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I had another discussion with my SO about my want to be CD. Eventhough I was asking to know more about how she feels about where I am at with my CD, she turned it into why do I want (need) to crossdress? I cannot answer her question because I do not know. I am learning more everyday about how it makes me feel but not why I want to do it.
I have learned that one way to find the root cause (reason) is the 5 whys. If you ask the question ‘why’ 5 times you will get to the root cause (reason). Once you can no longer answer why, the last answer is the root cause.
I get to question 2 or 3 and it does not get me to the reason why I want to crossdress. It is a journey that I am on but it would help my SO to join me on my journey if I could give her a better answer than I don’t know.
Me: My 5 whys gets me to en femme clothes feel and look good. I like how they look on me and how they make me feel.
SO: why doesn’t male clothes do the same thing for you?
Me: En femme clothes are more exiting and I have more choices.
This explanation does not seem to be adequate.
What are your reasons for being a crossdresser?
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I’ve been asking myself the same question lately.
1. It makes me feel comfortable. 2. It relaxes me. 3. Women have way better, prettier clothes. 4. I like feeling feminine. 5. I believe that I have a feminine side that I prefer being….Why? (See #1 and start over)
I think I’m a better, more well rounded (yes, also that way 🙂 ) person as a woman than I am as a man. I take better care of myself as a female. I’m more inclined to workout if I can at least wear my sports bra. My doctor has been telling me to lose 15-20 pounds for years and get some exercise and I never have. Since Tara has come out, I’ve lost 25 pounds, exercise and just had my checkups and my bloodwork numbers have never been better.
I’m better as Tara and I like myself better as Tara.
I wrestled with that question for only a little while but decided to change my why questions…
Me: why do I hide my cross dressing
shame guilt
Me: why am I ashamed of cross dressing (women do every day and they’re not ashamed)…
because I was humiliated wearing female clothes
Me: why did they humiliate me (who were they)
My parents, brothers and sisters (I had one that thought I was cute in a pink dress) kids at school (I was taken to school in a dress by my mother)
Me: why does that still make me feel shame
…this is where I start a whole new chain of questions that unfortunately I have no one to really share them with..
I hope this helps…also take a look at the sociology of clothing in the 50-60’s Knowing the history of the cultural clothing wars when women were first given permission to wear pants in public…this might be something you and spouse explore together
Stephanie 😘Holy cow Stephanie!
“I was taken to school in a dress by my mother” that must have been so traumatic, assuming it was some form of punishment based on your other comments. Hugs…
— Abbie 🥰😘
Well… Now you’ve gone and done it Tina 🥰
I was just discussing something like this privately with another member. I said I don’t know what came first, the Gender fluidity or pure crossdressing. Did I put on panties the first time, just out of childish curiosity and that turned to fluidity during my formative years or did I already identify as a girl and realized those were “my” clothes that I should be wearing?
I was always a quiet kid that liked playing with the girls more than the boys and got called a lot of homophobic slurs for it through my younger years. I used to think I was attracted to those girls but I think now I was probably wishing I was them, as far back as grade 2, which is what, 8 years old?
Anyway “it” was already smouldering before puberty and when that hit it was like throwing gas on a fire. The hormones, the taboo, the feeling and look of the clothes… Unstoppable.
I think I have mild dysphoria, not enough to go all the way. Having said that, I have rationalized my crossdressing as a fetish in the past but I like dressing without sex being involved and have done so for a long time. Sometimes I wonder if I’m still rationalizing things now and perhaps I have much stronger dysphoria that I’m suppressing? I’ve had a lot of practice suppressing things. I do like being a man fairly often but what if that’s a coping mechanism? LOL, what a mess.
So, I don’t know. I’m still searching. I sure feel better about all of it since I got here though.
I hope seeing my confusion after 40 years helps you feel better about your own questions Tina, good luck on your journey hun.
— Abbie 🥰😘
It’s self expression.
What we wear is an outward expression of how we feel inside.
If you think about it, there’s no such thing as cross dressing – only clothing.
Go back a mere couple of thousand years in the 4 million year human history, and the difference in attire between the genders is not as strong.
The fashion industry has created the ideas of masculine and feminine clothing and sold them hard.
