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Wow. That’s all I can say at the moment because, unusually for me, I’m lost for words.
Over the last few days I have observed a couple of online discussions, and briefly participated in one, about who should be ‘covered’ under a so-called “transgender umbrella” and who is “really” transgender. I was initially disappointed by some of the responses from transsexuals, regarding whether crossdressers have any sort of right to be included under that umbrella or considered transgender. The arguments put forward included:
* crossdressers are not full-time so they don’t experience the discrimination that full-time people do
* crossdressers are “not credible” because they don’t intend to transition (I won’t even ask how many transsexuals began as crossdressers…)
* only transsexuals have any rights under any legal protections that might be introduced for transgender people
and most disturbingly, (in the US) crossdressers who are not full time should be forced to use the bathroom of their birth gender because they are only playing at dress-ups.Unfortunately I’ve seen similar attitudes here at CDH, the idea that if people don’t pursue transition or if they don’t seek to be femme all day, every day then they are “not really transgender”. The vitriol levelled at crossdressers in those discussions was staggering and, to my mind, showed an unwillingness to consider that not everyone subscribes to a gender binary, that some people can be neither all male nor all female. Either that or it shows pure elitist spite. I’ve seen people in chat here on CDH ask “are you a CD or TG?” thus suggesting that crossdressers are not transgender, or at least, not part of some mystic sorority that only those who do, or who want to live femme full-time can be part of.
I’ve recently read in a book by a well-known and, in some circles, well respected transwoman, some interesting points. Among them, she states that the insistence by some transwomen that they ‘must’ be accepted as women by society, can actually be a hangover of the male privilege many of them started life with. A Ciswoman pointed out to the author that many ciswomen have spent their lives trying to gain acceptance and equality and that perhaps those transwomen should try a “little humility”.
In light of the ‘anti-CD’ comments I read by transwomen in the online discussions, perhaps the comment by one ciswoman is the most telling. She said “It doesn’t matter what drugs they take, what surgery they have or what they want to wear, they will never be ‘real’ women because they were not born female and they don’t have ovaries or a uterus.” Now I don’t necessarily agree with the way she made the point but what she says is valid in light of the discrimination shown within the transgender ‘world’. I can’t even call it a community because too many people with their own interests seek to claim elite status by denigrating and rejecting others. Those who claim certain people have no rights because “you’re not one of us” forget that those very “us” people are not actually the “us” they claim to be.
Why can’t we just accept people for who they are? If seeking transgender rights can gain safety and security for those who want to present in public as women, or men for those FtM, why the heck does it matter whether the biological plumbing has been altered or whether those presenting as such do so full time or just occasionally? There are some who have very valid medical reasons why full transition is not an option. Does that make them any less who they are? I believe that it is in our minds that we are transgender and that it is our hearts that help us to express that as we feel is right for us. The world is not black and white so why do some people insist everyone must be? If they choose to be, then great for them but we’ll never attain society acceptance while we can’t accept each other as equals.
Maybe I found the words after all, but I am much saddened nevertheless.
Your arguments are well articulated and profound as usual. Your points do raise the requirement of thought and discussion. I had never thought of the idea of male privilege. I am not sure if I agree with all your points, but they definitely lead me to reexamine my own thoughts on the subject.
MacKenzie Alexandra
I think you have struck on the greatest challenge we all face. There will always be someone who thinks they are the authority to decide what “category” everyone can and can’t fit in. It used to drive me crazy when I was faced with the same bias, elitism, or whatever you want to call it. I think I have had more acceptance from people who do not choose to live an alternative lifestyle regarding my choice to live as Gina than I have from the Transsexual or Gay community. I realize I don’t live in a perfect world, and that for many my lifestyle will never be “acceptable” in their world view. I accept there will always be the probability that I will be confronted with someone hostile to me for who I choose to be, and that I can’t change the world, I just gotta live in it. But I realize just about everybody faces similar injustice or unfairness somewhere in their lives and they have to work those challenges out just like I have to work mine out my own way. Such is the way the world works.
love the topic and I agree you cant put all under any umbrella what I would like to know who or when was all these rules started the way I feel is were what you like be who you are why would anybody put restrictions on clothing or gender feelings and why do people try to hurt others just cause they don’t fit in there mold. Thanks Janes for the topic you go girl
I can’t agree more with your comments. A year ago, I never would have thought I would be crossdressing, but now I do when I can. In a year from now, it’s a real possibility that I will be on HRT and dressing most of the time. But why am I not a TG now? Some like to CD on occasion. Others see it as part of their journey to fully transitioning and everything in between. I know some great gay guys that you would never suspect they were anything but completely hetero. So are they not gay because they aren’t “flaming” and super effiminate? TGs face such opposition from the “normal” hetero world. The least we should be able to do is accept each other regardless of where we lie on the TG spectrum. Just my two cents.
I agree, Jane. When it comes to the feminine issue, there should not be any compartmentalisation. I like to cross dress and reach out to my feminine side. As I only cross dress when I’m indoors, I am not sure about laws on bathroom usage here in UK. If all public bathrooms were unisex that would be a problem solved.
Well said Jane.
Jane,
As always you express eloquently the thoughts and feelings so many of us have. As one who is still figuring out where on the continuum/spectrum I truly fall, I hold all who fall anywhere on it(including those with no gender confusion) with equal regard and worthy of respect for being human. I certainly don’t see myself as better or worse than others who may or may not seek permanent changes to their physiology and I think (as you mentioned) that many folks who initially believe themselves to be in one place eventually find through self-examination that they actually are somewhere else.People should feel free to be who they are (presuming they do no harm to others) without demanding anything of others than basic human decency and respect.
CynWe had this argument with the transsexuals before. It got really hot. I will say it again. If I am dressed like a woman, I sure will not go to the men’s room..I will go as a woman to their room. Have never had a problem from the women.. But people have gotten trounced in the men’s room and even raped. IF I am non binary I will go to the men’s room and watch my back. The transsexuals are still men also. but they changed their body and they still know they are men. I saw a trans doctor that calls them transmen. He said at least we can stand to pee. But when in the woman’s room always sit as they do. My SO got in that argument and told them they were men as well as cd is. They beat her up and any GG who said it was alright for CD’s to be there. So don’t fell bad. Just know they are still men like us but very different in opinion only.
great replies on this subject just cant understand why we cant be more accepting of each other and enjoy each others traits and personalities and as far as using the restroom you go in go come out nobig deal most smaller places have only single user restrooms so their should be no problem there. As far as being confronted if they have a problem with someone crossdressed they need to keep it to themselves its just plain none of there business if you don’t like the way I look then don’t look at me. keep the responces coming ladies. xoxoxo
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