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<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hello all you lovely girlfriends. After 40 years of on and off crossdressing, I’ve decided that full transition is somewhere in my future. Probably not for 5 years, or more, but I know becoming a woman is my goal. I’m 57 years old. My question is this? Where do I start now? I’m married to an unsupportive spouse and don’t want to hurt her. She knows of my strong feminine side and likes certain things about it, but dressing up is not one of them. I want to begin to slowly alter my body. But how? What can I do on my own to change myself physically and emotionally? Thank you for any help you can offer. Samantha</p>
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My thoughts are firstly get your plan sorted out, you need to think about what you want and where you want to go. You have a wife to consider, if she is not happy with you dressing it seems unlikely she will like you transitioning. Starting by altering your body is probably not the best place to start, if you are going to transition you need to start living as a woman, at least for some of the time, that will be difficult if you wife does not support your dressing, so form where I’m standing you need to put a bit more thought into this, you should consider counselling as this may help you plan the way ahead. There is no easy way to do this, I am not suggesting you don’t transition, just that perhaps a bit of forethought and planning is needed. Whatever you do I wish you the very best for the future.
Hi Andrea, Thanks for a thoughtful response to my request. I realize, I left out a lot of what is going on in my life. I have been dressing in the closet for over 40 years. Recently after many denials and hurt feelings, and purging of my girl clothes, I’ve decided to pursue allowing my feminine side more freedom to show on the outside. Not throwing it in people’s faces, but breaking some of society’s norms. As an avid runner, I wear very tight clothes. Since the choices in men’s running apparel is boring, i wear mostly woman’s clothes to run. Not sports bras or anything like that but definitely woman’s colors and styles, to positive comments from my running friends. My wife supports my running, so this has been a way to break the ice with her. I’ve also had good luck with wearing tights and leggings where I work. It is a very loose and progressive food coop, so being different is part of the atmosphere. This brings me to going further in my personal life. My wife would never support my transition, so I want to continue to break the norms and advance my visual appearance to be more feminine and androgynous. At some point in my life, I will be able to go full transition, but not yet. At 56 years old, I don’t want to wait to much longer y live my true self. I would welcome comments and advice from those who have forged this path before me.
Hi Samantha…if your wife is unsupportive now, making yourself more feminine/androgynous is not going to change that (or I give it a .00001% chance that simply modifying your looks will change her viewpoint). So you are approaching (or at) a crossroads in your life. If you decide you are going to transition, you can count on nuking your marriage with her and most if not all relationships in your life. Sadly that is the reality we face. But if you proceed with this, you will be starting a new life that will involve forming new relationships and you may come out of it as a happier person (woman). Regrettably we have no crystal ball to foretell future effects of decisions made today. Think this over very carefully.
Whether you decide to transition or not, you could take baby steps to start. You could address the permanent removal of hair from your body. From what I have read, it is recommended that one goes through the process of permanent hair removal prior to HRT. Supposedly HRT has an easier time of softening any remaining hair on your body, if you remove most of it first. HRT will reduce somewhat but not eliminate hair on your face and neck. If I were you, I would go through laser and/or electrolysis on my face, neck, chest, abs and a full bikini. With the removal of that hair, your skin will soften up. You will feminize your look without actually doing transitioning that affects the constitution of your body with HRT that would immediately bring queries from your wife down upon you. I am going through that hair removal process I describe above now. In my case, I always shave so she is unaware that I am actually going through laser. She questioned my shaving my chest but being 61yo, I told her I’m doing it to look younger (which is true…I do look younger). So she no longer questions that. I look forward to being hairless and being able to apply makeup without first getting out the razor. Are supplements or HRT in my future? Not now, but I won’t say never either.
Hope my little dissertation is helpful. Best wishes as you consider this important decision.
Hugs,
Anne
Samantha,
I see you’re in a bit of a pickle. You have plenty to research, think about, evaluate the ethics of, consider reactions from your loved ones and friends but also complete strangers even possibly from other nations of the world. One could say that we are all like Atlas holding the entire world on our shoulders. I would say that it feels like that to transition. Short answer is there is no way we can know what’s going to happen during transition or otherwise. We can make calculated risks but in in the end it will most likely come down to one’s determination and courage. Such as, I really need breakfast in the morning so even though it’s raining heavily I’m going to go to the store anyway. There is a process, and if it cannot be trusted, do we trust ourselves to make the best decisions we can? I say this because I cannot give you the answers you ask for. The medical professionals don’t have complete answers either. This may be a frustrating answer, but I give it to you to get you thinking. Let me put this out there…if there were no way to become the person you’d like to see in the mirror would you transition, crossdress, conform? Everybody has an opinion but the only one that matters for you is your own.
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