This suit will look sharp, emphasise manly shoulders – that dress will accentuate the bust and minimise the waist, and so on.
In many indigenous cultures, the concept of gender as binary is alien – some ancient cultures list 28 variations.
Some remote cultures still see clothing as entirely optional – which it is, until someone else hammers home the noxious idea that not covering up the “naughty bits” is shameful.
The Cerne Abbas giant is an interesting testament to how naughty bits were seen in England a mere 1000 years ago or so.
Is the question why do we cross dress, or why do we choose particular clothes on a particular day?
Love Laura
Even just a few hundred years ago, men wore the wigs, makeup, fancy clothes and pointy shoes and complained if women did anything fancy outside of special occasions. Somewhere along the way we got screwed.
— Abbie 🥰
- Men’s clothing is frankly, boring.
- Women’s clothes are varied, colorful softer and pleasing from a textural standpoint
- I feel attractive in women’s clothing, I do not in male Clothes.
- Crossdressing encourages me to take care of myself. Dressing mundane encourages bad behavior.
overall I personally do have a woman inside me. When I dress for that part of me, I feel happy. I can be me, I can have emotions. I can be nice.
Hello.
Why do I crossdress????
I could give a long list, but basically…..
Because I want to!!!! it’s my choice and I thought I lived in a world where I was allowed a say in how I live my life….obviously not.
There would be a perfect solution to all of these problems we have…
Make women’s clothes universal, then we could attack and confront any men who secretly dressed in drab while their wives were out!!! ……
oooooh,
shoehigh heel on the other foot or what!Edit for Lisa………….. why????
I adore looking pretty, feeling good and it makes me a happier, better and more contented person …why wouldn’t I??? xx
Grace ❤️
This has been discussed by so many times through the years, with myself, my sister, close friends and counselors.
THE why that I want to present as female could have been answered on that first day, but I was 5, what did I know? I knew that the cute girl that I saw in that mirror that morning , and everytime I dressed after that, was me. One way or another, she and I were the same person.
At first, I could only see her occasionally, but it always made me want to see/be her more and more as I aged up. By puberty, I knew, in my heart and mind that I was born a girl, but some parts got mixed up. Was I cheated in the chromosome wash that ultimately determines our physical sex, and only got a partial rinse?
Was I interested in boys, and later men, because I was gay, or because part of my psyche was female, and I was following those instincts?
The pursuit of that young girl has been a part of me, and part of my life since that first day. I am finally closer to catching up to her, and becoming whole with her than I have been my whole life, for better or worse. Some people say it is for worse, pphhhht!!!
This is me, I determine it, no religious or governmental entity can tell me different, because I know……. and that is all that is important.
PaulaF
Paula,
Thank you for that beautiful response…..
Hi Tina
In my view your reply should be ‘why not?’
Why is it socially unacceptable for a man to wear a dress, skirt, heels, costume jewellery etc etc?
Why should we be forced to conform with societal norms and expectations?
Why do some people love sports, some love painting, some love cars, some love collecting antiques, some love tattoos, why can’t we love fashion and exploring our feminine side? Everybody is different.
Why should we be forced to suppress something we love? Is it doing anybody any harm? Yes it may be causing friction with relationships, friendships, social situations etc, but is the cause of the problem us? Or is the problem inside the heads of the people who have a problem with it?No it’s not because I’m gay or want to be a woman, stop trying to rationalise it with reasons!!! Why do I need a reason!!!
Sorry🥵venting🤣🤣🤣
❤️Bianca
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I like your response. Instead of asking why, accept that it is and what it brings to me. I can deny the urge to dress en femme, but it does not change who I am and how I feel. Does it bring out a better version of me? I believe it does. I am a less angry person when dressing en femme even if it is just under dressing. Maybe the why is a journey of discovery but should not be a barrier to happiness and acceptance. If my SO can accept the way I dress, the real questions should be ‘am I a better person and does it make me happy?’
There are many activities my SO does that makes her happy and therfore a better version of her. They are not activities that I enjoy but I support her in these activities just because they make her happy. I don’t need to know why they make her happy. I just does.
I have been thinking about “the journey” for a while now and thought it might make a good forum post on its own. But it fits in this discussion so well, I’ll add it here.
