, going to college part time and trying to raise my daughters, which left little time for dressing. But the last twenty years or so have brought a major resurgence which has picked up in intensity even more the last several. But my problem with it is that I am still in the closet. So there’s that.

      Flipping such a switch would surely make life much less complicated. So I would stand and stare at it for a long time and…

      I just don’t know now. Can’t provide an answer to this poll.

      Tricia Lynn

    • #271018
      Gail
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      I Voted YES——-because of a lifetime of Guilt.

       

      I was raised a Roman Catholic.

      ALL Mortal Sins send you to HELL, directly! Do Not Pass Go, do not receive any time off,it’s damnation for eternity!

      Miss Mass –Mortal Sin

      Divorced   then remarried–Mortal Sin (unless you  are granted an annulment from the Church, that may take years and cost a small fortune)

      Masturbate —Mortal Sin

      Pre Marital Sex—-Mortal Sin

      Have Sex without the idea of procreation—Mortal Sin

      Be Homosexual–Mortal Sin (I feel quite sure Crossdressers were included in this)

      Believe me, there are LOTS More!

      So that’s why I voted Yes

      I already have enough Guilt in my life, I’d like to drop a few.

      My life can be summed up with my only TRUE emotions

      GUILT AND DEPRESSION!!!

      Girly Gail

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      • #271062
        DeLora
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        Gail, I am not a religious person and was not raised in a religious family, but I still struggle with guilt!

        Although I am not religious, I do still ponder some religious ideas as they do shed light on is as humans.

        My reasoning on this one is that if you were created by God you were made the way you are for a reason. I guess your mission in life is to find that reason.

        Good luck!

        D.

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    • #270991
      Charlotte Bristol
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      I voted no, as others have also said, it makes me calmer and happier. My wife and I get on much better, hardly ever an argument. I was very angry as a full time man. My wife and I now go clothes, makeup and jewelry shopping together and have so much more in common and lots more to talk about. I also feel I understand her better. This has only bought good things to our lives. I do know how lucky I am having such a supportive partner.

    • #270980
      Falecia McGuire
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      At this point, the response is overwhelmingly No.  My prediction is that this imbalanced response will continue.  This phenomenon alone should convince those who ridicule, judge, or believe that CD is an illness or distressing compulsion that it is a Gift.  Years ago, I might have responded yes to this survey because thoughts of crossdressing made me feel as though something was wrong with me.  But, now, as I look back at my life, I realize that my CD propensity made me a more reflective person across so many dimensions.   I found that I could learn to compartmentalize many of the aspects of my life that caused stress; that I could look at my feminine imitation as an alternative reality that, I believe, helped me to be a better and more compassionate man.  It was a sort of physical narcissism that helped me avoid narcissistic personality components that might have sidetracked my relationships with others.  I’ll develop this a little more later, but for now, I need to run!,

      FAM

    • #270927
      Terri
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      I answered no because at this stage in my life (im 71) Terri is truly part of me and I have accepted that. If you had asked that question to me when I was in my 20s or 30s I probably would have said yes.

    • #270911
      Dawn Judson
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      Exactly, Stacey. That aptly describes my situation, too. There’s not much more, that I want, than to be a woman– except my wife. And that’s the only reason I’d throw the off switch– for her benefit.

    • #270898
      skippy1965 Cynthia
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      Keeper, there IS a switch that turns off the embarrassment but it’s in our own heads. I haven’t found the COMPLETE on/off switch but I HAVE found a dimmer switch that has turned the embarrassment factor to merely a glimmer which has allowed my to let Cyn shine through to the world even when not being able to be in “full Cyn mode”
      Cyn

    • #270897
      Donna Lacross
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      I have been looking in every room of my house for 35 years no luck yet …….But will never give in.

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    • #270880
      Staceyj
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      There have certainly been many times in my life when I would gladly have pulled the switch. Today….. not so much. I have more of a peace about being Stacey, although not complete because the majority of the world considers being trans as, at best, odd. I want to fit in as Stacey and this is of course problematic. My wife is tolerant but in her heart conforms to the global view and didn’t marry a woman, so again being Stacey and having the same loving relationship with my wife is a problem. I wish she could be the same with me as Stacey as she is with me in guy mode but it is too much to ask for….. and I think her knowing, seeing and even helping Stacey puts a bit of an edge on my ‘normal’ relationship with her.

      Still I think we both have some peace in that releasing Stacey makes me a far better more rounded person overall. For my wife it is a sacrifice, for me it is tremendous joy. God how I wish it could be a joy for both of us 🙂

    • #270854
      Jessica Anderson
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      Absolutely not! I’m amazed so many said yes.

