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    • #153119

      So I was in a store the other night and had to go to the bathroom.  It was only my third time to be out other than walks.  I felt like I was passing pretty well and had not had any odd looks so decided to use the ladies room. There were not many people there and I scoped it out and found it to be empty. So I took care of business, of course sitting down in case someone came in.  Everything went fine and i proceeded to shop.

      I told a gg friend of mine that is very supportive and she said she would beat the crap out of me if she suspected I was a man in the ladies room especially if she had her young daughter with her.

      Did I do the wrong thing?

      Note: There was not a unisex available.

      Would love to hear others thoughts!

    • #153122

      Addendum to Casey’s post….I do NOT think you did the wrong thing.  You checked the bathroom and found it to be empty.  My past experiences have been with Unisex bathrooms but if in a similar situation as Casey (and there were children in there), I would leave the bathroom and return when the children have exited so as to avoid any potential confrontation with an adult(s).   I know some people will say “you have a right” but my philosophy is to avoid confrontation when possible.  Things only get messier when a situation escalates.   After all, isn’t it about blending in?   And yes, ladies, when using the womens bathroom, ALWAYS SIT DOWN.

    • #153147
      Anonymous

      I’m basically in agreement with T.J. And Anne. If you are presenting as a woman, use the ladies room.

      However, depending on the circumstances I may decide to hold on until back home.

      Yes, being “passable” would make a difference. But even those who may consider themselves to be “totally passable” are read at times. And there are places where it would be more acceptable than others. So, like Anne said, I would also avoid confrontation as much as possible. Heck, more than once there have been cases of cis-females confronted by other women who thought they were transgendered! Confrontation can end badly for us, in particular if you have to call some friend or relative who doesn’t know about your gender issues so they can bail you out… we have rights, but we have a lot to lose too, in many cases.

      Gaby 💜

    • #153162

      I think you did what you had to do but some locales have misdemeanor laws concerning concealing ones identity so you have to check. Crossdressing is considered concealing ones  identity.

      • #153240
        Anonymous

        In Virginia it is a class 6 felony to “conceal his identity, wear any mask, hood or other device whereby a substantial portion of the face is hidden or covered so as to conceal the identity of the wearer, to be or appear in any public place”

        • #689120

          There must have been a lot of felonies in VA during the Covid pandemic. Best, Marlene.

      • #173336

        l think this is  hard sup ject  l meen what do you wait till you get home, do you make sure you have been before you go out, l feel maybe there should be a very good guideline for us all to know ,and there should be more shared toilet.

    • #153172

      Sister,you did not  a wrong thing.Woman goes to ladies room,i would do so

       

      Kaarina

    • #153179
      Marianne
      Ambassador

      When out en femme I always choose the women’s unless unisex bathrooms are available.

    • #153197
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness

      I dont get to go out much as Caty and yes I’d always use the ladies. The best way to train yourself to “do the right sitting thing” whilst in there, is to do so ALL the time.

      I’ve done that now and its just second nature….And of course I put the cover back on the seat too!!!! Could never understand why females think this is so important!!.

      Also when in drab, a/.  I try to remember to practice getting in and out of my car as if I’m a skirt or dress. Posterior on seat first, then demurely??!!! swing my legs into the car and b/. even tho I’m wearing man shoes, I try to practice the female walk in heels. Small steps one foot slightly in front of the other!!

       

       

    • #153212

      I think you would get beat up if you used the men’s room. Yes I always use the women’s restroom if I am dressed up. I do my thing, wash my hands, check my makeup and move on. I don’t lolly gag around in there. In Colorado and many other states, you are allowed to use the bathroom you associate yourself with.

      Your friend, no offense, is the type of person that drives me nuts. We are not perverts, we are not checking out kids in the bathroom or trying to do wrong things to anyone. To me it is such a ill sided manor to think of cross-dressers, trans, etc as this type of person

    • #153217

      When in male attire……mens. When en femme……womans.