There is often talk about how our dressing develops, grows, accelerates over time. How it goes from undies to full wardrobes and total female presentation. When you become a member here, the question asks, are you planning to transition? We describe it as a journey as if we are headed somewhere, to be something else. And obviously for many, they are indeed headed to transition, to create a life consistent with their gender.
But to only see ourselves as traveling forward on a predictable trajectory to increasingly greater feminization sees the path only one way. The other part of the journey which we might overlook is the path we’ve already travelled. The question isn’t just, why do I do this and where is it headed? I think it’s just as important to ask, where have I come from and what have I left behind?
Many of us have said how dressing makes us more sensitive. Our SO’s enjoy the company of our femme selves. We feel we can relate better to GG’s. And all that is very true. But equally true is that as we move forward, we are moving away as well. Moving away from masculinity. Away from another social construct which tries to very uncomfortably fit us in another box. To travel AWAY from the constraint of the masculine image gives as much satisfaction as going towards a feminine ideal. Dressing can be as much a rejection of the masculine as it is an embrace of the feminine.
And so, I think that’s really a sweet spot. To be able to confidently, joyfully and proudly set aside the burdens of the masculine persona. We can think of cross dressing as putting on our traveling clothes and heading out to get away from the masculine.To sum it up, I don’t quite know where I’m going but I know where I’ve been and I am happy to be exactly where I am.
My thoughts,
ClaraSo true Clara so true.💕💋 Katie
Thanks Clara! I love your reflection. It is so interesting how various the replies are (which makes total sense). I will think about your journey away from the masculine. That is not an option for me…..but I so love that imagery….
Hugs, Melissa
Actually, I am wrong. I do love my masculine side as much as my fem side. I do need to have less of my masculine reactions to things and embrace a fem, a gentle, kinder response and not the anger, pissed off reactions to life occurances. I am growing….thanks to the thought provoking discussions here..
Hugs
Melissa
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I react poorly more often than I should. When dressed en femme, I want a more gentle, understanding and patient side of me to come out. This will go a long way in acceptance of this side of me. It may also help the masculine side of me to make me an all around better person.
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I am working toward the same goal
A great question with lovely answers.
How often are we asked why we want something? It could be anything. At that moment in time we feel we want it. Usually followed by”Why the need’ and various questions to justify the want. If we get whatever it is we then live with it and no further questions are asked, except if we think we made a mistake but we have to live with it or get rid.
The issue with crossdressing is that it is quite different and has been against the grain of society.
When coming out I had a list of things that I felt had to be explained. A logical statement that the recipient would, hopefully understand. Most of it was actually irrelevant as the real satement is that it is who I am,how I want to live and makes me happy.
The S.O question is a bit more complex of course. They have invested in you and now a lot is running through their mind as this affects them and will want to know everything including the unanswerable.
Sometimes there is no real explanation. You just have this notion that it is something you want to do, need to do and live with it dealing with what comes.
I have always loved the feel and the softness. And yes there was an excitement to it all as a teen….but I found the same excite in men’s magazines then and that didn’t carry forward. So yeah, I have been reflecting on my fem side….do I need the clothing to be fem? And the answer should be no but it isn’t. I think under dressing is somehow important as a statement that I acknowledge and accept my feminine side. I have no answer….but will continue to ponder
If I could answer this question I’d be a very rich popular person, I’ve been asking myself the big why for over 40 years now. The only thing I can come up with is because this is who I am. I am transexual, this is how I like to say I was hardwired and the clothes are a way of me showing the real me, the person I am on the inside. That’s all I’ve got, I wish I could say when I was and entering puberty [early starter] that something in my brain turned on and told me to try on my sisters clothes but no. As Popeye would say ” I amsk whos I amsk Olivesk.
dress as fem as possible when working then get home and get more fem since can’t do full fem yet at work but working on it.
I can give you a lot of reasons why I like to crossdress, the clothes, the fabrics, the styles, etc. etc. But that doesn’t begin to touch the real WHY of it. What drew me to try on my Mom’s lingerie, and why did it light a spark inside of me that smouldered and smouldered till it took flame in the form of Amy?
