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I’m seeing more and more of us these days. Girls like us. Girls out doing their business. Being themselves. Oozing confidence. Fitting in. Often I see several a day. And it’s not just younger girls. Many are middle-age or older. Granted, I live in ultra-liberal Southern California. It’s comparatively safe here. Still, it feels like something is changing. I like it!
Are more of us comfortable with our trans-ness and venturing out of the closet? Or are more of us coming out to make a statement? Or is it something else? Thoughts?
/EA
Coming to the US from a different country 26 years ago I had a very different perspective than all of those around me had. Living in the South without having ever been exposed to racial issues gave me an unbiased view of those issues. (There is classism in Mexico, but not racism). Similarly, if there were any big gender issues, I was mostly obvious of them.
And having moved into a city with about one million inhabitants where I didn’t know anybody and more importantly, NOBODY knew me, gave me the freedom to start going out without having to worry about being recognized.
While many things have changed in all these years of going out, the fact that I never had any negative experience while out finds me very comfortable with being out and about at any chance I have.
I know I was inspired by many before me. I hope I have been successful in paying it back!!Emily, I think more of us are getting braver, I know CDH has helped so much there. I have been presenting as Cassie almost all the time specially after my class reunion last year. I live in central Iowa and have had almost no negative push back. Most of the time if I get to talking with someone about they just want to know why.
A few weeks back while working my Torrid job a lady came in who I think was trans. She was a little over 6 feet and had somewhat male facial features. She was looking for a dress of a special style. I know if I guessed wrong and asked if she was trans and she was a tall GG I would have been in so much trouble.
. Cassie
Well, I’m not oozing confidence, but I find it easier and more normal to go out dressed as Kerri. For the most part nobody cares what I’m wearing. I can go shopping And I don’t get any wierd looks, I do feel like I’m becoming the woman I should have always been. Thanks to you my sisters for the help and advice along the way.
Hi Emily,
I live in south western Canada, in the ultra liberal enclave of Victoria British Columbia, which is actually south of the border between Canada and the US. We have one of the most temperate climates in our country so there are a lot of people who choose to live here. Combine all of this along with the census data that refers to Victoria as the most trans friendly city in Canada and you will easily notice a few of us out and about on a regular basis, myself being one of them.
We recently had a conference here with over 450 trans people in attendance. I was there and can tell you that I was one of the most feminine girls there, one other very feminine girl was our guest speaker Julia Serano. We were definitely outnumbered by the androgynous and non binary crowd. Trans women also had lower visibility compared to a healthy attendance of trans men.
So walking the streets, shopping the malls, riding the bus, I do see many trans men and non binary or androgynous folks out and about. Trans men are actually the hardest to readily spot as they blend in far easier than trans women. I live and work as a woman in a government office building at the security desk. I ride the bus, go to church and walk the streets of our fair city every day, so I am visible and relatively well known.
I have been in contact right here on CDH with a couple of our regular sisters who live locally, they know who they are, and we’re still trying to arrange some get togethers. For a variety of legitimate reasons, many that get mentioned on here, there is a reluctance for a lot of girls to venture too far out in public. Victoria is quite safe and the population of queer, trans and non binary is quite visible in the community. I have several good friends, two couples, who are married, both trans women married to lesbian women.
Hugs ladies,
Ms. Lauren M
Hi Lauren,
I’m a little familiar with Victoria from your posts and a visit 7-8 years ago. Unfortunately, at the time of my visit, I was still closeted and in denial. I wasn’t aware of Victoria’s reputation for inclusiveness. I think I should visit again at my first opportunity!
Obviously some places will have more “out” members of the trans community. Like Victoria, coastal SoCal has a large population of visible LGBTQ+ folks, with several “hot spots” for lack of a better term. Palm Springs, West Hollywood, and San Diego’s Hillcrest come to mind. What I’m noticing is even more trans girls in the last few months. Especially older ones. I saw 2 today both in their 40’s or 50’s. Like Cassie said, I agree more of us are getting brave. I also suspect some girls are out to make an ostentatious statement to the status quo. Perhaps there are other motivators I’m not aware of.
Anyway, thanks for your perspective.
/EA
I live in Southwestern Ontario a couple of hours from Toronto which is a very cosmopolitan city with a large number of people who live an alt lifestyle of one kind or another. This is a typically conservative area but there are a few of us in this area and I have had virtually no negativity in all of my travels here and in Toronto. Many times I’ve had people give me kudos for being out and about trying to be my true self.
These days I do often see trans women in my travels out and about including some working in stores and other retail places.
In addition, I’m the current President of a local CD and MtF social and support group, called Xpressions. I organize outings and dinners, some in very private settings for those who lack the confidence and presentation for a more public place, others we are right out there in a busy restaurant.
