What you see is what you get.

[sarasue olson]

When my future wife and I were dating we spent hours talking about our relationship, one thing was to accept one another as we were and not to try change her or I for something we were not. In other words what you see is what get, and after fifty years of happy marriage it still works. I was up front with my crossdressing and she had no problems with that and has been very supportive all these years. She lost her father in the war and grew up raised by A single mother, she also had A younger brother that she took care of when mom was at work, so she had very little social life, it wasn’t A easy life for her but she endured but had A lot of inner resentment built up in side her. But after all these years it’s all behind her but I have spent many hours listening to her stories of how bad it got at times, she is very thankful I would listen, it helped her greatly to have someone understanding to talk to.In turn she wanted to know all about how I started my crossdressing and in every detail, and how I felt when I wore bras,slips, dresses, she was A good listener. Our conversations brought us vary close together and after fifty years we are still very much in love. So what I am trying to say if you have A SO you want to spend your life with get to know them better by talking and hide no secrets. don’t try to change them it doesn’t work. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET if your not happy with that keep looking till you find that special person.

[Deanna Lund]

Things are not always that clear in the beginning of a relationship. Humans are a collection of experiences. My exponential increase in CD manifested itself after 37 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

It’s wonderful to see a 50 yr marriage going strong with this element involved.  I also am not so far behind, and I’ve been with my wife since she was a junior in High School, not married, we dated exclusively 5 yrs before getting married.  Along the way, we discovered Mikki and her intense desire to put on the glam……..to be feminine.  Our history demanded ‘rules’ and compromises, and I spend about 50 days of the year being Mikki–another 30 or so half Mikki—too many man things to do to ‘do the makeup, the heels, etc……and ALL the rest of the year in man-mode……….we have a public life that doesn’t include Mikki in the slightest…………….and our life has been beautifully complete and without hangups……….much like your’s.

What I can’t seem to understand is how new people who just recently outed their selves to their wives, think that their SO is so supportive and encouraging that they wrap themselves in their pink fog, even before it’s totally understood and accepted by their SO…………in my opinion, it takes years to finally adjust to a way to live together on this subject, not just a few years………..perhaps that Cd’r hasn’t really or fully identified his need for this…………maybe there’s this feeling that maybe HRT is wanted, or a more bi relationship would be the ‘next step’…………This road to marital acceptance isn’t just an acceptance, but takes a while for it to be fully and unconditionally accepted by BOTH and the needs, wants and expectations of the SO must be first foremost in the mind of the CD’r and not the needs of his own………………

Congrats on your long term marriage and the ability to fully come to terms with all of your blessings.

Mikki

[Anonymous]

Congratulations Sarasue! We just celebrated our 25th and hope we will stay together ‘til death do us part.

I really hope that the newer generations will be able to learn from some of our experiences. Most of us over, say, 40 or 50 were totally on our own, there were no CD resources available anywhere other than maybe the isolated references in the news about perverts who wore dresses or maybe in some seedy talk show “my boyfriend doesn’t know I’m a man” kind of deal.

Most of us did the best we could with the information we had. I told my then fiance about my dressing… but I also told her that was “only in my past” and heaven knows I wanted that to be true! If I had known, I would had told her how it is an important part of who I am and then we may have been able to really talk about it or she could have changed her mind. Like me, thousands did the same or just plainly decided not to tell.

Now, any cd out there who is thinking about getting married can read about our experiences and make a better informed decision. And I hope they will!!

Gaby 💜

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