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    • #397669

      As I sit here in my aqua blue nightie with white lace trim with my urban decay lipstick on i ponder a question.  Why don’t our wives, fiancés and girlfriends understand us?

      Its because they’re women and we like to emulate women. They don’t get it. Some of us would like to transition into a woman and that’s great. Most of us don’t want to transition don’t want to transition. We just want to get dressed up and feel a little closer to our feminine side. Every man on this planet has a feminine side as every woman has a masculine side. To what extent we express it is a question and a mystery.

      Some are very comfortable with expressing their opposite side. Some never mention it. Some want to move to their opposite side and live in that opposite side as their true identity and I applaud those who do because that is a very brave step to take.

      For those of us who like to connect with the opposite and then return back to what is known for us as “normal ” it is a hard road to hold. Our wives,fiancés and girlfriends are focwd to deal with an individual that is not accepted by really any other group. With the need for labels in our society, crossdresser is still not an acceptable label.

      Our significant others are left in a conundrum of am I in love with a guy man or a transgender person. They don’t know where they fit in the grand scheme of things. They feel betrayed by us and I think somewhat betrayed by society because of the stigma associated with being a CD. Let’s be honest here. In this day and age of total acceptance of just about anything, crossdressing is the one thing that most people are all “it’s just weird” about. We still aren’t really accepted. We don’t really fall into the LGBT category but we kind of do fall into it even though most of us aren’t lesbian, gay, bi or trans. We’re a category all to ourselves. A category of people with a different mindset that no one understands.

      Maybe one day someone will understand us. Hopefully our significant others will understand us. That’s really the only people we care about understanding us.

       

    • #397841
      Peta Mari
      Lady

      I think feminine women, want their husbands to be rugged individuals… the hero lumber jack type scenario. (Maybe thats a general sweeping statement.)

      Women tend to get a bit catty at times and competitive about looks, clothing, makeup etc.  (Another general sweeping statement.)

      Perhaps in the bedroom, the GG doesn’t want to compete.

      • #417678

        Don’t lumberjacks put on women’s clothing and hang around in bars?

        😁

        Love Laura

        • #417690
          Mona
          Duchess

          LOL, Laura.  Mary Jane tee’d it up and you hit it right down the fairway!

    • #398398
      Patty Phose
      Duchess

      All I Know is for as long as I can remember, I loved wearing pantyhose and loved how my legs looked and felt in them. I also realized if I wore heels. my legs looked even better, so I loved wearing heels. I really wanted a dress too but that was not available to me so I wore shirts that looked like short dresses. I also thought bras were intriguing and I manged to borrow a few of them.

      So from the time I was 4, I was wearing pantyhose, heels, bras and shirts that kind of looked like short dresses. I feel in love with sheer to waist pantyhose. At 13 I began buying my own. At 17 I saw Daisy Duke and was blown away. I wanted to look like her and be her. I bought some heels and short short, grew my hair longer and began going out in that attire. I even met several girls who liked my look.

      At 18, I got my own place and went fully en femme. I bought all the wonderful and sexsy clothes I had wanted for so long.  I wore them all the time at home. I even got a few Daisy Duke style wigs  and began going out in my Daisy looking character. My real big public outing was a college Halloween Party. I was very nervous but was a big hit. I got lots of compliments on my legs, pantyhose and shoes. I was hit on quite aggressively by both guys and girls. I even met other CD’s there. I partied and dressed with them often over the next 4 years. I even won “best leg” and “sexiest costume”. I love it. In many ways it was lifelong fantasies and dreams coming true. I was fortunate to be able to do it a lot over the next 4 years. I loved it. I got hit on a lot and often got to enjoy many wonderful, erotic experiences.

      But I wasn’t hiding. I was putting myself out there. You like what you see? You want this? Well, what you see is what you get. I’m glad it went that way. I think hiding and then suddenly appearing as someone another person wasn’t expecting can lead to all sort of problems. I was looking for fun, dressed for fun and had fun. No surprises.

      • #417679

        Round my way, back in the late 1970s, that would have been like signing my own death warrant.

        Good for you though – you hit the nail on the head, and I bet it wasn’t an easy ride.

        Love Laura

    • #417240
      Anonymous

      It’s very true.

      We’re misunderstood and mis-represented, largely. There’s still just the large cloud of stigma over what we do as being, ‘gay’ and that’s that. It’s not open for re-consideration. It’s a tough choice to make in this life. There are slowly more roads being paved in the way of acceptance and tolerance, but they’re narrow.

