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So winter is currently starting to rear its frigid head here in the southwest corner of hell (pronounced mississippi) which means all my plants must come inside. Spent the weekend moving all of said plants indoor and since the potted plant ( calm down I said potted) population is on a steady increase I have to find more places to put them this year. I have a pretty large bathroom with a big window, high ceilings and a large garden type tub. I hung a couple plants in there last winter so I decide to just add a few more. I install hooks in the ceiling making sure to get them in the studs then I tie like a macrame type net for a couple plants and hang them up over the tub. Looks beautiful my nice ceramic pots hand painted by me in a lovely twine net tied by me holding my pretty plants .win! Sunday evening I’m at home solo everyone is gone I decided to go have a nice long relaxing bath. It’s going great I got my incense going( Arabian jasmine mmmmmm) my music( all them witches) and my bubbles(rosemary mint) taking my time shaving my legs and move on to the armpits. The wall behind the tub is a big mirror so im on my knees in the tub arm in the air shaving when I feel a massive blow to the back of my head that sends me forward slamming the front of my head into the edge of the tub luckily missing the mirror. There is debris all over me I can’t see anything severe pain instantly extremely dizzy still no idea what has happened to me. As light starts returning to my eyes I can make out what appears to be dirt and rocks and realize either someone bashed me in the head with the shovel they just used to dig a shallow grave or one of my potted plants just attempted homicide on me. As my eyes are able to focus a little more I come to the conclusion it’s the latter. The tub is filled with ceramic shards dirt and plants. I look up and think I might see the hook still in place but too blurry too dizzy too much pain. I pull the plug on the tub and notice blood all over as well. I feel the impact area of my noggin and sure enough there is blood and a gash but I also notice that the blood is down my side and down my arm I glance back at the mirror raise my arm and oh yeah I have also a 4 nice long cut from my arm pit down my side. Trying to stand the pain dizziness and nausea say no. So I try to stand again and feel a new terrible pain in my left foot. I manage to sit on the edge of the tub raise my foot and see a big piece of ceramic sticking out. When I pull the plug of ceramic out blood starts gushing out in spurts and I know what that means…. bad really bad. The only cloth in reach is my brand new gray towel so I commence to attempt to stop/slow the blood flow through the waves of borderline debilitating dizziness and nausea. Pretty quickly the towel is soaked and not absorbing anymore. I would really rather not get blood all over my rug but at this point I’m out of options so I try to get out of the tub but I more fall out crawl to the cabinet to retrieve another towel I wrap around my foot then calf and the it in a knot best I can. I manage to stand up and take a few shakey limps to the door open it thinking if I pass out now I will most likely bleed out. I make it to the couch where my man clothes and phone were at sit down to reevaluate this foot situation luckily the blood has slowed some but I need to in wrap it to get pants on. I text my roomie to see where she was….out of town still 2+ hours away. Text a friend kinda near by he’s out of town as well. I didn’t mention to either the whole smash to the head and bleeding to death thing. Since I’m one of the blah blah million Americans without health insurance no way am I calling for the 5000 dollar siren taxi. I make the decision to attempt to drive the 15 miles to the hospital. As I’m trying to negotiate my pajamas over the 2nd blood soaked towel on my foot I thought to call my boss who is only 5 miles away. He answers the phone and I’m having a hard time making words come out ” Matt it’s me I’m alone I need you to come out here” ” uh ok where are you going with this” ” concussion punctured artery I’m bleeding out” he starts yelling to his daughter to come get me now he’s bleeding to death telling me she’s on the way stay on the phone until she gets there what can I do. I’m like stop yelling and calm down you are making it worse. Anyway she gets me to the hospital fractured skull, 8 stitches in the head ,12 in the foot, severe concussion and minor laceration in my arm pit. Spent a couple nights in the hospital which is horrible for me because of some mental health issues that are magnified by hospital stays but that’s a story for another time. Good news is that I’m feeling much better now that I’m back home.
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