When in your current or latest relationship did you tell your significant other?

Is there a close relationship between when you tell your SO and what their reaction may be?

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  • Told/Found out when we were just dating.
  • Told/Found out shortly after we got married/started living together
  • Told/Found out a couple years after we got married/started living together, before we had any kids
  • Told/Found out a couple years after we got married/started living together, we had at least one infant child
  • Told/Found out more than five but less than 10 years into the relationship
  • Told/Found out more than 10 but less than 15 years into the relationship
  • Told/Found out more than 15 years into the relationship but before you became empty nesters
  • Told/Found out after you became empty nesters but less than 30 years into the relationship
  • Told/Found out more than 30 years into the relationship
  • They never found out and the relationship ended/separated
  • They never found out and the relationship ended/they died
  • Still together, not planning to tell
  • Other
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    • #778578
      Natalie Dane
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      I hadn’t realized I was a CD until 10 years into our marriage and 2 kids. There were signs through the years, but I was simply not embracing and processing the thoughts and feelings related to my interest in women’s clothing.

      Shortly after coming to the realization of what these feelings might mean I came out to my wife. Saying something like “I may be interested in wearing women’s clothing”.

      We’re nearly 15 years married now, and have become stronger partners. Not having this secret hovering over my head is critical for my mental health.
      My SO has made very broad strides with acceptance over the past 5 years. I am very lucky to be her partner.

      -Natalie

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    • #778552
      Heather Smith
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      Registered On: May 15, 2023
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      I voted “Other.”  My wife and I were married 36 years before cross dressing began with me.  I had played with it as a young teen; but, never considered truly CDing after about age 16.  I figure I was just experimenting with things I really shouldn’t be doing.  Anyway, while I was complaining about something, my wife said, “Just put your big girl panties on and deal with it.”  That comment resulted in me recalling putting on my mom’s bras & girdles 60+ years earlier.  Within the week I bought 2 pair of panties and have never looked back.  I told her 5 months into this journey as I didn’t want her to discover it on her own.  Her first response was, “Why do I have to know this?”  I told her I don’t want to keep secrets from her as that’s not what we’ve done throughout our marriage.  In the 3 1/2 years since I began CDing, I am underdressed to some extent 100% of the time as the only underwear I now have are lace panties.  I generally dress up after dinner, then change to a nightie for bed.  In bed, I wear a bra, forms, and stockings,.  I remove lipstick and my wig before going to bed.  I would estimate I’m dressed en feem slighly more than 50% of the time at home.

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    • #778475
      Karensa Peacher
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      Registered On: March 22, 2019
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      HI Ladies,
      For me it was when dating my wife of almost exactly 20 years now. Actually, I got caught… We were dating for about a year at the time and living in separate houses at the time. She asked me to house sit for an extended weekend while she traveled with her sisters to mom’s birthday in another state. She gave me the keys to watch the house, feed the cats, bring in the mail, etc… Of course, first thing after she left I invaded her closet to try things on. Oh that was a fun weekend! I left some things out of place, she gets back… wait did you wear my clothes??? Yes, I did, I like to cross dress at times. Really??? That was the worst of it, if you can call it that. Needless to say it’s not an issue since I do it only occasionally and before kids we would go out at times together and she would doll me up. Not much of that anymore, and my dressing is mostly when she’s away, kids are away or maybe once in two years we both dress up and go out. Las time was before COVID, so obviously not often and only have one pic on my profile from one of those outings. It’s not like before however. I make the best of it when able!
      XOXO
      Karensa

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    • #778287
      Tricia Dream
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      Registered On: July 7, 2023
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      Been married for about 12 years. Marked shortly after marriage, but it was actually before we got married when I told my wife. It went ok. She at first asked me to stop for a couple days while she processed that. After that, she seemed ok with it and would actually buy clothes for me. She then stopped for fear of “encouraging “ me. Now we’re at a point where she just tolerates my dressing. Hopefully this changes