      Dame Veronica

    • #153228

      I try to avoid the ladies room if at all possible but sometimes it isn’t. I have never been confronted by another lady, but I never look at them, do my thing, and leave. Once I was in VA and a male cleaning person came in never announcing he was there. Another lady in the room alerted others he was there by starting a conversation so the everyone would know a male was there by hearing his voice. Clever.

      A gg friend once had a conversation with me about a ladies room and how she thought it was terrible to have men going into there restroom. I told her they needed to have unisex restrooms and that stopped the conversation.

    • #173377
      C

      Man mode, male. Femme mode, female.

      I am conscious men make a different sound peeing than women so maybe flush to cover the sound in the ladies room.

    • #199530
      Anonymous

      No way would I visit the men’s in a dress!

      Love Laura

      • #246403
        Anonymous

        Laura, neither would I; that would be asking for trouble. Fortunately, single-use, or “family” bathrooms are becoming common in public places.

    • #199560
      K Swim
      Lady

      I don’t dress in front of an audience, so I must use the men’s bathroom. But when I am alone at the lake, however, I don’t have to make that choice when NEITHER exists.

    • #199800

      Like others, I use the Ladies if I’m en femme, and the Men’s if not. I have almost certainly been read whilst en femme. But I have never had an issue. And I regularly use large, busy facilities in shopping centres and railway stations. Even stop to tidy up my hair and makeup sometimes as well.

      If I’m at a cosplay event, where I can afford to be flexible about what gender I’m presenting, in which case I will exploit the situation and use whichever loo has the shortest queue 🙂

      (An aside: One railway station in the centre of Sydney has loos that consist of a series of single cubicle opening into the concourse. Those of one side of the concourse are Ladies. Those of the other are Men’s. One day I was visiting Sydney with my wife. I was in male mode. I went to the loo there; none of the other Men’s cubicles were in use. I came out to find my wife still queuing for one of the Ladies’ cubicles. So I waved her over, and she used one of the number of available Men’s facilities. As we can all attest by our being here today, the world didn’t end!)

    • #339741

      Whenever en femme I use the ladies bathroom and not had any problems. I just go in with confidence like its no big thing. I will arrange my makeup at the mirror if no one else is standing there

    • #403982
      Rayna Carlian
      Duchess

      I was lucky that my wife went with me(2 girls going to the bathroom, cliche’). But we went to the ladies, got in, did what was needed, washed hands and left. No fuss, nothing.

      I honestly kept my gaze down since I was standing about 6’3″ in my heels. I just wanted to draw as little attention as possible.

      Hugs…

    • #688691

      I always use the womens room when dressed. I actually prefer it. It is cleaner and seems more private with the individual stalls. And it does not stink.Never had any issues.

      • #746498

        On the few occasions I have used the lady’s bathroom I agree they are generally cleaner and better maintained. Best, Marlene.

    • #688697
      Angela Booth
      Hostess

      Your friends attitude is a bit of a mix, accepting then coming out with the stereotypical attitude inferring that all crossdressers are perverts and even you, her supportive friend! It’s a funny old world we live in.

      Myself I use the ladies all the time now. At first I had apprehensions until I just had to go and soon it became normal. My GG friends have no issues and I haven’t either. It’s just doin’ what comes naturally.

    • #688702
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador

      As a rule I use the women’s room.  This is primarily for safety reasons.  The men’s room is asking for trouble and simply not worth the risk.  I’ve never had a problem using the women’s.  But I’d take verbal abuse or even a physical attack from an irate woman any day versus a potential trip to the morgue from using the men’s.

      Regarding your friend…. I’d re-evaluate that.  If she’s willing to use violence against someone for being trans, why would you want to be friends with her?

      • #688729
        Anonymous

        [quote quote=688702]Regarding your friend…. I’d re-evaluate that.  If she’s willing to use violence against someone for being trans, why would you want to be friends with her?[/quote]

        this.

