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I have made good friends here with no negatives.My question for all here.Why do you hide yourselves from the public.I can see the fact of being judged and ridicule.But my god,some of you Ladies and Girls are gorgeous.Beautiful figures,great legs and some even have a great bust line.You make some women even look bad.I would give anything to walk out of my house and go about my business looking this good.I don’t want to stoop to their level,but I hate haters.I just don’t see myself as being passable,which is sad for me.You ladies rock!I really do dislike this man in me more and more every day.I just want to complement you.Your friend always, Tammy!
It is not about being passable or not Tammy. It is for the most part (IMHO) fear of the consequences that being recognized may bring not for us, but for our families, or work related, church related, etc.
Even the most passable CD can be recognized as a crossdresser.
Being read? meh! Who cares? But being recognized is very likely a game changer for most.
Gaby
I agree with you, Gabriella!
In just my simple stepping out “half dressed” in hybrid mode, I am very anxious at times. What if I’m called out, bullied or otherwise hassled? Those fears are always in the back of my mind.
You just have to be careful, you never know what or who you are going to run into these days.
It was just a question that had been in my mind.It seems as though I have struck nerves and pissed people off.That was not my intent,it was an intent of admiration.SORRY!
Not at all! Nothing offensive about what you said! 🙂
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Tammy I have been fairly open with my tg/cd status, however… My wife has requested that I keep it away from our home town for the purpose of protecting my profession, her profession and our children. As many have said, its about the bigots and jerks. I realize I am somewhat effeminate even in guy mode and wear jewelry, keep my nails a little long, have had my facial hair lasered off and dress a little less than “manly.” These things said, I do work an upper management white collar job in a conservative profession and the potential for harm to my family both personally and financially keeps me from just coming out and living full time as Carolyne. Do I hide? Maybe, but I also don’t back down when someone makes a comment about “trannies” and put a stop to it and let them know I don’t care about how people live their life as long as they are a good person. I also don’t hide some of my hybrid presentation either. So my full dressing is away from home but I go out eating, shopping, clubbing and just being a woman without fear of being identified as a cd/tg/trans etc when away. So nope, nobody pissed off here, just humans trying to live their lives in the least confrontational manner they can while still being who they really are at some level. We unfortunately do that whether its on a professional level at work being serious when we are happy go lucky, prim and proper for church, discussing things with others politely that don’t interest us, OR being a cd/tg. Go have a great day and enjoy your freedom to be who you are.
🍷C
hi tammy, its a perfectly reasonable question for which I for one am not offended. answer wise, there are many…..
1. fear of the unknown. I think this applies to all situations in life, not just cross dressing etc. human nature is such that most of us worry about an upcoming event, such as a driving test, a new dentist or even a shopping trip at a place you have never been before to name a few examples.
2. other peoples opinions. I think this one is a biggie for many, including me. we should not really care but many of us are sensitive and care/worry about what other people say, do or interact. its easier said than done just walking out of the house with all your pretty clothes on but unfortunately even now in the 21st century, there are still dinosaurs out there with prehistoric points of view and opinions which can and do hurt many.
3. where do you go? this is a tough one as for many of us, clubs or meeting places with people of the same or similar interests are few and far between. even going to a pub and using the toilet could be an ordeal for some, let alone going on a shopping trip at your local mall or shopping centre.
4. personal attractiveness or self esteem. this is another important point. for those of us who are high on courage and will go out may be reluctant due to their own personal appearance. maybe you might think ‘I am unattractive’, ‘my clothes dont suit me’, ‘my make-up is not right’ ‘my size or shape might draw attention’ the list is endless here.
5. fear of rejection. again another biggie as this can have moral and future repercussions. its a well known fact that being knocked back by a date with a girl or boy can cause people to develop very low self esteem and a big reluctance to pursue it further. now i’m not saying we go out to form relationships with people, maybe some do, but if someone said ‘you look ridiculous’ I for one would be heartbroke and it would have a massive impact on ‘fiona’. I think this answer is a mixture of 2 and 4.