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    • #777911
      Stephaniewy
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      Registered On: September 24, 2021
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      I told my wife after 30 years of marriage.  She suspected as she caught me wearing panties a few times.  I did not dress much at all until the floodgates opened when I was about 60.  Due to medical reasons my wife has lost her libido and is unable to have intimate relations. This was about the same time that stephanie  was making her self known.  When I came out she was very supportive and wished I would have told her earlier.  It helped to relieve the sexual tension we were feeling from the lack of sex.  We are stronger than ever and cuddle up every night.  She likes stephanie and sees me somewhat dressed everyday and every night.  I am a lucky one

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    • #776732
      Tiny Tinkerbell
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      Sad to admit, it’s “don’t ask, don’t tell”….I married “Ms. Prude”, I’m sure she suspects, but it’s a taboo topic that is best left ignored, going on 35 years…”life goes on, as they say, for the sake of the kids”…!!!

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    • #772034
      Joanarbour
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      Registered On: April 5, 2016
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      Very soon after we met she asked why my legs were shaved, I considered the old “well it’s in case I come off my bike “ but I thought what the hell and told the truth. She was immediately curious and asked me to bring all my things over and show her.

      She hated over half of my outfits and they had to go, then we went shopping and bought replacements that we both liked much better.

    • #771357
      Melinda
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      I, unfortunately, only told her after she discovered a receipt I carelessly left out after buying makeup online. We had been married almost four years and together almost six. We are still together, but the cross dressing is still a regular feature in our marriage counseling. She has known since 2007. There has been some very slow and reluctant progress over the years. My therapist has framed it as an important part of my self-care, and we are still working on telling my wife what I am going to do rather than asking her, politely and calmly, of course. I dress privately, but have started to attend some femmefever events on Long Island and I will attend the Ghouls’ Night Out event in New England this weekend.
      My wife fears discovery above all else. We have a teenage son who has gotten bullied in school, and she reasonably fears what would happen to him if my secret gets out.

      I am really interested in interviewing crossdressers and their SO’s to prepare for a career in social work after I retire from my current career next summer. Please private message me if you are interested.

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    • #770979
      Jin Crocker
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      Full disclosure early on is the best way to discover compatability.

      I met my wife in college and after a few dates she invited me up to her room to ‘Study.’ We were both pretty sure by then that we had found our Forever Love. she proceeded to undress me, when she lowered my jeans and saw my panties, she gasped. Then giggled. Then peeled them down and had her way with me. 4+ decades later and she still giggles!

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    • #770903
      AnnaBeth Black
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      Registered On: December 31, 2022
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      I never thought I would tell anyone including my wife that I enjoy wearing women’s clothes and I would prefer to be a woman. But after joining CDH and talking to many of the girls here I realized that being honest would be the best way to go. How could I go on lying to the one I love the most? So one day last February I managed to summons up the courage to tell her. I believe it was the hardest thing I have ever done. She was surprised but told me she loved me and it would take a lot more than that to scare her away. She has accepted my dressing and she sees me dressed to some degree most every day. I believe I must be blessed and she must be an angel. I do all I can for her but I guess I always have. That’s about it, I wonder if she might tire of it after a while like some of the CDH members have said that they have experienced. I guess only time will tell.

      AnnaBeth

      • This reply was modified 1 month ago by AnnaBeth Black. Reason: Spelling
    • #770825
      Holly Marie
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      Got to admit that I never did and – realistically – am never likely to.  I’ve read all the comments above and – obvious though it may seem to be – I think it’s pretty clear that it’s a lot easier for Gay/Bi folk than for us heteros.  I can see why this should be; I’m NOT homophobic in any way, but I really don’t want K suspecting that I may be Gay/Bi; I think she would be very supportive, but I don’t want to put her through the inevitable consequences of finding out!

      Love you all:  Holly XXX

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    • #770709
      Jess Secret
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      I told my boyfriend right when we started dating (we were friends before that so I knew I could trust him and I had a strong feeling that he’d be accepting, which he was :) ). I didn’t actually dress for him until our first intimate night together but I wanted to make sure I told him immediately while dating. I believe in great communication and being on the same page with your SO and didn’t want to get that far into dating before I made sure to tell him.

