Tagged: #wife #CD #MTF
- November 16, 2021 at 6:55 pm #576785Taylor BobbinParticipantRegistered On: November 17, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 1Has thanked: 10 timesBeen thanked: 41 times
Not sure if this is the right forum, but I’m having a hard time finding my place here!
I’ve been married for 5 years to a man who likes to CD in his spare time, but only when I’m not around. It’s been infrequent, but I think he wants to do it more. I’ve known about it for our whole marriage and have been open and supportive, letting him lead the way in his comfort zone, and even buying him a dress to show my support in the beginning, before realizing it wasn’t his style at all.
It seems that he’s still really uncomfortable with it himself, and typically doesn’t like me to know things or ask questions. Recently, he was fairly open with me about it and was able to dress while I was in the house and show me a picture. I wasn’t bothered and expressed openness to his mentions of including me in his dressing, however that looked to him.
But NOW, I find myself feeling a little insecure. Not because he likes to dress as a woman, not because I didn’t like what I saw when he showed me a photo, but because I feel fearful that he’s repressing or hiding MORE. He’s lied to me about the extent of the dressing in the past (insisting “it’s just tights, not full dressing,” but later admitting it’s dressing completely and trying to pass as a woman) and about the sexual nature of it for him, and about using sex toys on himself (dildo), and because of this, I’m left wondering if there’s MORE he’s lying to me or even HIMSELF about. I’m fearful as well because even though I’m open to including it in the bedroom, I’m afraid that if he does things like waxes his chest and shaves his legs that he won’t feel like him anymore. I’d like for us to have both.
Is this just my insecurity? Or is this the beginning of something that may be so much MORE to him and he’s just resistant for whatever reason? How can I get my own needs for security met while not making him defensive and closed off further?? Thanks everyone!
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- November 23, 2021 at 3:44 am #579273Connie LoveLadyRegistered On: May 25, 2020Topics: 0Replies: 8Has thanked: 3 timesBeen thanked: 40 times
As a happily married man of 30 years when my wife found out I can say even after we went through all the questions she had about what this meant to US and was really ok with the fact that all I was interested in was feeling sexy as she does. I was left feeling exposed and vulnerable about dressing in front of her. I do occasionally dress with her and I even shave my chest, legs and nads to feel soft and sexy, somehow i still feel strange after 10 years that she wont see me as the man she thought i was. So I say if you truly love him try to understand its not about sex for most of us its more about the ability to feel sexy without all the macho crap. A man never really gets the feeling of being hit on at the bar or being glared at as a sex symbol and for me if i were ever to go out publicly thats the experience i would like.
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- November 21, 2021 at 6:06 pm #578618Trisha Lilly HibbertLadyRegistered On: December 8, 2020Topics: 51Replies: 791Has thanked: 3566 timesBeen thanked: 3186 times
Hi Taylor, welcome to the CDH family. You are in the right place honey. I’m relively new to CDing and have only recently started a relationship, so don’t know much about mixing the two. I just wanted to thank you for your openness and understanding. I can understand your anxiety honey.
Personally I think you need to find out how your husband feels, how he far he wishes to take things and his understanding of his feminine feelings. I think the idea of doing this via letters is a good Idea.
From there I’d say you can explain your side of things and you can work on agreements and limitations. I’d also ensure regular communication on both your feelings too.
If you find your relationship starts to feel more difficult I’d try a cousilor. At the end of the day honey its your relationship and no outsider should tell you what to do. I truly hope things work out for the two of you. You sound like a wonderful woman.
- November 17, 2021 at 10:14 pm #577225Julie (Jules) AndersonDuchessRegistered On: February 9, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 132Has thanked: 199 timesBeen thanked: 642 times
Hi Taylor, welcome!
From what you wrote, you are an amazing young woman; brave, intelligent, loving, and compassionate. Your husband is a very lucky MAN. Yes, is a man, your man, a man who happens to see a little gray between all the black and white society and religion has put up.
Two things, if I may add to all the other wonderful replies you received from the ladies on this wonderful CDH.
First, CD is not simply like a brown coat. A man doesn’t “choose” DC like he would a coat. For most, DC is not a choice, but rather a desire or need that stems from a much deeper emotional and spiritual level. And like the coat once worn can be easily removed, DC can not… I had purged (throwing all girlie stuff away) at least ten times, and got down on my knees more praying to be “cured”. Guess what? I still worn that same brown coat? Why? Because I may have been born with it. And so might your husband. Only he is just beginning to understand this CD mystery.
