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  • #476944
    Bianca Everdene
    Registered On: April 11, 2017
    Topics: 24
    Replies: 777
    Has thanked: 3105 times
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    What a wonderful bunch we are here on CDH. During my time here I have had the privilege to interact with lot of people from different countries, ages, backgrounds and views on cross dressing.

    One of the most interesting aspects hit me when I had a couple of meetings with a therapist late last year. She was the first person ever to meet me in both 100% male mode(name and all), and 100% female mode  (calling me Bianca). I was almost overwhelmed when she called me Bianca, it just felt so good…and natural.

    With lockdown coming to an end  I may see her again. But I have gradually been trying to androgynyse or amalgamate my look, wearing mostly items from womenswear, albeit jeans, tees, knitwear, sneakers, blouses etc. Anything overtly feminine (dresses, skirts, heels, etc) I still reserve for full ‘Bianca’ mode, when I am wearing my ‘disguise’ (wig and make up).

    I would love to just meld these two parts of me together. I know I will be told just to call myself whatever I want, and dress how I want, but is it that easy? Why do we need alternative names here? I know it helps maintain anonymity.

    Do significant others/family/friends who know call you by the name you go by on here when you are dressed is there a tipping point ( eg wearing a wig, dress, leggings)where your female name becomes the ‘appropriate’ one? Do your nearest and dearest find it hard to call you your male name when dressed? Or find it hard to call you another name? Is it confusing for them? Significant others-would love your views.

    If you are simply underdressing or wearing a pink womans sweater, or some make up, are you still addressed  in your male name? My admiration goes out to those of you who are known by the same name however you present.

    I do find my ‘other’ name useful for describing, for example, getting my Bianca on. And I feel  this part of me more is the real me more than my drab male self. I do not intend to fully transition, and feel I still need to keep my male identity for kids and work.But when meeting new people in new situations who am I? Are we being deceitful? Am I overthinking it? Is it just a bit of fun?

    Don’t mean to be disparaging or disrespectful to anybody, just throwing it out there for discussion and would love to hear how it works in your world.


Viewing 18 reply threads
  • Author
    • #477718
      Beth T
      Registered On: February 2, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 15
      Has thanked: 21 times
      Been thanked: 68 times

      I’m Beth online, or when discussing my feminine persona with the two people who know she exists (my wife and my therapist). I will be Beth in person if and only if I’m fully presenting.

      In all other situations I am NotBeth, though I’m almost always wearing something that belongs to Beth.

      This is what works for me—your mileage may vary.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #477419
      Vecca Senn
      Registered On: February 22, 2021
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 130
      Has thanked: 715 times
      Been thanked: 431 times

      A good in between might be a close friend who knows. My best guy friend slips in “Hey Vec!” even when I’m in undeniable complete drab just to give me a boost and a smile.

    • #477394
      Clara Cross
      Registered On: December 7, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 260
      Has thanked: 739 times
      Been thanked: 1221 times

      Very thoughtful post Bianca. In name, I am Clara only here on CDH (hmmm. Felt a twinge of sadness just now when I wrote that.)
      I understand that I am a cross dressing man. Like you, I like integrating feminine attire into my everyday. It works for me. And, I suppose like everyone else here, I am very much a work in progress.

      Yours truly,
      Miss Clara Cross

    • #477297
      Sarah Du Hessisse
      Registered On: September 16, 2020
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 497
      Has thanked: 3109 times
      Been thanked: 1846 times

      Bianca The only person who ever called me by given first name was school teachers, everybody calls me by my middle name, which is an old gypsy name. Sarah is my chosen femme name which none of my family & friends know of. The only people who of Sarah are you lovely girls.

      Love Sarah xx

    • #477104
      Andi DuBois
      Registered On: January 7, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 92
      Has thanked: 114 times
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      I’m not sure whether it is for simplicity, laziness or lack of imagination but when dressed I use the feminine spelling of my male name.


      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #477092
      Regine Rich
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 889
      Has thanked: 8999 times
      Been thanked: 3900 times

      My wife and her friend both call me Regi, they are the only 2 that know at the present time
      And no, I dont want to be called his name, when Im Enfemme.
      Hugs, Regi👩💕

    • #477083
      Beth Green
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 196
      Has thanked: 644 times
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      I live 24/7 as Beth but only my inner circle of friends and family know both. My GGBf is very good with the change, in fact when I came out to her she said “What took you so long?” Apparently she knew what was going on in my head before I did. Most of the others struggle to use the feminine with me but I’ve let them know it’s ok, I don’t expect them to be perfect all the time.