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    • #770683
      Davina H
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      I told my now wife I dressed after our third or forth date over 30 years ago. She is supportive and has helped me develop a good feminine look for my male physical frame. We have rules, such as no dressing in front of our kids, which I have no issues with. I realize I am very fortunate to have someone who is so supportive.

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    • #770679
      Peggy Sue Williams
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      When I revealed my crossdressing to the woman who would be my future and current wife, the news media was obsessed with the Renee Richards story.  It was at about the four-month point in our relationship, and the media was reporting virtually daily on Renee Richards.

      I was well aware of the difference between myself and Richards, but to my future wife, Renee Richards and I were one in the same, two men who wanted to be women.  Very fortunately, my wife has always had an open mind and was willing to listen, learn, and become aware.  That was 1975, so there was no internet, thus learning was achieved via different methods.

      Even more fortunate for me she thought I was worth the time and effort for her to learn about what a crossdresser is.

      • #771007
        Rhonda Lee
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        I recall kidding with my tennis partner about whether Renee should compete as a woman; thought a new event… mixed singles… would be appropriate. Nowadays there would be a broader field of candidates. I never felt myself to be a woman, and at that time had never heard of or met a crossdresser so had no understanding at all, of me, or anyone else, although I knew I was not a woman like her and did not want to be.

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    • #770276
      Cece X
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      I rejoined the dating world a little more than a year ago. I started going out with an old friend. I wanted to tell her about my crossdressing from the beginning, Alone, I worked on how to say it, but lost my nerve several times. I feared rejection, knowing this could be the dealbreaker that would end a very new and very satisfying relationship.

      I finally told her, about a month or more into the relationship, and before any intimacy. It went better than I could have hoped. She is very supportive with underdressing, but does not want to see me fully dressed. Since we live in separate apartments, this was a happy compromise.

      We are not yet at the point of discussing the possibility of us living together. If we get to that point, I suppose my crossdressing will need to be part of the negotiation. I am confident we will find a happy compromise then, which I suspect will be to keep it all indoors.

      I am blessed that we discussed the matter before we got too involved and that she did not reject me after the reveal. I also believe that moderation has helped us so far, in that my crossdressing is not full time in her face. We can live with this.

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      • #776162
        Rhonda Lee
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        Sounds like you are very compatible. That’s a great situation!

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    • #770186
      Patti Myself
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      Was never a problem or an issue. All was out in the open from day one. I made sure it would be no problem.

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    • #770172
      Patricia Gil Hernandez
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      Told her when dating as I did with a number of ladies. Most couldn’t deal with it so they were just friends. Then one day I told the lady that would eventually become my wife. She was amazing from square one so, yes I was a bit nervous. She didn’t answer that evening. The following morning she called and told me it wasn’t a problem. She has been true to her word. Being retired now these days I am the lady of the house, and enjoy dressing the part. As for lady of the house I take care of our home, and she calls me her wife.

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    • #770113
      Harriette
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      I chose after 30 years into our marriage.

      I got the usual questions, but she hasn’t kicked me to the curb yet. She doesn’t understand what is happening any more than I probably do.

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    • #769982
      Julie Day
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      When she found out it was a disaster and still is. She gave me the ultimatum to not crossdress or move out. If I never dress again I will still have that feminine fire burning inside of me. It is who I am, and that will never change. I hoped she would come to understand and accept this side of me, but it looks like that will not happen.

    • #769973
      Anonymous
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      Told ex-wife after 15 years, kids still at home…We went to counseling, unsuccessful, and wound up divorcing, but not just because of that…She actually said “we need to divorce, so we can be friends again”

      Told the woman I was dating/living with after the divorce after a year or so in…she was okay with it, we ultimately wound up going separate ways….Told another potential GF after several dates, she didn’t like it, and we went separate ways.

      Just two days ago, opened up to a woman on a dating site…we had been chatting back and forth a bunch of times, and I opened up to her about wearing panties, and sleeping in nightgowns…she never responded, and haven’t heard back from her…

      *Sigh* Oh, well…

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      • #770158
        Rhonda Lee
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        smart to tell her!