Secondly, I believe your situation would have a greater chance for happiness IF you could find a good counselor versed is transgender issues. It would be best, I believe, if you went to counseling together. That said, I saw a counselor versed in transgender issues. She was very instrumental in understanding my gender issues, and provided positive validation. A good counselor would help your husband understand him/her self, and help your husband communicate with you on a deeper level.
Honestly, my CD is probably a blessing. It has made me a better man, more compassionate, loving, caring, and kinder man (my wife’s words, not mine). Now, I’m not waiting on my wife, but rather she on me – when she goes dress shopping. My point? CD could add something special to your marriage, if you are open to it.
Best of luck, Taylor!
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- November 17, 2021 at 9:10 pm #577217Lara TuckerLadyRegistered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 367Has thanked: 8869 timesBeen thanked: 1587 times
Your husband is very lucky to have you! This site is a very good place for both of you to get ideas, and support. I hope he can open up to you more, and together you can sort things out!
Best of luck to you both,
- November 17, 2021 at 4:17 pm #577151Alice UnderwireLadyRegistered On: September 16, 2019Topics: 90Replies: 4681Has thanked: 6952 timesBeen thanked: 11846 times
Welcome to CDH. Others have posted several excellent suggestions as well as suggesting the wives/SO only forums. You show great compassion and caring and wanting to listen and communicate with your spouse.
- November 17, 2021 at 2:36 pm #577110LeahBaronessRegistered On: June 13, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 305Has thanked: 4857 timesBeen thanked: 1193 times
thank you for being a supportive CD wife and wiling to participate wit his dressing. I wish more wives/SO were like you. Regardless of how long we have dressed, we experience a large amount of guilt and shame. Maybe he feels like you will not love him as much due to his feminine side? You have expressed interest, bought her things and participated. Sounds like you are doing the right things.
Ask her what you can do to make things better. I understand your feeling insecure as he hides his dressing from you, which make your mind go a mile a minute as to what else may he be hiding? Open honest communication is what you both need. Express to him any reservation you may have and things you woudl like to explore with him along his dressing journey.
Most Cd’s woudl love their wife to do these things Keep us posted and good luck, there has been lots of words of wisdom given.
- November 17, 2021 at 1:29 pm #577083FrancesKayLadyRegistered On: October 4, 2018Topics: 2Replies: 16Has thanked: 12 timesBeen thanked: 73 times
IMHO you should not worry much about your husband. I am a CD who keeps a Brazilian Wax, shaves my chest and legs, keep my eyebrows waxed, and keep my feet pedicured. My wife doesnt even want to discuss my CD at all. YOUR HUSBAND IS SOOOO FORTUNATE to have an understanding wife such as you. My ultimate goal is to be able to fully dress and go out to a few nightclubs, of course with a GG to coach me and correct me regarding femininity. Have you offered to try this with your husband?
Again, he is sooo lucky to have you.
- November 17, 2021 at 12:51 pm #577073Tracy SilkLadyRegistered On: December 13, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 20Has thanked: 40 timesBeen thanked: 58 times
I think that your dressing feminine husband is a very lucky person,, as I have dressed all my life and been married many years now and my wife only knows about my wearing sexy panties 24/7 I only wish that she was like you in allowing your spouse to be feminine when possible. Good luck and just a thought, maybe let him doll up and you also doll up in sexy lingerie and tell him how pretty and sexy he is and have a wonderful night of lesbian sexy together. Tracy
- November 17, 2021 at 10:45 am #577038Jill QuinnLadyRegistered On: July 24, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 107Has thanked: 680 timesBeen thanked: 493 times
First off, I want to thank you for being supportive to your husband. It can’t be expressed enough how important that is to us. I don’t know that I can add to your understanding of your husband and what he’s feeling, but I’ll share with you briefly my own story and maybe it will help. I certainly hope it does.
I first cross dressed when I was 13 for Halloween. It was my mom’s suggestion because she thought it would be funny. I agreed to because as soon as she said it, I somehow knew I wanted to wear girl’s clothes for more than just Halloween or a cheap laugh. I couldn’t understand my feelings in the slightest. I knew I loved girls romantically speaking, so why would I want to wear their clothes?!? And honestly, I still don’t understand why I feel this way.
