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Registered On: January 17, 2023Topics: 4Replies: 113Has thanked: 142 timesBeen thanked: 454 timesWhy do I feel the need to sneak and hide and lead a double life?
I have felt this way before, and Samantha went away, but now I’ve been back awhile and I ain’t leaving again. It just makes me want to scream and stomp my foot!
I know that’s more of a Rant than a topic but does anybody want to share how they handled that Emotion?
I know I am not the first to feel this way.
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Registered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 811Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 3282 timesI handled that emotion by just accepting the fact that I enjoy dressing en femme and that it brings me pleasure. I am not hurting anyone, and there is no valid reason not to dress. Once I told my wife, who is accepting, all that negative emotion went away.
I don’t feel the need to announce it to the world, but I don’t care if somebody learns of my “secret”. If I walk out to my car en femme, I look to make sure no neighbors are out, but if the should see me, then they see me…so what? Same if I am out shopping. I would go down a different isle if I spotted somebody I know, but if they spotted me I would own up to it. It is not like we a deviants, we just choose to dress differently.
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- Registered On: January 28, 2022Topics: 12Replies: 107Has thanked: 248 timesBeen thanked: 536 times
SAMANTHA,
The simple answer is we/ you can. I have been out many times and although apprehensive I try to carry on as I set out to do. I’m seventy an when I die I don’t want a list of shouda, wouda, coulda’s. I stay clear of obvious bad spots like sports bars but beyond that “f**k it”. I spent five days straight in femme and loved it. I drive every longish trip in femme , and yes I got stopped by a police officer and no I didn’t get abused. I have more trouble showing my ID at a department store and even that is usually no more than a a few glances. Shop and eat at non-rush times. Blend with those around you if possible. Act like you own the joint. Lastly, If you get busted, which you probably won’t, don’t go home and purge everything, figure out where you went wrong, eye shadow, hips too small (a BIG ONE), your walk, and work to fix it. The support you have is endless here, something I never had until recently. I had literally never been out until five years ago, now it’s a pretty regular affair. Something else I highly recommend, be bold and try to hook up with others, big gatherings like Deva are extremely good confidence builders but unfortunately pricey. LuvNHugs, TERI
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- Registered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 811Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 3282 times
All good advice, but even if you get clocked, so what. If you really want to pass, then yes look for tells and try to fix them. While I try to pass I don’t care if I do. I hand my license or CC to people when needed knowing full well it outs me, but I don’t worry about it.
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I am so with ya sister. Telling the world to #$&* off is a very liberating feeling of who you are.
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For the most part, that’s exactly it. I’m not too worried about my neighbors, but one of them I believe would have a problem with having a cross dresser in the neighborhood. Eventually, I’ll go out again, but it won’t be until winter sets in again, but only because it would be too hard to explain to my family and friends why I shaved my arms and legs. I’m the winter, they won’t see my legs, and regardless of the weather, I can’t shave my arms without it being very obvious. So, I’ll just have to wait.
Jill
The only explanation that you need is that you don’t like hair on your legs and arms. It is really that simple. Go to the gym sometime and see how many guys are shaved.
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- Registered On: July 24, 2021Topics: 4Replies: 291Has thanked: 2855 timesBeen thanked: 1419 times
The problem with that is my family will notice right away and that won’t go well for me. My relationship with my son is strained at times because he’s 21 and thinks he knows everything. But I love him more than my own life and I feel he still needs guidance from a parent who isn’t racist, who doesn’t hate people in the LGBTQ community, and who doesn’t believe that one party is always correct and the other party is always wrong and sinful. It would also be quite a shock to my parents. I just believe that for right now, I need to keep this part of me to myself. But thank you, Jamie for your point of view!
Hugs, Jill
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I couldnt agree more, i tell my wife, who doest wear skirts or dresses, ITS NOT FARE !! she agrees, anyway, she yells at me, go put on a dress or your skirts, it makes me a better person, and i have the Fk it attitude anymire, i drive around, go to rhe store, wander in the back yard… just dont care what anyone thinks anymore 🙂
Good luck!!
Xx
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- Registered On: October 5, 2020Topics: 42Replies: 188Has thanked: 222 timesBeen thanked: 1616 times
Yeah I totally just wanna wear a dress and be myself sometimes. I wish society would/could accept us and just let us be. I struggle a lot with just wanting to be me without judgement from all the people who have some serious problems with people like ourselves. Complete honesty, I’m having a moment right now.
