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So here is the thing. Ive basicly had this double life since i was little and saw mighty morphine power rangers for the first time ( yea its goofy i know) i just always wanted to be the pink ranger while playing with the kids in my neighborhood. Once my partents had found out, any kind of feminine behavior was bad and i was usually punished in some way for it. Usually it was like a time out or something. But anyway, the power ranger thing is kinda what got me started but when i started getting in trouble for feminine things is when Claire was born. Always there in the back of my head.
I tried for years to hide everything from everyone. I had been foind out once by my former stepbrother when i was like a preteen and he made life horrible for me. So i keep Claire locked up. Through out the years i would get stuff then purge feeling ashamed and then try to over masculate everything i did.
All of this has caused me alot of social anxiety that my wife thinks is just fake. I have lost so many friends over the years because i pushed everyone away so they wouldnt find out. Now this is causi g problems with my wife because i cant communicate with her. Its almost like trying to talk to some really famous person for the first time. Or your crush. Anyway this lack of communication has caused us to drift apart.
I know i need to tell her or she will eventually find out on her own and that wont be pretty. Im just scared that she will leave because of it. Now i know she may be accepting as she does love drag queens, but for me, i dont want to dress in drag, i want to be passible (atleast ffor now who know what will happen)
I started a journal type thing on my tablet to try and sort my thoughts out so i have the answers for when i do tell her. I have only really figured out where this all stems from and that i am definatly not into guys (sorry) and i dont want to cut my bits off. Implants maybe lol.
Anyway this has kinda been my backstory and question. Am i going about this right? I mean figuring it out befor telling her that is
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