      My two contract bosses know and are great with it, they have even changed my name in the contract bookings, although it is not changed legally. Most of my extended family do not know. Some would be ok with it, but many are of the right wing persuasion so I remain distant with them to avoid conflict. The next family reunion will force me to decide what I should do.

      I would prefer if the whole world knew me as Beth but because I do not plan on a physical transition I must maintain the old legal form and make an occasional appearance as such. But for the most part the legal name is just a name on paper, my everyday AKA is Beth.


    • #477071
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 65
      Replies: 1350
      Has thanked: 4823 times
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      Hi B❤️

      The only person that knows about grace is my doctor….and me!!….so I consider myself grace 24/7, whatever I’m doing or wearing….

      Living alone, I do talk to myself quite often…like ouch Gracie if I trip, or silly cow Gracie if I drop something…or even….looking good tonight Gracie….does that count???and no , I’m not mad….😳

      of course you’re not grace, don’t be silly….then who are you talking to???…why grace of course…..but you live alone…no I don’t, grace lives here too…..keep taking the medication grace, you’ll be fine!!!

      Me ❤️❤️

      • #477377
        Registered On: September 14, 2020
        Topics: 17
        Replies: 192
        Has thanked: 1589 times
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        If talking to your self is crazy I would have been committed years ago. I chalk it up to going to someone intelligent to talk to and who better could I find for that than ME!?


        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #477062
      Laura Lovett
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 1112
      Has thanked: 3645 times
      Been thanked: 5365 times

      The naming of cats is a difficult matter

      It isn’t just one of your holiday games

      And you may think I’m as mad as a hatter

      When I tell you a cat must have three different names…


      My wife hardly ever calls me by my given name, but has several “pet” names – and I do for her.

      In my case, I use the pet names because she doesn’t like her birth name – although I love it!

      In her case, she only uses my birth name if she’s annoyed with me… so not very often!

      My children call me “Daddy”.

      At work, we hardly ever use each other’s names except in formal occasions – customer meetings, etc.

      Normally, a selection of friendly names are used, such as “Blue”, “Mate”, “Buddy”, “Pal” or “Dude”.

      So, what’s in a name?

      Does it matter what we call ourselves, or what others call us?

      Obviously, there are some names we’d prefer not to be called – but ultimately, it’s all about context.

      I rather like being called Laura when en femme – and it doesn’t suit my male or androgynous look at all.

      So all good on the names front – dinnae fash yersel’, as the Nac Mac Feegle say!


      Love Laura

      • #477480
        Bridgette VonSmirff
        Registered On: October 18, 2020
        Topics: 29
        Replies: 903
        Has thanked: 12723 times
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        I thought someone might have quoted from the book of practical cats. I’m glad you did. As to the OP question, my wife casks me Bridgette when I’m fully en Femme, but not if only partially there or androgynous. She’s not a fan of the in between look. She’s getting used to Bridgette, though she says it takes effort. I’m getting used to it too.


        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #477061
      Paula F
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 1075
      Has thanked: 14513 times
      Been thanked: 4264 times

      With the exception of work, family and friends all use my femme name.  A couple of coworkers use it also, since I came out to them there.  Women and men at work wear the same uniform, so there is no big problem there, and since it is a hospital, makeup is an absolute minimum.  Family did not know of my femme side until I was 32 after I moved back home.  Before that, it was pretty split between masc/femme name as I was only out to a very limited group of friends and worked solely as a male, and Paula didn’t make an appearance usually unless I was going out for the night, which was pretty often back then.

      One day I just came to the conclusion that I liked and wanted to be my Paula much, much more than Paul.  He still shows up as needed, but that is becoming less often all the time.  In February 2022, I will be making the legal choice to proceed with surgery as I live femme full time, and am out at work as femme also.

      I will finally have found that young girl I first saw in the mirror 56 years ago.


    • #476984
      Celeste Starre
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 38
      Replies: 953
      Has thanked: 292 times
      Been thanked: 3067 times

      Kind of depends on the person. Some friends use my male name no matter how I’m dressed and some use my female name. Personally I don’t care one way or the other.