That as I like to put it, is the hard part. I have no idea except to say as others have said before, dressing up touches something inside which is the real me, or at least makes me feel more complete. As I am not transgender, and I don’t think I will ever go that route, but I do need to be Amy for a while. It is not just a fetish, She is part of the real me.
This doesn’t sound like much, but it is the best I can do!
Amy
Tina, I can only speak for me because even though I read all these replies, and think about them and see how many can apply to me in various ways, I’m still me and no one else.
Some here have talked about which came first (like the chicken vs egg conundrum), wanting to dress, then doing it, or dressing then wanting to continue. Some have mentioned early onset of desires, or later in life onset of desires.
I’ve written this elsewhere that when I was 4 or 5 I asked my mother to make me a dress (a full dress such as it was), which she did, out of something like kraft paper, which I wore for the afternoon until it tore. I remember her making it as I watched, and wearing in it our side yard until it tore up. I don’t remember any time earlier, but for me to make that request and her to follow through suggests strongly that I had the urge, desire, need, feeling, inner turmoil, whatever to want(or need) it much earlier. The feelings have never left, what has changed is my ability to understand them better, fulfill the need better, and hide it better. When I was around 12 my mother enrolled me in a YMCA wrestling class – talk about trying to force those desires out of me!!!! Wrestling, about the most savage of the male sports, along with boxing, yuk!!!
By the time I was in my late teens and early 20’s I had read enough to strongly suggest I was probably far more advanced then just wanting to be a cross-dresser. But….I started making conscious decisions that led me to maintain the outward appearance I had then and still have now, and act the role of a standard male. Of course with some exceptions. I absolutely detest things like getting my hands dirty from oil or grease or whatever or using power tools, or spitting and chewing or getting into drunken brawls. If anywhere I thrive in a standard white collar environment. Problem is, for many female spouses or S.O’s, the expectation of the male spouse is that he will willingly get his hands dirty doing those various ‘manly’ things.
Why? Because our society (of humans), for better or worse, and for most those millennia, to survive, has, over 3 1/2 million years of homo sapien existence, forced the two sexes into very specific roles, whether any individual wants to live that role or not. Only has society evolved with increased socialization and industrialization, have we now begun allowing behaviors that go against what has been the expected norm for those several million years,
And, of course, although it is happening, it just isn’t fast enough for many. And for many groups (such as gay men or lesbians) who are gaining acceptance faster than cross-dressers or the larger transgender community, that acceptance often entails setting boundaries on who can also be let in, and often….we aren’t. Yet, anyway.
Now, for the answer to why do we cross-dress, at least for me, it goes way beyond the desire to feel good, or feel calm or relaxed, although for many that probably is the case. I mean why do some men want to come home, sit in front of the tv, watch sports (or whatever), guzzle beer, chow down on high sodium chips, high sugar foods, etc. etc. Or some what to engage in pastimes, like hobbies, or outdoor sports, or reading books, or even working on greasy and grimy objects. Does anyone question them on their deep seated reasons of why they do it?
Why do lots of women like eating chocolate, watching those Hallmark movies, ready trashy novels, drinking wine? Chatting with other women sometimes about those not present? Does anyone ask why they like to do all that? Could they give what most would expect a rational answer?
Hardly ever for any of those questions, because we mostly expect all that as part of our conditioning of those millions of years.
My answer is because that’s what they all like to do, to be themselves, to do what they feel relieves their tensions, or allows them to be not what someone else expects of them, but what they want to be, at least for a few moments.
I can agree that we may think our desires are embarrassing, or maybe our SO thinks they are embarrassing, but they are what makes each and all of us, us. Embarrassment seems to be something humans have added to their repertoire to maintain conformity. Conformity may have worked in the past, but it is becoming very outdated, very quickly, and the sooner it’s gone, the better. Think about this, if conformity really worked, we wouldn’t need laws. Laws mostly work, and bad laws get repealed as society moves on.
My spouse for example, I can see where she is the most ‘excited’ or energized or on, or whatever it is that makes her really happy – the last 5 to 10 minutes of a project where she sees the end of it and can start planning on the next project. Not the finishing of the current or last project, or even the enjoyment of a job well done, but the thrill of knowing that soon, she can begin the next project. Her worst time is coming upon a problem when that last 10 minutes is within sight.
