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    • #614171
      Lacy Satin
      Registered On: June 27, 2018
      Topics: 7
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      If you are fortunate enough to look passable, why would you not want to go out in public and experience what it feels like to be treated like a woman.

      When I put on a pretty dress and spend hours doing my makeup and then see my transformation in the mirror I can’t resist letting the world see me as the feminine girl I so wish I could be full time.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #614147
      Haley Ann
      Registered On: October 12, 2020
      Topics: 6
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      Hmmm…in the past validation would have been my answer, but Haley no longer really needs that. I think acknowledging that she exists and always lives inside of me. Am I noticed? Oh yes, I am 6’ with size 12 feet, but I don’t believe I really stand out, but maybe that is just my imagination. I go out dressed very close to home but have no fears about being recognized. For me it is acceptance, the fact that it is OK to be me, a unique individual…just a softer, more sensitive, and sexier me! And what girl does not want to be told that she looks sexy and beautiful? Maybe flirt a little? Why? There are so many reasons and my list just keeps growing!


      • This reply was modified 4 months ago by Haley Ann.
    • #614027
      Aurora Borealis
      Registered On: October 25, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Speaking as someone who is also a house-bound dresser I think that I would like to go out because we all get a bit antsy if confined to four walls for long periods. Sad to say I currently dont have much of a fem eardrobe aside from under things and a couple of tops. Dont even own a dress right now. Also theres thereality that women, myself included, like to”show off”and strut their
      stuff a little. And finally the exhilaration of being in public for the world to see.

      Maybe you and your wife could go out shopping together or for a nice dinner with you en femme? Just suggestions. Hugs, Aurora Borealis

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #614021
      Alison Anderson
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 12
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      This question has come up on The Fox and The Phoenix podcast, and they give a very simple explanation.

      The house is just a bigger closet.

    • #614017
      Dee Nash
      Registered On: November 7, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      When i go out im the real me and she needs and should go out and why should she not, shes beautiful,sexy,confidant and free x,everyone is different and go at there own pace but i promise you this when you go out there you will love it xx

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #614001
      Registered On: March 27, 2020
      Topics: 3
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      Thanks all for all the great explanations! They were all so helpful, I think, with your help, she understands the desire for us to go out a little better.

    • #613990
      Sandy Honey
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 20
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      Why…because I can, because I love the feel of walking around with beautiful clothes on. And my biggest answer is it just makes me feel good!


    • #613491
      Angela Booth
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
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      Of course it is an affirmation but maybe it is a natural progression.

      However the questioner is your wife. By inference it is a loaded question. She is asking a single question with many questions within. Where is this leading, what is it telling me, what could happen, who will see you and so it goes. It is a womans question which we won’t know how to answer as we don’t know what is behind.

      An answer could lead to further questioning so think ahead to further questions that may come. An answer posed with a question will open the reasoning. ‘It just feels like something I want to do but how do you see it?’


      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613445
      Brielle Ross
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 5
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      Hi Kate, for me when I found out there was a local meetup group in Pittsburgh I felt like that would be the opportunity to be out with other CD and TG people so there would be less chance of harrassment being alone. Plus, the area where we are is a smaller, remote suburb and the chances of me being seen by people I know IRL is high. I’m not ready to come out to everyone just yet, so going to the ‘burgh gives me an outlet.

      I think for any of us that are halfway passable (or even if not) it’s a case where we’ve kept our femme side secret from the world for so long that we just want her to breathe fresh air and see sunlight or have a GNO.

      Would your wife want to stay inside and avoid contact with everyone else forever? Assuming that would be a “no” she should not expect Kate to do that either, if Kate wants to go out, that is. It’s a strange dichotomy – we are one being, and we have two distinct personas but we aren’t split personalities (for the most part, I assume!).

      • #613452
        Haley Ann
        Registered On: October 12, 2020
        Topics: 6
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        Honey, I grew up in Steubenville!