    • #476978
      MacKenzie Alexandra
      Registered On: May 20, 2016
      Topics: 45
      Replies: 570
      Has thanked: 145 times
      Been thanked: 1273 times


      I can understand your dilemma. However, for me, MacKenzie is only a pseudonym.  It is not my name. My given name, Sean, is my name, and how I wish to be called regardless of what I may be wearing. I’m not saying your concerns are not valid, just expressing that we all have different paths.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

      • #476981
        Registered On: July 28, 2020
        Topics: 30
        Replies: 1197
        Has thanked: 10204 times
        Been thanked: 4918 times

        Sean wrote:

        My given name, Sean, is my name, and how I wish to be called regardless of what I may be wearing.”

        So then why do you use ‘MacKenzie Alexandra’ here if you wish to be known as ‘Sean’ ?

        Gen ❤

        • #476982
          MacKenzie Alexandra
          Registered On: May 20, 2016
          Topics: 45
          Replies: 570
          Has thanked: 145 times
          Been thanked: 1273 times


          Why are actors and authors use a name other than their given name? Pseudonyms have their purpose.

          MacKenzie Alexandra

          3 users thanked author for this post.
          • #476983
            Registered On: July 28, 2020
            Topics: 30
            Replies: 1197
            Has thanked: 10204 times
            Been thanked: 4918 times


            Gen ❤

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #476973
      Sandy Jayson
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 479
      Has thanked: 973 times
      Been thanked: 2172 times

      So far have not had a lot of chance to be with those that know me both ways. I know it would be had for them to call me Sandy and refer to me as her. When my nephew came out as trans about 5 years ago my head keeps wanting to call him Ben ( that is how I hve known him since he was born, I am starting to get used to calling her Harmony and it is finally getting straight in my head.
      . Sandy

    • #476961
      Eva Kelly
      Registered On: March 1, 2021
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 257
      Has thanked: 2830 times
      Been thanked: 1227 times

      Hi Bianca,

      My fiance has called me Eva a few times. She is not as accepting as she was when I first came out, but I will never go back into the closet.  You gave us a lot of food for thought. There are no right or wrong answers. Family and work hold me back right now. The names are just a label, I know who I am. The definition of ‘transition’ can be different for everyone. Can I transition but still be male at work and around some family?

    • #476958
      Polly Stewart
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 933
      Has thanked: 1321 times
      Been thanked: 3173 times

      Bianca… hi beautiful!

      Polly here…

      … I’m Polly to everyone I have come out to and those that I introduce myself to. For example, I gave away a ice hockey t-shirt away to a friend’s husband who is a fan of the team. I had never met him but was introduced to him on Sunday. “Hi Polly” he said and “see yah Polly” when I left.
      I came out to my brother yesterday and it will be hard for him to stop calling me ‘bro’… he has never called me by my old given name, Brian.

      However, apart from the odd mistake… I’m Polly to all and sundry. I will be changing my name legally to Polly very soon.

      Happy days… Bri… I mean, Polly 💋💋💋🙄

      • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by Polly Stewart. Reason: Sp
    • #476950
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 658
      Has thanked: 3110 times
      Been thanked: 2439 times

      Hi Bianca, I’m Trisha full time. When I was Chris/Trisha people didn’t know who I was sometimes. My GGBf said especially struggled with this. I did say if I had a bust and wig on I’m Trish, if not I’m Chris. I think if you dress androgynously it may cause confusion, but maybe you could try a similar thing I did but it’s a lot simpler for people now I’m full time.

      Personally I don’t think we’re deceiving people if we use two names and persona. We are who we are.

      Love Trish.

    • #476949
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 84
      Replies: 165
      Has thanked: 125 times
      Been thanked: 788 times

      Hi Bianca.

      Just a quick note… I have visited with couples where the wife/SO doesn’t have any issues calling “her” by the feminine name and “him” by the legal name, and a few where the SO just struggles so much to avoid using the legal (masculine) name all the time.
      My own best female friend asked me in advance to forgive her if she ever called me “Clark”, since that is how she has known me for about 40 years. (I told her not to worry at all)

      Cl… I mean, Gaby. 😉

    • #476947
      Bianca Everdene
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 777
      Has thanked: 3105 times
      Been thanked: 3118 times
      1. Nobody, personally, has called me Gen… 😢

        I should ask my wife to address me in the Fem…  🥰

        Gen ❤

        Controversial? Moi?❤️

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #476945
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 1197
      Has thanked: 10204 times
      Been thanked: 4918 times

      Nobody, personally, has called me Gen… 😢

      I should ask my wife to address me in the Fem…  🥰

      Gen ❤

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