Wife of a cross dresser

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This topic contains 16 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by  Terri Anne 2 months ago.

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  • #116209

    Emily
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    Registered On: September 12, 2018
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    Hi I’m new to this site and found out a few months ago my husband likes to cross dress and had for years it broke me because he had lied to me for 6yrs we got married 3yrs ago and I still didn’t know,  I get it’s not something you just say over dinner but I found out because i found pics of him dressed up on his phone , eventually he told me the truth all of it and that he wore my clothes for years, we have 2 small kids and he dresses up when I’m st work it worried me and still does that my son may see him , I’m accepting of it now but I went through crazy emotions for ages I didn’t get “it” I sort of still don’t everything is so confusing I’ve had thoughts like he doesn’t love me and he’s not the person I thought but I’m beginning to understand that he is still the person I knew just with an alter ego if you want to describe it like that, I just still feel so confused and hope joining this site will help me understand more

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  • #116859
     Terri Anne 
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    Registered On: February 7, 2018
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    Hi Emily,

    Welcome to CDH. This is such a welcoming and caring group. I am sure if you reach out you will find reassurances.

    Just know that we CDs do not fully understand why we need to do this.

    Some say it is a need to express a part of our personality that is so very supressed by society.

    It is so true a about younger people are more accepting of these differnces of how one dresses.  So should we take a page from their book…?

    I believe we all in society will be healthier by becoming more accepting.

    Enjoy what you can and try to embrace what seems difficult. Conversation is key. Working to understand is so very important.

    Best Regards,

    Terri Anne

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    #116562
     Kayla C 
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    Registered On: February 8, 2018
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    Welcome to CDH,

    I am so glad you have joined CDH.  We have so many members here that will be of great support to you including SO’s and CDs.  Please know you are not alone in this journey.

    Kayla

    CDH Groups Manager

     

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    #116414
     Helene van der Tee 
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    Registered On: August 18, 2018
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    When I lived in the UK in the 80’s the Beaumont Society was a support group for TG,TS and TV. Its a really old society that began in 1966. I just checked and see that they still exist. I dont know if Im allowed to post urls here but here you go.

    https://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/about-us/

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    #116402
     Gisela Claudine 
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    Registered On: January 19, 2018
    Topics: 10
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    Hi Emily. Welcome to CDH. This is a great place to find answers about crossdressing. I miss not being able to communicate with my good sisters more frequently in the last couple of months. I love you all. I offer you my comments, Emily, in the hope that you find them useful. In my case, I crossdress because it makes me feel very good. Wonderfully. It is too strong a desire to elude it. The fear of rejection leads us to be measured. Sometimes there is a lot at risk. One wants to be free, but is not always willing to pay the price, if it involves a radical change in life. One fears hurting those she loves well. All I ask is love, understanding and respect. Sometimes it is difficult to share this aspect of our life. That does not mean that we love our OS less.

    Cinnamon kisses,

    Gisela

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    #116329
     Bobbi 
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    Registered On: September 13, 2018
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    Your husband didn’t tell you, because he was afraid of how you would react.  If you reject him, his suspicions will be confirmed. If you still love him & will stand with him, sit down with him & TELL him!  In the grand scheme of things, is dressing really a deal breaker??
    Is he a “bad person” for dressing?  If he’s not cheating on you, is a good father, attentive, tells you how much he loves you, you still got a good thing, there. There are way too many rules & regulations regarding how people should & should not dress.
    If the kids see him, so what!!  Kids learn to be judgmental from their parents.
    Young people these days are WAY more accepting than when we were kids!
    Who is to say what is “normal” & what is not? Wear what you want, & be happy!
    We’re only here for a short while, is it too much to ask, to go through what little time we have left, to feel good about our appearance?

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  Bobbi.
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    #116303
     Olivia 
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    Registered On: April 21, 2017
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    Crossdressing helps us feel better about ourselves. There is something to just being able to feel pretty that helps boost our confidence. Also for some, it’s a way to escape stress, or to just spend time away from being ourselves. For many of us who don’t have dysphoria, it’s like playing pretend or a game of dress up. Dressing can be exciting, a way to break up the monotony of life. To the point, there are many reasons why we dress. What you need to do is ask him why he does. And don’t be mad at him if he says he doesn’t know. He might not. And if that’s the answer he gives then accept it. The key to this is not to put his dressing in the corner. Keep an open mind and an open line of communication. Be involved to a degree that you are comfortable with. Don’t shut him out. As to lying to you, there is so much dear and shame surrounding dressing, that it is quite common for CD s to be silent about what they are. In fact, society prefers it that way. He most likely was afraid of your reaction. That you might not love him anymore if you found out. That you might hate him, maybe take his son away. I’m guessing, but these are genuine fears crossdressers face. So, to sum it up. Just love him as he is with all your heart. Be open to new experiences. Be there to help guide him.If you are willing to work with him and love all sides of him, there is a chance for a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

