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  • #413894
    Diana W
    Participant
    Registered On: July 9, 2020
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 244
    Has thanked: 1286 times
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    UGH! What is this feeling that keeps overwhelming me? I feel I want to climb out of my own skin! I feel so antsy. It’s like there’s a feeling of pressure that keeps building up in me until I’m almost curled up in a ball with my head in my hands.  I’m wearing a flowing skirt and a cute sweater. I’m wearing lipstick. I’m wearing jewelry and yet somehow it’s not enough! I don’t know what the Diana side of me wants. My wife is ok with me dressing as a woman at home and that should be enough to satisfy me. So why isn’t it?

Viewing 18 reply threads
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    • #415010
      Candace Baci
      Lady
      Registered On: October 19, 2020
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 48
      Has thanked: 177 times
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      Diane

       

      First let me say how blessed you are that your wife is accepting of your dressing. I have yet to find the courage to tell my wife but I recently have become quite antsy about telling her.

      I was feeling your way at one time and I can tell you Amanda hit it on the head you are in need of some validation.

      For me it started with just going for a ride dressed. I did this about a dozen times and the feeling was exhilarating. Sure enough I needed more validation and my next attempts were driving into gas stations and variety stores , never getting out but making sure to be seen, especially by men. I did that a few times and once again being seen was a rush. My most recent adventures have been actually going into coffee shops, gas stations, etc and getting some great feedback from men.

      Take it one step at a time honey you’ll get there , those worked for me but it may not work for you but I do believe, Amanda’s response was dead for me that I needed some validation and it may be right for you.

       

      Good luck Diane!

      Hugs and Kisses

      Candace

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414827
      Bobbi Sue
      Registered On: September 15, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 114
      Has thanked: 142 times
      Been thanked: 733 times

      At this point I’m not 100% sure.  I’m going to try going out and see if that eases things.

      I completely understand, and you aren’t alone.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414826
      Trisha Smith
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 24, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 51
      Has thanked: 44 times
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      You said that going out fully enfemme is not possible now. Have you tried understanding. Bra, panties, hosiery, painted toe nails, slip etc under your male clothing. Its not rhe same as fully enfemme but it is kinda exhilarating. Work, shopping  or wherever.

       

      Cant hurt to try and your wife doesnt need to know.

       

      Trisha

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #415038
        Trisha Smith
        Duchess
        Registered On: August 24, 2020
        Topics: 4
        Replies: 51
        Has thanked: 44 times
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        Meant to say underdressing. Sorry. Autocorrect strikes again.

    • #414818
      Amanda Burton
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 812
      Has thanked: 6509 times
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      As other girls have said it is probably the need to go out into the world and validate yourself. You need to discuss this with your wife and come up with a plan that will allay her concerns. In my case I only go out into the great outdoors where I can enjoy being myself without the pressure of  too much public exposure.  It is easy to do and is very relaxing. And you don’t need to be passable – just acceptable – as you can mostly avoid close scrutiny.

      It could also partly be one of the negative effects of the pink fog – a kind of mild gender dysphoria, in the sense that you are not quite happy enough with how you present as a woman. Perhaps your expectations are too high?

      Ditto the above, with love

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414251
      Diana W
      Lady
      Registered On: July 9, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 244
      Has thanked: 1286 times
      Been thanked: 1120 times

      I want to thank you all for your responses.  There definitely seems to be a consensus here and I’ve been reaching the same conclusion.  Diana wants to spread her wings and fly.  Going out fully en femme is not possible right now.  I don’t have a wig and I have a wife who, while she isn’t opposed to the idea, is just not ready to accept me making that step right now.

      As it’s now winter we go out wearing heavier coats which means I can go out dressed fully en femme with a coat to hide it.  Sort of stealth dressing.  It won’t be the same as I won’t be wearing makeup etc but I can probably make it work.  For now.  At least it should quieten the angst I’ve been feeling lately.  Thank you all for your support.  It’s great to have so many girlfriends!

    • #414168
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 1671
      Has thanked: 2957 times
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      If you like what you see when you look at Diana in the mirror, it’s only natural that you want to share her with the world. Since I made that first step a year ago, I want to go out every day, and I feel antsy when I can’t do it.

      Hugs,
      Bettylou

    • #414130
      Bobbi Sue
      Registered On: September 15, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 114
      Has thanked: 142 times
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      Help me understand. Do you mean you’d like to go out? Or do you mean dressing isn’t enough and your debating gender?

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #414189
        Diana W
        Lady
        Registered On: July 9, 2020
        Topics: 13
        Replies: 244
        Has thanked: 1286 times
        Been thanked: 1120 times

        At this point I’m not 100% sure.  I’m going to try going out and see if that eases things.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414067
      Deborah Sullivan
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 27, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 451
      Has thanked: 1901 times
      Been thanked: 1681 times

      Yes Diana I agree with my sisters here that you should try taking it to the next level and get out in public and be the woman you were meant to be

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414055
      Cindy Lou
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 18, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 412
      Has thanked: 1753 times
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      I have less experience than probably everybody here, but the first thing that entered my mind was what everybody else has already said, you need to go out.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414051
      Paula F
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 788
      Has thanked: 5422 times
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      I don’t know if you venture outside on your property, but I would suggest a short trip out to the backyard, if you have one, for just 5 or 10 minutes.  Take your time bringing yourself out and dressing and makeup and your favorite dress.  Don’t pay the temperature any mind, but go out for 10 minutes then come back in and relax and warm back up.  That might help a little bit, and you don’t have to move away from thw door if you don’t want to.  Save the trip out to the middle for another try.  It will become easier, if that is what Dianna is needing.

