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Hello everyone, I have a question… my wife says she supports me in my wanting to dress, and that i should do what ever I need to do to make me happy. She even went out and bought me some nice panties, and stockings and a couple really cute dresses, but then voiced concern that she doesnt want me to dress all the time, because she fell in love with the “manly” me, and doesnt want to lose him. Then said that if she wanted to be with a woman, she would find a woman. I explained that it’s not something I have a desire to do every day, especially since we have 4 sons(3 are mine that live with me full time, and 1 is here that we have full time) and i dont want the boys to see me dressed. Also told her that I want to under dress some times and she said she is ok with that, but her mouth said one thing, her body language and eyes said another. I think she is ok with the idea of it, but after she bought me a few things and I mentioned how cute they were, I thing it got “real” for her, and she is no longer interested in being as supportive. Am I just being too “sensitive” or maybe it’s too much too soon, or maybe she changed her mind bout it? Or maybe she is just as confused as I am…. any advice would be great
It sounds like she might be wondering where this might lead or whether it is something you can control or at least moderate. It may be best to take small steps, i.e only dress when she is not around initially and not all the time. It may be difficult as controlling the urge to dress can be overwhelming at times but it sounds like she is willing to come on this journey with you but that might mean there are still limits. Go slow and talk often to her, make sure she knows it’s still you there under the dress. Hope this helps and good luck. Mandy. X
Thanks Mandy. With the initial conversation she was actually excited. She wants to be better at doing her makeup and style etc and was excited to have me as her test subject(and I am more than willing to fill that role) then after about a week, and not even dressing yet, it seems as if she is very hesitant now. Maybe she is just overwhelmed like I am. I did explain to her that I’ve gone 43 years without dressing, and even though i want to, if i had to choose between dressing and her, i would choose her any day over and over. As much as I want this, I want her more, and i understand where she is coming from, I’m a very manly man, an auto mechanic for over 25 yrs, in the woods cutting down trees and cutting and splitting fire wood, camping, fishing, shooting guns, hunting, building things, plumbing, electrical etc, I can do it all. But I want to do it with panties or stockings, or leggings, or something under my cloths and with shaved legs and painted toes lol. I do not in any way give up my male persona, but want to add a femme persona to it. Just really confused about the whole thing, I dont even know why I want to dress, it’s just something that’s always been in the back of my mind…
Similar to you, I enjoy things like down hill mountain biking in my off time anf climbing rocks but also also realised I have a deep seated need to wear skirts, lingerie, heels etc. It’s something that’s very difficult to put back in the box once it is out, but it does sound like you have your priorities right in terms of its her that comes first. I think you will be ok, just ask her openly and honestly if she has had second thoughts about this step she is taking in terms of embracing your feminine side and try to find out where the boundary is for her, and really listen and understand when she does speak. It’s probably a lot for her to take in and pull back is probably natural to s certain extent while she feels her way through it. Try to explore what her concerns are and come up with a plan together on how to address them that prefably leave you both happy.
Just keep lines of communication open honey. Mx
hi rob. your situation virtually mimicks mine. me and my wife have had the exact conversation and she has expressed the same concerns as your wife did. I too have children living at home who dont know about my cross dressing. my wife has bought me make-up, knickers, skirts but when it comes to intervention, she shys away and wants little to do with it all, she says she does but it rarely materialises. I have thought long and hard about the situation, virtually to the point of tears (I kid you not). I came to the conclusion that I am luckier than most men in the respect, she knows and accepts (to a point). I also reckoned that my wife did love me but wanted a man and that I am a man who dresses like a woman and she is not. at that point I realised that I did not want to hurt my wifes feelings (I love her very much) and we hit a compromise and that’s the key word here-compromise. my wife now indulges in my cross dressing at weekends but not during the week, as she wants me in ‘man mode’. I admit that its not 100% what I want but its surely better than nothing at all and more importantly my wife is happy too. please try to look at it from her point of view, its a hard situation to accept and go along with for a woman who married a man. i’m sure things shall improve with time for you rob but you have to be sensitive too to your wifes needs as well.