A big change in attitudes here in Canada goes back to 2005, when same sex marriage was made legal throughout the country. This was not without controversy but it is now well accepted. Love is love, and people are people who come in all different shapes, colours, and preferences.
There is always the chance of a bad reaction, and I will do my best to deal with it if it happens.
Amy
Emily,
It is good to hear of the increasing number of girls in public in your area. IMHO, acceptance on a national level is increasing, and I particularly note that here in Atlanta, during my time out in public. Acceptance could very well be the key to giving more CDs the needed confidence to taking that first step out the door.
I was at an arts festival last weekend in what used to be a very conservative city just ten years ago. I was readily accepted and greeted wherever I went at the festival, whether is was by local businesses or representatives of the city!
This past week here in my home town I got my first pedicure of the season. No sooner did I sit down then the lady in the adjacent chair started chatting with me about girl stuff. How validating, and it did send me into the Pink Fog! Just another example of acceptance.
OTOH, I very rarely see other CDs out in public here in Atlanta, but I do believe the cause of that is geography. Metropolitan Atlanta consists of 28 counties, a huge area, which greatly reduces the chance of crossing paths with another girl. A place I do cross paths with other girls on a weekly basis is at our weekly support meeting for the Atlanta Girls Group.
No ! Not that I have seen in my city in Upstate NY. In the past 10 years I might have seen 10-12 Total CDs ir trans girls in teen or early twenties transgender
BUT -What I see daily in a 20/1 odds difference is F/M transgender girls who are not necessarily lesbian or want to be but cut their hair short refuse to wear female clothes only Male and take on a substitute androgynous unisex name.
My 19 yr. old granddaughter is one of such people- since age 14, with non-legal official name change but called a name used by either sex. She’s lived, loved and accepted by all members over her family but lost quite a few GG girlfriends along the way who abandoned her. Life goes on for all of us of all genders.
Having lived in Upstate 28 years, I’m well aware there are some places that are less accepting. I’m sorry to hear your granddaughter has lost some of her friends. That’s an unfortunate reality for many LGBTQ people. I hope she’s able to hold her head high and move on.
/EA
Unfortunately Emily that is not the case, she’s depressed, no self esteem , says she has no friends, and is and has been so for years. She’s a very confused child who vacillates back and forth wondering if she is a male or female, she’s in what family and her PC doctor call a confused state right now and could be ’trying this on for size’ on for size’. She has a gender therapist and has been under psychiatric care and antidepressants and anxiety medication for some years. There is nothing more we as a family can do but let her and the professionals help her work it out, I do thank you for your concern though 👄
I truly believe that times are changing for good. I remember that not too long ago while i was a teenager Transgender people were not recognized. They were labeled as gay. Crossdressers and Transvestites were stigmatized and seen as perverted people.
I’m so happy that the world’s culture has been shifting over to recognize that every person is different and should be respected and protected. It is still a long road ahead but I can see clearly that times are changing for good. May God bless you all. ❤️ for all.
All you girls living in such progressive and liberal environments are so lucky. But such places provide a nucleus more acceptance in broader geographies…I guess it just is a slow process to spread. It is you girls in these places who need to be thanked, even in liberal environments, you needed to go out and be seen, so well done all of you.
On the other hand perhaps I am part of the problem in less liberal areas – I do not venture out en femme, so I don’t push the social boundaries locally. I want to go out, be seen, push the issue. I’m sure most people will be accepting, and most of the others will be indifferent. And I guess it is the same for any and all my local sisters (statistically speaking there must be several of us ladies even in my little neighbourhood) who probably feel the same. It needs someone to grab the bull by the horns and step up and step out. I wish I could be that woman, but alas I’m not, at least not at the moment.
But watch this space!
Hi Emily,
A little bit different where I am. My count of seen CDs is two (and that was in my nearby bigger town) over 5 years. It’s a smallish village community of 2000 or so. Small enough for the ‘goss’. Neighbours expect you to talk to them, and happily pass on tittle tattle People recognise you, and word would get out. (Lol , I’m not saying it won’t anyway)
It’s hard to stay anonymous in this set up, but it’s my choice to be here – in very many respects it’s a lovely place to live – and I’m of an age to accept limitations. I’m not exactly conventional in my lifestyle anyway but I seem to cope with an androgynous look. However it wouldn’t surprise me to find that younger crossdresser / transgender people from hereabouts choose to gravitate to the big city for a ‘simpler’ life when they get the chance. Which is probably what I would do if I was 50 years younger.
eM xxx
I live in the mid-west and this area is a mix of progressive and conservative. I live a fairly quiet life. I am not out, it’s complicated and I am working it. On the weekends when I run errands, I can see 2 or 3 transwomen at the stores. One store had 2 working there, but I don’t see them anymore. I think that they are more comfortable to come out of the closet.