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    • #769943
      ChloeC
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      Registered On: November 5, 2019
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      I told her 5-6 months into our now 45-year marriage.

      I had been married before (6 years) but never told.  I was in the military at that 1st marriage, and let me tell you, living 24/7 in a barracks with 49 of your closest ‘friends’, well, you get lots of practice being all male.  I was 20 when I enlisted and at that age, since all things are still possible, probably one of my secondary motivations (I did NOT want to go to Nam), was that okay at least a year (two as it turned out) of barracks living and working will ‘cure’ me…or at least discourage me enough to cut my desires maybe almost to zero.

      Nope. and it was having as strong or stronger desires a year or so after the wedding when I began to realize that, this is me, whether I like it or not, I’ll have to live with it and do what I can to deal with it.

      For various other reasons, that 1st marriage didn’t work out for the best, although!!! I got a beautiful son out of it that I cared for my myself pretty much from age 1-3 and then fought and won custody (thankfully, as she really was not a good caregiver), and he’s successful, married and has two wonderful adult children. She had wanted a girl when she stopped the pill without telling me and got pregnant, so she would have someone around when she divorced me, which she didn’t do for another year. She did not want another male in her life at that moment. I did. And I am ever so thankful I never told her about my desires as she would have tried to bludgeon me to death with it if she had ever known.

      In my 2nd marriage, I realized I had to tell her, but a good moment didn’t really come up until we were quietly together, on a vacation of sorts, nobody around and she said she’d share a secret of hers with me if I would do so. Well, that was perfect.  Her secret was about some problem she had earlier as a teen which I thought, uh, you call THAT a problem? It’s what too many teens do, and if she was remorseful and never did it again, well, that’s part of what being a teen is about, learning to live in society as an adult. She was and never did it again. The amazing part is she accepted me with having a son in tow which she knew about from when we dated (he was with his mother for several months, came back for the wedding, I went to court, I won). Accepting the both of us was and is special. So considering all, maybe my cd’ing was not quite as shocking or deal breaking as I feared.

      Anyway, I had committed to I told her of my crossdressing desires. I was terrified (we had no children at the moment other than my son) and I thought this could be a deal breaker. To my surprise, she accepted it and over the course of many years tried at time to incorporate it into our private moments. Not as successful as she might have wanted, but she has bought me some simple lingerie, and covered twice for me when one or the other of our children happened upon an item I accidentally left out.

      So, it’s been good.

      Hugs, ChloëC

    • #769814
      Carolyn Kay
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      My wife knew I liked wearing women’s clothing long before I actually sat down with her and told her the full extend. I can still remember the word “crossdresser “ coming out of my mouth while I told her. It took her a few days to finally come back and tell me that she understood “it is just a part of who I am”. My life has been so much better since, she even buys me clothing at times. Recently she bought me two tops and a strapless bra, all on sale of course, lol. She has her rules that she expects me to abide by, I try. It did change our relationship, we are more like best friends rather than husband and wife.

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      • #769827
        Jerri Newman
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        I love that you and your wife are best friends, though does that mean certain intimacy is gone as a result?

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        • #769882
          Carolyn Kay
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          Yes, the second part of your reply sadly is true, I do miss it.

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          • #769895
            Rhonda Lee
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            That’s an interesting observation. After my wife and I split up I visited the joint counselor. She commented that she thought we could have stayed together with me continuing to crossdress if I were willing to sacrifice intimacy. In other words, she did not think I could give up crossdressing, and she did not think my wife could be intimate with a crossdresser, but that would not prevent our staying married. At the time I guess I did not consider giving up either as an option. After she had returned from a year of separation I told her those were my only two conditions to getting back together and she agreed. But maybe it is not possible for some couples to have both, and I probably should have given up the intimacy to keep the marriage together… not sure in retrospect whether that would have worked, but I think your situation beats the alternative, and I should have offered the option. For me it was made more difficult because during our separation I had met an accepting woman who I thought I might marry, giving me the best of both worlds. But I could not bring myself to the point of loving her as much as my ex, so that has not happened.