good luck!
fiona xx
Hi girls, same thing here. My SO wants to be supportive, understands that I fall on the transgender spectrum somewhere and wants to be with me. BUT…it’s hard for her. She doesn’t want to participate, encourage or see my femme self. And for my part, I do understand her feelings. The very fact that I came out to her changed our relationship dynamic forever and that’s a lot to process for her. However, we are who we are and everyone’s life has challenges. I need to present as a woman from time to time, that’s just who I am. Can’t change it so the real challenge is working that reality into your relationship with your SO. I suppose I will be working on that for a good long time.
Sweetie, like the replies before me I think the main thing is to go slow. I don’t know how long it has been since you told her or how long you have been married but I find myself in an almost exact situation. I told my wife 5 years into our marriage and at first she was more worried that she was going to lose me because I wanted to be a woman, although she said if I did we would try to work it out (I don’t want that). It has been a year since then and we have had almost the exact conversations. I told her I would like to get better at make up and she would say that she would help me out but nothing ever materialized. She tells me she is ok with it as long as she doesn’t see it and doesn’t want me to buy my own clothes but then she bought me panties (I was elated!). But when I asked her if I could get heels she said she is not ready for that. After some research and talking to my therapist, I think she wants to be accepting and show she loves you but she herself is having trouble wrapping her hear around it. You have to be the one to slow it all down because she just wants to make you happy, even at her expense. Give it some time and pick your battles. Remind her by your actions that she is still #1 and the dressing is something that has always been a part of you but doesn’t define you. Hope it helps! And get yourself a femme name. Unless Rob is short for Roberta! LOL
Ask her if it’s fair to her that she dresses sexy and feminine all the time, makeup done, dresses and heels. Ask how she would feel if she wasn’t allow to wear pants, or our clothes for that matter. Women love wearing our clothes. They feel relaxed, and comfortable.
She’ll get it. Use women in general as the subject, so she feels less threatened with accusations of being selfish, like most women are today. I’m pretty damn selfish when I’m dressed up. Lol. Good luck
Hi Again Rob,
Body language speaks louder than words. I would be very cautious.
I’ve seen several posts of this nature, where the SO say okay, but when she sees you and begins to realize what is going on (and many more questions and thoughts come to mind), things can change quickly.
For me I love dressing and the way it makes me feel, but it also triggered (sometimes) intense sexual feelings, and not in a way that had me wanting to have sex with my wife. Quite the opposite. I essentially want/wanted or have desires to be the “women” in a sexual encounter. This is difficult and I’ve refrained, and this is what your wife will be afraid of. Maybe afraid of, I can’t say for sure about your situation.
Best to you however! This is a good first step for both of you. Enjoy yourself and as your wife has said, do what makes you happy and feel good. Just be prepared for the feelings and desires it may invoke in you.
Love and hugs,
Rebekka
My constant “go to” reply is to give things time to evolve.
I really had no clue as to how deep my dressing desire went until it rather “slipped out” at 52 and 30 years in to marriage. I had a “drag makeover” that the wife was present for that kinda’ “stuck”
It was utterly new ground for both of us to explore. and 6+ years later, it’s never been better!
I’d rather let her take the lead and prompt her with questions that might quell her fears before yours. Once the wife realized that I pretty much had a girly aesthetic that I simply couldn’t stuff back in to the box after the makeover? It took a while, but all became good. She even buys or suggests cute things for my girly side anymore and I love it.
Bottom line would be to calm her concerns first and be casual as safety allows. My regular just out of bed duds in the AM anymore are bejewled flatform sandals and a full length silk skirt during the chillier CA mornings. I’m still me, just in different clothes than many wear.
I agree with Kloe here……but I prefer a babydoll with a little thong……….
Mikki
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