It wasn’t until two years later that I had the chance to wear panties. I was home alone doing my laundry when I went to put my wet clothes in the dryer. I found a pair of my sister’s panties that she’d accidentally left behind in the dryer. Suddenly those feelings to wear girl’s clothes came rushing back. One minute later I was in my room undressed with her panties around my ankles trying to decide if I really wanted to cross that line. I did of course.
Over the next two years or so, I would sneak into her room from time to time and borrow a pair of her panties and put them on for a few minutes then rush to wash them and put them away. I did this maybe 6-8 times. I stopped for two reasons: shame for being such a sick pervert that wears panties as a boy and enjoys it, and because I knew it was wrong to to use something so intimate without her permission, something I’d never get no matter how much I asked and begged. It was many years later before I had the chance to wear panties again.
In my mid 20’s I dated a girl who would occasionally ask me to wear her panties. I couldn’t seem to eager to follow her request or she’s berate me for being a homosexual even though she knew I wasn’t. So I had to walk a fine line. Sometimes I’d wear her panties when she wasn’t around and I even wore one of her bras once. Such a thrill!
In my 30’s I’d go out once in awhile and buy myself panties and an occasional bra. I’d enjoy my feminine stuff for a week or two but the shame would hit me like a sledgehammer each time and each time I’d purge my girly things. Within a year, I’d go out and repeat the whole process over and over again; buy, enjoy, crushing shame, and purge.
When I was 40, I moved in with my girlfriend, the woman I’d later marry, and I just “knew” that I’d never again wear women’s clothing. It saddened me a little but I was okay with that since it was just some silly “phase” I was going through, and since it was completely “wrong” it would be easy to push any future desires to dress away. And for nearly nine years I did just that. I pushed those desires away and ignored them.
This past June, my wife and I were having a talk about our sex life and how much we enjoyed it, when I blurted out that I wanted to wear panties. And maybe a bra. My wife has always thought of me as a manly man so my less than tactful outburst caught her by surprise to say the least. She had what I’m sure are the usual questions: Are you gay? Do you want to get a sex change? Is there anything else you need or want to tell me? What didn’t you tell me sooner? It was a hard “No” to the first three questions but it was very hard to express my reasons for keeping this to myself, but ultimately it came back to shame. I felt very ashamed of my desires and I didn’t want her to think less of me as a man. She said something to the effect that it was silly to feel so much shame, that she still loved me and supported me and that I should have known how she would react. She was right on all points of course.
She went out a few days later while I was at work and bought me five pairs of panties and my first nightie. Since then, we’ve gone out several times to shop for me/Jill and we always have fun even if we don’t buy anything.
I’m 49 and I seem to be one of the younger guys here on CDH and from reading so many stories from the other girls on here, I’m guessing my desires will be with me for the rest of my life. And to be clear, for me wearing women’s clothing isn’t just a sexual thing, though that’s part of it and I suspect it’s because it’s such a taboo thing in most parts of the world, but it’s also because it allows me to express my feminine side, to drop the macho he-man bullshit for a little while, and because it gives me a sense of comfort and security.
If I may make a suggestion, ask your husband to come on here and read these messages to you. Maybe in them he will find the means and the words to tell you exactly how he feels. He’s certainly lucky to have you just as I’m lucky to have my supportive wife.
Best wishes for a happy future, Love Jill
- November 17, 2021 at 9:42 am #577015Juliette ParfoisLadyRegistered On: February 12, 2018Topics: 5Replies: 19Has thanked: 12 timesBeen thanked: 68 times
Hi Taylor …
and welcome to CDH. You’re well advised to come here with your concerns. You will get, and already have had, advice, perhaps from angles you hadn’t considered.
