What to do, what to do?

[Claire McKay]

So here is the thing. Ive basicly had this double life since i was little and saw mighty morphine power rangers for the first time ( yea its goofy i know) i just always wanted to be the pink ranger while playing with the kids in my neighborhood. Once my partents had found out, any kind of feminine behavior was bad and i was usually punished in some way for it. Usually it was like a time out or something. But anyway, the power ranger thing is kinda what got me started but when i started getting in trouble for feminine things is when Claire was born. Always there in the back of my head.

I tried for years to hide everything from everyone. I had been foind out once by my former stepbrother when i was like a preteen and he made life horrible for me. So i keep Claire locked up. Through out the years i would get stuff then purge feeling ashamed and then try to over masculate everything i did.

All of this has caused me alot of social anxiety that my wife thinks is just fake. I have lost so many friends over the years because i pushed everyone away so they wouldnt find out. Now this is causi g problems with my wife because i cant communicate with her. Its almost like trying to talk to some really famous person for the first time. Or your crush. Anyway this lack of communication has caused us to drift apart.

I know i need to tell her or she will eventually find out on her own and that wont be pretty. Im just scared that she will leave because of it.  Now i know she may be accepting as she does love drag queens, but for me, i dont want to dress in drag, i want to be passible (atleast ffor now who know what will happen)

I started a journal type thing on my tablet to try and sort my thoughts out so i have the answers for when i do tell her. I have only really figured out where this all stems from and that i am definatly not into guys (sorry) and i dont want to cut my bits off. Implants maybe lol.

Anyway this has kinda been my backstory and question. Am i going about this right? I mean figuring it out befor telling her that is

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Emily, Genevïéve, Robyn Devine, Bettylou Cox, Debbie Werner, Rei Durden, Regine Rich, Alana Teal, Cindy Jones, Laura Lovett

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[Emily]

Thanks for sharing such deep personal thoughts Claire. I believe you are following the right path in planning to tell her. You are also correct in that it will be better coming directly from you and not from her discovering it in her own. Be prepared for lots of questions and maybe even some anger. Do your best to be open and honest in your answers. Baby steps!

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Rachel Cross

[Anonymous]

Be prepared for lots & I mean LOTS of questions , plus a rollercoaster of emotions for a while , one hour may be happy & smiling but the next anger & confusion. Have you looked if there is a gender therapist in your area , they may help you individually and together .

Any questions don’t hesitate to PM me 🌹🌹

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Genevïéve, Robyn Devine

[Robyn Devine]

Claire

You are definitely going about it smart.  Putting ideas and thoughts in a journal is great.  Andrea also suggested a letter.  It certainly helps with thoughts and possible answers.

You dont want to rush things, but YES…the sooner you tell her the better.  I think many here can agree, the longer you bottle it up and keep it secret, the worse it gets.

You need to make yourself…and Claire a top priority in your life.  You also dont want to hold her hostage in a relationship that isnt giving her what she needs and wants.  So be considerate of her of course.

Best of luck to you.

XO – Robyn  😊

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Genevïéve

[Jessica Wilde]

Rei Durden wrote:

I came out to my wife almost 2 years ago and I didn’t think it through or plan it out at all.
Your method sounds far better.
The fear of losing my wife was big, but the pain and stress of my denial and deception was bigger.
All the best, Rei

Yeah I didn’t think it through very well either. I just caught a moment that I thought was the right time and went for it. In hindsight, not the best decision I could have made.

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Genevïéve, Robyn Devine

[Rei Durden]

I came out to my wife almost 2 years ago and I didn’t think it through or plan it out at all.
Your method sounds far better.
The fear of losing my wife was big, but the pain and stress of my denial and deception was bigger.
All the best, Rei

4 users thanked author for this post.

Genevïéve, Robyn Devine, Rachel Cross

[Jessica Wilde]

You are absolutely going about it the right way. You have to know about yourself before you can explain it to others. Jotting down your thoughts and feelings is an excellent idea.

When or if you tell her there will be many questions. The first two are going to be are you gay and do you want to be a woman. Followed by a barrage of many other questions.

I recently came out to my fiancé and it has been hell on our relationship. Everyone is different and everyone will react differently. There’s no way to tell what will happen. It is an atom bomb being dropped in someone’s lap. Stay true to yourself. Know the pain can be excruciating and accept that fact of it. Try to keep your thoughts organized and try to talk in a calm manner. I wish you luck as this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Jessica

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Genevïéve, Robyn Devine, Rachel Cross, Rei Durden

[ANDREA RAVEN]

Hi Claire

Getting your thoughts in order is a good thing. I did a similar thing to you kept a journal, put my thoughts, my fears and tried to explain just why I am the way I am. My advice is to continue the way you are going, the fact your wife loves drag queens could be a good thing, he might be more accepting, however, she didn’t marry a drag queen so don’t take it as a definite. I think a good idea is to write a letter, take your time, get it into the right order and make sure it makes sense! I am not suggesting you just giver her a letter, but it will help you ‘practice’ for the day when you tell her. But it would appear you have decided you need to tell her, so get your thoughts in order and set yourself a target date. Obviously you need to be sensitive, you need to be alone with your wife and you need time to consider what has been said and giver her time to think about it. All this needs t be taken into consideration. I did all of these things, but I kept putting it off, you can always find a reason ‘why not’. Unfortunately for me I left it too long and got caught – believe me you do not want to do that!! As for the letter, make a decent job of it and once you have had the conversation you can give it to her so that she can read it in her own time and think about what has been said…………

I wish you the best of luck, just don’t leave it too long!…………

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Genevïéve, Debbie Werner, Rei Durden, Regine Rich

[Author]

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