Why does she feel this way? It’s because that is who she is, and that’s what makes her happy, or comfortable, or satisfied, or maybe it completes her as the person she is.
Since for whatever the reason each person has, the act of being able to dress meets or at least starts meeting the needs of what that person needs to feel or at least to start feeling complete, to be themselves.
We’re all different and have different needs or desires in life, so having someone close, a spouse, a partner, a family member who understands that each person has different needs and desires, and are trying to get a little closer to those needs, along with doing things that don’t materially harm anyone else (except maybe for hurt feelings), and who accepts who we are, is someone to be loved and cherished. And by loving them and cherishing them back, you may be helping them meet their needs and desires.
It can be difficult to try to meet our own needs and desires, as well to help others meet theirs, but isn’t that what a relationship should be about, whether in the sanctity of marriage or just deciding to live together?
Maybe it should be that we each ask our significant others what they like to do to meet their own needs and desires, and how can we help them do that. And I don’t mean what additional chores we can take on, I mean find out what their own personal, secret, hidden desires are that they really want to do on their own, that they do, or want to do.
And for them to share with you, may be just as hard (or maybe even harder) than for you to share with them your need to cross-dress. It also may be worth it in the long run.
P.S. I suspect there are a lot more secrets each and every person has that they indulge in at times, because that’s who they are. And if they claim they don’t, I’d be very suspicious. We’re all human, and that entails an awful lot of daydreams, imaginations, and very personal desires, many of which each person seems embarrassed by. And maybe by helping them open up to you, they can help you as you open up to them. No guarantees tho, because it’s still human life we’re talking about.
That was such a great response, it makes me want to let my wife read it. Thanks for such great insight. And yes why shouldn’t we be ourselves? 💕💋
Katie-
WOW! Well said. It provides a great perspective for me.
This is a very good answer, and to yours I’ll add a bit more of mine, and about me.
Many years before I started dressing, and I would have been 4 or 5, I always loved to thump away on my Grandmother’s piano. She was an accomplished player, though when I knew her she was suffering from arthritis, so was well past her prime. Since I seemed to have a real interest, she started teaching me. Years later when she had to sell her house she gave me the piano as of all of the grandchildren I was the only one who had a musical inclination.
I still play piano, plus I’ve learned other instruments over the years.
My point simply this, for whatever reason my brain is wired for an affinity to create music, the same as I seem to be wired to have affinity to dress and present myself as female.
No one asks me why I play piano and violin, and I don’t understand that any more than why I need to dress up. The difference is people will say something like, “nice you can play so well”, but when it could come to dressing up, it might be more like “what’s wrong with you?”
Amy
All these responses are one of the reasons I love CDH, I read them and see myself in their ruminations. And I find truth and solace in them. Thanks to all 💕💋 Katie
I like to keep things simple and just realized years ago that I love being a woman at times. I love the clothes but more importantly I love acting, thinking, and talking like my female self. I adore being out and seeing the world as a girl and relating to people as such. I guess my brain is just wired that way
Well said Deborah. Some of us just like to feel pretty sometimes(and if we are lucky, look pretty sometimes)and maybe even exist in the world that way. Personally I don’t want to transition but for a small window of time it enters my mind. That simple answer as accurate as it may be in the moment still doesn’t answer the question of why we do what we do. Ty
This is the eternal question I think for most of us. This question for me was a big reason for joining cdh, I was trying to understand myself better. I will probably never know the answer and it may be a different answer for many of us. Are we maybe a little trans and dressing puts us closer to that reality. When I say that I mean no disrespect to those who identify as trans women but maybe some of us are on that spectrum to a lesser extent. For some of us it’s a sexual fetish for sure. I think for some hetero dressers it brings them into closer contact with whom they are attracted too. Some just love the fabrics or the styles or even the taboo nature of dressing. We will probably never know why definitively. It could a combination of these or other reasons I haven’t thought of but I’d love to know.
For me, wearing female clothes allow me to feel confident and good about myself – something I never could do when I was younger wearing male clothing.