      In the end, most of it as far as we are concerned is all about appreciation of females and of the species itself. Few of us ‘want’ to be female, we just can’t express an appreciation, physically any other way. It’s complicated, I doubt it could ever be simplified, because it matters to each of us in many different ways and guises…

      Thanks!

    • #417333

      you said it right.  woman wear manly cloths and we can not wear female cloths? what yes we can and we do. and for a good percentage of men have a feminine side and they just don’t know it yet  and yes females have the masculine side and they show it. they wear manly cloths every day and nothing is said.    so why dont real woman under stand the x dressing world, maybe they should look in the mirror and see what they see and have some one with them and tell them i see a woman dressed in men clothing< DA.  but some woman do under stand the x dressing world.   guess you can call it society,  this is the year 2020 and there is x dressers, transgenders, drag queens. some men dressed up as woman look really pretty and very passable.   some men have the body figure of a female.       don’t  forget there is woman that look like a butch, some men that look like a woman.                                      woman marry woman and men marry men now days, its the new generation, the old generation has to learn to except the new generation.  just like computers, lap tops, cell phones us older people have a hard time with this new stuff and the newer generation know how to use them in seconds. when it comes to new high tech stuff i am lost but it takes time for me to learn it

    • #417341

      So well said Jessica. As someone who is currently trying to finally come to some sort of arrangement with my wife, your words really and truly hit home. Especially now since she shows no sign of compromise or support. It is very difficult.😞 Thank you for posting this.

      -Jen

    • #417352
      Kathleen
      Duchess

      Oh yes yes yes you have hit the ‘nail on the head’. Why? One of life’s great mysteries I guess…

      Nope not fair at all not even the tiniest bit

    • #417496
      Anonymous

      Dear Jessica, woman, you are absolutely right, it is a great enigma that we may never be able to solve, my theory about it is that women confuse transvestism with sexual orientation, they immediately believe that for one to be a transvestite, it is immediately logical that we are gay by consequence, when the truth is that many crossdressers are heterosexual, without any trait of being gay or bi, with this I do not want to offend my gay and bi sisters, simply to highlight the fact that being a transvestite is not synonymous with homosexuality, but of a very feminine expressiveness but with nothing necessarily connected to our sexual orientation, just a very nice taste for the feminine world, lots of kisses and hugs to all my transvestite sisters, felicity

      • #417681

        There’s no logic in the assumption that a transvestite is gay 😍

        Think of humans of both sexes having a little bit of each other in them.

        Strong, “butch” females, alpha males, girly girls and effeminate men.

        Some of whom also happen to be gay, bi – whatever the sexual orientation, it isn’t directly linked to clothing choices.

        I think the Rocky Horror Picture Show may have had the wrong kind of impact on some impressionable people!

        It has a massive following, yet the central character is an openly gay “Sweet transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania”, who has “been making a man, with blond hair and a tan…”.

        I’m telling you now, my ancestors are from Croydon, and I have never been to Transylvania…

        Love Laura

    • #417503
      JOJO
      Lady

      I personally think since they did not initially know about our crossdressing  before establishing the relationship there is a great deal of confusion and wonderment. A very common response from many women is: “I didn’t sign up for this”. There has to be a great deal of patience for both members of the relationship.

      • #417566

        I have to say that “I didn’t sign up for this” has to be one of the most unreasonable and common statements I’ve seen concerning cross dressing.

        They didn’t NOT sign up for it either.

        It’s not in the marriage vows, there is nothing to sign – it is a ridiculous statement!

        Don’t worry – I know it’s not your statement, I am explicitly not having a go at you!

        I have seen it too many times, and it’s a bad way of thinking to my mind. It puts cross dressing into the category of something intrinsically bad, which it isn’t.

        Maybe it would be a valid sentiment the husband turned out to be a murderer – I think it’s a given that no-one signs up for that, but for having exotic tastes in clothing and being a bit softer and nicer than the average macho bear stalker?

        Per-lease!!!

        It can be a shock finding out, but there are such things as rights, and patience, and discussion – and I hope that the transgender awareness message gets out to everyone in time for Christmas.

        Love, Peace and understanding.

        Laura.

         

        • #417680

          Gee maybe its just me, but if two people have had a happy faithful and trusting relationship, shouldn’t a loving trusting wife continue to be so even after the husband comes up with the courage to declare he is a CDer?