Yes sometimes I want to stomp my foot and say “THIS IS ME! DEAL WITH IT! I’m not that person though. I will live out my life mainly in hiding. I have told my fiancé about me and she is for the most part accepting. She fears for me going out in public because I in no way pass and therefore I don’t go out in public. I’m confined to the house and rarely even step out the door unless it’s very late at night. I wish the world were different but it’s just not. Change is slow and time passes quickly.
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- Registered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 811Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 3282 times
I think a lot of this depends on where we live and the attitudes of our communities. I have been out many times in a skirt but otherwise in male mode, and never had an issue or comment. No doubt people comment one to another, but that is not necessarily a bad thing if it stimulates a conversation. Common sense and personal safety are always a concern. I wouldn’t wear a dress or skirt late at night and walk down dark alleys in bad neighborhoods, but I will in broad daylight in shopping area or beach.
We can just wear a @&$% dress if we want to. At least in certain places. The more we do so, the easier it will be for others as well, so if you want to wear a dress, do so, and do it proudly and with confidence…you may just be surprised.
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- Registered On: July 24, 2021Topics: 4Replies: 291Has thanked: 2855 timesBeen thanked: 1419 times
Hi Samantha,
I’ve felt the same way since I came out to my wife two years ago. She’s been very supportive, but I have friends and family who absolutely wouldn’t accept it. But I also have to live with my feelings and desires to step outside and let the world see this beautiful version of me.
On a few occasions, I’ve found the courage and ventured out of the house in broad daylight. The first couple of times it was to my car then to my mailbox, but on two occasions I’ve gone much farther. I think I just became so tired of not going out that it over rode my fear of being found out. And it’s not that I want everyone to see me, it’s just that I’m tired of hiding who I am.
It’s like there is this invisible barrier that won’t let me out of the house. I go to the door, look out the window a dozen times, crack the door open and carefully peer out, then quickly close the door and change back into guy-mode. Safe again. I’m beginning to hate “safe” and much as I hate the fear. But a few times of done all the window checks and cracked the door, looking for potential problems, but found it was all clear and I pushed past the fear barrier (because that’s what it really is) and just walked outside like I own the place. The funny thing is, the further away I get from the safety of my home, the further I want to go. Weird, huh? The first time I left the house fully dressed, I went to get gas and then to Starbucks to get a tea and croissant. I have to tell you, the freedom I felt at being out was unbelievable! It was intoxicating! It was so amazing! And the really odd part, was that when I got home that same barrier was back, but this time it didn’t want to let me back in the house. I think I was afraid I’d never get to go out again.
I hope you can find the courage and the time to walk outside and into the public eye and feel that sense of freedom very soon. It will change your life. I guarantee it!
Hugs, Jill
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- Registered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 90Replies: 1584Has thanked: 2891 timesBeen thanked: 6187 times
Hi Jill,
I can totally relate .
I so want to go outside and I have which make me want to more.
However my wife doesnt want me dressing locally or going out of the house.
My next door neighbors work at my work place which would be bad on my career Im sure.
so I have to drive 30 miles to dress.
Its frustrating but my wife isn’t totally wrong .
Huggs Patty
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- Registered On: January 17, 2023Topics: 4Replies: 113Has thanked: 142 timesBeen thanked: 454 times
Patty, If I can ask, where do you go to dress? A hotel or is there another place I am not thinking of? I am very interested in where I might dress for the day.
Samantha2 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 90Replies: 1584Has thanked: 2891 timesBeen thanked: 6187 times
Hi Sam,
I usually just dress at home and discreately head to the next town south then I go to the local mall they have or a couple deptstores there .It’s been a while so I need to get back out there
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- Registered On: July 24, 2021Topics: 4Replies: 291Has thanked: 2855 timesBeen thanked: 1419 times
I can understand your wife’s thinking and concerns. My wife only worries about some jackass causing me trouble. And yes, the more I go out the more I want to go out again. I’m thinking that I may have to go out at night where no one will see me and my hairy legs and arms. I’m happy for you for you for going out and experiencing that freedom.
Hugs, Jill
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- Registered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 90Replies: 1584Has thanked: 2891 timesBeen thanked: 6187 times
Hi Jill,
I can totally relate .
I so want to go outside and I have which make me want to more.
However my wife doesnt want me dressing locally or going out of the house.