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #614022
          Barb Wire
          Duchess - Annual
          Registered On: September 16, 2021
          Topics: 15
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          Just curious, Haley, is that a good thing or not so good thing? I’m assuming Ohio?

          I’ve been to Bremen, Ohio to visit the Bicycle Museum of America. I kept looking out the window  to make sure me and my SO’s bikes were fine. When had them on the roof of our car. The museum curator said we shouldn’t worry about them at all. If anything, he went on saying, folks around here will probably leave you something! He was very sweet!

          Barb 🙂

          4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613439
      Carla Roberts
      Registered On: July 28, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Why do I (we) need to go out? First and foremost is it is incredibly validating, to be who I am among other people. Secondly, even as I am generally confident that I pass, it is about “Showing up” and that “We” belong, and deserve to be present as we choose.
      And thirdly, but certainly of no less importance, is to enjoy the chance of enjoying feminine social activity, that defines myself and hopefully others.

    • #613431
      Dani Grand
      Registered On: October 9, 2018
      Topics: 1
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      You can add a pile of words if you like.
      It boils down to the same idea – to be seen and accepted as who you present as.

    • #613417
      Michelle McQueen
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 24
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      Validation of our female self

    • #613413
      Darcy Grigsby
      Registered On: July 1, 2020
      Topics: 29
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      When I read the initial post my immediate answer was validation and that appears to be the concensus. I think once you have come to grips with your crossdressing and have answered the “why?” question for yourself it becomes a component of your life and you grow to be comfortable with it. And when you become comfortable with it well I think many of us then want to experience life while living in that part of us. I have been out once, I did it without too much planning. I had thought I would just stay close to my vehicle for the day just driving around, maybe getting out when I found an empty area but once the idea settled in my brain there was no stopping it I had to do it. And it was exciting and freeing to say the very least!

      Hope all of these answers helps you to form your own to share with your wife. Remember when a question like that is presented to you it is perfectly fair to respond with: “I’m unsure of my answer to that question at this time, but I will think it over and get back to you.” That gives you time to reflect and offer up your best answer rather than just spitting out something that won’t satisfy your wife. Good luck!

    • #613399
      Tina Que
      Registered On: April 14, 2021
      Topics: 49
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      Some people wear different masks. They are a different person at work, home, with a variety of groups of people.

      Many of us are no different being CD in the house but not outside the house. We want to be genuine which includes being the same person in and out of the house.

      We all love to dress CD. If we wish to, it should not be confined to the house (in the closet).

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613394
      Catherine Dickson
      Registered On: January 22, 2020
      Topics: 36
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      My wife wishes crossdressing never became a part of our lives but has come to terms with the fact and is trying to cope the best she can. She tries to minimize it and discourage it. She doesn’t understand – I guess we’re all working out our own understanding of this admittedly unusual lifestyle. She mainly wants reassurance that nobody we know could ever possibly find out my little secret. Of course, as with many others here, showing people this part of me is a big part of exactly what I yearn for. So, I need to try to find a compromise if I care about my wife’s feelings, and I most definitely do. I have yet to work this out, but I know that it must include limiting dressing to a situation where there is essentially zero chance of being seen by anyone I know. That probably means at least a little travel. I live in a suburb of Los Angeles, so driving an hour would put me at a pretty safe distance. If you also have a situation where you could get far enough away, that might satisfy your wife. There are many who go further, of course. It may take that for her to be appeased. On the other hand, if “coming out” is something you feel you need to do, then I suggest you give that some very careful, long thought before acting. As I mentioned in a post a while back, that is obviously something you cannot take back.
      So yeah, try distance dressing. Go for an overnighter and have some fun dressing.

      Best of luck!

      • #614224
        melissa la quinta
        Registered On: September 29, 2016
        Topics: 3
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        Have you considered making the short drove out to Palm Springs? Desert Crossroads, in March, should be really fun and is perfect for a CD girl who needs to put some distance between her girl self and the home nest. Bet you’d enjoy it. Hugs, Melissa

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #613393
      Mary Contrary
      Registered On: December 14, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 54
      Has thanked: 6 times
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      For me going out in public is, like others have mentioned, a validation. It makes me feel like I belong in the world.