I am sure there are other aspects to add to the above answers, but from the top of my head, these for me are the main ones.
fiona xx
Fiona such well thought out points… It is a guide worth noting for all the ladies here…
The main point is safety… The best way to be out and about is with other friends cd/tg or not. I am fortunate there is a tg/cd venue where you don’t owe anyone an explanation and share your feminine side with others. I plan to join them very soon… Thanks again Fiona for a great article…Leonara
Honestly, I don’t want to hide this aspect of myself. I’ve done it for the longest time and I’ve grown weary of it. The main reason I keep doing so is because I’m still figuring myself out. I’m still experimenting and seeing what kind of person Amelia is. I also haven’t told everyone that matters to me yet. I want for them to find out from me personally rather that find out from an outside source. I haven’t gotten to it yet because of said figuring out. Plus, my femme outfits are currently limited to a few wigs and some basic makeup. Not enough to make a full ensemble, but that will soon change once I go shopping for my Halloween costume. Finally, I have no one to go with other than my mother, and I’m pretty sure she would be very skittish hanging out with me as Amelia. Maybe once she gets to know her, she’ll be more open toward it, but I wouldn’t hold my breath on it.
Hopefully, I will be able to reveal myself to the world before the end of the year. I really want to.
I don’t hid it at home. I dress en femme around the house and just recently went out with the wife en femme as girl friends. It was lots of fun. I hide it and underdress while I’m on the road. I’m a trucker and at night truck stops can be (not always depending on the area) dangerous for women drivers by themselves. Doubly so for anyone that comes off as “different”.
I just wanted to say thanks for all of the replies.There are so many variables to each unique situation.Society really does suck for the most part.All of the big stud JACKASSES that just want to hurt people,inflict pain both mentally and physically.Work,family,friends I can see each reason and mine are the same.Me,myself have come out to my wife as I have mentioned.I have told her there is this other person inside of me that will really never get to live HER life to the fullest.All I will say is there are some beautiful women her to me.Throwing all of the negatives out,then there would be no reason to hide.HUGS MY FRIENDS,THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE IN A PLACE WHERE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING AND NOT HATRED.
One of my concerns is safety. My partner lives in a small village in the middle of nowhere (so a lot of people there are small minded), whereas I live in a crime-area small town. My partner could lose his job at best and assaulted at worst. To go out in public would mean going far away so no-one we know will see us, and neither of us have the car or money to do that just yet. It’ll be a fun thing to eventually do, though.
[quote quote=122741]One of my concerns is safety. My partner lives in a small village in the middle of nowhere (so a lot of people there are small minded), whereas I live in a crime-area small town. My partner could lose his job at best and assaulted at worst. To go out in public would mean going far away so no-one we know will see us, and neither of us have the car or money to do that just yet. It’ll be a fun thing to eventually do, though.
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Safety always Girl,You had just better get your act together and get things planed out,figured out and take that trip.Go have fun for us girls and ladies that can’t,or have the damn time.I am grinning while writing this and my wife wants to know why,lol.It is always something I know.We all have our fears I am sure.You get the chance,don’t miss out.Tammy!I tucked myself away for years. I never had a good body image of myself. Either as a male or female. I I just never had a lot of self confidence. I decided for my 28th birthday I would let myself be me and stop hiding behind my day to day male clothes. I never had the confidence I needed to take a step outside my door. When my SO reassured me a few weeks ago that I actually do make a cute girl, it was about all the assurance I needed. She told me if she didn’t know me, she wouldn’t bat an eye seeing me dressed in public. I’m still working on perfecting my voice so I try to talk quiet for now when I need to, but with the right outfit and apparently even without makeup, I can pass as a 20 some year old girl. It’s so nice to be able to dress how I feel, of course when the situation allows. My family still doesn’t know so I suppose that may be a reason I still find myself in the shadows. Bobbi may have said it best to me. How do you expect a beautiful flower to blossom if you keep it hidden in the shadows? That really spoke to me and gave me so much confidence. I find now that I have more confidence as Skyler than I do as my boring male self. It’s hard to describe, but I think the world will see a lot more of this girl. 😘
Cos I live and love with someone who will not allow me to dress as Caty before I go out.
I have the confidence, the time and the $$$ to have makeovers and go out and I’d do it quite frequently if I could.
But I’ve had a broken marriage already, with being CD a major part of it and I aint going down that “mascara wand” again. Also its very selfish to impose”our” wishes on someone else if they are not comfy with it and to do so is just “rubbing concealer into the wrinkles”.
Mine not her’s!!!!
Caty
I think I look much better in Bianca mode than in my drab mode, I feel much happier, excited, more extroverted, feel I let my true self out. Love it and would love to do it full time. As most of us have, I have had my share of knocks, and my skin is thick enough to take any insults or taunts ignorant damaged bigoted people want to throw my way.
So why don’t I do it full time, simple, my kids, in their early teens. Not so much how they would deal with it, I know our bond could not be broken by such a revelation. It is more that I do not want them to be exposed to insults about having a ‘tranny dad’ or Suchlike from above mentioned ignorant damaged bigoted people.