I live in a relatively large town which has a multicultural population, a LGTBQ+ club and has a yearly pride event.I am very much out, feel I blend in well and have had a very good acceptance. However there is a noticeable absence of trans men/ crossdressers out and about. Over the years I may have seen a few but then there could be those who will pass scrutiny without a second look, a couple of shops had employed some young trans or other gender male but overtly female looking genders are noticeable by absence.
What I have seen is an increase in female gender identity or trans who dress and appear as male or with very strong masculine aspects. Some are definitely trans but many are the other genders or sexuality. There are those that look very male, especially the younger ones, and others clearly have the female bodily features. I have to wonder whether the current climate of womens groups anti trans(Male) tirades are stopping more trans/ crossdressing males from going in public whereas the male trans/ genders are still effectively women so as still women do not suffer the scorn and feel comfortable being out.
Sadly though I wonder whether there are many that still have those fears that have been caused by the years of mistrust and scorn that still prevail in a supposed more accepting society. Of course for those who fear losing relationships and family it is understandable as even if openly accepted in society they would still not come out. It still doesn’t answer the question as to why I do not see more male youth compared to female as they are out there. The recent national census stated there were equal numbers of adult trans male and female. So it would be natural to feel there are male trans/other youth below the age of 18 as well, where are they?
Emily,
Even though I live in the very liberal NYC metro area, I have not seen many MTF’s at all while out in public. I think the overall level of acceptance nationwide is better than it’s ever been but I see relatively few here. I definitely do see more FTM’s however.
Note that Riverside County (which includes Cathedral City where I live) in Southern California is not as liberal as we might think. When Lisa Middleton was elected to Palm Springs City Council in 2017, she was the first openly transgender person to be elected in California to a non-judicial position. This, in a state of 40,000,000 people (which includes about 2,400,000 trans people). In December 2021, as mayor, she became the first openly transgender mayor in California. Currently she is planning to run for state senate in the next cycle.
Also, the progressive turnout in the county wasn’t as strong as expected and that led to some unexpected results in national and state races. Anyway, it seems that we don’t quite live up to the hype.
Anyway, for me, DeeAnn is essentially 24/7/365. While Don does make an appearance from time to time, it is rare and for very specific reasons. For example, DeeAnn does not leave the house without makeup. A couple of years ago I had a cat scan and I knew I would have to take off my clothes. I decided it would be easier to go as Don and prevent getting makeup on everything.
Also, I hold office in 5 organizations (1 civic, 1 political, LGBTQ community center, local PRIDE organization and my car club) and DeeAnn is the person of record for all.
After I keep reading what girls have expressed in this post makes me wish I had grown up in a town or city LGBTQ+ friendly 30 years ago. I would have had the courage and openly figured out my self. I would have been in my prime years and I’m pretty much sure I would have been very passable. Which would have helped me enjoy the best and maybe the worst too of the world of both genders.
I regret now I suppressed my emotions and kept feeling afraid and embarrassed 18 years ago when I moved to Vancouver BC which is one of the most LGBTQ+ friendly cities in the world.
Now that I’m completely open I enjoy so much when I’m Claire. I missed so much time 😞I live in the UK and am seeing more and more of ‘us’ too – in London and in the provinces, but mainly younger guys.
I would also say that I’m seeing a range of dressing, from full ‘passing’ to partial ‘feminine touch’ – e.g. wearing dress but no wig or make-up, or make-up and accessories, but otherwise masculine.
It’s so exciting!
Our time has come girls! Break out and break free!
I’m from Northern New Jersey, fairly close to NYC, a fairly liberal community. I have been actively CDing since late 2021, and I began to venture outside in the summer of 2022. I have been out and about several times now, to the mall, the garden center, the park, Starbucks and of course the Keystone Conference where I went with friends to a restaurant in a pretty blouse/skirt combo. So far my confidence has been buoyed by the reaction – or lack thereof – that I have received from others in the community at large. I have had no problems, no negative reactions and I have frightened no small children, so I count that as success.
Of course, I have selected my clothing choices to best blend in with my environment. I was well dressed in a skirt at the restaurant at Keystone, as were my friends. We all blended in there. In other instances I wore what I consider to be “blending with style” attire – feminine, well dressed but with jeans or slacks as most women might choose in those situations. I’m sure that helps to blend in, but I hope to place myself in situations where a dressier appearance might be more acceptable soon…looking forward to that, we’ll see how it goes!
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