          • #417692

            What you say seems reasonable, however, I don’t know how you felt when you first discovered that you are a cross dresser?

            I was horrified.

            Society has not educated people very well – the onus is on us to educate, not as victims or weirdos (although, frankly, I have no problem with being a wierdo), but as normal.

            For example, use existing handles that people have;

            Oh, you’re a cross dresser – is that like a drag queen?

            Answer: Yes. Drag means DRess As a Girl. The difference is that I’m no queen. I seek not to parody, but to emulate, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

            It’s a compliment to women – better still, a complement. Something that works together.

            Love Laura

          • #417712

            I don’t know if I have ever heard a CDer say they were horrified to discover that they were one. Being 58 and having CDed since I was very young I didn’t feel anything negative like horror I just sort of felt a bit thick that I hadn’t figured it out before.

          • #417715

            Hi Cindy – wow, we’re about the same age!

            Initially I was just curious, aged 4 – 12, but then it sort of hit me – I really, really wanted to wear girls clothes, hang out and do sports with the girls.

            I was lacking in education, so I was horrified – what monster was I?

            I couldn’t tell anyone – and saw what happened to a guy who got found out.  His wife destroyed him.

            That was it. The secret stops here – Until I found this site, 2 years ago, and realised that there are millions of us, many in the same boat, most in different boats, some comfortable, some rocky – but essentially in it together.

            Love Laura

          • #417723

            Its hard not to think where you might be now had you been born 20 or 30 years later.

          • #421485
            Anonymous

            Laura

            Could you please come and have a chat with my wife

          • #421493

            Hi Emily

            TBH, I am having a few difficulties trying to talk to my own wife about it – still trying to figure out how to get the dialogue going when she doesn’t want to talk about it.

            At least I get a day to my other self once a month, and you can always tell when I’ve just had a fix – for about a week afterwards I spam CDH, like I am at the moment!

            Anyway, dear, have a very happy Christmas!

            Love Laura

        • #417757

          Laura i just want to say thank you for stating that so well. You always are very eloquent with your wording and make extremely valid points.

          I’m quite tired of the “I didn’t sign up for this” comment. I hear it nearly every fight we have over my dressing. It gets really old. So thank you for expressing what I was thinking and couldn’t express myself.

          • #422238

            Hi Jessica

            I get a bit worried by these weaponised phrases – I Googled “I didn’t sign up for that”, and the first definition of the phrase makes it clear that the common usage is as an insult.

            The phrase is commonly rounded off with a naughty word. Rhymes with “Hit”.

            So we need to be careful not to fight fire with fire, or take offence if we’re going to get past such language.

            Maybe push back a little: “What didn’t you sign up for? Could you be more specific?”.

            Or better: “What did you sign up for? Can I do more of that to make it up to you? I cannot change who I am – I’m really not sure that it’s even a good thing to do – but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m your husband and I love you.”.

            Please don’t take my words – use your own. If these were magic words, then my wife would be fully accepting, and she isn’t.

            The first example is bad, because it pushes all the onus onto her.

            The second is much better because it takes responsibility, and offers both an olive branch and a declaration of intent, without betraying yourself.

            It avoids a solution to the almost unsolvable conundrum, that she hates something about you that you love – but people are people, and unaccepting wives of cross dressers find themselves suddenly in a very hard place that is going to take time to get out of.

            Life throws curveballs. It’s like that.

            Be true to yourself, and understand the enemy.

            It’s not your wife.

            It’s the atmosphere and language of unacceptance which still has a strong hold in many quarters, including the places she turns to for advice. But we can’t attack those. Attack is the wrong strategy.

            Here we have the right atmosphere.

            But I think we need to develop the language so we can deflect the hand grenades like “I didn’t sign up for that” – and much of that depends on our personal situation, and a lot of careful thought.

            Love Laura

        • #420280

          Laura Lovett, I am on my third and last marriage. Told my first wife right after we got married. She didn’t really care and would help me pick make-up and clothes, especially panties. She however didn’t care about the marriage itself and had a bad tendency to bed other men, and I came to find out, was doing this before I told her. The second wife was okay with it and would buy me things and give me her old bras when she bought new ones. This was a great set up for me, but she got involved with a very conservative church and she changed her mind. She decided I was gay (I never gave her that indication, and I am straight( and left me. Turns out she was having an affair with her lawyer, who dumped her about 3 months after we divorced. The third wife is kind of an enigma, she is okay with my panty wearing, doesn’t mind my wearing nighties to bed (in fact she has bought one for me and says I can wear hers to bed anytime I wished (same size), but she draws the line at bras, and most outer clothes. her compromise is unisex clothing. I love her so I go with her compromise.