I used to wear baggy things to hide my body shape , but now I have got older , I choose clothes that I think accentuate my best bits and don’t worry about what others think , and am now at the point where I only wear female clothing , apart from some footwear due to my foot size.Something I do now that I never did before is creating a look or an outfit with items and colors that complement each other.
So when I go clothes shopping now , I’m thinking “what top would go nicely with these shorts or what colour tights would go with these short denim rompers?”
in short female clothing allows me to be me 😊
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The responses have been phenomenal. I think that is the strength of CDH. We can relate to each others experiences. We can be individuals. We can agree or disagree with another’s point of view. We can respect that some people are on the same or different path than our own.
I have drawn strength from people’s responses to this topic. Sometimes we know on our head what we feel but have a difficult time putting it into words. Everyone has contributed to my understanding of why I like to dress en femme. It will be most helpful on future discussions with my SO. I appreciate each and every one of you. I look forward to reading future responses to this topic.
Thanks🤗❤️😊❤️👍
have dressed for many yrs i dont question why i just know i enjoy dressing as a woman especially in lingerie HUGS TO ALL
It’s not that your answer isn’t adequate. It just doesn’t fit the answer that she wants. I’ve learned a lot of people can handle if you say because I’m gay since there are misperceptions about clothing and sexuality. It would make sense to her then. Another acceptable answer is well…I’m just confused about my sexuality. Main stream culture views the ignorant as acceptable sometimes because it fits their ideology.
The gay association seems to stem from the Molly Houses of the 18th – 19th centuries.
Gay men would meet, and some would dress en femme and role play.
Some of the cases became public, particularly after the act became a capital offence in the 1800s.
So people were publicly executed for it, which was a popular spectacle, and everyone would know what the miscreants had done to deserve it.
Just a theory.
Love Laura
I had no idea about that…you may not be wrong either. Ideals pass on generation to generation for sure.
For starters you don’t owe anybody an explanation lol. For me let’s see…
1. I love the softness of women’s clothing.
2. I really just enjoy the fit of the clothing.
3. It makes me feel good and sexy.
4. I enjoy the variety in colors and prints that men’s clothing is not offered.I just find men’s clothing to be bland.
5. Women’s clothing actually breathes better than men’s so it keeps me cooler too. I get hot easily.-
I love the look of women’s fashions and since childhood always wanted to dress in pretty clothes. When I slip into a dress and look in the mirror I see myself as happy, pretty and comfortable in women’s clothes. I have found that when wearing women’s clothes nothing seems to really bother me and the world doesn’t seem as ugly and hard. I was at Disney last week for a couple days and except for not wearing a wig I had on women’s shorts, sandals and a sleeveless racerback top. I felt happy and enjoyed my day so much better than wearing baggy men’s shorts and the typical cotton t-shirt or fishing shirt. Everything about women’s clothes just seems more normal than men’s ugly routine clothing. When I look back at my childhood my Mom wore such beautiful clothes and I wanted to copy her and the other girls at church. They wore such cute dresses and I wanted to wear them too. So my reason is it makes me feel normal and happy. And isn’t that what we all want.
Sandy
Facts. Men’s clothing is so excessive, abrasive, just…it’s too much lol
I…I just love it. I feel more right when dressed, everything about it from the dresses to the shoes to pantyhose to the make-up. Just the ability to go all the way with those things and feel perfectly at peace. It started out cause they were WAY more comfortable and it gradually developed into a comfort thing. Whether that is cause I feel feminine or a pavlov dog response of training myself to dress only when I can be relaxed is up for debate, but dressing is just how I feel natural.
It’s difficult to put into words, because it’s hard even to understand internally. I get right up onto it, think I’m just about there and try to put it into words that make sense, and then it’s gone again. Really, I had it a moment ago… maybe.
It’s like this. I’ve always had a side of me that gravitated towards femininity. When I was young I would often imagine myself in a female shape. Early in life I found Dad’s Playboy magazines, and secretly I wanted not to be with those girls, but to be those girls.
I played with paper dolls until I found out Dad didn’t approve. They allowed me to, in a sense, wear girls clothes, vicariously at least. I secretly wore Mom’s things from time to time.
