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  • #397450
    Heather Kendall
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    Registered On: October 18, 2020
    Topics: 2
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    While I am new here, I am not new to the debate over what label I should have based on my life choices. I really liked Kymera Romaine’s survey if we feel both genders at the same time or not. It seems that society feels we all have to fit into some neat little box with a label on it, so they can point to someone and say “oh they are ______”. Why? I’m sure that someone more of a background in human behavior can answer that question (I am an engineer, so much more math & science geek). I answered yes to the question, because I feel I am both genders at the same time. Sure, there are moments when one is more dominant, and generally I am dressed as a male (or what society deems to be male). While I am not old enough to have first hand experience, there was a time when women were told they could not wear pants, hence the term ‘who wears the pants in your family’ if I woman showed dominance or control in a relationship. When I have read discussions about hetero men that choose to cross dress, the questions arise as to his true sexual preference, and some presume that he is looking to transition to a full female role at some point. While for some that may be true, and perhaps those are the ones that we hear about the most. What about those, like myself, that just enjoy dressing on a part time basis, yet are still attracted to women?

    My personal feeling is that I am hetero male, who does have a female side to my being, and she is allowed to express herself. My wife and I can be out shopping, at dinner, or the park, and both of us will take notice of another woman’s outfit/shoes/jewelry. We will have a conversation about something we saw that attracted our attention. There are times when I see something I would wear, and she says it to me before the words are even out of my mouth. We have seen our relationship grow in new and exciting ways since Heather has come to the surface. I still like wearing suits, tshirts with my favorite sports teams, and everything in between that is masculine. I am a biological male after all, and I love being with a woman. I also at times feel like I am a woman, when I am shopping, or cooking, or spending time with my wife, because she likes having Heather as her partner in crime, as she puts it. We enjoy so many things that most spouses never get to experience, and it has added another layer to our relationship, which has made our bond even stronger. So, while there are some that feel they need to have a label for everyone, I say we are all people struggling to make our way through this wild and crazy world. Love and peace to all!  xoxo

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    • #399246
      stephanie plumb
      Participant
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 97
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      Like many (most?) of you I don’t much care for labels either. Unfortunately we were stuck with two three labels at or before birth.

      The first is that we are Homo Sapiens

      The second is the name you were given.  Applies to all of us. Sometimes before birth.

      The third is AMAB –  assigned male at birth, by the doctor/midwife/whoever, that goes on record such as your birth certificate – if we have a willy.

      After that we are weighed down with the damn things.

      Stephanie P  😧

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #399065
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
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      Yea DeeAnn! I agree with you- whatever that is. Having a term for some specific engineering thing is somewhat different than trying to classify every person who crossdresses. After all beings are one of the Universal Father’s most unique and complicated engineering works. But hey what do I know! Maybe we would all be better off being placed in a particular classification category. I still contend it is as Shakesphere once said, “ much ado about nothing” so humans be yourself and be happy and don’t worry about what label you should have or what label someone else may want to classify you as! – Blessings from Teralynn

      To me the basic issue is simplicity. I could tell people that I identify as transgender and non-binary or I could say that my gender identity is non-binary which for me means that I am an amalgam of male and female perspectives and energies. I present as female 90% of the time when I leave my home.

      That’s 3 words versus 34.

      I think I’ll save my breath for something more purposeful…

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    • #398777
      Teralynn Loving
      Participant
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
      Topics: 2
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      Yea DeeAnn! I agree with you- whatever that is. Having a term for some specific engineering thing is somewhat different than trying to classify every person who crossdresses. After all beings are one of the Universal Father’s most unique and complicated engineering works. But hey what do I know! Maybe we would all be better off being placed in a particular classification category. I still contend it is as Shakesphere once said, “ much ado about nothing” so humans be yourself and be happy and don’t worry about what label you should have or what label someone else may want to classify you as! – Blessings from Teralynn

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398749
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 22
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      Hi Heather

      Good topic of which I am totally unqualified to answer….just give my thoughts……

      I have never spoken to anyone about this wonderful thing I do…I have just always….done it because it felt right, never really wondering why.

      Since I have joined CDH, I have read so much, that I really have changed my opinion…on me!!!

      I was just a normal guy, who wanted to dress and act female whenever possible…but now I feel that inside me somewhere, maybe there is some marooned female desperately trying to get out, to the point that as I get older, she is starting to take control more and more….okay….how many label’s do I qualify for..???

      and how far do you go in dividing us up??….if you just count crossdressing as a label, that’s ALL of us…..if you start labelling girls because of the different way they feel or act….that could be endless…

      lastly, after ” purge”…..”label” is my second most hated word….

      Stay safe everyone…..grace xx

    • #398742
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
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      I am also an engineer, albeit retired these days. Labels are nothing more than shorthand. For example, isn’t it much easier to use the term differential instead of automatic device to compensate for the variance in rotational speed between the inner and outer drive wheels during cornering?

