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    • #9509
      Maxine Doos
      Baroness

      Hi all you lovely ladies,
      I’ve been reading quite a few interesting posts recently, many of which mentioned their spouse.
      It got me wondering how many of us have supportive SOs? and to what extent are they supportive?
      What do you share? What are your experiences?
      I’m sure we’d all love to hear…

    • #9510
      Maxine Doos
      Baroness

      As I started this topic, it’s only fair I get the ball rolling.
      My partner is very supportive. In fact she introduced me to crossdressing not long after we started our relationship some 4-5 years ago. It was wonderful and we both got very excited trying to make Maxine as presentable as possible. We often go shopping for clothes, makeup etc. She really appreciates my advice when shopping for herself or even just with what to wear when we are going out. We really do have a great time together.
      However, somewhere along the journey, as my enthusiasm increased, hers has waned. Nothing definite, she still talks the talk but when it comes to walking, nowadays its a bit of a different story.
      I’m not exactly sure what happened or when, but I think I took her support for granted and wanted to go too far too quickly for her liking.
      So I suppose I’m just giving a bit of a warning to anyone who has a supportive spouse, not to take that support for granted and realize that whilst they may be supportive, there are nevertheless issues for them to go through.
      I’m hopeful and confident that we will get back to equal enthusiasm in the near future.
      It really is wonderful sharing the experience and absolutely the best when that person is your soulmate.
      Hugs to all,
      Maxine.

      • #167279
        Anonymous

        very-very good point made here……………..agreements need to be made and adhere to them………

         

        Mikki

    • #9717
      Anonymous

      Maxine I’ve heard similar stories to yours. It seems to hinge around the fact that the partner (spouse/wife/girlfriend) introduced the crossdressing and felt in control of the situation. It was thus to their liking. Where the problems seems to arrise is when the CDing takes on alife of its own and the partner essentially loses control of the situation.

      Instead of having a hubby/boyfriend they can dress up and have fun with they suddenly find they are competing with another woman.

      You are right, we should never take their support for granted. We sometimes forget that we are not the only people who might struggle with the reality of our situation.

      • #167101

        this is a very intriguing Perspective. I will have to bring this upto my SO and see if it resonates with her!

    • #9828
      Anonymous

      I do and has been great.Since going fulltime 5 years ago,we love to go shopping more and get our nails done together.

    • #9938
      Anonymous

      I agree that your SO now has another lady in the house, and MIGHT be looked at as competition for the time you would otherwise give to SO. I found that, when I was in Linda mode, I would not offer to do the dishes, I just went and did them. Run the vacuum etc. All those domestic chores have to be done by someone, so now there is help. On special days like a birthday, get a special present from the lady side of you. Tell her just how lucky she makes you feel. These things worked for me. I am just putting them out as ideas. However, I had a long and loving marriage of almost 40 years and Linda was always there. Sad to say that she passed away. I am now a widow(er).

    • #11044
      Anonymous

      I have to agree with the earlier posts.  For me, it is a day to day.  We have had some interesting discussions about out relationship.  It has changed us completely and we are both are still trying to figure things out. She is supportive in having me find out who I am, but the relationship has changed from loving husband and wife to loving best friend.  That is hard for me.  She is still greatly hurt by my other self for I had not been truthful with her for 20 years. We have had a great life and beautiful kids.  All are still in the house.  We still continue to co parent and still do things as a family.  We love each other, but we miss the deep connection.  She did not marry my other self, but the fun loving guy who she could cuddle up.  We are slowly working on how this all works out.  Time is the essence and if is hard.  Ha, we both hate change, but I couldn’t continue the lie.  Which is exactly what I did to her for the 20 years.  Wish I could go back, but back then it was the denial and hoping to over come my other self.  Not that any of us have ever had to do that.  Lol.

