- This topic has 49 replies, 34 voices, and was last updated 2 months ago by
.
- Topic
Hello,
Just wondering which Toilet / restroom do you go into when you are feminine.
I only been dressed in the car, Not sure if I will every be brave enough to go outside yet. But have no idea about if I did then I need the toilet what to do. Might just head for the toilet designed for people with a disability as they are gender neutral.
I do not even know if it would be an offence if a male when into a ladies toilet in the UK
Anyone any ideas – experiences ? What’s it like in different countries.
___________________________________________________________________
Ambassador note: This is a really old topic and the author hasn’t been active since 2019. But it still has value as shown by several recent comments. The question of restroom use comes up often on CDH. It’s an important consideration for any girl that goes out in public.
Emily Alt
13 users thanked author for this post.
- Replies
Registered On: April 7, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 687Has thanked: 2974 timesBeen thanked: 3175 timesI think that I have responded in the past. I think you should use whatever one you feel more comfortable using. I myself would never think of using the mens while dressed.
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: October 19, 2022Topics: 16Replies: 918Has thanked: 1758 timesBeen thanked: 2895 times
Reminds me of a Robert Frost poem, “The head less chosen” 😉
Ask about family or unisex restrooms if gender neutral doesn’t ring a bell when you’re checking up on a facility. I use the family changing rooms at the aquatic center if they’re open. If not I use the men’s locker room and let the chips fall where they may about my woman’s suit. No one has said a peep to me. Other than swimming, because of my deal with my wife it’s not a big consideration for me but my regular watering holes all have family/unisex restrooms.
2 users thanked author for this post.
I usually dress everyday and if I am out I use the women’s washroom.
If I am in a mall I will look for a gender neutral washroom for added comfort.
If you have second thoughts about going into a women’s washroom my advise is go in like you belong and you will be fine.
Alanna
1 user thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: December 25, 2022Topics: 4Replies: 341Has thanked: 409 timesBeen thanked: 1092 times
In Canada anywhere I use either the woman’s or gender neutral washrooms if available when en femme. Never an issue ever.we until this year spent winters in Florida but with the travel advisories now issued by two major organizations along with an unstable political climate, we will now take our retirement monies elsewhere. Up until now I did use the woman’s washrooms in Florida without issue but I would not do it now sadly. I have a rule when going out en femme, skip the morning coffee and tea or any fluids. It makes it much easier on the bladder.
4 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 50Replies: 1749Has thanked: 2199 timesBeen thanked: 9233 times
This is my perspective as someone who’s been going out for years. As a practical matter, restroom use is more than a personal need and perhaps a decision about doing the “right” thing. It’s also a safety consideration.
The way I see things, if you’re presenting as a female, you should never visit the men’s room. You’re asking for trouble if you do. Here’s what might happen. If you encounter a homophobic/transphobic guy, you could end up in the hospital, or worse. If you encounter a guy that thinks you’re cute or looking for a “date”, you could get hit on or sexually assaulted. And if you pass and the guy discovers you’re not what he was expecting, things could go very badly. Obviously no girl wants to face any of those possibilities. Maybe your visit will be uneventful. But do you really want to risk it?
The only time I would ever enter a men’s room is if it has been “taken over” by women, with women standing guard at the entry, which occasionally happens at very busy venues.
Conversely, if you visit the women’s room, you’re likely to be left alone. Most women don’t care if you’re in there – if you act ladylike. Go in like you belong there. Sit down! Do your business. Maybe check your makeup. And get out. Don’t make idle chit-chat. If you do encounter a hostile woman, it’s very unlikely to become physical. Maybe some yelling and insults. Just get out. If anyone follows you, head straight for the nearest security staff or group of friends. Again, you’re way safer in the women’s room.
If you’re in a jurisdiction that legally mandates you must use the restroom of your assigned sex at birth, it’s a judgment call. Obviously the men’s room is still off limits if you’re presenting female. Know the place you’re going to and plan accordingly. Some venues will still be safe for CD’s and trans women. A LGBTQ friendly bar for example. A large arena maybe not. Use common sense.
If there’s ever any doubt what restroom you should use, find a gender neutral/family restroom.
Remember, you’re responsible for your own safety if you go out. Know the areas you plan to visit. Avoid places where you’re likely to be a target. Dress appropriately to avoid unwanted attention. Go out with another girl or better yet in a group. You’re much more likely to be a victim if you are out alone. You probably can’t run away if you’re in heels. Carry a pair of flats in your purse for the walk to your car/transit.
/EA
7 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 14Replies: 800Has thanked: 2817 timesBeen thanked: 1881 times
All good advice, Emily, but…
“If there’s ever any doubt what restroom you should use, find a gender neutral/family restroom.”