    • #688727
      Anonymous

      I didn’t vote because I’m not out in public yet so it hasn’t come up though I often look at the women’s room longingly on my way to the mens room. But your friends response illustrates the problem. If you’re transgender, I don’t know if you are or not, then you’re a woman. You were just born with some unfortunate body parts but your brain knows the truth. This can be hard for some people to understand and it’s why transgender people face so much violence as your friend offered to provide. And the mention of the young daughter as a further reason for violence shows that she thinks transgender people are pedophiles or rapists. We’re never going to get anywhere with people thinking like that.

      If I’m out dressed as a woman there is no way I’m using the mens room but the thought of violence in either place might make me run home if I’m feeling unsafe.

      — Abbie 🥰

    • #688736

      I transitioned where I work, and am now legally a female, I live as a woman 24/7, so, yes, I use the lady’s room. I personally know people who take great exception to this as they were victims of sexual assaults, and have a great fear of men, particularly in private places, like a restroom. They aren’t happy that I use the lady’s room and I asked them what I was supposed to do. They say all buildings must have gender neutral or family restrooms and all trans people must use the one that matches their biological origin. I didn’t tell them this, but I will tell you. As I see myself as a lady, and always have, I will be using the LADY’S ROOM!!

      Hugs,

      Ms. Lauren M.

      • #736488
        Harriette
        Lady

        ”They say all buildings must have gender neutral or family restrooms”

        But they don’t, plus where I have seen family / gender neutral washrooms, they usually are quite busy.

    • #688744
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual

      Casey,

      No you did not do the wrong thing. Going in to the men’s room while dressed is asking for a trip to the hospital. I use the ladies room all the time and have never had a problem. These are good rules to follow:

      1. Walk in like you belong there. Don’t exhibit any nervousness.
      2. Do not talk to anyone.
      3. Keep your feet pointed in the right direction.
      4. Get in and out as fast as you can. You can always fix up your hair & lipstick somewhere else.

    • #688867

      Hello Casey

      Like most of the other girls on here I use the ladies’ room when out dressed, have gone to the men’s room on an occasion, but in & out quite quick. I mainly wait & see if the ladies are busy, if not, I go in. Not had any problem so far.

      love       Helenmarie

    • #689060

      My wife used and I had to use the bathroom at a restaurant. I wasn’t dressed so I went to the men’s she went to the woman’s. She is sitting in her stall and hears a unmistakable guy talking on his phone. It freaked her out. She finished up as quick as she could. He finished the same time. He was wearing leggings that showed an unmistakable bulge of his private parts. Was not passable at all. I know we all have different degrees of how to dress but I feel he made a bad choice that day. My wife lets me dress and I’m fairly passable but she felt this guy was nothing but a pervert. People like that make it bad for everyone.

    • #689070

      I have been using the ladies room for years and will continue to do so. Just like other women, I go in and do what I need to do, and leave. I always make sure I am seated properly and they always have those disposal canisters in the event I need to change my pad.

    • #745880
      Nicky
      Lady

      I had been out driving and needed to use the bathroom. I was fully dressed and was coming up on a rest area. I was on my phone looking at Facebook. When I came in i was wearing a short sundress and walked in the mens room. Nobody was in there I went into a stall. As I was finishing up I heard someone come in the restroom. As I existed the stall a guy was standing there brushing his teeth. He stopped and looked at me like he saw a ghost. I strutted my ass out the restroom like nothing happened and he was still standing there. I went to the vending machine and got some snacks. Then continued my way home.

    • #745911
      Harriette
      Lady

      So far, the only time that this issue has cropped up is when I switched my soft shoes to 👠. I did it in a stall because I had to fiddle with boxes and bags.

      Let’s say that some 👠 can make obvious noise in a men’s washroom and can draw attention. 😁

      Now, if I was dressed en femme, then I would first want to use the lady’s washroom. From what others have said on CDH about this, before, you will have less issues or risk there. Just don’t doddle about and leave quickly.

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