           

    • #417596

      “Why don’t our wives, fiancés and girlfriends understand us?”

      They really are a selfish bunch aren’t they? or should I say, We really are a selfish bunch aren’t we?

      Answers on a post card please.

    • #417600

      Hi Jessica

      What you wrote is so very true. I’m mtf transgender and have been crossdressing my entire life.When my ex-wife found out about me all hell broke lose, When she found out I’m cd-ing after our divorse, same reaction. And she is a nurse with a speciality in sexual counselling! So it looks like it’s ok to be different as long as it is not happening to anyone close to you. And as for transvestite, to me the word is so deeply rooted as a very bad word, even if I’m one myself. Almost all my life I have battled with myself to accept that I’m trans. And finally it has happened. When I came out to my absolutely lovely coworkers, all girls, their all spontaneously said “But you are still you”. And since then nothing has happened in my relationship with them, life goes on as if nothing has happened.

      Love
      Lily-Rose

    • #417970

      I so understand your feeling girlfriend. My wife and i were at the mall one day and i needed a new lipstick. I asked the cosmetician to sample a new color and she applied some to my wrists. I liked it and bought it. As we were waking away my wife said that she loved her femiinty and could see how i coud love mine.

      Julie girl 💋 👄 kisses

    • #420245

      Still waiting for the “C” in LGBTQC.

    • #422032
      Jane Don
      Lady

      Yup–Understanding people who are “Different” is difficult for folks–Mabe understanding shouldn’t be the goal–Mabe, it should just be “Acceptance ” like live & let live–(as long as you are hurting No one- like wearing a Turban/Hijab /Cowboy boots/ a suit 99% of the time or baggy pants-Weird -just like Beauty is in the eye of the beholder-there is always “Something we find “Weird” about someone else–but “Weird ” should’nt automatically have a negative attached to it– There really IS something to be said about practicing what we preach–When We want Acceptance–but look down our noses at “Others” & Don’t defend their right to be different–Are we any better than “They” are? Mabe We need to lead by example–

    • #422262

      Part of the problem is that, in Western society, to be a woman is to be ‘less’. It is to be weak and inadequate and requiring protection and restraint. On the other hand to be a man is to be strong and independent. What is particularly significant is that being a woman is deemed to be restricted to being female and being male necessitates being a man. It is hard to get past millennia of such indoctrination. You do it yourself, writing:

      “Some want to move to their opposite side and live in that opposite side as their true identity….”

      The sexes are not opposites. They are simply different. They comprise the species binary by which propagation of the species is possible through the transmission and sharing of genes. The three genders are not opposites either. They are collections of traits, mannerisms, personality types, etc. defined by social conventions to be relevant to one’s sex. But that relevancy, while it exists, is too often over-emphasized and it is far more superficial than is usually assumed. The sexes are a binary working in co-operation not opposition. That is the way it works. The genders cannot be a binary or non-binary because there are three of them and they are more a matter of behavourial styles than forms of interpersonal interaction. That is not wholly true as there is a strong element of gender presentation to sexuality, but that is another topic.

      I would agree that ‘cross-dresser’ is quite inadequate as a term, which is why I prefer ‘athenist’: someone who desires and makes the effort to be feminine regardless of their sex. Some females like to be feminine; some are not particularly keen on the matter. Some males like to be feminine as well but sometimes have a distorted concept of what is feminine and what is sexual objectification.

      The stigma attached to being a cross-dresser is a reflection of the stigma attached to being a woman that is ‘othering’, confrontational and demeaning. The degree to which that stigma still exists is a measure of the lack of progress made in clarifying the relevant issues and the inertia of closed minds. Prejudice, ignorance and maliciousness cannot be reasoned out of people because they were not reasoned into them. The only path to ‘normalization’ is constant public presentation until people become accustomed to the phenomena of gender variability.

      As for other comments regarding, “I didn’t sign up for this!”, I thought that the marriage vows (‘For better or for worse”, or variations) WAS signing up for such complexities. But then, I would not expect my wife to dress like a lumberjack, drink beer from a can, grow a beard and watch football. Hmmmm! At least I think I don’t.

      The thing that really puzzles me is, what is wrong with being a woman?

      Araminta

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