I’m Sarah. Well I am here and to one other person I trust, but to the rest of the world I haven’t transitioned that far. To those few who know about my dressing, its just a clothing thing (and it is for the most part) and for my significant other she’s not sure.
So back ground. I live in New Zealand (Canterbury) and am in my 40s. Been cross dressing for ever it seems with large expanses of time between opportunities sometimes. I have memories of wanting to play dress ups with my sisters and being told I couldn’t, so I used to sneak into the clothing pile and do it secretly. When I got too big for my sisters stuff I “borrowed” Mums stuff for my hasty dressing sessions and for a while that was fine.
Then I joined the military and left home so no time for that side of me. It was about that time I guess I buried any and all attempts to dress, as too hard and “just a phase”. I met a great lady some years later and we moved in and soon married. For a while I carried on as I always had, but one day I noticed some laundry out and I tried on her clothes and underwear – hooked again. After 3 years of sneaking I finally opened up about this thing I did and she seemed fine with it. We shopped and bought some clothes and underwear for me. We even went to a specialist store that would dress you up (in private) so I could go fully made up and dressed.
What a day that was. I was so nervous and eventually when I was dressed up (albeit not in my style – I’m a touch conservative – too ‘hookerish’ was the title my wife gave it) i felt great. I looked great (almost anyway) and for the first time I realised this was what I wanted.
Later that day she told me that she didnt really like it as I looked too different and for her I had lost something of myself. She said if I wanted to keep doing it that she didnt really want to know about it. Dont ask dont tell sort of thing. For a long time (22 years) that was fine and during that time I regularly purged because I didnt want to do this any more (who hasnt?), but eventually I just bought new stuff.
Recently we seperated (wife had an affair – not dressing related, just a life choice she made) and for a period of time I was a broken man. My life sucked and I really didnt want to be me. So I started to dress again. This time I jumped right in. I was home alone so had no one to answer too and boy did I go nuts. I shaved my legs (for cycling of course…) and took more care of my skin and appearance. I shopped in second hand stores and online (I now have a large selection of clothes I love and its growing – yay for me!!). I put all my stuff in the wardrobe on hangers and for 3 months I lived the life I had craved. I did go a little crazy and bought a few things I now look at and shake my head, but mostly Im now sane – LOL.
I used makeup and a wig to embrace “Sarah” during this time and she became a very important coping mechanism for me. I found my time as Sarah gave me clarity in my otherwise broken life and started to piece things back together. Sure I swung what I would say was too far towards Sarah but now Im more back in the middle. For a while I actually enjoyed the time I was separated and even thought about my future double life (me at work and to the world and Sarah at home).
Then I made the decision to ask my wife back, which she did after a few weeks of discussions. Im glad she is back and we are working things out slowly.
Of course that meant I had some explaining to do. I was straight up with her when I talked to her and told her most of what had happened and although I left out some details as I could see she was struggling. I have when the time is right been talking about these omissions and we are nearly there.
So here I sit, in a navy blue skirt, a yellow top, tan peep toe heels with purple toes, introducing myself to the world.
Never take yourself too seriously.
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