I don’t know where you live, but this is not the norm here, yet. That’s why I called now, to get the ball rolling, if it isn’t on the menu.
4 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 50Replies: 1749Has thanked: 2199 timesBeen thanked: 9233 times
I’m not going to dispute that Harriette. You live there and would know better than me. But I will say that I’m very surprised. This is Toronto you’re talking about. If anything, I would expect a large Canadian metro area to do better than many parts of the US. I live in San Diego and family restrooms can be found in many establishments.
It’s my understanding that Canada’s gender identity rights Bill C-16 provides broad protection for trans and gender non-conforming people, one of them being restroom use. I would take that to mean it’s okay for a CD/transwoman to use the women’s room.
/EA
5 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 14Replies: 800Has thanked: 2817 timesBeen thanked: 1881 times
I will have to look into that, Emily. This is new to me, so I am not up to speed on many things.
Having a gender neutral washroom would only work in big enough buildings, such as malls. Maybe smaller businesses have policies, instead. There is a family washroom in a big mall near me, but that is about it, and it can be busy.
2 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: December 9, 2019Topics: 0Replies: 454Has thanked: 6518 timesBeen thanked: 1249 times
This discussion always amuses me somewhat. When you go on a plane or a bus or a train there is just one bathroom for all to use. Why it is different in a mall. etc., I do not understand. No doubt the ladies will straighten me out; no pun intended, initially.
Best, Marlene.
- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 14Replies: 800Has thanked: 2817 timesBeen thanked: 1881 times
Planes and trains have space limitations, so everything has to be compact and universally available to anyone. Buildings are a different matter. So are laws and bylaws.
In Canada, we have a Human Rights Act/2016.
https://www.parl.ca/DocumentViewer/en/42-1/bill/c-16/royal-assent
- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 14Replies: 800Has thanked: 2817 timesBeen thanked: 1881 times
In Toronto, we are going to have a Vegas-style large casino open, in a month or so.
Today, I phoned and said, “it is Pride Month and I was wondering if there are going to be any gender neutral washrooms available”. The person didn’t know and asked off-line. She said call back next week, which I will.
Heading them off at the pass before they finalize the building, before it opens.
2 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 14Replies: 800Has thanked: 2817 timesBeen thanked: 1881 times
I finally got a call back from the Woodbine casino and got an answer about gender-neutral washrooms.
Apparently, there is one in the new wing beside the Copperhorn restaurant. I will have to check it out, some day when I feel lucky.
- Topics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Hi Tina
Am in the UK and so far have only needed to use a public restroom as Rachel when travelling. If using a Motorway Service Area I use the Ladies Restroom and also on a recent journey had to stand in a queue inside the Ladies Restroom waiting or a cubicle to become available without any glaring or comment.
Rachel2 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: February 14, 2023Topics: 11Replies: 76Has thanked: 5 timesBeen thanked: 382 times
I only use the Ladies room when out dressed as Clara. I have only encountered someone face to face twice and nothing was said or happened. I do like it though when another lady comes in and uses the stall next to me, makes me feel like one of the girls.
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: February 27, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 283Has thanked: 276 timesBeen thanked: 2205 times
Oh, for goodness sakes! Dressed as a woman, where else would you go? Find a stall and sit down to do your business. Wash hands, check make up, and be sure you didn’t tuck your skirt into your pantyhose. Be sure to smile with confidence.
Regulations only matter if you’re not passing very well. Most other patrons don’t care.
Eileen
7 users thanked author for this post.
I always used the men’s room just because it wasn’t expected and since I had the plumbing to not have to sit down I stood at a urinal to go. It was quicker and easier and I never cared about passing.
4 users thanked author for this post.
- Topics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
If I’m in adult establishment dressed, I absolutely use the ladies room. Pains me to say here, in the great USA, men are not very tolerate. It could be dangerous, if in a men’s room dressed.
If in a family style, ie Target, as already stated, if little ones are in there I’ll leave and wait or find another location.
Also, and maybe idealistic, I whole heartily believe women, would judge my appearance, what I’m wearing. Wearing white after September. They are more welcoming. They suffer their own struggle. We’re seen as an ally to their cause.4 users thanked author for this post.
Hello Tina, Lucky I have had not had to use the toilet/restroom when I have been out fully dressed. But the other day I was visting a historic house/gardens & there was very few people about (only saw 8 people all day) so just before I left to go home I though better use the toilet. As there was not any one around I went into the ladies toilet, very nice place it was too. But I think if there was more people about I would have gone into the mens, as I think it would be the right thing to do (as after all I am a man underneath these clothes), but that is just my opinion.
love Helenmarie1 user thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: December 9, 2016Topics: 37Replies: 549Has thanked: 753 timesBeen thanked: 1735 times
Keep one of these in the car, saves a lot of stress.