My next door neighbors work at my work place which would be bad on my career Im sure.
so I have to drive 30 miles to dress.
Its frustrating but my wife isn’t totally wrong .
Huggs Patty
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- Registered On: January 17, 2023Topics: 4Replies: 113Has thanked: 142 timesBeen thanked: 454 times
Jill
You summed up my thoughts pretty well. I am not out to my wife but
I am going to have to. But I still have a son at home and I don’t think I want to go there with him. I don’t care about the neighbors, and living in the country it is not a concern.
My first step is telling my wife, I am going to do this soon. I hope..
Hugs back to you
Samantha6 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 10Replies: 233Has thanked: 1187 timesBeen thanked: 517 times
“My first step is telling my wife, I am going to do this soon. I hope.” Samantha
One way of opening a discussion indirectly is to watch a crossdressing movie and having a casual talk about the subject. There are old stories reworked (Victor, Victoria), (Some Like It Hot) or new ones (Kinky Boots (UK) or Queen of the Desert (AUS)). Some deal with real struggles that are involved and they can do it without too much heavy-handed moralizing, as is done in most American movies about swingers.
Preview the movies first before popping them on your unsuspecting wife, though, to make sure that they are suitable for your purpose.
There are quite a variety of movies that include crossdressing as a theme, even one with Ronald Reagan in drag (This Is The Army, 1943).
Just a thought…
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- Registered On: July 24, 2021Topics: 4Replies: 291Has thanked: 2855 timesBeen thanked: 1419 times
I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me, just don’t blurt it out like I did. 🤣. Or maybe that is the easiest way and it certainly worked for me. And I totally understand and agree about leaving your son out of it. At least for now.
Best of luck and hugs,
Jill6 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 811Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 3282 times
I think the reasoning is simple, you do not mind being seen en femme, but you really don’t want to deal with the explanations that would be necessary if family, friends or neighbors knew. I am the same way…I have no problems being out in public, but prefer not to nave to deal with neighbors knowing and then having to explain why I like to dress.
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- Registered On: July 24, 2021Topics: 4Replies: 291Has thanked: 2855 timesBeen thanked: 1419 times
For the most part, that’s exactly it. I’m not too worried about my neighbors, but one of them I believe would have a problem with having a cross dresser in the neighborhood. Eventually, I’ll go out again, but it won’t be until winter sets in again, but only because it would be too hard to explain to my family and friends why I shaved my arms and legs. I’m the winter, they won’t see my legs, and regardless of the weather, I can’t shave my arms without it being very obvious. So, I’ll just have to wait.
Jill
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- Registered On: October 13, 2015Topics: 6Replies: 839Has thanked: 3846 timesBeen thanked: 2646 times
I guess age has its advantages about shaving legs… my legs have been hair free for four years and I haven’t shaved them during that time… I went to the opening of our pool at my 50+ community wearing shorts ..no comments and men’s hairless legs seems to be the norm and not the exception…I am glad i don’t need to shave but a lady must moisturize frequently lol..
Warmest regards, Leonara
- Registered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 811Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 3282 times
The only one keeping you from wearing a dress is you. You can ever one anytime you choose. As I have mentioned more than one, if anybody jas a problem.with it, it is their problem not yours. What you need to.decide is if you want to.deal with people who have such.problems. We have all dealt with this same question in our own ways. Some just go out en femme full time,.others stay in the “closet” and many find a workable compromise. I enjoy my time out in public en femme, but choose not to dress around people I know other then.a.select few. It is just.may way.of.dealing with it.
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Why can’t I just wear a @&$%#* dress? Why can’t you? Sure you can wear a dress. Get one and put it on. There may be times you feel you need to be discreet when around other you don’t want to see you in a dress.
You can wear that dress out. Look for crossdressing groups or other crossdressers in your area and contact them. If you do it or don’t do it depends upon your level of desire. I know it can be scary and way out of your normal comfort zone, but are pretty much the one holding yourself back.
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- Registered On: December 17, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 120Has thanked: 199 timesBeen thanked: 539 times
If you want to wear a dress then wear one! That is up to you! Don’t let someone stop you! Just be prepared to have an exit strategy or defend yourself if you have to. For the most part people don’t notice their surroundings because they got a smartphone in their face!