This overwhelming need to protect my kids trumps my desire to let the real me out.
Hope you all understand
love
Bianca
It is very understandable.We all want to protect our famalies and loved ones.The ridicule by friends and peers for kids.I have learned as I have aged,that I have become more understanding on alot of issues that others judge us for.I have a transgender person in my family that I never knew about until recently.My wife brought her to my attention.You know what,good for her,and good for all of us.We are becoming a recognized group that should be noticed.We are all human beings.I just wish I was as brave as some of you here.I am just so scared to take that first step and go out in public and be who I really want to be.Like I said before I hate judgemental people.The one thing I will say,when and if I make my first outing……………………..I hope mister manly can handle a pair of my little size 7 Stilettoes in his sack for being a jackass if he makes remarks.Love all of you GIRLFRIENDS for just being who you are.TAMMY!
I have lived in my community for 30 years. Although some do know I underdress, most don’t. I don’t come out and stay in the closet as my many friends just could not handle it. I feel it would hurt them and it would certainly cause a problem at my locals. My brother is a homophobe and that would be impossible and I just wouldn’t want to hurt my daughter who still sees me as her knight in shinning amour. In the end, I have made the decision that the hurt it would cause others outweighs my want to do it. However, I have figured out how I can have both. I don’t live far from a gay community and have made friends there. It is a free zone, so I love to take the trip and am able to go out en femme there and limit my day to day just underdressing in my home town and around my relatives.
It is so understandable knowing what hurt or trouble it would cause with family and friends.I know where you are coming from.I have a brother that means the world to me and I would never want to break that friendship or bond.The same with my Daughter although I think she would be very understanding.It would be nice having a chance to get away like you do.Just having the chance to make new understanding friends would be so great.I have had more or less my first date with a male friend.It was here at home with him but it was interesting.I guess I am very lucky,my wife left Saturday night and told me to invite him over and have fun.So that is what we did.Thanks Jennifer and enjoy your private outings.Tammy.
I do create a beautiful illusion – but I do have a large Adam’s apple, I am 6’2″ without my 5″ heels, and no real femme voice. I can be pretty and will attract visual attention. But I won’t blend in unless traveling with a women’s basketball team. I could use a turtleneck or scarf and sit and be quiet, but is that really worth the tiny risk of physical violence if some men are visually attracted to me and then get upset when I speak? If my wife would support me and go with me, I could do it, but she would toss me to the wolves if that happened.
Society currently depends on treating men and women differently – men you may shake hands with and women a peck on cheek. You get people upset when you confuse them as to how to properly interact with them. Men who are attracted to a man in a dress may feel you are making them think homosexual thoughts. But things are getting much better than 30 years ago.
Hugs, Ellen
I see all your points.It is just a srewed up society for sure.I did something a minute ago and really dont give a damn what my neighbors say or think.My wife asked me what in the hell I was doing?I went outside in my heels and hose and blouse and had a cigerette and sat on the porch in plain view.People don’t like who I am the hell with them all,I dare them to say something.Thanks for your reply hon.Lets talk anytime,Tammy.
This is a great question – and one I have often asked myself.
There are lots of answers, so I won’t give one for now, but I will share this;
Yesterday, a delivery man knocked on my door.
Nothing unusual in that – especially in the run-up to Christmas.
However, until yesterday I (Laura) would never have gone to the door and answered it.
The delivery guy’s face and manners didn’t give much away, and I surprised myself at how naturally I behaved.
I knew I looked good (not amazing, but you know when you’ve got the image right!).
I was wearing a lovely black floral dress from Alex, which I treated myself to when I got my last job, nude heels from Next which I wear in preference to any other pair I own, and tights, and my forms gave me an appealing but not overtly sexy. My wig was honey blonde, and a little ratty – and I had no makeup on, but had recently shaved, so no shadow.
It was an experience that made me (Laura) feel really alive – I’m still basking in the moment.
NB; There are no sexual overtones to this – I have only ever been attracted to females – and feel repulsed by males!
I wanted to share, because it’s something I thought I’d never be able to do, or, if I did, that it would be awful, or I (or my man) would suffer horrible guilt or other bad feelings.
But we both feel great.
I hope this inspires someone.
:0)
Love
Laura
Thank you for your reply hon.It inspired me!This was my whole point that I was trying to get across.I am so happy for you and what you did.The confidence in doing what you did and answering that door and saying that here I am take it or leave it.I am me,I am beautiful.I know there are many situations that hold some of us back which is sad for us.So happy for you,keep living the life GIRL,Tammy.
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