    • #11881

      well my wife knows i cross dress, but will not see or help me with make up or let me sit in same room with her and talk about how i feel or feel as a women. i am more relaxed and feminine talking. i can see what real females go threw to look pretty, its hard. i would like to share my fem side with my wife as i am all dolled up pretty and have her now its hard to be a female, but i do enjoy my fem side as much as i can. just wish my wife would except my fem side and let me site in same room and chat like 2 women, help me with make up when i need it or give me advice, go shopping with me and we can buy each other .

    • #11882
      Anonymous

      Hi Everyone – My wife knows I cross dress and intellectually she is fine with it. Emotionally she still has a way to go though. She doesn’t mind me going fully en femme early in the mornings when she is sleeping or when she is out of town. She has seen me in women’s clothing a lot. She accepts that I wear leggings, women’s t-shirts, sweat shirts, slippers, pantyhose, nightshirts. I’ve even showed her a dress I bought for myself because it was so similar to one that she bought for herself. I think she only has problems when I wear my wig, high heels and makeup. Tonight she said when seeing my Halloween costume that she thought I had on too much eye liner. It was kind of half-joking so slowly she is becoming more accepting. She is more worried about what the neighbors think than I am. I wish she could be more supportive but I am not complaining because I know there are lots of ladies out there whose wives are totally opposed to the extent that their marriage ended in divorce. So with that in mind, I feel I’m doing okay. All the best and I hope you are having a terrific weekend!!!!! Krista.

      • #11994
        skippy1965 Cynthia
        Ambassador

        Great attitude Krista! enjoy the acceptance you have now and work toward more at a measured pace as she realizes the person she fell in love with is still there when you’re dressed-just in prettier wrapping paper!

      • #12792
        Anonymous

        does your wife ever think you would leave her for another crossdresser??or that you might be gay? and leave her for a man?

        • #13057
          Maxine Doos
          Baroness

          That issue has been raised and (I thought) addressed several times. It crops up again from time to time. I think that it is part of a general insecurity that occurs more often as I get closer to perfecting my style & makeup. I mean, she doesn’t want me to look stupid, but the more convincing I become, the more this issue comes to the fore.
          The whole crossdressing desire is as difficult an issue for SOs to come to terms with as it is for us.

    • #12793
      Anonymous

      very well said it made me tear up a bit, maybe cause i’m in that same spot. thanks i enjoyed hearing this

    • #57113

      Mine is very supportive. She loves it actually. She wears the same size dress as me so she loaded up on dresses and other clothes. She considers Kandy her best friend. She started out doing my makeup,but has taught me how to do my own.

      I do worry about enjoying it too much to the point of upsetting her. I never would act like I’m the prettier girl or anything like that. Reading your post is a friendly reminder to not get carried away,but I am enjoying it!

    • #61118
      Jessica
      Lady

      My fiancee is actually incredibly supportive. I’ve been dressing on and off privately for several years, but only ever entirely in private.

      One night a month or two back we got discussing fantasies (we are both rather into BDSM as well, so it was kind of a discussion of limits and things), and it just felt like the right time to tell her. I opened up that I had been known to try on panties, and dresses, and that I always felt like it was a part of who I am. I told her that I totally understood if she didn’t get it, or didn’t want to be involved.

      She laughed and literally went to her wardrobe, and threw me over a dress of hers which no longer fit. She sees that it makes me happy, and thats basically the end of it as far as she’s concerned. She’s since actually taken me out shopping, and – today actually – bought me a really cute dress, so I could have something to feel my own (I’d previously borrowed a lot of her stuff).

      It feels like its liberated me. Its a part of me thats been locked up inside for years, and just to be able to say it out loud and be so completely accepted and supported has meant the world to me. I wonder why I had ever worried.

      I would never have had the courage to come on a crossdressers forum for example a few months ago. Its opened my eyes to the fact this isn’t just a thing I hide away in my bedroom. This is me. Jessica is a part of me. She always has been and always will be.