      PaulaF

    • #414047
      Emily
      Lady
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 726
      Has thanked: 3905 times
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      Perhaps just stepping outside the door of your home if you can. A little fresh air and sunshine can work wonders. I used to have a fairly private rear deck that allowed me to sit out for hours reading, drinking a glass of wine, or whatever. We all have the same “fear of getting caught, and desire to be seen” issue. Once you get over the initial discomfort of being in public, it gets easier. I actually went to Walmart and did some shopping yesterday but  that outing was a long time in the making. I’ve been out many times as Emily before, even shopping at smaller stores, but this was the first at a large, busy department store. When you read here about all the ladies who are able to, for whatever reason, go out frequently, it can be a bit discouraging. But remember, they all started with baby steps and went further and more frequently as confidence builds. When you do decide the time is right to step out, pick your outing carefully. Dress for the occasion, and just enjoy it!

      • #414182
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
        Topics: 12
        Replies: 757
        Has thanked: 2425 times
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        Once you’ve been out a few times in a welcoming and accepting environment, the fear of being caught goes away.

        You can’t be caught, as you’re doing nothing that anyone can catch you at – this is the new reality.

        Until you’ve had that epiphany, you’re a soul trapped by your environment.

        Afterwards, you become a free soul in a trapped environment.

        That’s how I see it anyway!

        Love Laura

         

        7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414025
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 114
      Has thanked: 520 times
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      With me, dressing awakens very powerful sexual desires that I wasn’t aware of when in ‘drab’. With me, such desires can be either hetero or bi, depending on who is nearest to me at the time. Dressing definitely turns me into a sexual predator. I’m not saying this is true in your case, but maybe something to think about.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413964
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 46
      Replies: 1304
      Has thanked: 6307 times
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      Diana

      grace is no therapist…but just maybe it’s time for this bird…..to fly!!!….

      It may be just what you need…..but you may need more…..

      until you try honey, you won’t know, but whatever happens, at least you can cross it off your list!!!

      Huggs, grace x

    • #413961
      Seren
      Baroness
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 39
      Replies: 458
      Has thanked: 3938 times
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      My pressure was partly preexisting depression and anxiety complicated by guilt and fear if getting caught.

      This x

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413959
      Lee Ann Rakers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 513
      Has thanked: 790 times
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      Hi Diana,

      Maybe you want to be Diana 100% of the time at home. That is the way I feel.

      Fondly,

      Lee Ann

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413957
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 116
      Replies: 1312
      Has thanked: 1912 times
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      As other girls have said it is probably the need to go out into the world and validate yourself. You need to discuss this with your wife and come up with a plan that will allay her concerns. In my case I only go out into the great outdoors where I can enjoy being myself without the pressure of  too much public exposure.  It is easy to do and is very relaxing. And you don’t need to be passable – just acceptable – as you can mostly avoid close scrutiny.

      It could also partly be one of the negative effects of the pink fog – a kind of mild gender dysphoria, in the sense that you are not quite happy enough with how you present as a woman. Perhaps your expectations are too high?

    • #413946
      Suki Rivers
      Lady
      Registered On: November 20, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 44
      Has thanked: 249 times
      Been thanked: 236 times

      My pressure was partly preexisting depression and anxiety complicated by guilt and fear if getting caught.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413925
      Mika Malone
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: November 11, 2020
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 553
      Has thanked: 1679 times
      Been thanked: 2195 times

      Perhaps, stepping out really is what you need. I’m still getting ready myself. I just need to trim the bangs on my new wig and get my makeup how I want. I’m excited about it and I know this is what I need for Mika to feel complete. Give it a try. If you are still having issues, like DeeAnn suggested, a therapist that specializes in gender issues. A therapist can help you identify what is causing your angst and suggest options that might help. Good luck!

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413904
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 747
      Has thanked: 9 times
      Been thanked: 1966 times

      This isn’t a One Size Fits All situation. Some are content dressing in a room by themselves, others need to be out and still others fall somewhere in between. As for why you feel as you do? Who knows? Perhaps a therapist experienced in gender issues could help…

      7 users thanked author for this post.
      • #413906
        Diana W
        Lady
        Registered On: July 9, 2020
        Topics: 13
        Replies: 244
        Has thanked: 1286 times
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        Thank you, DeeAnn.  I think that’s part of the problem.  I think I need to go out as Diana.  I think she feels caged and wants to express herself more.  At home I dress en femme but in public I always have to present as male.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #413965
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
          Registered On: March 26, 2020
          Topics: 12
          Replies: 757
          Has thanked: 2425 times
          Been thanked: 3681 times

          The arrangement that my wife and I have is that I book a hotel 100 miles away, and have an occasional Laura day (and night) in a distant town.

          It’s not perfect, but as a compromise, it stops the pressure feeling for a while – and the outings are always amazing experiences which seem to have a real positive effect on me, and hence people close to me.

          It’s been nearly 2 months since my last outing because of lockdown, and I am feeling the internal pressure like mad – but I have the weekend of the 12th December booked, and that’s keeping me going.

          Love Laura

        • #413907
          DeeAnn Hopings
          Duchess
          Registered On: November 10, 2019
          Topics: 11
          Replies: 747
          Has thanked: 9 times
          Been thanked: 1966 times

          Time to renegotiate the Rules of Engagement?

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