      Dressing is exciting, but for me it is an inner peace that I have discovered and that I value the most.

      As a man I fight the world, and I’m okay with that, but when I get even partially dressed I experience a sense of calm and comfort.

      I can never walk away from my journey to becoming as much a woman as I can possibly be.

      I also find great encouragement from all that each one of you has shared publicly on CDH.

      Bless all of you for your courage and honesty.

      Much love,

      Jessica

       

       

    • #270844
      Alice Robinson
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      Hell, no!

      Many other switches, but not that one.  I like Heather’s twist and I’d not thought about it like that before.  I think I will a lot more now!

      For me, this is what I’ve always done and I cherish my stolen time as Alice.  My life would feel like a jigsaw with many of the pieces missing.

    • #270835
      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-gray-1.jpgAnonymous
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      Being Karen has always been part of my life and part of me. I wouldn’t (and probably couldn’t) take that away. If I did I don’t think I would be a complete person anymore. I like and accept who I am, and part of me is a woman. I hope all you gals out there also like yourselves and are happy.

    • #270824
      Keelee Kincaid
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      I want a switch that turns off being embarrassed about it. A switch that makes me not care what other people think.

    • #270823
      Paula F
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      OMG I voted ‘NO’.  So much of my life, good and bad, would just be gone.  I would probably go almost crazy trying to piece my life together and figure out who all those people are in my box of pictures and photo albums.  There would definitely be some large gaps in there to try and fill in.

      PaulaF

    • #270819
      Stephanie Green
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      I see what you did there, Heather.

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    • #270804
      Sandy Jayson
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      I said yes but only if those that know , my X and my kids also would have this memory removed.

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    • #270768
      Alice Underwire
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      Hi DeLora,

      Since cross dressing is a such a big part of most of us and deeply ingrained wouldn’t we relive those past memories if the switch was flipped off?  We’d be able to relive those experiences like wearing our first bra, the twirl of our first skirt, hearing the click-clack of our heels on the floor, the aroma of our perfume.  Those experiences might just refresh our lost memories.

      Alice

    • #270764
      Rozalyne Richards
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      I voted No, because when I become Rozalyne I seem to be more peaceful in my life, it seems like a lot of the pressure’s of life have been lifted from my shoulders and I can be a better person, if there was a switch to change my gender to female I don’t think I would hesitate to flick the switch, i sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have transitioned fully but it wasn’t something that was talked about when I was a teenager in the 60s and 70s, transgender has come along way since then all for the better x

    • #270737
      sarasue olson
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      Crossdressing to me is A blessing not a thing I would change or put out of my life. I have A much better understanding of my personal feelings and has made me A more complete person, more loving and compassionate and happy with my life.

    • #270733
      Brenda Maidenform
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      I voted NO. I like who I am and what I do and have done in life.

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    • #270726
      Sara Marie Franklin (SMF)
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      My answer is YES! Now I love to dress and be Sara, and I so never would want to lose her so why would I say yes? If I was 40 years younger my answer would be H**L NO! I have passed my time hiding Sara and now that my wife knows (since 2015) the stress to maintain a normal life that does not lose my wife, family, and job is way too much. Now that the wife knows it is not easier it is harder. Trying to balance Sara and not hurt her or come out of the closet is very stressful. So since the world is as it is and not to change completely in the next 30 years, I would love to continue my life with out the stress. I am who I am and I can not change that but if I could just switch this part off and enjoy the rest of my life more fully I really think I would! You younger girls I envy you so much. You still have your looks, figure and soft skin and the world is changing. Continue and fight to be yourselves. Hugssssssssss
      Sara

    • #270709
      Heather Jameson
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      Glad you like it De Lora, threw a nice twist into it.

       

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    • #270706
      DeLora
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      Heather, that is an interesting twist!
      I hadn’t considered that outcome.

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    • #270696
      Heather Jameson
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      I voted no but I want to throw a little twist into this one. I’m changing my answer to yes and I’ve thrown the switch, Oh look I’m sitting here in a skirt, blouse, stockings, heels. Someone calls to me, Bryan, dinners ready and I sit here, it doesn’t register. I’m thinking who’s Bryan, my name is Heather because that’s who I am. I’m really glad I threw the switch and that person in my head is gone. BAZINGA!

      Love the complete and free Heather.

