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In our profile the query is made about acceptance from our spouse. Often this is the response.
SO Acceptance:
Yes my SO is accepting within their limitsIf it is more than that many of us find ourselves a bit envious [more than a bit?] of such acceptance, do we not?
It occurred to me that “within their limits” is often our spouse’s acceptance for so many of our standard male activities. For example: Many men like to deer hunt. Most wives don’t cling to their husbands and share his love of hunting deer and trecking to a deer stand at 4:00AM on a cold morning, but they “accept it within their limits”. “Do it if that makes you happy, but don’t expect my participation or excitement,” seems to be their resign.
Now put whatever activity in the place of deer hunting that you enjoy and if it is a particularly male activity many wives, “accept within their limits.”
Men, do we not do the same with our wives. For instance, shopping. Though many of us love this activity if it be en femme, many of us (please note I didn’t write all) feel ourselves “dragged along” if our wife asks us to go shopping with her. Or we tell her to go, “we’ll stay home.” We accept it within our limit.
Now accepting within our limits may take some adjustments, even “sacrifices” but we do so for the one we love.
However when it comes to our dressing and femme expression, “accepting within their limits,” seems much more challenging, difficult, to some even impossible.
As I thought about this I couldn’t help but wonder why that is. What is it about our expressing our feminine essence that challenges our spouses to make “within their limits” so limiting?
I’m really lucky to have a great accepting boyfriend who doesn’t have any limits at all, the only limits are the ones I put on myself but he’s incredibly supportive and I can literally dress whenever and however I want. It’s bliss. But to give a best guess to that question Charlene, I think a lot of it has to do with a wife feeling as though her husband isn’t the masculine man she married and instead has a different side to him entirely, especially if he wants to dress all the time, and also starts wondering what issues or reasons are leading to the dressing in the first place. Does he still love me? Does he no longer want a “husband” role in our marriage? Is he unhappy in our marriage?
Makes me really appreciate having a SO who is so supportive and encouraging and I sympathize with anyone who doesn’t have a supportive spouse/SO.
I too am one of the very fortunate. We read here stories from others who are not.
I understand ‘within their limits’, and support the need for possible boundaries to establish a balance in the relationship. Lets be honest, there are those that once they’ve told their spouse, may move too far and too fast. If they’re not into our CDing thats fine, its when they strongly oppose or TRY to disallow their partner from expressing themselves, even within their own home that the claws come out.
Olivia
Charlene,
I agree that “within their limits” is a very vague statement, covering every girl who is not completely in the closet. (I don’t like it). And only a handful of us can claim full support of our Dressing, so that statement says nothing.
I’m one of the lucky girls; at first, there were only two limits: keep Bettylou secret from the kids and her friends, so as not to embarrass her; and NO Dresses in her presence. Skirts, capris, leggings, etc were OK, and she eventually dropped the restriction. It was awhile before she would agree to go out with me Dressed, but it did happen. I still can’t tell the kids, but we do share wardrobes, now. IMO, I’m a very lucky girl.
Bettylou
Hi Charlene This a question for the GG section Some of our perception what is acceptable and what is not is our perception not our SOs. I suppose my wife is a little different she enjoys meeting and chatting with CDs She finds us cute and a little funny [ her words]. She understands we are presenting a small part of being a woman She knows its just the fun part. Its like playing dress up when she was small The fact her husband wants to play dress up was a little concerning but as she has learned we were playing dress but understood it was wrong for all the many reasons so we kept it a secret and stopped only to do it in private and alone. In so many ways we are like young girls still playing dress up. We want to emulate those people we most identify with, not unlike any other girl That is a lot for most SOs to take in and understand. They know what happens after playing dress up and maturity starts to take place Do we still want to continue to emulate what we see? or do we stop short when sexuality comes into play? That is a huge game changer for most SOs. Sadly the female form and sex are closely knitted and woman understand that at a very young age . Most SOs are not attracted to the female form, some say “I prefer not to see it on my husband” that is understandable. We all know that the female form is attractive and there is further proof by the so many CD admirers that try to intrude in our lives. These men are attracted to the female form not the person that is presenting it. Until our SOs are perfectly comfortable that our desire to emulate the female form ends at playing dress up no further there will be limits to what they will accept. Just my opinion
Luv Stephanie
I always thought “within their limits” could mean anything from about to ask for a divorce all the way to actively feminizing us at the other end of the acceptance spectrum. Making the profile answer fairly meaningless, but it seemed to fit better than the other options. I think the mismatch between our desires and their limits is simply because the spectrum is so broad between those two end points it’s unlikely that most couples will find an ideal situation without some work to adjust those limits on both sides of the relationship. Relationships are work with or without our gender bending lifestyles.
There are currently 7.6 Billion ideas of what gender is on this planet and those are all fighting within the cultures and languages they are experienced through. The SO relationship is just a microcosm of that.