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          • #769970
            Carolyn Kay
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            Hindsight is always 20/20, you  did what felt right at the time. Sorry it didn’t work out. Don’t think my relationship is all peachy, the lack of intimate closeness  has caused more than one “discussion” over the years.

             

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          • #770160
            Rhonda Lee
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            The counselors we had were wise enough to realize that crossdressing is who we are and that cannot be changed. Two options were presented.. “flooding”, as in open the spigots wide and see if the desire burns out; “conversion therapy”.. negative stimuli for crossdressing… neither deemed likely to work, and no counselor was willing to encourage it or participate. My spouse found a counselor, admittedly ignorant in the subject, who supported her belief I could change. I think a knowledgable counselor might persuade a spouse that it really can’t, and love should accept that; that doesn’t mean a woman would be attracted to it or want to see it or participate, so boundaries should be expected. It MAY mean she won’t be able to be intimate. I lack intimacy even from an accepting woman. My personal conclusion… if a woman loves her man she should learn to accept what he cannot change… same as if he had Alzheimers or something else debilitating… and allow him freedom of expression, with boundaries that diminish the impact on her to something acceptable; a man who loves a woman needs to accept loss of intimacy if necessary, but I think both should seek counseling in that area, as it is important to a marriage and not something I think NECESSARY to give up without a fight unless both are willing. That’s just my two cents, which won’t buy anything these days.

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    • #769762
      Sherri Remington
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      Gabriela, we were together for about 5 or 6 years and our new born was about 6 months old, when we went on a weekend getaway. After I had put our son down for the night I came out in what I thought was one of the sexiest red satin baby doll ever. What a huge mistake that was! If there was anyway I could go back and change it I would. She was not impressed at all, mad because I never told her and upset thinking that it would be okay with her just to dump such a thing like that on her.

      It took a long time, after the dust settled after that that I brought it up again and here we are still together and just had our 40th anniversary. It’s still not really her thing but allows me the freedom to be Sherry but never has said yet,” You know that blouse would look good on you.” But I’m still hopeful the day will come, no harm in dreaming is there?

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    • #769757
      Rhonda Lee
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      Just an observation… from votes so far, only 12% of partners have not been told or found out. In my outreach efforts to crossdressers seeking to join a Tri-Ess support group only 10% said their wives did not know.  I thought that might be largely due to the fact that they felt a need to be honest and forthcoming in order to break away for the group meetings, or that anyone so far along as to attend a support group meeting would be more likely to reveal their femme side than someone content to live in stealth, but the poll suggests that it is instead due to a desire reveal or to being discovered.

      I have always felt that most crossdressers will either be found out or voluntarily reveal and the safest course in most cases is to bring the subject up sooner rather than later. 75% of partners support or at least tolerate. However, knowing that 25% won’t do this and the fears of a break-up after the big reveal are well-founded, I would never advise someone to take that risk unless they are prepared to lose the relationship and suffer consequences that impact family and friends. The cost is higher and decision tougher for those already married. I learned this the hard way, discovering my wife was part of the 25% who cannot tolerate and wondering, as I reminisce, whether revelation was smart in my case. A crystal ball would be helpful.

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      • #769798
        Anonymous
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        I agree that asking people who attend a support group would provide similar answers than asking those here in CDH.

        Visiting here or a support group is an indication that the individual is further along in the process of self acceptance, in my opinion. And even so, there is always a tendency in people to participate in surveys if they can provide what vould be seen like a more desirable answer.

        I also agree that while we can provide some insight to others about our own experiences, nobody should others things like “you have to tell”, because none of us is going to be there to pickup the pieces in case there is a big blow out with the disclosure.

        However, one thing that I advocate for, in particular whenever there is somebody joining CDH and telling how they are just getting started, is letting them know that it will never be easier to tell than it is at that right time. Before they have done lots of shopping or even assumed a female name. The sooner it is disclosed it will be less to tell, a smaller secret.

