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Well as we know yesterday was Father’s Day. We did the usual, bbg, and such, young adult kids where home and I received cards with nice messages from everyone, including my Wife.
The card she gave me what heavily referencing the “MAN”, IN BIG BOLD LETTERS.
the MAN i married
the MAN i see,
the MAN this and that
I was really (and still am) put off with this. Because I was bbq’ing too, I was dressed more in drab than usual, not wanting to get nice things messy. She even commented on this! Saying I didn’t “look like I usually do”.
I want to tell her but I know it will turn into a big argument. I may in the days to come, but was just really put off and annoyed.
Thanks for listening,
R
I know that sentiment all too well. Sorry.
I understand your feelings, as I would feel much the same. Perhaps she was happy to see you dressed more drab than usual? Though what you should do about is the really difficult thing to decide.
If you can let it roll off your back that might be the best for household harmony, but it depends on how you feel a few days later.
Amy
Hi Rebekka
Bummer on fathers day. I too dressed less for the day, my gf noticed and asked, “cuz its fathers day not mothers day” we and my daughter laughed.
From what you’ve written in the past, she already has a good idea of who you actually are, she’s just shall we say unappreciative of it and thats unfortunate. You probably should have an honest conversation about it if you plan to continue with your rights to growing and being happy with yourself. But, theres a pretty good chance of raised negativity from her side.
Olivia
We have enough problems controlling how we feel. We certainly cannot control how others feel.
My wife married a man. And sleeps with her man. And likes me as a man. She has no control over her emotions and thoughts.
The same as I find it repugnant and repulsive (even if dressed enfemme) to think about flirting with or doing more with another guy. I like women. And I like my wife being a woman.
I can make all the philosophical reasonings and excuses about perhaps if… but, thats not the reality.
Anyways. Life is complicated. It sounds like your wife doesn’t want to be a lesbian.
I would say that your wife is clearly sending a message. So, maybe its time to sit down and talk about what that means to you and her. I don’t like to see relationships fail due to cross dressing, but at the same time I don’t think any partner in a relationship should be controled by the other. There needs to be room for self expression and growth. I hope the two of you can find a way to make it work in a mutually fulfilling manner.
My ex and I could not.
Hi Rebekka:
I’d have that talk with your wife, otherwise you’ll both live with too much unhealthy tension.
I had “the talk” with my wife and was prepared to pack-my-bags. It didn’t happen. She just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Yeah, I know.”
But our talk was more than just about fashion. It was also about gender, identity and my trans feelings. Once I spilled those beans it all became more clear for her and, dare I say, accepting! We’re still together and having fun! (BTW, my wife is a Tomboy. She owns one dress and only two pairs of pantyhose, black and nude. I um.. have hundreds!! LOL!!)
However… I don’t think you’ll get the same reaction as I got, but I so hope I’m wrong!!
So here’s a twist: I can see it from her point of view. I am very pansexual. When I see a masculine man BBQing with commitment so his guests are fed well and takes the time to ensure everyone is enjoying themselves plus throws the ball with all the kids and compliments a woman with class and respect, I get very turned on as a woman. The last thing I want to see that man wearing is a bikini and high heels. I’ll wear those, thank you very much!
Not sure if this helps, but good luck!
Barb
I’m sorry to hear that Rebekka, and my advice would be what a few others here have said, which is you and her need to sit down and have a talk about everything. Innuendo and lack of communication isn’t healthy for a relationship and if she’s upset about your dressing the both of you need to communicate to work things out, one way or another. Things will get worse if that doesn’t happen.
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I wouldn’t go looking for a fight on this. She gave you a card and she mentioned your appearance in a non-negative light. You’ve chosen to interpret both as negative comments from her, but the only thing that makes them negative is how you interpret them. Personally, I’d ignore those comments – it’s not what I’d want to have “the big argument” over. Besides, if she was trying to be snide and you respond to it, you are taking the bait. I’d let it go.
On the flip side, I’m in an unhappy marriage, so what do I know? 🤷😁
Hello Everyone. Instead of hitting the “thanks” button on every reply I’ll just say, I really appreciate all of the feedback and perspectives. It really helps, especially (and sincerely), those that differ from mine! I’m obviously reacting through an “emotional eye” with clouded and preconceived vision. So those comments really help!
Thank all of you Lovely Ladies!
R
Rebekka,
You are a husband and father, what better day to remind you of this? Many more women might be accepting of a husband’s cross dressing if she were sure the man she married isn’t going away. Obviously, you wife is giving a less than subtle hint, that you’ve gone beyond her comfort level.
Eileen
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