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I wanted to share with you a recent experience. As some of you may know…I have started ”coming out” at work. I now fully dress en femme each day and all my colleagues are aware and very supportive. However, my femme self stops at the door. My home life is still very much in the closet and I haven’t really gone out in public. Soooo I had quite the dilemma this week when at work, fully dressed with prosthetics, hosiery, skirt and high heels…the fire alarm rings!!!
S**T!!! I never even thought of that! Our building’s first floor is open to the public and fire alarm would mean EVERYONE has to exit and stay in the parking lot until they figure out if it is real or false alarm. So my mind is racing…maybe this would be a good occasion to go out in public…but what if there is someone that recognizes me…what will people think…what if the situation is real…and now I’m outside en femme and have to return home! ****!!! In a panic, I start taking off my heels, hosiery, boobs…and try to put on my clothes I came into the office with…knowing I had to be quick before the fire sergeant comes through the door to see if everyone is out! No time to think…I put one my male shorts over my skirt…my male shirt over my bra and leave. Once outside, it hits me. I was so disappointed in myself for chickening out! I was feeling so sure of myself all week…and then an alarm rings…and all of a sudden I panic and revert back to my male default setting! Crap!! I decide to get to my car and leave. I didn’t even want to risk meeting up with colleagues that know that I switched back. So I drive around, feeling sorry for myself.
As I’m driving, I notice a pharmacy close by. I know that I am in desperate need of learning more about make-up application, so I decide **** it! If I can’t be honest at work…I’ll be honest here. I walk into the pharmacy and into the cosmetic section. To my surprise and pleasure, the attendant at the cosmetic section was a Transgender Women. I approach her and start telling her that I needed some help, because I was a bit new at this…and before I could finish my sentence…I started crying!!! She immediately gave me a hug and told me…”Don’t worry, you are in a safe space here!”. Man…that had me bawling even more! After a deep sigh, I said…”I guess I will need some make-up now!”…and we both laughed. She then took the time to go through a variety of products, tricks and techniques for makeup application. I learned more in 30 mins with her, than 20 hours of Youtube watching! She was AMAZING!
So I drove back to the office with my bag full of makeup and decided…”you know…when life throws you a fire alarm…maybe it’s a sign! Just maybe, not the one you were expecting!”.
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