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: March 16, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 551Has thanked: 2848 timesBeen thanked: 2195 times
Hey Michaela, That’s perfect and the same reason that I keep a zip-lock bag in the glovebox or an empty soda bottle in the back seat. I learned my lesson when the freeway closed due to an accident and I was in the middle of the non-moving pack while they cleaned things up. Thanks, Marg
1 user thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: March 16, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 551Has thanked: 2848 timesBeen thanked: 2195 times
Thank you Emily, I think that this is the all-time best classic piece of advice. I’m actually copying and saving it since it’s a question that does get asked a lot and you explained it so perfectly. Marg
- Registered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 84Replies: 1362Has thanked: 3143 timesBeen thanked: 6390 times
It is simple,m when presenting as female use the ladies room. Go in do your business, wash your hands and get out. I try not to use the restroom when it is very busy, but not always possible.
. Cassie
4 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: November 23, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 790Has thanked: 657 timesBeen thanked: 3485 times
I always choose “family bathrooms” when they are available but if not then I use the ladies room. Just be confident, don’t talk to anyone, go in, sit, wash up & leave. Don’t hang around to touch up your make-up, that can invite closer scrutiny or conversation. Check make-up in your car or a store mirror. And always be aware of your surroundings. If you’re in a grungy part of town, hold it until you find somewhere safer.
4 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 11Replies: 1770Has thanked: 6170 timesBeen thanked: 8098 times
I have used the ladies restrooms ever since I started to go out dressed and have never had an issue. It certainly gives an insight to a womans world. I have been in with girl friends and they sit and chatter while sitting in the stalls while there is a lot discussed outside. I understand why some have inhibitions but if you feel comfortable in yourself then go for it.
In the U.K. there is no actual law that stops trans or crossdressers using a restroom. It has always been a given that men use the mens and women use the ladies. There are laws about offending public decency and public order offences should there be an issue and not read anything to say that there has been anything that involves the crossdressing/trans community. Recently, through the furore about self identifying males, there was advisory legislation that could debar trans using the restrooms. It was only advisory not a criminal offence and unclear how it might be enforced and I have seen nothing nor experienced anything that has made any changes. I certainly haven’t.
A lot of stores now have what are called single sex toilets – they used to be called toilets, as it is less wasted retail space. Service stations and smaller outlets have had these for years and I feel that we should not be using disabled, as sometimes advised, as if you aren’t why should you have to? Again I do understand it would be a reason if you are unsure of yourself or directed by a member of staff as not cause any issues.
1 user thanked author for this post.
- Topics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
I use the women’s toilet when dressed. I have never had an issue, I go in do my business, wash my hands and leave. I did have one teen girl tell me she liked my dress once while she and I were washing our hands. I said thank you and she smiled and that was it. I don’t go in to carry on conversations, talk a long time or try to interact with others. I don’t do that when in guy mode either. I think if I were dressed as Sandy there would be more of an issue using the male toilet and could see a greater chance of something bad happening.
6 users thanked author for this post.
- Topics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Yes this has been a big question and fear of mine . Thank you all for your advice. The last time I was traveling I wore skinny jeans , hose , sports bra and T-shirt. When I was in the car I would have my wig and breast forms in and no makeup with sunglasses. But when I had to stop for gas or to relieve myself I would remove my breast and wig and put my tennis shoes on . And I would go to the mens restroom. I was nervous someone would call me out. But they never did I even had to stand in line and wait one time . As the day went I got to be not as nervous. By the time I got to my destination. I had went into a Burger King and sat down and eat . And went to a CVS drugstore needing female supplies I even bought a drink at one of the convenience store. But I am still nervous about being full on female and trying to go into a womens restroom
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: December 13, 2018Topics: 2Replies: 388Has thanked: 702 timesBeen thanked: 854 times
When presenting femme, do use the ladies room, however….if I were entering the ladies room at (oh let’s say Target) and a woman was in there with two young ones, I would be inclined to leave and return when they are gone as long as I don’t bring attention to myself….otherwise I would just make a beeline for the stall. And ladies sit, men stand….so do sit when using the ladies room. It’s really all about avoiding confrontation. We may like people noticing us (in the right way) at a bar but we certainly don’t want attention brought upon ourselves in the ladies room.
5 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: August 12, 2016Topics: 40Replies: 172Has thanked: 393 timesBeen thanked: 410 times
This is something that I am afraid of too. I do believe though that if you just look confident and go in and get it done wash your hands and leave you will have relatively little to worry about. I’ve wondered about going out with some girlfriends and bringing one or two with for the first couple of times. That way a person will have some confidence building.