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398611
      Teralynn Loving
      Participant
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
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      Bravo Heather.  I enjoyed your post immensely. While some may want to put every person they know into a nice neat category, there are some of us that do not need to classify ourselves as anything other than a person or as I like to say a “being” who has experienced lives as both a male and  a female. Now I feel at times like being Teralynn and in certain situations I feel more like being John. Even when one particular persona is front and center, my consciousness is quite aware of the other persona that is part of me also. I once told one of my students that we are all the sum of our experiences. Nothing that I have learned or experienced in this life has caused me to change my mind about that. So others may classify me any way they want to. I am just me. All of me is recognized, accepted and appreciated for the experiences and knowledge they have contributed to making me who I am today. So you like to dress in feminine attire, maybe feel that you should have been born a female, or anything else you feel that other people think is not normal. That is their problem- not mine and not yours unless you make it so. Everyone should just be who they are and let others do the same and things would go a whole lot smoother on our evolving world. Sorry for the long  posting but your obvious happiness with who you are struck a chord that resonated strongly with me and I felt compelled to add my total agreement with how you are living your life. My hope is that one day everyone will live such a blessed life and be happy and comfortable with who they are. Thanks for your post! – Blessings from Teralynn

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    • #397750
      Rachel Cross
      Participant
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 19
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      sounds like what you have is pretty great. a woman that understands you and you understand her. you are her boyfriend and her girlfriend at the same time. that must mean alot to her. she can talk to you about clothes and feelings, ect. and you will listen. not like a man that would say it not that important to me. not only that but you can tell her what looks good on her and she on you. i was at the bar a few weeks ago and a woman said she liked talking to me about shoes, clothes and relationships. she said its not fun talking to a guy about stuff like that because they dont have a clue. some day i hope to be a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. im sure it would be so much fun. so i guess if i was to put a label on you it would be a lucky person.

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    • #397747
      Bianca Everdene
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      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 16
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      Welcome to the site Heather, and thanks for your interesting post.

      Hope you have fun exploring, and make new friends.

      ❤️B

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397737
      Sharon Wiltshire
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      Registered On: July 27, 2020
      Topics: 3
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      As a society I believe that we need labels, so we can learn, later understand, later accept and later create protection in law.  Mid last century anyone who wanted to wear a dress was obviously a homosexual, this is not the case, we have new label identities, so we can better determine who people are, what and why they do what they do, and then we can accept and hopefully protect them in society … hopefully.

      Kate Bornstein as an example said that transitioned to female because she was trans, and didn’t feel comfortable as male, but thinks now maybe she was non-binary and may have not needed to transition fully medically as she did, and as society expected at that time.  Younger trans people are socially and medically transitioning, to different stages, and to a form that makes them complete, which would not have been previously acceptable in society.  But any of us can noe, as society has a better understanding, because we created new labels for these states of being.

       

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      • #398918
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
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        I’m still not thrilled with’LABELS’ but I can’t argue with the points you raise.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397733
      Heather Kendall
      Participant
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 10
      Has thanked: 115 times
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      Labels are unfortunately required to create order out of chaos.  As an example consider Carl Linnaeus and his classification system of living things grouped together by similar or obvious physical traits.

      Thus we have the Animal and Plant kingdoms subclassified right down to the lowest level of individual species.  These are labels without which how could we know the differences and relationships between a Tiger and a lion?    Or a banana and a jellyfish?  And how they fit in within the scheme of things?

      I guess the LGBTQetc. community also feels the need to label us based on our observed behaviours and  shared or different characteristics, so we have some understanding of where we fit in relative to others along the spectrum.  The community has found itself caught in the labelling trap.

      Unfortunately this has resulted into labels proliferating because of each minor variation. This classification could end up as complex as say the Plant Kingdom with its many subdivisions. An exaggeration obviously but it illustrates the point.

      Stephanie P

      Interesting comparison! Yes we are all somewhere along the spectrum, as you put it, yet it feels as if we are being subdivided by so many variations. Talking to my wife last night about this topic, she reminded me that one of the quirks of living in NJ is we jokingly ask each other “what exit” when determining where someone lives geographically within the state. So maybe I’m just adapting being more open with who I am, and it just feels odd to be “labeled” as to which group of CD’s I belong.

    • #397694
      stephanie plumb
      Participant
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 97
      Replies: 893
      Has thanked: 1054 times
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      Labels are unfortunately required to create order out of chaos.  As an example consider Carl Linnaeus and his classification system of living things grouped together by similar or obvious physical traits.

      Thus we have the Animal and Plant kingdoms subclassified right down to the lowest level of individual species.  These are labels without which how could we know the differences and relationships between a Tiger and a lion?    Or a banana and a jellyfish?  And how they fit in within the scheme of things?

      I guess the LGBTQetc. community also feels the need to label us based on our observed behaviours and  shared or different characteristics, so we have some understanding of where we fit in relative to others along the spectrum.  The community has found itself caught in the labelling trap.

      Unfortunately this has resulted into labels proliferating because of each minor variation. This classification could end up as complex as say the Plant Kingdom with its many subdivisions. An exaggeration obviously but it illustrates the point.

      Stephanie P

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397615
      Rei Durden
      Participant
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 469
      Has thanked: 2945 times
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      Labels do nothing but divide us as a species.
      So many people caught up trying to belong to one group to the detriment of another.

      The sooner everyone understands this the better.

      We’re all in the same boat, a human being with a finite life span. No facts about what was before we arrived here and no facts about what’s next.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397478
      Maria Pink
      Participant
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 73
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      I agree with you totally. I have always felt labels don’t define you, they limit you. I feel I am so much more than just a label.  Just my two cents.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397472
      sarasue olson
      Participant
      Registered On: October 7, 2018
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 169
      Has thanked: 450 times
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      Well said and yes you have A label, it says A well adjusted happy person,

      5 users thanked author for this post.
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