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I’m going on holiday next week with friends and I’m only packing girly clothes. I can’t wait to let my hair down….xx Gemma
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- Registered On: January 2, 2023Topics: 0Replies: 203Has thanked: 347 timesBeen thanked: 739 times
Wow, by the # of posts, you hit a topic near and dear to a lot of us girls. I can only say that one has to be courageous enough to reach out to non sisters to seek acceptance. Having that takes the social pressure off some. My wife will have none of that for Lorraine so she remains, sadly frustrated and inside.
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Sometimes when I’m dressed inside the house I sort of hope that somebody among our friends will drop by and see me dressed and then I would be out to them and after that without the need to dress in my man clothes every day. I do not have the guts just to come out and tell people that I crossdress but often I wish that “coming out” would just happen by accident.
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- Registered On: December 17, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 120Has thanked: 199 timesBeen thanked: 539 times
Some of my friends saw my panties one day when I bent over to pick my keys up. I also had a friend ask me where I got my jeans from! So I told him and the people around him. If they are your true friends, they won’t care what you’re wearing. I have only two true friends and a lot of acquaintances and for the most part they don’t care that I crossdress.
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My coming out did happen by accident! After years of hiding, it felt amazing to finally be able to talk to my understanding wife about it. It is still a slow progress, but it is no longer hidden. I wish it had come out sooner.
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The best thing that you can do is to come out and be yourself. You will feel freedom and liberation like you have never felt before. A large weight will be lifted off of you and you can be your authentic self. No one can help you until you make up your mind that there is nothing wrong wit what you are doing and put on your big girl panties and heels and get our in the world as your true self. There is nothing more liberating.
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- Registered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 90Replies: 1584Has thanked: 2891 timesBeen thanked: 6187 times
Hi Samantha,
Thank you for posting this.
I get so aggravated at having to hide who I am from my family and friends.
Fortunately my wife knows but she is just tolerant and very worried someone will find out.
Sometimes it really gets to me.
Thank you for this topic.
Huggs Patty
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- Registered On: June 13, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 454Has thanked: 9718 timesBeen thanked: 2025 times
the feeling to sneak or hide our dressing is embedded in our guilt and shame for “doing something wrong” Society does not agree or support it, far too many of us do not have a supportive wife/SO along with little to no encouragement
Our desire to dress will never go away. The urge/need/desire will be less to great some days.
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The first thing we all must take to heart is that….its never going to go away. Ive buried it many times and it always comes back. So however you choose to do it, free yourself from that cycle.
-Lilly
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- Registered On: January 17, 2023Topics: 4Replies: 113Has thanked: 142 timesBeen thanked: 454 times
Samantha ain’t never leaving again, the question is can I get her out of the closet she’s hiding in?
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- Registered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 91Replies: 2030Has thanked: 9040 timesBeen thanked: 10592 times
Samantha, please do remember that ALL closets have doors, and doors are meant to be opened! So, yes, you can get her out. Of course, opening that door and putting one foot out ( followed by the other! ) is the hard part. The first step is the hardest, but also the most rewarding 🙂.
Stevie
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Only you can decide! Its a big decision, be as thoughtful as you can with yourself. I freed myself from the closet and it has been a huge positive for myself, but quite negative socially. I feel the social aspect will heal over time at least thats my hope. Wouldnt change my decision, but you gotta do whats best for you. “Cuz if you were me then id be you, and id use your body to be a woman!” (Ace Ventura riff) lol.
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- Registered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 10Replies: 1610Has thanked: 5720 timesBeen thanked: 7335 times
Something I said when I was a child – without the expletive as I didn’t know rude words then. How many times did I repeat that afterwards, with expletives, until I made the choice that I can and will wear a dress as, when and where I wanted. I paved the way by going out and telling everyone I knew and presenting myself to them. Did they give a fig? No, and anyone who doesn’t know it doesn’t matter. The only day I will stop wearing a dress is if I wear a skirt……
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- Registered On: February 2, 2021Topics: 91Replies: 286Has thanked: 252 timesBeen thanked: 2421 times
I have been a crossdresser for more than 40 years. As an adult, it became more serious, it wasn’t just a fetish thing. My wife became supportive and I started to dress more frequently… A few friends knew. I started to venture out, maybe walking the dog, maybe a walk in a park. This happened at night under the cover of darkness. Then I would pluck up the courage and go into shops…. I could dress all day at home, but if I needed to venture out on an errand, I would get changed into drab mode….. The a few weeks ago, I had a major health scare. This focussed my priorities….. I am now out. Everyone knows. Friends know, family know, work knows. I post pics of Cerys on FB…. Everyone knows, no one cares…. I go to the shops or the post office…. No one cares…. Friends and family are fully supportive.
