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  • #141971
    Candy Can
    Participant
    Registered On: October 19, 2018
    Topics: 25
    Replies: 91
    Has thanked: 151 times
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    Many on here are older.
    A recent article by an older CD here also raised the question of what will happen when she needs to find a retirement home option (in that case, Western Australia).

    Retirement homes in Australia are under scrutiny at the moment – bad food and bad care is common.

    Perhaps it would be helpful to explore the options?
    Are there retirement homes that are CD friendly in your country, or local.
    If there enough people, demand facilitates supply – maybe a NFPO retirement village that caters to CDs/LGBTIQ is a goal to pursue in our various countries? ie Look, but if there are none – investigate starting some?

    If you have a few years or decades to go before the issue affects you, and you have the property developer/ entrepeneurial skills to initiate something like this, or you have the super/401K funds that could in part go towards such a venture, it would be a great project, or at least something worth researching and discussing.

Viewing 9 reply threads
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    • #255203
      Sally Drinkwater
      Participant
      Registered On: July 15, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 153
      Has thanked: 32 times
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      Approaching my 68th year with my ‘girly wiggle’ becoming an unsteady wobble and my wrinkle cream arriving with a six inch applicator brush it may be time to consider my options for the future?

      The thought of lying on my deathbed in a flannelette nighty, bed socks and a hand knitted shawl  with my grandkids fiddling with my oxygen tubes doesn’t sound very glamorous or appealing at all!

      Option 1/  Carry on and wait till I’m found with a broken hip with one leg in my control pants?

      Option 2/ Sell all my worldly goods and go in search for a rich widow?

      Mmmm?  Decisions  descisions……Sally xx

    • #254918
      Gianna Bonita
      Participant
      Registered On: March 28, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 37
      Has thanked: 183 times
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      And following on from the retirement facility discussion, how many ladies want to be dressed and makeup for their funeral. Is it in your will? It’s something that I was thinking about recently. Ohh, what to wear? How much jewellery, do you specify which lipstick? And shoes. So many things to consider. The will would be several pages long with instructions!

       

    • #254872
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      Has thanked: 7 times
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      Candy:

      Interesting what you said about retirement facilities in Australia. It’s very similar to a number of places here in the US. I suspect the roots of the problems are the same: people cutting expenses to the bone in order to maximize profits, low-paid staff jobs that may not attract quality employees, etc.

      3 years ago I had a mild stroke. After 3 days in the hospital, I spent a couple of weeks in a rehabilitation facility. It didn’t take long to know who was there for a paycheck and who genuinely tried to do a good job. Unfortunately, compassion is something that you can’t teach.

      For the record, I identify as transgender and non-binary. When my wife and I retired almost 4 years ago, we relocated to a town adjacent to Palm Springs, California, USA area for basically 3 reasons:

      1. Climate
      2. Strength of the LGBT community
      3. Well developed health care organizations and facilities

      Since many move here after retirement, that’s what drives the health care industry here and that has proven to be true. There is also an assisted living facility in Palm Springs aimed particularly at LGBT clients and at least 1 (and maybe 2) in development.

    • #162243
      GreenMtgurl
      Participant
      Registered On: November 5, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 8
      Has thanked: 58 times
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      Hello everyone,

      I am a new here but I am an older CD who just retired last May and I have been asking myself this same question.  This is a great topic and it will be interesting to see how others respond.  I agree with Celeste that something other than a nursing home would be preferable.  Retirement issues can be tough enough to deal with sometimes, it would be nice if cross-dressing wasn’t one of them.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #154049
      Caty Ryan
      Participant
      Registered On: August 27, 2017
      Topics: 41
      Replies: 453
      Has thanked: 4 times
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      Hi girls,

      A very serious subject, but please indulge me if I try to add a bit of levity.

      My beloved and I will be moving to a retirement village within the next four weeks. We are both “hale and hearty” so the aged care need is not a factor….. yet

      This establishment has almost twice as many women as men and I was welcomed with “oh great’ we have another bloke coming in”.

      So it made me wonder what would happen if I rocked up to the first “Friday night drinkies” in my best “Mother of The Bride” outfit or perhaps the replica Civil War Ball Gown and red curly, “Scatlett O Caty” wig!!!

      I cant see anything in the sale contract to prevent this, but the gossip machine would “throw a bearing” and of course it would be most unfair to my beloved.