First of all, let’s look at his lying to you and try to understand why. It’s not easy to tell your partner that you wear tights and panties for sexual gratification but it’s a lot easier than telling them you want to dress completely as a woman and try to pass as one. It’s a tactical lie, letting information out in snippets. When we look at what he’s admitted: He’s lied to you about the extent of the dressing and about the sexual nature of it for him, and about using sex toys on himself. You’re left wondering if there’s more he’s lying to you or even himself about. He’s perhaps not directly lying but holding back with the truth. I’m not sure how much there is left to tell you about but there will be things. He’s admitted to a hell of a lot. But he hasn’t talked to you about his desires and that is, I think, where you have to start and then work backwards from there. You have to find out if he prefers to have sex with himself (herself from the perspective of us ladies) or with you. Are his adventures as his feminine self in addition to your joint sex life or is it his main outlet? It will embarrass him to talk about his secret life as a part-time woman so you will have to have your questions worked out in advance and keep prying, keep asking until you are sure there’s nothing left to tell. After that you can decide if you can live with that or not. Only you can decide.
I shave my chest and legs and my wife doesn’t like that much but – we’ve been married much, much longer – she grudgingly accepts that I am the same person I was before she learned (a bit) about my strange passion. I haven’t lied to her but have been sparing with information which I think would upset her without any gain for either of us.
Keep in mind that not all marriages survive a revelation like this. You wouldn’t be the first woman to decide there’s one too many women in the relationship but if you can agree (and adhere to) limits, it might even enrich your lives.
- November 17, 2021 at 9:35 am #577009Terri Anne KnoanAmbassadorRegistered On: February 7, 2018Topics: 32Replies: 878Has thanked: 1477 timesBeen thanked: 1970 times
Welcome to CDH. Truly Wonderful that you are supportive of your partner.
Elly Holborn is our lead ambassador the Significant Others /Wives group:
and just is case you need it- Here Also the link to SO Group
(same link as Stephanie Flowers gave you ):
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- November 17, 2021 at 8:28 am #576984Mandy WifeBaronessRegistered On: September 12, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 270Has thanked: 166 timesBeen thanked: 1224 times
Hi Taylor & welcome. Definitely join us on the wives forum but you are also free to post in this open forum as well.
Honestly, the only way to know what is happening or what he is feeling is to talk & listen – but it’s also a two way street and you need to talk & listen about what you are feeling as well and go from there (it sounds like you want to).
If it’s difficult to get him on board initially then maybe write down what you are thinking, that you are OK with XYZ but ABC is worrying you because of past history and you don’t want this to come between you but something that strengthens your relationship so can you have a sit down honest talk, from both sides, to find a middle ground that will work for you both.
- November 17, 2021 at 7:29 am #576962Laura LovettLadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 39Replies: 1569Has thanked: 5082 timesBeen thanked: 7823 times
Hi Taylor, and it’s great that you’re reaching out for information, and being so lovely and supportive.
If your husband is struggling to understand it himself, that’s normal, but a few weeks here should cure that!!!
I think that one of the defining aspects of the 21st Century is that people are encouraged to find and build their own roles.
Make choices – your needs are important too – and don’t be scared to mix and match, try new ideas and just play by ear rather than following any kind of prescribed path.
Mixing and matching includes traditional values too – the old ways aren’t all bad.
Find/create your own new role as a modern, empowered woman – be who you truly want to be, step by step, as there’s no rush – and I wish you both the best of luck.
You deserve it!