        Having said this, the flip side of the coin seems to be the case of long marriages where the disclosure occurs after children have moved out. Wives maternal instincts of protecting their children are much more less of an issue. There may be some financial stability, and even a bit of “comfort on the known” so no desire to start over.

        Personally… I told my then fiancé about my crossdressing, but like way too many, I thought it was a thing of my past. Well… time prove me wrong.

        I don’t ever expect her to accept me fully. But we love each other and care deeply about one another. I wish I had talked to her after the desire to dress came back, and disclosed everything back then. Years later after some DADT years, it was just too late. Too many things done, too many things bought, etc.
        yet life goes on and like many, have to keep hoping…

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #769625
      J J
      Lady
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 1110
      Has thanked: 1 time
      Been thanked: 4696 times

      It is hard to sat exactly, because my dressing has evolved over the years. When we werw dating I didn’t dress, but one day when she was out of town I wore hwr pantiea for the day, and told hwr so wjen we spoke of the pbone that evening and had great phone sex, so I supppse that was when I first told her. I had dressed a couple times in my youth, but never even though about it for another 15-20 years.

      Later I wore her panties occasionally when i timate which led to me wear her bra. She was fine with it, and I remember her exact words when I asked her if she was okay with it. ” It does nothing for me, but if you enjoy it they are just clothes”. That led to me wearing lingerie more frequently, and slowly to dressing more fully en femme.

      I didn’t actually dress beyond lingerie until well into our marriage, buy when I did I told her I like to wear dressed and she was again, fine with it so I have been wearing femme wear more and more.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #769731
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 414
        Has thanked: 437 times
        Been thanked: 1655 times

        Congratulations! You are among the most fortunate ones!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #769756
          J J
          Lady
          Registered On: September 13, 2019
          Topics: 13
          Replies: 1110
          Has thanked: 1 time
          Been thanked: 4696 times

          Thank you, and yes I fully realize just how wonderful my wife is. She would be fine if I never put on a bra again, or road my motorcycle, or went rock climbing and backcountry skiing, but she know I enjoy all those activities, and enjoys the arousal that I get, which she ultimately benefits feom and is well pleased.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769622
      Kris Burton
      Lady
      Registered On: August 6, 2022
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 194
      Has thanked: 1098 times
      Been thanked: 1240 times

      I came out to my wife 40 years into our marriage. Of course, I had no CD experiences as a child or teen and other than a few private encounters with my wife’s pantyhose had no other CD experiences up to that time either. When I finally began actively, I had only begun about two weeks earlier. I could not bear the stress, and i decided to come out and take the consequences whatever they might be. I am glad I did not sell my wife short. She is accepting and supportive. We have had many challenges and trials during our marriage, but my CDing has not been one of them.I am sure that  the fact that there was virtually no time of deception has been a contributing factor in our success.

      • #769836
        Hippie
        Lady
        Registered On: December 20, 2016
        Topics: 55
        Replies: 516
        Has thanked: 1832 times
        Been thanked: 2043 times

        I love reading real life stories.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #769732
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 414
        Has thanked: 437 times
        Been thanked: 1655 times

        Congratulations! You are veryt wise and very fortunate!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769591
      Hippie
      Lady
      Registered On: December 20, 2016
      Topics: 55
      Replies: 516
      Has thanked: 1832 times
      Been thanked: 2043 times

      I picked Other:

      She knew before we were dating. She meet me on a social media website called My Yearbook. That website is now defunct and disbanded.

      We became on-line friends first. She was introduce to my fictional superhero character I made up. I had a black full body spandex suit, red cape, red panties, superman style boots on and logo of hand drawn picture of bright blue panties with the male symbol in the center of the panties.

      I did videos for YouTube long before Google bought them out. Only one video that remains on YouTube out of the 30 videos I made. Some how when Google took over they all disappear.

      Anyways I digress; on this website I was some what famous. Now this was years before Instagram, Twitter and many others. I had photos of my superhero sidekicks. Like Dr. Bra Man, Boxer Brief Girl and we had battles against Sinister Panty Raider and more.