    Caelynn

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    #116298
     Stephanie Flowers 
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    Registered On: June 26, 2017
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    There isn’t really any thing else that I could add to this .the ladies here pretty well cover it. We really  don’t mean  no harm but when involving this new world to someone else especially a love one it  certainly comes with a          variety  emotions. From  a crossdresser the shame, the humiliation and certainly the embarrassments. For her the shock, anger and  importantly the  mistrust . Keeping a secret I know now was wrong but understanding the circumstances behind our decisions for us was and is important as being afraid, embarrassed to reach out and what to expect in return. We know the hurt that can result for that is why most of us are hesitant about disclosing such an intimate Secret. For me it was the ever thoughts of losing my wife and a happy life that I’ve embraced for many many years. Being self conscience of what I would be introducing to our relationship was in my mind for  many years and even though I would think I knew my wife after nearly 40 years of marriage this I knew may definitely show thoughts of uncertainty and confusions. I could talk more but as I said earlier your previous posts cover much of what I was thinking . We have support for you too my dear, a group design just for you gg girls  (wives and significant others )where you can talk to others like yourself and seek the personal answers from special ladies like yourself. You need support as your husband if not more and we’re all here to help you cope and hopefully comfort you as you experience a change in life to which I’m sure you didn’t  ever think of this possibly  happening. Best to the both of you and hope you find this place helpful and allow you to  find your way though this .

    Stephanie 🌹

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    #116286
     Emily 
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    Registered On: September 12, 2018
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    I’ve just read through all the comments thankyou everyone your all so lovely…I’m in the UK so time difference is crazy ….I still see him as my husband as a man and at the moment I don’t want to think of him cross dressing or see him dressed up I don’t stop.him doing it I would never stop him it’s who he is and I don’t have any right to stop someone being who they are but right now it’s still to fresh for me to want to embrace it and may be join him or go out with him dressed up, I just want to think of him as my husband I’ve spoken to him about joining a group where people meet up who enjoy cross dressing and just chat I think that will help him open up a bit more to like minded people, he is on this site but obviously you can’t talk face to face with anyone on here, his mum and sister also know and they are supportive his sister is a bit like me confused but she loves him and just wants him to be happy as do I

     

    I take on board everything that’s been said and strive to hope to fully understand and rmrsce his criss dressing as part of him x

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    #116285
     Emily 
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    Helen van der tee

    Thank you for this I’m just trying to understand in my own head everything he has told me I was initially afraid that it would change our relationship I mean it’s not something you hear everyday,  being on this site is helping me understand why he might like cross dressing xx

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    #116280
     Anne Bee 
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    Registered On: August 29, 2018
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    It’s quite natural to feel confused about this, I can understand how you must feel.

    What you should know, and maybe it can help you to understand why your husband didn’t told you and to understand that it is not a question of how deep he truly loves you, is that it’s very hard for a crossdresser to talk about it.

    In the eyes of most people, crossdressing is a shameful thing… something that have its roots in the old man vs woman thing: how can a man really wish to be dressed as a woman? For many people, it is considered degrading (if only they ever wondered why they think it is). And if many people will accept you being a crossdresser, at least as many people will laugh at you, and refuse to see you anymore. Some of them may even want to hurt you. Badly.

    As crossdressers, it’s something we learn very early in life: when they find out, people around us can be very harsh, to put it mildly. And to make thing worth it is often very close people, people we deeply love and care about.  Not everyone of course, but many.

    If my sister has always been supportive since she found out (we were still very young kids), on the other hand the reaction of my mother was of pure hatred. For her, I was no more than a filthy pervert that needed medical help, I wasn’t a true boy (and I was risking never being a true man)… because I liked to wear dresses more than pants, and preferred playing dolls over playing with toy soldiers?

    Today, I can somewhat understand her reaction: unconsciously she was afraid of not being a good enough mother, or something along that line. But back then I was just a kid and I can assure you it didn’t help me to peacefully grow-up and become the adult I am. All I knew was fear and shame, as if I was responsible for who I was. It also taught me how essential secrecy is in order to avoid conflicts.