- November 17, 2021 at 7:16 am #576952Stephanie KennedyRegistered On: March 15, 2019Topics: 20Replies: 1142Has thanked: 8840 timesBeen thanked: 4930 times
Hi Taylor Just read your post I understand your concern and confused you must feel. I believe you have come to the right place to better understand what cross dressing is and what it is not. I can only speak for me no one else. I have been cross dressing back before puberty. Then when puberty began sex hormones came into the picture and then it got even more confusing. Let begin by saying we all have a self image that is in our head. When we look in the mirror we are not always happy with every thing we see. So we begin to think about what action we are going to take how best to improve what we see. When I looked in a mirror I wanted to see a image of a girl and so I just put on the appropriate clothes that would best satisfy the image I wanted to see. You soon learn that something is not right. Your parents mother or father let you know what is appropriate for girls and boys to wear. You begin your young life learning to hide what you wanted to see. You begin to borrow feminine clothes from sister, mother, aunt whom ever some you keep others you return until you have a collection you begin to hide. Then on day you feel guilty and ashamed about how you feel. You then get rid of all those pretty clothes and all signs of what you enjoy. That activity goes on for most of our life. We call it purging of all feminine clothing and go into denial about how we feel. We always think these feelings will just go away. We date and get married because most cross dressers find the female form very attractive of course there are those that see things different. Some here find the male form very attractive and look for a mate that best fits their needs. Our sexuality and gender identity are separate and definite different things. There comes a time when we just get tired of hiding our feelings. We begin to explore more and more and begin to see that image we all want to see. You now find your self married and some with children a home and financial commitments. We realize we have not been honest with those we love and begin again to feel shame about not being honest not to mention our guilt of having feminine feelings. We become experts at hiding and denying. It just becomes a messy situation. We here have have come to many conclusions. I will revue a few if I may. These feelings never go away. We can deny and hide as long as you want they always come back no matter how you try. The ideal situation is for us to come clean. To be totally honest with our SO in hopes that everything goes well and we will be able to finally express how we feel and still be accepted by the one’s we love. That can be too risky for so many. They begin to think about all they would lose. Your wife, children and all that you worked so hard for your entire life. I believe you have taken the right steps by buying a dress showing him you can be trusted with his secret he has been keeping his whole life. You have taken the steps to try and understand how he feels by being here asking questions. He has to take the steps to make this all work for the both of you. That begins by opening up to you and if needed a therapist that can help him understand that only way things can work out for the both of you to continue to be couple he has to be honest with you and himself. Reality is you are in charge what you will accept and what you will not. He can decide if he can live with what you will accept what you will not. That will change as you both get along. COMMUNICATION, EMPATHY for each others needs and then COMPROMISE. There is no other way. I have been married for just about forty years, cross dressing has been a part of most of my life. Most days I love it others not so much. I have come accept this is just apart of me that will not go away. I enjoy my femininity and the clothes but I am also there for my wife when it comes to being the man she has married. It takes balance some thing that takes learning and time for the both of you Take the time to visit the SO section of this site. I am sure they will help you to better understand you are not alone and offer advice to help you better understand. Luv Stephanie
- November 17, 2021 at 8:22 am #576981Stephanie FlowersAmbassadorRegistered On: June 26, 2017Topics: 33Replies: 5813Has thanked: 11003 timesBeen thanked: 11479 times
Beautifully written Stephanie, I see my journey through much of what you have said and have had many problematic moments throughout our marriage. A long marriage and the fact I’ve hidden my passions for dressing since meeting her then springing this to her certainly wasn’t fair to her and our relationship. And your absolutely right she’s in charge to what will be accepted or not. Her decisions on progressing forward with all in agreement making everyone happy especially your partner. And Importantly talking is key. It’s a must keep the conversations opened and honest.
- November 17, 2021 at 6:37 am #576919Alana TealLadyRegistered On: June 9, 2020Topics: 5Replies: 87Has thanked: 840 timesBeen thanked: 415 times
- November 17, 2021 at 5:52 am #576911Celeste StarreLadyRegistered On: June 26, 2018Topics: 46Replies: 1277Has thanked: 344 timesBeen thanked: 4702 times
The one thing about cross dressing is that it’s unpredictable. Maybe he’s lying to you and/or himself or maybe he has no idea where it’s going himself. A good gender therapist could help him figure it out. At one end of the spectrum is the person that’s happy just being able to wear panties and at the other is the person that won’t be happy until full transition complete with bottom surgery and hormones. In my case I wasn’t truly happy until everything in my wardrobe consisted of women’s clothing. That happened at age 50 which was 22 years ago. Before that there were periods of dressing followed by periods of not dressing etc.
- November 17, 2021 at 5:43 am #576909AmbassadorRegistered On: June 26, 2017Topics: 33Replies: 5813Has thanked: 11003 timesBeen thanked: 11479 times
Taylor welcome… you are certainly not alone in how this is bothering you.. my wife felt very much like yourself and is still dealing with this situation between us. It’s been 5 years since I opened up to her and even now she’s cautiously working out her fears.. Your a very special partner and very understanding for joining our site I must say. Your partner is so fortunate. There are certainly many happy stories about couples discovering this unique relationship but unfortunately many don’t.
This is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. As I said only a short while ago that I opened up to my wife after 40 years of marriage. It was a huge surprise for her and certainly very emotional. The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused. Seeing her and the hurt that it caused was hard. We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it out. She also worried about what changes I was looking at and if I was totally upfront about my dressing and intentions towards it. A open conversation between you two is most important and he must be honest with you.