    • #61622

      My wife knows and she has shared some blouses and skirts she no longer wants.  So I get some hand me downs.  As for seeing Sami, it has only happened once when I was fully dressed.  She has seen me in lingerie on vacations.

      She is ok with me under dressing every day, but I wonder how much she really accepts or wants to be involved.

      Big rule is never in front of our son.

      I guess I have it good, compared to others I know.  Always wanting more I guess.

    • #122962

      I still retain the belief that I have the most supportive SO. My fiancé has told me she is equally attracted to Skyler as she is to my male self. I think she still prefers my male side, she knows I’m more comfortable as Skyler though and supports me 100%. Hell, she bought me s pair of jeans and absolutely adorable shoes for my birthday. We’ve planned out a girls weekend in December as well. We shop for lingerie and shoes together almost every weekend

    • #122973
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness

      I’ve had one who hated it all with a passion and would not have a bar of anything to do with it. For the last almost 20 years I have had another  lovely SO “who knows but does not want to know”.

      So whilst I underdress in my own room at night almost every night, the rest of the time Caty must always be hidden

      I think the best example I cant give is when I attended a CD convention east of Sydney Oz 18 months ago, The whole time I was up there she did not answer one text or voice mail.

      So all you “lucky ducks” who have one who is supportive, “count your lucky clip on earrings”.

       

      Caty

       

       

       

    • #123333
      Michelle Liefde
      Ambassador

      My wife is very supportive. She is my partner in crime, we have gone shopping for clothes, makeup, wigs, etc. together in stores and online.  If she sees something that she thinks would be pretty or cute on me she lets me know, and I do the same for her.  Our tastes are different but we know the other likes.  We show or talk with each other about outfits we like that we see in stores, online, or on people.  She has even talked about making outfits for us so that clothes would fit better.  Even before I came out to her and started dressing this was something that we did together.  Now we look for 3 different wardrobes instead of 2.   And as I grow bolder with colors, prints etc., her guidance has helped tremendously.  I trust her opinion.   She asked me to always be honest and talk with her about this, we truly view each other as partners and want the other to be happy.

    • #124263
      eleanor holborn
      Managing Ambassador

      As an SO i will try to explain how it feels. It is like you are having an affair with another woman but the woman you love. It is difficult to cone to terms with. I do support my partner but also there can be a feeling of jealousy that the “other woman” had stolen the man you love away.

      • #126188
        Kayla
        Managing Ambassador

        Eleanor

        Thanks for sharing. I know other SOs have that same feeling.

        I hope you are doing well.

        Hugs

        Kayla

    • #124393
      Anonymous

      My SO is so supportive of me that I can’t hardly believe it.I am actually still coming to terms with it more the she is.She has no problems with it.Almost every time she goes out she finds something for me to wear.I have a fast growing wardrobe,actually had to buy a new dresser recently.So that being said.I can Girl out anytime I want.Just here at home so far with no problems.Funny,she asked me what I wanted for my private Chrismas and caught me off guard.So I think I am one of the very lucky ones.

    • #124428
      Anonymous

      I have a friend who is very supportive and encouraging. We pretty much grew up together and were joined at the hip so to speak until the school board re-drew the district lines when they built the new high school. He lived on the other side of the highway and had to go to the new school  while I went to the old one..sigh..Anyway, it was during Easter break of our freshman year I sort of let slip my female tendencies..the details are best left for another story someday. He always seems to come up with some adventure, a trip to the mall, or a movie, or out for a burgers or taco’s. Now he’s bugging me to go to a dance at his school. I’m running out of excuses.

      But he has been great and sticks with me.

    • #124798
      Lizzy Bee
      Lady

      You know… I’m really not sure… @belleverde has a profile here now and I’m pretty sure she’s going to be using it to spy on me >.>

       

      No honestly… the more people I talk to, the more proud I am of my woman. She has been nothing but supportive. Though I do really love her support, it’s the laughter we share I enjoy the most. We laugh when we go shopping together, we laugh at my  failed make-up attempts, we laugh at me feeling sexy, and we laugh at Lizzy being a spoiled little brat. So aside from it being sexy and liberating, it is actual, genuine fun. More than I could have ever hoped for.