    • #270675
      Bubblie Commen Loco
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      Hey Delora, Pure utter confusion! I get that. See I’ve been dressing since I was a child,although it wasn’t as easy to get girls clothes then as it is now. Myself I think it was easier and less confusing  I say that because I can so remember how much ” fun ” and excitement ran all throughout my body trying on a pair of pantyhose , panties or high heels. As we get older we tend to lose the ” thrill” of getting dolled up to some it’s an everyday thing it’s part of their daily routine to others it’s knowing that you’ll have some alone time like you’ll have the house to yourself so the night before the excitement starts to kick in you spend the next day planning what you’ll be trying  on first ,imagining how you’ll look in your must cutest and most favorite out fits . Ioh so remember that exciting feeling ! Soon we get older and start thinking why do I why did I start when I was young ,or when ever it was when you started, what would family or friends say if they were to catch me all of a sudden total confusion !! I think about this quite often and wonder if I’ll ” come out ” or if I’ll keep it a secret forever ? I still do not have an answer for that ,but all I do know is that I am totally content with whom I have  become both The “guy” me and of course Bubblie. Hope this helps you in an way possible ,just keep having fun and when you make your decsion ,you’ll know exactly what to do when the time is right ……

      Bubbles ❣️❣️

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    • #270668
      DeLora
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      Reading all these comments really has me thinking, probably thinking far too much for a completely hypothetical question!
      Would I pull that switch? My automatic response is hell yes, let me get on with a normal life?
      But then I consider how much this is a part of me, and a part that I barely know and certainly don’t understand. What kind of a man would I be without that girly side?

      Clearly for those of us that are more on the trans side of the spectrum this would be akin to suicide, you’d be left a miserable shell of a person. But where am I on this spectrum? Well, I believe I am 70% masculine if you can even evaluate it that way. So, would I be left only 70% of a person, or would that 30% be filled with all the stereotypically masculine things that are not part of me now? Maybe I’d discover an interest in sports, cars, going drinking with the lads…

      I guess the important fact is, there is no switch, this is all hypothetical and my response to my question just illustrates how much work I need to do to get to grips with this. I guess it boils down to me not being comfortable with this aspect of me.
      Hmmm.
      Well, thanks again CDH for allowing me to ponder my situation openly, it does help.
      ♥️🤔

    • #270645
      Patty Phose
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      I’ve been wearing pantyhose and heels with a shirt that looked like a short dress since I was 4. When ever I would see a pretty woman, in person, in a catalogue, magazine or on TV, I wanted to wear what she was wearing and look like her.

      I dreamed of wearing all the pretty clothes. The pantyhose, stockings, heels, garter belts, bras, panties, lingerie and pretty dresses. I wanted it all and dreamed and fantasized about it often.

      I was fortunate, lucky or just plain nuts, that I got to wear all those things and in many cases far exceeded my wildest dreams and fantasies. I love wearing the clothes and how they make me feel and look. I can’t feel that way doing anything else. I love it. Give it up and forget about it? NO!

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    • #270636
      Sian Monnow
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      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 2
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      To pull the switch would be to deny my reality. I would be sending myself back to my time in the military. A time when to admit that my gender was fluid would have seen the rapid end of my service. Besides, I don’t have an urge to crossdress. I have a right to crossdress. If only everyone in society recognised that right. Genetic women have the been fully accepted when wearing male clothing, in fact it seems to be deemed sexy. Yet we don’t deserve the same treatment. I will proudly dress until I die.

      Steps back off soapbox, catches heel between paving stones, lands on buns with a bump! 😊

      • #270718
        Tiffany Alexis
        Founder
        Registered On: March 28, 2019
        Topics: 330
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        Stand proud. You do have the right. I’ll stand with you. And thank you for your service.

        She who dares, wins.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #270634
      Rachel Ousten
      Participant
      Registered On: December 18, 2019
      Topics: 2
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      Definitely not. It would be like Alan Turing who cracked the enigma code during ww2. He had to hide his homosexuality and even took pill to quell his desires.  He ended up taking his own life as a result. Dont we live in the modern age where we can be who we are these days and dont need to make decisions like this. Be who you are and love every minute of it. One life.

    • #270618
      Camryn Occasionnel
      Participant
      Registered On: December 10, 2018
      Topics: 0
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      I cannot vote on this issue.

      This is something that has gnawed at my soul for many years, and my brief time at CDH has made my indecision worse. There have been one or two Forum topics which already posed this question, and I remember in my early days as a member of CDH, I stated “YES” absolutely I would “pull that switch”. My life would be instantly made so much simpler.