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: January 10, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 66Has thanked: 187 timesBeen thanked: 208 times
When I went out en femme for the third time. First to a movie, after which I really needed the ladies room. No way I was going to make it home, so I followed what I’d read on this site and walked right in. A woman entered just in front of me, held the door and gave me a lovely smile. There was nobody else inside. However, while I was in the cubicle it was like rush hour and sounded like about 20 people came in at once. At that point I confess I lost my nerve and stayed put until it sounded like they’d gone.
I never considered the legalities. I had to go! I just didn’t think going into the gents dressed as a woman was a good idea.3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: October 22, 2018Topics: 56Replies: 1664Has thanked: 9704 timesBeen thanked: 4821 times
I agree, when presenting female use the ladies room, the more casual you appear the less attention you will get. If you’re not comfortable with that, alot of major stores and malls in North America have a designated ‘family’ restroom which is neutral and for all, this allows dad to take his young daughter or mom to take her son. Makes sense to me.
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: January 3, 2018Topics: 25Replies: 354Has thanked: 482 timesBeen thanked: 1400 times
This has been the subject of much debate here in the U.S. and I would urge everyone here to get familiar with their local laws and with local business practices. There are bound to be trans friendly and not so friendly businesses in your area. For example, Target stores promotes its gender neutral bathrooms, while fast food chain Chik-fil-a promotes its owners conservative Christian values. Knowing that, I would obviously stop at a Target if I needed to go to the bathroom, instead of a Chik-fil-a.
I don’t go out dressed, but if I did, I would be doing reconnaissance first to find safe spots near where I’m going.
Hugs,
Elise
5 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: January 23, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 183Has thanked: 73 timesBeen thanked: 769 times
I would agree, can you even imagine going into a men’s room in a skirt? Be aware though that women in there will hear you are different (yes, really) and not be comfortable. Go in, do it, adjust your make-up and leave.
3 users thanked author for this post.
Yes, I can imagine going into the men’s room while wearing a skirt. In fact, I do it regularly. Regardless of what I am wearing, I am a man and present as a man. (I do not wear a wig, have short natural hair, rarely wear makeup, and often have my goatee.) That being said, I use the men’s restroom when I’m out in public.
When I’m presenting as female, I do use the women’s restroom. My choice of restroom is based on how I am presenting, not the clothes that I am wearing.
MacKenzie Alexandra
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Topics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
In Australia, law enforcement authorities (Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officers – GLLOs) have advised that we should use the public facilities that match our gender presentation.
Their advice was that, should there be a problem, either state that such was the advice of the police or ask that the police be called.
The important thing is to be safe.
2 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: September 1, 2015Topics: 6Replies: 1475Has thanked: 94 timesBeen thanked: 2199 times
well her Niagara falls N.Y. area if you are dressed as a female i would use the female bath room if i had to go bad, this way i would not break no law for i am a female, and would not break any law that i know of and get attention
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: September 18, 2015Topics: 1409Replies: 3907Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 7067 times
When dressed as a woman, I use the ladies room.
I am a very passable transgender woman. Even went to the makeup counter and no body said a thing.
When out as a lady, I use the ladies room, sit and then come out and fix my makeup.
4 users thanked author for this post.
At this stage I am only brave enough to be a rather bland female in a car, so the idea of going outside then going into a shop, cafe etc , then walking across to the ladies toilet. Finally going in the ladies is just too terrifying at this time.
4 users thanked author for this post.
I really agree, if you are out en femme, there is no big deal. You just do what any girl or lady would do and go to the ladies restroom. No fuss made and you will attract no attention ….. I just have to remember when I am not en femme to chose the right door !!
2 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: April 11, 2017Topics: 38Replies: 1161Has thanked: 5233 timesBeen thanked: 5328 times
Not sure on the exact rule of the law, but if presenting as female I agree with Patty that the ladies is the correct choice. I had to go in a shopping centre once, tried to look casual, no eye contact, in and out, phew, a relief in more ways than one ! Did not even consider the possibility I may be breaking the law.
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: October 29, 2017Topics: 8Replies: 153Has thanked: 268 timesBeen thanked: 185 times
<p style=”text-align: left;”>In Canada if you present as a woman you are allowed to use the woman’s. Though in drab form I’ve used the woman’s declaring I’m a woman; first time I’ve ever seen a line up for the men’s room but they were single use bathrooms. Lol.</p>
1 user thanked author for this post.
If you are presenting as female, just go into a ladies room, go into a stall do your thing and leave. Don’t make a big deal about it.
6 users thanked author for this post.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Comments