But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and girl we do have a wonderful group here exclusive for significant others where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. There you can really enjoy chatting with others like you and truly enjoy conversations in your circle.
This group – private ( wives and significant others ) . For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic.
Links can be found on the Meet the Ambassadors page. I have provided the link to this group.
Now you need to get him/her to join too. She will definitely enjoy this amazing place.
Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you and welcome.
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by Stephanie Flowers.
- November 17, 2021 at 4:49 am #576895Riley McCortLadyRegistered On: September 10, 2020Topics: 10Replies: 64Has thanked: 79 timesBeen thanked: 327 times
let me first say thank you for being understanding of him and LISTENING to “her” not just hear her. She is a little uncomfy and so are you because neither of you has totally expressed their feelings in a convo. Have him dress as “her” then sit together on the couch and hold hands. Look at each other and talk. You start. Tell her that you have questions and that your accepting and supportive. If YOU can have fun with it then it will be very fun for both. Get ur questions answered and ask her to ask you questions also. Agree to times and or boundries. Dont you set them but both have to agree to them. If it all goes good say bey lets go shopping and buy you an outfit. From bra n panties down to the last detail of jewelry. Schedule a “girls nite” as my wife and I call it. The first date nite you suggest it. Make her a cocktail to for her to sip and relax as shes getting ready offer help but dont push. Ask if shed like you to do her make up etc. have a nice dinner and just talk. Maybe talk about a name for her.
ask yourself these questions.
“Am I turned on at all about it”
“Am I turned on about her using toys on herself and would I want to be involved”?
“Can this happen and will our relationship be ok”?
reassure her you love her very much and its ok. Just ask her to be honest and dont let it rule your lives. Say hi anytime and Ill try and help
- November 17, 2021 at 3:49 am #576885Lucinda HawknsLadyRegistered On: September 1, 2015Topics: 6Replies: 1363Has thanked: 84 timesBeen thanked: 1735 times
hello Taylor. yes you have to come the right place and this is a great site for x dressers and wifes to join and see how many men x dress and why. let him dress up, let him know he does and its Ok. he is showing his feminine side out. it is hard for us to tell our wifes we love to wear what they call female cloths. the clothing feels great better fit and looks sexy on us it brings out who we really should of been. i am a closet cross dresser and wif knows of it. she lets me dress up when our last adult child is at work for 4 to 8 hours. i have more female cloths then she does and even dress like a female. real females now days wear men cloths , pants , shirt, no make up, no perfume or ear rings, not even paint their nails.. hope you will find a lot of info here and will see your man a different person when dressed up. have a great day and have your husband let you know he dresses up and let him dress up for you and see him a a female , try to give him so tips when you can.
- November 17, 2021 at 3:09 am #576872Raquel SmithLadyRegistered On: August 26, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 604Has thanked: 1865 timesBeen thanked: 1938 times
Wow! Taylor, I am in awe of the attitude you expressed in your post. It sounds like you are trying. I hope your CD husband can open up to you.
Crossdressing and some of the other things you mentioned that he/she might be into, can be extremely difficult topics to openly discuss, even if one side seems to be accepting. Personally speaking, it was hard to admit some things, even to myself. And I don’t know how much my wife knows. It seems that any sign of feminization on my part, draws negativity, leaving me having to hide it all. So we have never talked much on the topic.
Might I suggest, that you show him your post and use CDH as a way to start a conversation?
I hope you two are able to bridge the divide and have soulful talks about your and his needs.
- November 16, 2021 at 10:41 pm #576834ElizabethLadyRegistered On: October 7, 2021Topics: 32Replies: 401Has thanked: 2612 timesBeen thanked: 1857 times
Taylor a very good article which generally raises the concerns you have. I’d be the last person to offer expert advice, and that’s not me fobbing you of. Just like to say hope everything works out for you both.
- November 16, 2021 at 9:55 pm #576831KatieLadyRegistered On: April 15, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 7Has thanked: 1346 timesBeen thanked: 44 times
First let me say that it is amazing that you are reaching out. I have been in the closet in my previous marriage for 35 years, so I understand how your husband might react. A lot of inspiring answers have been given here already, and I cannot but agree with all the things that have been written.