      I had a panty wear car, a dog and panty spacecraft.

      Well she thought my stories and videos were very entertaining and we started talking. And the rest is history as they would say

      We’re heading for 2 decades together. I never had to hide my crossdressing from her. She always knew.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #769733
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 414
        Has thanked: 437 times
        Been thanked: 1655 times

        Fantastic! Great success story! So few are so fortunate!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769589
      Wendie Cross
      Duchess
      Registered On: March 5, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 181
      Has thanked: 489 times
      Been thanked: 951 times

      My ex wife wasn’t “introduced” to Wendie until after we were divorced. She had no idea the whole time we were married.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #769842
        Hippie
        Lady
        Registered On: December 20, 2016
        Topics: 55
        Replies: 516
        Has thanked: 1832 times
        Been thanked: 2043 times

        Just Wow

        2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #769736
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 414
        Has thanked: 437 times
        Been thanked: 1655 times

        That’s amazing! How long were you married? You must be the queen of stealth!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769584
      Nikki Just Nikki
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2022
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 261
      Has thanked: 1627 times
      Been thanked: 1650 times

      My wife knew that I enjoyed dressing in lingerie in the bedroom before we were married, and she liked and supported that. As time wore on I picked up some short skirts and checked in with her that all was still well. She took my hand and told me “you can take this as far as you need to.” It really grew from there, and I started dressing fully at home, but discreetly because my daughter still lived at home. About two years ago she asked me if my dressing was just about sex, and that’s when I told her no, that I was a crossdresser, and that I might be nonbinary. After my daughter left the nest, Nikki came out to a large part of our life: friends, neighbors, acquaintances. My wife is an incredible ally. I literally could not be all I am without her unflagging support. I wish everyone had that.

      • #769843
        Hippie
        Lady
        Registered On: December 20, 2016
        Topics: 55
        Replies: 516
        Has thanked: 1832 times
        Been thanked: 2043 times

        That is a great story

        2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #769737
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 414
        Has thanked: 437 times
        Been thanked: 1655 times

        You are a very lucky lady!!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769580
      Danni Ash
      Lady
      Registered On: October 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 25
      Has thanked: 24 times
      Been thanked: 154 times

      I told my second wife right after we got together so there would be no secrets between us. I had stopped dressing while in the military and didn’t dress again until after my first wife and I separated so she never knew. After my divorce there were a couple of girlfriends that found out but they accepted it so when I told my second wife while we were dating I figured that if it was going to work out then she had to know. Se accepted it and even encouraged it somewhat. She would help me pick out clothes and helped with my makeup.

      Hugs and kisses

      Danni

       

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #769738
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 414
        Has thanked: 437 times
        Been thanked: 1655 times

        Congratulations! I envy you!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #769563
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 414
      Has thanked: 437 times
      Been thanked: 1655 times

      I did not know I was a crossdresser when I married, not because I had not crossdressed, but because I felt I had overcome that need. I had never met a crossdresser and attributed my experiences to puberty, feeling I had won the battle or could do so. The urge re-emerged a few years after marriage, but was confined to occasional desires to wear a bra or pantyhose. Those desires became more frequent, but did not blossom until 40 years into the marriage, when I learned I was not alone, fond out about a support group, and visited a dressing service to experience what I thought would be a one-time experience. having let the genie out of the bottle I realized I had to continue. I let my wife discover me while wearing an outfit she had put in the goodwill pile. Nothing much was said. Later, she found fem items and thought I was having an affair. I explained they were mine. She did not believe me. Later, she found more when coming upon a wardrobe bag with my girly stuff, along with magazines I had accumulated with CD stories in them. She deduced I had a sexual addiction. I tried to purge, but we all know how successful that is. Counselors tried to help her understand this is not harmful and cannot be changed. For awhile she tolerated my dressing from neck down, although never in the bedroom or in public. That worked for a time, and I felt she had overcome her inabilities to accept me, within mutually agreeable boundaries. Ultimately, though she insisted I find someone who could change me. We all know where that goes.Counselors we had gone to refused to try. She found someone who specializes in helping sexual addicts who dealt with TGs. He quickly deduced he could not help me because I did not have a sexual addiction. His efforts to counsel me were unsuccessful because he had had never met a crossdresser who did not consider himself a woman and made assumptions which only fueled the fire.   Eventually we divorced. She cut off all communication. Mine is a case study on what NOT to do.