      Also means I’ll have to be extra careful within out unit when my beloved is absent and I sneak some Caty time.

      Happy dressing folks

       

      Caty

       

       

       

       

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #154040
      Dame Veronica Graunwolf
      Registered On: May 8, 2017
      Topics: 55
      Replies: 2075
      Has thanked: 1755 times
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      Hi Candy….great article. Ladies of CDH/TGH……..perhaps you can contact the local LGBTQ branch in your area and advise if they have any knowledge of care facilities.

      Thank you all.

      Dame Veronica

    • #142186
      Candy Can
      Participant
      Registered On: October 19, 2018
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 91
      Has thanked: 151 times
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      Well, I’ve done a little research, centred around my home state of NSW. It is a ‘live’ issue.

      I shall post some links below, just to show how the issue is getting coverage here;
      . https://www.agedcareguide.com.au/talking-aged-care/ageing-lgbti-people-fear-aged-care-discrimination
      . https://agedcare.health.gov.au/support-services/my-aged-care/lgbti-ageing-and-aged-care-resources
      . http://ceriph.curtin.edu.au/local/docs/reports/Report_Retirement_Bestpracticeguidelines.pdf
      . https://www.grai.org.au
      . [edit to add] https://lgbtihealth.org.au/ageing/

      So, there is an awareness of the issue, and discussion of it.
      However, I myself think that LGBTI/CD older people would feel more comfortable in a geographic location that has a community they identify with, and in a facility with a group they can identify with – in other words a facility that openly welcomes them – I haven’t identified any in Sydney or surround (yet).

      So, what is the situation where you are? (ie UK, Canada, US, etc)?
      Could I please ask our older members to do a bit of a search; eg ‘LBGT and CD friendly retirement homes [your area]’ and post what you find – the story might be better than you think?

      (And my apologies if this is a turn-off subject for our younger members).
      For myself, I hope to live independently with my wife for as long as possible – however, I would be silly not to realise that this issue is in the future for pretty well all of us, just further away for some than others.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #195220
        dannieelle
        Participant
        Registered On: July 2, 2019
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 11
        Has thanked: 13 times
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        i had searched in my area and there are 2 places listed for independent living.

    • #142145
      Candy Can
      Participant
      Registered On: October 19, 2018
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 91
      Has thanked: 151 times
      Been thanked: 268 times

      Hi All.
      Thank you for the replies. Celeste and Dame Vs replies illustrate WHY I am thinking along these lines.

      It is said that the Boomer generation (of which many of us belong) has redefined each stage of life as they have entered it. Retirement and nursing homes might as well be on the list too.
      (I should point out that i don’t think this is merely an issue for the CD or LGBTIQ community – here in Oz we have the ‘Mens Shed’ movement, and what I see is a need to make old age a positive experience rather than a warehousing issue).

      Are there any LGBT friendly homes in your locale or country?
      Maybe its a matter of exploring the options – CREATING options while there is still time to think ahead and do so?

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #142050
      Dame Veronica Graunwolf
      Registered On: May 8, 2017
      Topics: 55
      Replies: 2075
      Has thanked: 1755 times
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      Hi Candy. Interesting idea.  Here in Canada……it is illeagal to discriminate in any way against people. There are serious penalties for anyone or institutions to do so. However……courts are so tied up with this now….you file a case…it will be seen by the courts in 3-4 generations after you are gone. Money under the table keeps the status quo! I have made several options for my demise…..none of them legal. I live in the bush and when time comes….I am going for a walk-about in the bush with my best friend Mr. Winchester 12 guage. I was born with dignity…lived with dignity and am going out with dignity. I have done service work in nursing homes……..it is a crime how we treat our revered elders.

      Dame Veronica.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #195364
        Becky Cox
        Participant
        Registered On: March 28, 2019
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 66
        Has thanked: 57 times
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        Dying with dignity is a concept that I wholeheartedly support. Death doesn’t scare me, but the bit immediately before it scares the heck out of me.

    • #142000
      Celeste Starre
      Participant
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 342
      Has thanked: 77 times
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      Well I’ll be 70 in 3 days.  My plans are to stay in my own home until they carry my body out.  That would be preferable to a nursing home.

      Celeste Starre

      1 user thanked author for this post.
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