I would like to add one more thing: please be aware that it is not only about your SO, but your feelings are just as valid as his. In other words: stay close to yourself as well.
I wish both of you all the best and I am always happy to chat with you if you want.
- November 16, 2021 at 8:11 pm #576808Stephanie GreenLadyRegistered On: October 30, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 74Has thanked: 92 timesBeen thanked: 385 times
Hello, Taylor. Welcome to CDH. I hope and pray that you and your husband will be able to work thing out and come to an understanding regarding his crossdressing with which you can both live.
Regarding your concern about your husband being uncomfortable with his crossdressing, opening up to you and answering your questions, that may be due to the fact that he has questions too, and he can’t answer them yet.
I hesitate to offer advice since I know nothing more about you and your husband than what you shared here. I’ll just say this: If I was in a situation like your husband is in, I would appreciate the support of my wife and her being interested in my crossdressing. However, I would ask her to patient with me and allow me to sort out my thoughts and feelings before sharing them with her.
- November 16, 2021 at 7:42 pm #576804Brielle RossDuchessRegistered On: August 14, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 266Has thanked: 1272 timesBeen thanked: 1200 times
Hi Taylor, welcome to the safest site for discussing crossdressing and transgender issues that there is online. I have been a life-long crossdresser but just came out to my wife this summer after being married for nearly 40 years! My wife has gone from empathetic, to scared, to angry, and now gradually to being somewhat supportive.
You are a strong and uncommon woman to have been okay with your husband’s “other half”. My wife has had to deal with similar issues. I haven’t been seeking as much sexual gratification or using sex toys outside our bedroom. But we crossdressers have been experts at hiding our feminine sides and it’s difficult to really open up. Partly out of habit, but also b/c we don’t want to lose self-esteem. That’s why crossdressing is so insidious and so damaging when it is being hidden away.
In your case, there could be more that your husband wants to explore (or has already), but as long as you can both talk openly in respect and seeking to understand and be understood, you may find new opportunities for emotional intimacy. Perhaps he wants to try different things with you but is afraid to ask.
Just like you feel scared and insecure, I’m sure (from my own experience) that he is feeling those things too. For me personally, when my wife asks about it with the tone and attitude of trying to learn more, I’m very open. When she has the tone or stance of accusing me or suspicious of me, then I clam up or make excuses. I’m terrified that she’ll leave and I’ll have messed up everything good, in trying to be a whole person and be vulnerable.
Please lean in to other SOs here and get their take. Many wives and GFs are negative or neutral while others are positive and even embracing. Every viewpoint is valuable since we don’t know what may be a positive or negative trigger in our own relationship. I hope you can find the support you need here and that your husband can learn to rely on you for his emotional and physical support, instead of resorting to toys. I know you must feel even more betrayed by those actions and I personally think you have a legitimate reason to be upset about that. But until he opens up about what he’s thinking, it will be hard to resolve it. Feel free to PM me or if he is willing, your husband can also. I’m not hiding anymore!
- November 16, 2021 at 7:32 pm #576800AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Taylor, I think your best course of action is to continue to probe and ask questions about the extent of his crossdressing desires and sexuality, and also ask him to see a therapist that has some experience with LGBTQ to help. Otherwise it will continue to be an elusive unspoken mystery for longer that you both want it to be. Communication and talking it out will flush it out.
- November 16, 2021 at 7:14 pm #576787Dani GrandBaronessRegistered On: October 9, 2018Topics: 1Replies: 151Has thanked: 865 timesBeen thanked: 538 times
You are in the right place, Taylor.
There is an awful lot packed into your message.
It’s difficult to answer all of the questions as there is a cascading effect – at least there is in my experience.
He needs to truly understand himself first, and fully – as you suggest.
It’s probably best done with a counselor.
Any conjecture here on the ‘why’ any of us do what we do could bring unnecessary false imaginings so I won’t.
Based on what you wrote, I’d think your mind is in a bit of a swirl so all I will suggest is the simple ‘one day at a time’ mantra. Breathe.
There are a lot of articles for the SOs on this site. I would encourage you to check them out.
I will say we are all a bit different as to how we acquired our imprint to be feminine. How far any of us goes on our journey depends on a great many things. It’s not as simple as slipping on a pair of shoes.
Please read and keep asking questions. It’s how we all learn.
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