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613391
      Registered On: October 14, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 34
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      I didn’t read all the replies, so forgive me if I repeat.  I feel the need to be in public mainly for my own validation.  I feel that if I only do it indoors I am still hiding a very large and important part of myself.  I have been hiding myself for most of my life, and subsequently hating myself, the most freeing feeling I had was when I said I was done hiding and accepted myself.  Sure I’ll get a sideway look now and then, but I have come to accept that.

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613375
      Registered On: April 21, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      Like many have said it is an acknowledgement and validation of who I am.   Now I say this as one who has not done so.   So maybe part of it is just wanting to know what it would be like to be seen as a woman. Maybe part of it is wanting to turn some heads.  Maybe some of it is just plain curiosity.   Heck why do people travel around the world to new places – curiosity.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613371
      Mary Francis
      Registered On: April 29, 2016
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 35
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      Going out dressed enfemme is a way to express our existence in this society.  It is a way to claim our space in the world.  Hiding at home contracts us into a small nubbin of a person that runs like hell if there is a knock on the door.  There are dangers out there, without question, but claiming our space is the first step to being a valid human being.


    • #613367
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 77
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      Hi Kate!  Why do we feel the need?  As Michelle said, going out is a normal part of life, and maybe going out will reinforce that misguided notion of  what “normal” is for us.  And deep down we all have that part of us that wants to go out and be allowed to live – and dress – the way we want to.  To even dare to “show ourselves” off!

      I think part of us, or part of me anyway, just feels it’s not fair having to hide….


      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613355
      Roberta Broussard
      Registered On: July 20, 2020
      Topics: 5
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      For me its experiencing the whole aspect of life but as a woman. I enjoy going out because it lets me truly feel like the girl i am inside. Having had to repress this desire for my entire life. Its liberating to let the girl out. Going about daily things just gives me such validation.

    • #613349
      Michelle Doherty
      Registered On: January 1, 2022
      Topics: 15
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      Hi Ashley

      A simple answer is, that is what people do and it is staying inside that is wierd.

      I think it has more to do with wanting to live the fem lifestyle and not just looking like a woman.

      I have dressed privately for years, but yearn to be able to go outside and do the day to day things en femme.

      Why get dressed up, if nobody can see you?


    • #613348
      Stephanie Aston
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: May 31, 2018
      Topics: 1
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      Hi Kate

      My wife asked me the same question a few months ago and the only answer I could give her was “I just have a need to go outside and it feels like the right thing to do! But I don’t know why”   I’ve thought about this quite a lot and I still haven’t come up with a definitive answer other than it’s a natural progression of my feminine evolution.
      Trying to answer this question is like trying to answer the question of why do we crossdress? Sometimes there isn’t an answer to give.

      Stephanie x

      PS. I’ve only ever been out once as Stephanie (last year) but I know I want to do so again soon.

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613347
      Fredrika Jones
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Well, I’m not married (and I don’t know if that matters), but I’m saying it depends on the individual. We’re all human, and we’re all crossdressers, but we’re all individuals. You’ll have to look within.

      It’s a natural next step, after getting comfortable with dressing to begin with and being dressed around the house, to want to venture outside. If one dresses en femme to begin with, it’s only natural to want to do it all the time and everywhere. Of course, an individual situation may make it difficult to do so, for whatever reason – SO objections or someone or something else.

      Keep listening, keep learning, and keep trying. Don’t stop, and don’t give up.

      Hugs and Kisses,

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #613339
      Registered On: May 25, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 262
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      For me its the same as the reason I dress really. I want to express this part of myself, and I want to be seen doing it! It can be a bit of a downer getting my look worked out, getting my confidence up, and then just not doing anything else with that.

      Maybe not the most concrete reason or helpful to your situation. But I hope it helps somehow!

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