I had an easier time talking to girls than boys, that is until puberty got and hormones went wild, then it wasn’t always easy anymore. I was attracted to them now, as well as my other issues. Now I did want to be with them, but I still had a part that wanted to be them. It was confusing. I buried it fairly deep then, didn’t dress in the least, or even consciously think about it until about a year ago, just before the world shut down.
I thought about it again, then talked to my wife about it, and not long after that first talk, she came up with the name Bridgette. It is now accepted by my wife, even encouraged sometimes. Certainly supported. Nether one of us fully understands it, though both of us know it to be part of who I am. And it always will be.
Bridgette
Hi Tina,
So this is going to be a really long response, but to find out why you dress comes down to understanding your motivation and personal relationship with your body. I have done a lot of studying on this myself recently, and I will openly say that I am not an expert or psychologist, but there is a lot I have come to understand about what drives us.
So there are several term to understand when it comes to cross-dressing: transgender, transvestism, autogynaephilia, dual role transvestism, and transvestic fetishism.
I know a lot of these words sound strange, but they all have different drives as to why they want to be a woman…
Transsexualism is described in ICD-10 as ‘a desire to live and be accepted as a member of the opposite sex, usually accompanied by a sense of discomfort with one’s anatomic sex. A desire to live and be accepted as a member of the opposite sex. Usually accompanied by a sense of discomfort with, or inappropriateness of one’s anatomic sex. A wish to have hormonal treatment and surgery to make one’s body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex. The transsexual identity should have been present persistently for at least two years. It must not be a symptom of another mental disorder, such as schizophrenia or associated with any intersex, genetic or sex chromosome abnormality.
autogynephilia- This is the state of being sexually aroused by the idea of having both male and female sexual attributes (usually breasts and a penis). Autogynephilia is defined as a male’s propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. It is the paraphilia that is theorized to underlie transvestism and some forms of male-to-female (MtF) transsexualism. Autogynephilia encompasses sexual arousal with cross-dressing and cross-gender expression that does not involve women’s clothing per se. The concept of autogynephilia defines a typology of MtF transsexualism and offers a theory of motivation for one type of MtF transsexualism. Autogynephilia resembles a sexual orientation in that it involves elements of idealization and attachment as well as erotic desire.
Transvestic disorder/fetisism- A person with transvestic disorder may experience continuous urges to cross-dress, or their desire may fluctuate or occur in a series of episodes. They may become stuck in a negative behavioral pattern of purchasing clothing with the intent of cross-dressing, wearing it during a cross-dressing session, and throwing it away in hopes of quitting. They may also be co-diagnosed with other disorders, including fetishism, in which one is sexually aroused by fabrics, materials, or garments; masochism, in which one experiences sexual gratification at his or her own pain or humiliation; and autogynephilia, in which a man derives sexual pleasure from fantasizing about himself as a woman. The wearing of clothes of the opposite sex principally to obtain sexual excitement. The creation of the appearance of a person of the opposite sex also occurs e.g. wig, makeup etc. Clear association with sexual arousal and the strong desire to remove clothing once orgasm occurs exists.
Dual-role transvestism • The wearing of clothes of the opposite sex for part of the individuals existence in order to enjoy the temporary existence of membership of the opposite sex but without any desire for a more permanent sex change or associated reassignment. No sexual excitement accompanies the cross dressing.
So this may not give you the ability to answer your next question, but it helps to understand where your motivation lies and what drives you to dress. From there you can learn to understand and accept or treat what is causing this urge.
Like I said I am no doctor and this is only research that I have found from psychology sites, I am not judging you for who you are or why you are doing it. I just want to give you some of the information that I have found and been told by my therapist about sexuality. I really recommend seeing a therapist to help you understand your reasons, and include your SO so she can understand with you. Some of these drives can be healthy, and some may not be, but it is for you to figure out.
The best way to make sure that you have a healthy view is to make sure that you love who you are as a person right now, male or female. If you can’t love yourself, anything else you do can be destructive. But when we don’t love who we are and we are into dressing, this can be a means of escape, or as a way to punish ourselves, or as a way to fix what we perceive as wrong.
Do your own research, ask questions (like you just did here) and talk to others, this can all help you come to a place of identity of who you are male and/or female.
Hugs,
Lexi
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I share many of the thoughts you have posted
Thanks
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