    • #126124
      Anonymous

      Hi girls,

      I too consider myself fortunate. In reading some of the replies to this question I’m amazed that so many of us have SO others who do actually participate in our activities. I would be curious to see the replys to the flip side of this question, “Who does not have a supportive significant other”. I guess I fall into the middle here. My SO has been nothing but encouraging and accepting. She loves me and doesn’t want anything to change that. However, she would prefer not to participate although I see that barrier being broken down as each month goes by. I do think that if any SO intellectually accepts our gender fluid nature then the biggest hurdle has been crossed. I believe that my own SO truly accepts that I’m transgendered to some extent and has come to terms with it. I’m very happy with this arrangement which allows me to dress anytime the need arises, as long as she’s not home. Not perfect but pretty darn good.

      Bobbi

    • #140355

      Mine is one hundred percent totally supportive. She actually encourages me and buys me a variety of feminine things to surprise me. It’s been amazing. It’s like we’re equally boyfriends and girlfriends just as I’m equally masculine and feminine. I’ve had past relationships where this was not the case.

    • #140663
      Ronnie Me
      Lady

      Well , she does have some limits, but my wife is very supportive.  She helps me with everything.  For my birthday she got me a new dress, some cute pjs, and s l me stockings. For Christmas i got new lotions and nail polish. She lets me dress whenever I wish and is helping me update my wardrobe. She loves me no matter what and I am incredibly lucky to have her support. I have been in relationships with other girls and with boys whom I would dress up with or for but she is the first to ever be living and supportive. She’s defiantly one of the best things to ever happen for me.

    • #140959

      Wow. So nice to read about the many supportive women out there. I wasn’t so lucky. When my wife found out she flipped. I would have loved to have had a supportive partner to help me with makeup and to go shopping with. Women always complain men don’t want to go shopping with them, but once she knew I was looking at the dresses, shoes and lingerie for myself, it wasn’t too much fun for her anymore. Honestly, I just think she was jealous of Elise. I looked hotter than her in black lace and she couldn’t handle it!! Lol.

      • #156357

        I know YOU can’t help it Elise, but dressing up seems to be ok as long as you don’t end up looking way hotter than them. You keep crossing that line!

    • #141476

      I feel there is a left-right spectrum as far as supportive/accepting wives and SO’s go. With the right side being complete acceptance and support. We would all love to be at the far right of the dial, but I think most of us gurls fall somewhere in between. My first wife was so far to the left she didn’t even register, that made for many years of frustration and angst on both sides , I’m sure many here can relate. My SO now falls somewhere below halfway . She accepts most of what I enjoy but has her limits. It was her idea I wear panties everyday, encourages me to wear nightgowns to bed. She Pretty much goes along with any lingerie I would choose to wear. She does have her limits on clothing. Jeans, sweaters , tops and leggings are fine. She is just ok with skirts, dresses and heels. At this time she wants no part of makeup and wigs. What’s she has expressed to me is that she enjoys her man dressed is women’s clothing . She doesn’t want her man trying to be a women. Considering what I had in my previous marriage , I’m a happy gurl!

      best

      Nat

    • #141484
      Anonymous

      I have a wife who fluctuates between not wanting me to dress, not acknowledging me when I’m dressed, and occasionally supportive and participative.   Honestly, i think that if my CD’ing went away she would be totally ok with that.  Given that, I do the best I can and often feel like sliding back into the closet.  I feel really vulnerable and exposed when I’m dressed not knowing which mode she’s going to be in.   This is definitely one of the negatives about being a CD’er.   Z

    • #141690
      Anonymous

      100% supportive, in fact when the house needs some cleaning she’ll tell me to dress and wear a specific outfit (pink sissy dress, maids outfit, etc.) which is basically her way of saying come back looking pretty and figure out what needs to be done around the house.  Often I’ll surprise her and appear all dolled up, sometimes in something new I purchased that she has never seen before.  She loves it!