    That said, I want to trust people and much more than anybody else in the world I want to trust the woman I live with. We have been married for 20 years and counting, and my wife fully support me being a crossdresser, it’s not perfect everyday, but we both try to help each other. In part because we both try to be open minded and discuss every single problem when it appears. And because I decided to tell her everything years ago, before we moved together so it was not a surprise.

    It went fine, but that’s not always the case: a few years before meeting her, I was dating another woman and it was getting serious so I told her too. Ok, I probably didn’t do it with much subtlety, but she reacted very (I mean, very) badly, making a hell out of my life by telling all our friends about it. Of course she left me on the spot. It was very hard.

    Being a crossdresser is part of who I am, and always had been. But it is only a part, a part that many of use learn to hide. And a part that doesn’t prevent me at all from loving my wife 🙂

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  Anne Bee.
    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  Anne Bee.
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    #116248
     Lacey Davisph 
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    Registered On: July 12, 2018
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    You are a very loving wife. That is Awsome. In our society its a hard thing to find out, as if he where drinking or gambling or something. We understand your surprised when you found out he hid his inclinations. It is different for all of us. Some wish and are having a sex change to become a woman in actuality. Others just like to crossdress as if they are acting, playing a part. And everything in between. Call it an alter ego or expression of our feminine side That has been suppressed in our society. But I am sure your husband is still himself. It can be a very positive thing, some couples here dress up and go out together. They sheer it as time together. But anyway Good luck dear, we are here to help you. Lacey

     

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    #116245
     Giselle Reeves 
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    Registered On: September 27, 2017
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    first of all Emily your husband like myself has a loving and understanding wife and life partner. Crossdressing is not something one choose’s, it choose’s us, and their is no cure just a life of of denial  , frustration and often lies to those we love and closest to us.

    the fact  you are here and commenting on your situation tells one that you are willing to work with your husband on this issue and hopefully come to some comprises

    and agreements.

    feel free to chat here and find help and support.

     

    God Bless You

     

    Giselle Reeves

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    #116232
     Stef Smith 
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    Registered On: April 24, 2017
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    Great job on unconditional love you are showing

    read good literature

    ask him questions in a loving manner

    some of us are hetero sexual with desire to transition

    but the spectrun includes some of us that wantvto change sex

    there is no one way

    i hope you and he can find a middle ground where he gets to express this side of him because if you don’t IT WILL FIND ITS WAY TO BE EXPRESSED, WE HAVE TO LET IT OUT AND WILL FIND A WAY OPENLY OR PRIVATELY

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    #116220
     Dame Veronica Graunwolf 
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    Registered On: May 8, 2017
    Topics: 30
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    Emily….thank you for joining our site. There is a section for wifes that is strictly for them. Do join the group and see what the ladies have to say about their scenarios. Also, feel free to browse our site and chat with any of all our girls….they are very open to helping and explaining their reasons….if they know. Transgendering and cross dressing are very complex psychological issues and genetics plays a part in this as well. If you wish to know more their are many books about the sunject free and otherwise on Amazon Kindle. I have researched this topic for years and can explain a lot to youif you wish…just contact me. One thing is for certain….do not be confrontational with him about this. Gain the knowledge first…..it is quite a serious issue with males. I am here for you if you wish………with deepest respect……..

    Dame Veronica

     

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    #116219
     Anonymous
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    Many of us here are dealing with this issue. In this society it is INCREDIBLY hard for a male to express femininity much less talk about it as an important component of ones life. We hide it . We deny ourselves. We worry the overwhelming need to express will drive those we love away. We have a shitload of excuses for being afraid. This said when one knows it is no longer a once in a while feeling. When living ones truth becomes an imperative not a lark WE have a duty to speak up. Stuff the fear like we stuffed our secret and talk. It is what WE owe the relationship we are in. It is what WE owe the woman who married a man. Our struggles are all too real and some give in to despair and do terrible things to themselves. I was nearly one of them. But owning my need and expressing the joy of self acceptance after toxic masculinity almost made me quit life. This joy was a catalyst to acceptance by my dear wife and a path to revealing my truth to her. I am still the person she loves and married but no longer an unhealthy male image covering my truth. Bless you for coming here and trying to understand. If I can help in any way please say so. I have played thought games about if this were reversed and think I can understand the SO point of view. I hold ladies like yourself in the highest regard and try to learn from you about love as a woman. Your example of trying to understand is something we all can learn from

    blessings be upon you dear one, MariaBella

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