      I later met a woman I felt I came to love, so told her about Rhonda before it led to intimacy. She was totally accepting, mended dresses for me, gave me earrings, and otherwise promoted my desires. That has worked fairly well, but lately she has backtracked, asked me to dress less, and even told me yesterday she does not want me to wear a bra, which has become an essential part of my wardrobe.

      No matter how accepting the woman, I doubt anyone can be relied upon not to change.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769481
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness
      Registered On: August 27, 2017
      Topics: 145
      Replies: 1434
      Has thanked: 12 times
      Been thanked: 6385 times

      When she found some jewellery I had inadvertently left laying around. She found it when she returned home after a weekend away. Gotta be ten years ago if it s a day

      We basically had a DADT relationship until two weeks ago, when I got “sprung bad” aka “caught”

      Still working that one out…

      Caty

      PS first time around I told my ex wife just before our first child was born, Hated it all witha passion from that day on.

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769480
      Cassie Jay
      Lady
      Registered On: July 10, 2023
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 88
      Has thanked: 457 times
      Been thanked: 415 times

      I told my wife on day one, but I suspect she already knew.
      She shared a house with a friend of mine who knew all about Cassie. The first day we met I was picking up my friend to go out for lunch and when I saw her thought Wow she’s gorgeous. The second time was at party at their place. She squeezed in next to me for a group photo and I put my arm around her. My arm stayed around her for the rest of the night. The next morning I said I had to tell her something and let her know I’m a crossdresser. We had a little chat about it and why I was telling her. I told her that it’s who I am, that I would like to spend more time with her but if my dressing is going to be a problem a relationship wouldn’t work. That was in 2010. Married her in 2017 (she got to wear the dress).
      I wasn’t “out” then and I’m still not but I had long hair, waxed body, always clean shaven and 95% of my wardrobe was female. I couldn’t really get into a relationship without telling her.
      I think being upfront about it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
      Cassie

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #769461
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 125
      Replies: 1787
      Has thanked: 2328 times
      Been thanked: 9466 times

      I’m currently single.  I voted based on my most recent LTR.  The one before that would elicit a much different response.

      I came out to my GF about 8 years into our relationship.  She took it pretty well.  We talked for a while and she acknowledged my need to be who I am.  But she didn’t want to see me dressed or talk about it.  Basically a DADT.  I was free to dress when she wasn’t around, and I could take occasional weekend getaways.

      I discovered Palm Springs is a great place to socialize.  I met and befriended many of my closest girlfriends in PS.  You know who you are.  Those getaways had a huge impact on my journey.  It’s how I learned I’m trans.

      My GF and I amicably split about a year ago.  She’s one of my best friends now.

      Anyone I’m with will know exactly what they’re getting into.  No more hiding.

      /EA

      • #769546
        Kim Dahlenbergen
        Lady
        Registered On: November 18, 2019
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 500
        Has thanked: 603 times
        Been thanked: 1979 times

        I told my ex long before we were engaged. However, I told her only that I enjoyed wearing panties and stockings, and that I couldn’t imagine myself dressed fully as a woman. That was mostly true. What I left out was that (although I really didn’t think it possible) I longed for the opportunity to do so. I finally gave in to that temptation more than a decade into our marriage, and our marriage went down hill from there. By year 15, we parted company.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #769758
          Emily Alt
          Managing Ambassador
          Registered On: August 24, 2019
          Topics: 125
          Replies: 1787
          Has thanked: 2328 times
          Been thanked: 9466 times

          So sorry to hear that Kim. As so often happens, the truth sets us free for a very steep price.

          /EA

          2 users thanked author for this post.
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