    • #141783

      I have never crossdressed but my wife is encouraging me to do so to participate in drag shows that one of our good friends runs. I think she just wants to get me in makeup an d womens clothes because it will tuen her on, which turns me on. I am very seriously considering it and I will say the thought of looking femimine and beautiful excites me. My wife is amazing and I think this is something that would add some fun to fun to our nights!

      • #167273
        Anonymous

        You’ll be amazed at what this will bring to you–consider yourself very very fortunate…wish I had a close by drag place owned or run by a friend……..be there constantly !!!

        Mikki

    • #142252

      My sweet wife is completely supportive. I haven’t had the urge and/or the opportunity lately so yesterday she asked me when I was going to dress again. A few days ago she asked me if I wanted to go shopping. I haven’t told her yet but I plan to dress on Friday. It is so wonderful having a fully supportive spouse.

      Huggs,

      Suzanne

    • #155899

      I do and I am so thankful that she supports me and loves me unconditionally..xoxo

    • #157374
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      I was only “out” to my wife of  29 years at the time (and myself) in 2011.

      It was a bit of confusing times for us both, but now, I’m among the “lucky”, as she sends me links to things she thinks I’d look good in or buys them for me.

      8th year of acceptance and support and still married for close to 37.

    • #157392

      I am lucky enough to have a encouraging and supportive girlfriend. After having a previous girlfriend who left me as soon as she found out that I was a cross dresser it has, at time to come to terms with having that supportive girlfriend. We go shopping together both on line and in person. She gives me fashion advice and does my make up when I ask. Her dream and mine is for Me to accompany her out as Emily. Currently that isn’t on the cards as i am not confident in myself as Emily, but we are working towards that. I wouldn’t have come this far if it wasnt for her and we keep building and exploring the world of cross dressing together.

    • #157476
      Marianne
      Ambassador

      I am in the situation that my wife has known about my dressing for more than 20 years but doesn’t ever want to see me dressed or have anything to do with it. She has firmly stated she wants her husband and not another girlfriend around. As I’ve gone deeper into a female role she has become more and more distant. I think she understands this is something I have to do, amongst other reasons to counter the negative influences from having Parkinson’s for seven years, but she feels it is taking me away from her. I also know she is jealous that I have the the possibilities to look better than her as a woman and can wear clothes she no longer fit into.

      I have recently understood and accepted that I am really transgender and wish I could transition but that would surely end our marriage.

      • This reply was modified 5 years ago by Marianne.
      • #157718

        Marianne Dear,

        Everyone’s situation is unique but one thing is the same, we only have so much time in this life. It’s sad that your wife is not fully on board but you have to accept her feelings. I’m glad my wife is accepting and not really sure what I would do if she wasn’t. My feminine urge is so strong and demanding at times I feel like I have to dress.

        I suppose I could get by if my wife was like yours as long as I got to dress when I needed to.  As it is my wife bought me a dress and some jewelry for my birthday and also stayed home with me and helped me do my makeup.

        This is obviously better than just tolerating my dressing but all of us girls have to do the best we can.

        Keep dressing and don’t give up. Maybe things will get better.

        Huggs and kisses,

        Suzanne

    • #157980
      Lexigurl
      Lady

      My SO, also my fiancee, has known for several years. We dabbled in dressing together a bit, but it never stuck because I didn’t feel fully comfortable in letting go.  And, I didn’t need it to. Her femininity was/is very powerful, and seemed to patch over mine so that I didn’t feel the need to dress. I did, occasionally, but at a very low level.