      Now, I’m not so sure.

      ChloeC’s concept of “identity death” now rings so true with me, as does Vicki Smythe’s remark about “killing off half of me”. Now, as my hand grasps that switch, I would be seized by such a feeling of incredible sadness, of profound loss. I think about the warm caress of my bra, the lovely weight of the silicone forms within, the gentle touch of my wig brushing my cheeks, the click of my heels on the tile floor….. and how I would miss all that. I just don’t know that I could do it.

      But then I ask myself, how could I miss something I don’t remember ever having? And my hand tightens ever so slightly on the switch, now resolved to just do it….

      But I don’t do it. I jerk my hand away from the switch, thinking just how close I had come to changing both of our lives forever, fearful that I may have exerted just enough pressure to….

      Then I realize I’m still here and Camryn is still here, and I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that all is well. I cannot predict when or how or under what circumstances I might again be tempted to pull that switch. So, for now we both remain a part of each other, knowing we’re safe among this great group of understanding, new-found friends at CDH.

    • #270615
      Stephanie Green
      Participant
      Registered On: October 14, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 127
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      It’s funny, I was just thinking of something related to this topic recently.  I was thinking about how so many CDs don’t fully embrace their feminine sides until they are older.  It is also true that men’s testosterone production decreases as they get older.  I thought that maybe the two things are related.  I thought that maybe trying one of the many claimed testosterone boosting supplements could help me quit crossdressing.  I quickly dispelled the idea.  I don’t want to quit.

    • #270614
      K Swim
      Participant
      Registered On: July 8, 2019
      Topics: 6
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      As much as I would like to switch off my love for wearing women’s swimsuits, I voted NO.

      Even I agree that my love for wearing women’s swimsuits is weird, but everyone has something weird about them. With my luck, if my type of weird strayed away from women’s swimwear, I would probably become attracted to something even more weird.

    • #270611
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
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      No, definitely! Society widely disapproves of this thing we do, and it causes numerous problems for us. But I have spent most of my life in one “disapproval” zone or another, and avoiding these zones would make life unbearable. The sheer joy and exhilaration I get from dressing outweighs any of the negative effects.

    • #270607
      ChloeC
      Participant
      Registered On: November 5, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      To me, anyway, this always goes back to the concept of ‘identity death’.  We are what we are, whether you believe in a deity who made you, or you accept evolution and you are the result of your inherited dna coming together. Regardless, to change any of that means, to me at least, that you are no longer who you were, you’re now somebody different, with different thoughts, different reactions, different motives, and obviously, different future.  I guess the ‘switch’ I’d like to see is one where I can see, and maybe experience, both futures of me, purely cis-male or purely cis-female. At times I think back to various moments in my life, and wonder, what if I had taken that other path (the one less traveled), what would be different, and especially who wouldn’t be here.  I can’t be sure of the negative results of the choices I’ve made, but I can see the positive ones, and for me they greatly outweigh doing or wishing for anything different.  I’ve learned to live with my double personality.  My only wish is to be able to publicly display either, whenever, and not cause any raised eyebrows or deviant thoughts in others.

    • #270605
      Tiff Any
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2019
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      Molly , always such beautiful words 🌻🌻

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #270602
      Alison Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 77
      Has thanked: 39 times
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      I also have to vote no.  I have had too many wonderful experiences because of this.  I was able to help a friend through a tough time because of this; I would never have known her if this wasn’t part of my life.  I believe my experiences have helped to narrow the gender gap, even if it is only a tiny bit.  Meeting other cross dressers and transgendered people made me rethink the role of gender in certain occupations that only a few years before I considered exclusively in the male regime.

      Emily believes that we are wired this way.  While that may be true, I know that nurture, that early experiences, also helped push me down this path.

      Another reason why I wouldn’t pull the switch comes from Glinda in “Wicked”, in the song “For Good”:

      I’ve heard it said
      That people come into our lives
      For a reason
      Bringing something we must learn
      And we are led
      To those who help us most to grow
      If we let them
      And we help them in return

      I don’t like having to live a dual life, or not being able to share a large part of myself with others.  But I wouldn’t change it for the world.

    • #270598
      Molly
      Participant
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 151
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      DeLora;

      No surprise here.. .NO!.   I firmly believe it is part of what make me, well me!…

      I’d be terrified of the person I would become if I flipped that switch and I’m really convinced that part of my life that I love so far has been very definitely that way because I’m not a “normal” guy.    I’d love for the internal conflict to be gone, but this is not the way it could ever happen as I’d be so worried about what damage it might do to the ones I love.