What I’m trying to say is that the answer to “Why can’t I just wear a @&$%#* dress?” is….
YOU CAN!!!!!!! You can wear a dress. You can wear a nice short skirt. You can get your ears pierced and wear big dangly earrings….. YOU CAN!!!!!!Be you! Be who you want/need to be! You can wear a@&$%#* dress!!!!!!
Cerys
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- Registered On: December 31, 2022Topics: 3Replies: 154Has thanked: 1072 timesBeen thanked: 650 times
Hi Samantha
I totally get what you’re saying, I want to stomp my feet and scream “why can’t I just wear a @&$%#* dress” all the time. As far as how I deal with it, I get home from work take a shower slip into my girl clothes and relax with my wife. Is it’s the best I can do for now but I wish I could live my authentic life.💄👡👗
hugs
AnnaBeth
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I’ve just got home after a 3 hour walk!!
My feet are killing me but I feel so liberated. I stopped at a garage to get a bottle of beer en femme, and the guy serving said nothing.Yesterday was the first time I had been out in flats and I went for an hour and a half. Today it was in heels and I’m elated. I’ll regret it in the morning though10 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 10Replies: 233Has thanked: 1187 timesBeen thanked: 517 times
“I stopped at a garage to get a bottle of beer en femme”
You have an interesting garage there, Katie! 🥳
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Haha,
Always known it as the “garage”, should have said petrol station!!!
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- Registered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 10Replies: 233Has thanked: 1187 timesBeen thanked: 517 times
Even still, buying alcohol at a gas station is highly unusual to this Canadian. I am not sure that it would be allowed. Maybe in Quebec. I will have to ask a Quebecer friend.
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Late nights a put on my skinny jeans high heels and take a short walk around my neighborhood
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You don’t need to sneak, from what I have experienced in the last couple of days, nobody gives a hoot if we are all dressed up, people have other things on their mind other than what we are doing
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- Registered On: February 27, 2021Topics: 2Replies: 513Has thanked: 263 timesBeen thanked: 2096 times
So wear a dress. If you want less criticism, look like a woman wearing a dress. Free expression is the same as free speech. Reactions, unless threatening, are also free speech.
Do as you like.
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- Registered On: October 19, 2022Topics: 2Replies: 60Has thanked: 443 timesBeen thanked: 275 times
Many of us, including myself, carry a lot of guilt and shame that we are doing something that does not please people that we care about. Then throw in all the crazy laws passing against transgender people and you have a real storm going on.
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I love wearing dresses. I feel so free when I do.
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- Registered On: December 12, 2022Topics: 5Replies: 64Has thanked: 244 timesBeen thanked: 372 times
I can relate to what your saying. I want to wear what I like. Just because that’s a dress or cute outfit shouldn’t matter. I’m not a different person. I just want to be comfortable and feel attractive. Men’s clothing doesn’t make me feel that way. I’m probably never going to transition. Just not what I feel like I need to do to be happy. But wearing a skirt and shaving my legs make me happy.
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- Registered On: November 23, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 617Has thanked: 456 timesBeen thanked: 2652 times
When you are doing something that so runs counter to society’s norms it can be extremely difficult for people to understand and accept. Therefore many CD’s fly under the radar in one way or another. But you don’t have to lead a double life. If your dressing and trans feelings are so strong and truly define who you are, you can lead your life as Samantha and let the chips fall where they may.
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I agree 100% Fiona. That’s how I feel. So you gave a incredible message hun.
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- Registered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 34Replies: 1495Has thanked: 1757 timesBeen thanked: 7810 times
I’m trans so there’s that. But I can relate to where you’re coming from.
I had a DADT arrangement with my last GF. That was fine for a while. But as I went further in my journey, there came a point when I needed to live my life authentically. So my GF and I mutually agreed it would be best if I got a place of my own. We’ve been living separately for close to a year. We still see each other about once a week and have maintained a closeness that’s rare among couples that split. I’m lucky in that regard.
Getting a place of my own gave me the freedom I needed. Things have never been better.
Obviously what I did won’t work for most girls. But I hope it helps someone.
/EA
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