      About a month ago, we decided to play around with it a bit. There were no per-conceived ideas about it more than just a day to explore it together as something to try. Well, this time I was able to get fully comfortable, so much so that I could separate out my Lexi persona from my male self.  It was eye-opening for both of us and hugely satisfying on many mental and emotional levels. Since then, she’s helped me expand my wardrobe, and we’ve had several girls nights where she helps me with hair/makeup, and we enjoy each other’s company (so to speak). My legs are shaved. My toenails are painted.

      We had a very strong, loving relationship, and now we’ve added an additional layer of friendship, love, trust, and fun, that neither of us saw coming.  I adore her for bringing the girl out of me to play, which helps level me out overall.

      I’ve been around this long enough to know to move at her pace, which is fairly fast, and I’m not complaining. It’s a bit funny how I used to dress to feel good as a woman. I still do to some extent, but I’m more focused on looking good as a woman, for her.

      • #158083
        Khloe West
        Duchess

        A slightly different life experience on some fronts, but parallels on others.

         

      • #167271
        Anonymous

        Almost identical to my case……….and my SO would accept a cup size increase………without hesitation…………..but JUST one……..we do have to ‘come back from the moon’….and live the normal for all outside the walls of our house including grown kids and gkids………………..which is totally fine with me……….count us IN the game !!!

    • #174841

      I am blessed to share my life with a wonderfully open and understanding woman who has always accepted and encouraged my fem self.
      Early in our relationship it was her who started our first dress up games. That was the first time I had ever shared that part of my self with anyone. She proved open and encouraging to me presenting as fem at home with her.
      From those early days she has steered a course of gentle acceptance that allows me to express myself within boundaries that maintain her comfort and assurance of my devotion.

    • #175612

      I do, Chelsea Roarke, is on the CDH site as well. We have days that are a bit harder than others, but we are trying to respect each others limits.

      -SR-

    • #193099
      Anonymous

      I wish…

    • #193156
      Becka
      Lady

      Not here.

      I was absolutely stunned when my wife in a conversation before we were married, mentioned her first husband was into crossdressing, and what a major turnoff that was for her.

      That really drove me deep into the closet.  I was at a point too where I was getting close to sharing my propensity to dress with her.

      Sigh.

      • #193327
        Jane Doe
        Lady

        Sorry the hear that Rebekka. I endured a similar situation in my previous marriage. When we were still dating, my ex revealed that her prior boyfriend had been a crossdresser, and that she could never live with that again. To this day I still don’t know why I didn’t break off the relationship then and there. I think many of us are too comfortable inside our closets.

        • #193352
          Becka
          Lady

          Hi Becky,

          Yes, definitely comfortable in those closets when they are full of fun and sexy clothes and shoes!  🙂

          Sorry to hear of your plight as well.  I too could have decided to turn and run away, but I did not and that’s okay.  I just wish it were okay on all levels.

          Best to you my Dear!

           

    • #193843
      Anonymous

      My situation is unique like everyone else’s but the way I wear products “made for women” is by integrating them into my daily attire.  I wear women pants, cardigans, some shoes… fragrances, some bags, maybe glasses… make up, etc… on a daily basis as my normal attire.

      My best advice to anyone is don’t out do your SO.  For example, if you SO and you are going out food shopping and she is going pretty plain… in my it is a bad idea to go give it a 100% effort in getting ready.  I am not trying to say this is how you have to do it, but in my experience if you are “out doing” your SO’s look just go out to the WalMart… You might start having problems.

      Sometimes picking the right battles might not win the war, but it could help you manage it.

    • #195372
      Luna Cee
      Lady

      I am lucky to have a fully understanding partner who encourages and supports me in my exploration of this wonderful side of life.  It came about from a bad start with my abusive Mother and her friends, but we have made it something special for the pair of us and now own it totally.  I am blessed in so many ways and get to be my real self as I see it.

    • #195373

      I told my wife not long after we where married. She was supportive and came out to me that she had an interest in women. It has been up and down at times. Now that we have finally bought a home she is more supportive. She buys me clothes, make-up, and we share accessories. I can bottom dress at home as much as I want. It does make a deference having a supportive SO.

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