      Thanks for the thought provoking question.

      -Molly

    • #270592
      Vicki Smythe
      Participant
      Registered On: September 6, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      Pulling that switch would be the equivalent of killing off half of me.  While I may not be able to be as open and outwardly expressive as some people here it’s still who I am and makes me get up in the morning and face a new day.

    • #270588
      Tiff Any
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2019
      Topics: 0
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      Hi Delora ,

      We all move at different speeds & ride the rollercoaster of emotions , we’ve had some dark days & fantastic days , fortunately the dark days are not as often nor painful . Hopefully this time comes to  us all . In amongst daily life we throw crossdressing into the mix & occasionally the juggling is difficult but we push through together 💐💐

    • #270586
      DeLora
      Participant
      Registered On: October 15, 2019
      Topics: 34
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      Thanks for the thoughtful responses, I do really appreciate it.
      I admire how confident you all are in this part of you.
      I guess I am not there yet. Although I have accepted and chosen to embrace this side of me it does not come easy.
      Thanks to my CDH family for giving me perspective and support!
      D.

    • #270585
      T.J. Byron
      Participant
      Registered On: October 18, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 117
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      <p style=”text-align: center;”>Come to far in the journey to flip a switch…</p>
      Yes we are like this from birth.

      As a surgeon, I am sure this common trait in all of the millions of us is in grainned in our genes. Among all the troublesome issues one could encouter, this one is miniscule. So much pleasure has been experienced, so many beautiful memories achieved, so many beautiful friendships established…a switch….no thanks, I ain’t flipping.

      Later…Dr.T.J.

    • #270584
      Tiff Any
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2019
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      Absolutely NOT , I’m proud of me ( so is my wife ) , fluidity & crossdressing is me , we’re all different in many ways , perhaps some if us less so than others. 👠👗💐

    • #270581
      Bubblie Commen Loco
      Participant
      Registered On: February 12, 2018
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      Not just no , but HELL NO!!  Even though this is my secret I most definitely wouldn’t change it for The world.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #270580
      Emily Alt
      Participant
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 116
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      If that switch existed I’d want it to also remove the underlying genetic and psychological conditions that make us do what we do. Simply removing the urge to crossdress (and all memories of it) wouldn’t address the myriad negative behaviors that manifest when we deny who we are. I’m convinced we’re wired this way from birth, and we’re fundamentally different from the non-LGBTQ population. So I don’t think I’d like myself very much if that switch weren’t a full solution. That said, 15 or 20 years ago that switch would have been appealing, and I probably would reach for it. Of course I’d be missing out on a lifestyle that I’ve come to love, and which has brought me an understanding of women that most guys will never have.

      I answered no.

      Namaste,
      Emily

    • #270573
      Sandy Chase
      Participant
      Registered On: November 2, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 195
      Has thanked: 1057 times
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      Olivia you’re a very thoughtful lady! If I could go back and look at my entire life and actually analyze it all, would I turn it off? NO WAY!! What we have is a special blessing and gift that very few experience at all! Send it back NO way even though we sometimes feel this has created such a turmoil in our life’s. I’m sure you’re you’ve heard all the psycho stuff, take charge and do what makes you feel and look good according to YOU! I’m the loud and opinionated one mess me anytime!  Sandy

    • #270568
      Olivia Livin
      Participant
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 21
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      Has thanked: 2937 times
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      Good question, and an awesome answer Michelle. I wouldn’t want to lose the many things that I’ve learned about my self along the way either.

      It took me this long to finally be comfortable within who I am. I’m not giving THAT up.

    • #270567
      DeLora
      Participant
      Registered On: October 15, 2019
      Topics: 34
      Replies: 175
      Has thanked: 563 times
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      As much as I have chosen to embrace this aspect of myself I think life would be a lot easier without it.

      On the other hand, this makes me who I am, I am sure it has deeply impacted my empathy and respect for women, it probably makes me a better person in some ways. Would I want to loose that? Don’t know… Would I miss it if I never had it?

      I don’t know, but given the choice I think I’d pull the switch.

    • #270566
      Michelle Liefde
      Ambassador
      Registered On: May 27, 2018
      Topics: 49
      Replies: 1149
      Has thanked: 1593 times
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      Delora, great question!  My answer is no.  Though having less pink fog moments might be nice, and even those have passed or evolved since coming out.  The feeling of being more relaxed and happier is something I would not want to give up especially after finally opening up a part of me that was hidden for so long.

      Hugs,

      Michelle

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