I think if we wanted to answer that question accurately we’d need a comment section for for that answer to specify what limits mean to each of us.
— Abbie 🥰
I am one of the very lucky ones, my wife’s only “limit”, is to be happy, however far I wish to go.
I have the best wife in the world, for me.
That being said, all life has “limits”, whether we set them ourselves, or have them set for us, we just have to learn to live with them, or change our lives.
The motto I have lived my life by, and still do, is “this is life, live with it, or change it, the choice is yours.”
Im sorry if this sounds harsh, or un=caring, I really do care, but it is how I live.
Hugs, Regi👸💕When I first came out to my wife, she was accepting and supportive. However, she has outlined limits on my dressing.
I can dress all i want at home, but she doesn’t want me to leave the house as Wendy (I’ve kinda pushed this limit abit farther out as I’ve picked her up from work a few times as Wendy).
Another limit is no wearing heels in the house, as it may scratch up the flooring. Plus, she is concerned that I may trip with heels going up/down stairs and hurt myself.
At first it wasn’t much of an issue, but I”ve purchased alot of clothing for Wendy. The main concern for my wife the amount of $$$ I’ve spent already on Wendy’s wardrobe, and she would like me to curtail my shopping habits..
I’ve come to accept the limits, as she has allowed me much freedom in expressing my feminine side.
I truly feel lucky, my wife of 16 years, with in her limits has asked me to wear dresses, has even bought dresses and help me choose dresses. if not for her I may not have started crossdressing
My wife’s limit is dressing outside the house, mainly because of issues it would cause for her with her church. It’s left open for change in the future or far from home, if we are both comfortable with it.
She is very accepting, even helping me learn, and as it’s rather new to her, still trying to understand it, but no negative feelings about it.
She did set some new limits tonight though, after a conversation about some stockings of hers that I admire. Don’t wear the same outfits as her, especially (gasp!) at the same time, don’t steal her clothes like her sister always used to, and don’t wear her perfume, Dianne needs to find her own style and scents.
I think I can live with those! And her stuff won’t fit me anyway… 🙂
I spoke about this in another post, but yes, so sad that so many of the followers of a loving God seem to be filled with so much hate.
Not all are like that, thankfully, but my wife is Pentecostal, and still struggles at times with guilt for the feelings she has towards other women. The folks at her church are actually pretty friendly, honestly the most friendly, caring, and helpful of any church I have ever attended. (I went with her for a short time, but wasn’t comfortable)
But, they still have their beliefs, and while they wouldn’t turn on us for our feelings per se, they certainly would pressure us to conform, and want us to “pray the gay away” and all that. It would come from a desire to “help” us, rather than hatred, but the effect would still be the same. A far cry from the church I grew up in though.
So as supportive, patient, and loving as my wife has been as I start this journey, it is a very small thing for me to accept that limitation. As for her relationship with the church, I am also supportive, patient, and loving of her as she sorts through her feelings, and will let her take all the time she needs to find and accept herself.
“She did set some new limits tonight though, after a conversation about some stockings of hers that I admire. Don’t wear the same outfits as her, especially (gasp!) at the same time, don’t steal her clothes like her sister always used to, and don’t wear her perfume, Dianne needs to find her own style and scents.”
Oh my Dianne, I must say I grinned [had I been in a total girl mindset I may have giggled]. This is soooooo girly. It is almost like; perhaps totally like her mind has shifted and she is talking to another girl, setting boundaries for her roomie. Now that is classic IMHO.
A newbie I am but am very lucky as my wife is supportive. We went shopping out of town and she picked out some very nice high quality things I never would have. Not sure what her limits are…yet but I think if I fully dressed and had a wig on and went downtown (very small town) that my be to much for her
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Women being women there are certain things they can tolerate or not even when it applies to other GG’s. For instance, most women are very competitive with other GG’s and can be very critical about others outfits, makeup, and even actions. No woman wants to show up at a party and be wearing the same dress as another GG. Although they probably wouldn’t admit it most women are jealous of bigger boobed GG’s or GG’s that appear more sexy than them. Its a competitive thing among females.
When it comes to a womans SO then it becomes even more of a no no. They don’t want to compete with their spouse and probably never could imagine that would be an issue. My wife said early on that she did not want to compete with me and I think thats the reason she doesn’t want to see me fully dressed and hasn’t. I can wear certain things like leggings, womens tees, and underdressing with panties and a bra around her but not skirts, dresses, heels, or my forms. All of these would be rubbing it in her face. Her acceptance is just so much.
I have Covid hair and its well below my shoulders now which I love. When I started letting my hair grow out she stopped getting hers cut and of course hers is longer than mine. I asked her when she was getting hers cut and she asked me when I was getting mine cut. She can tolerate me with long hair but shes competing with me and I don’t think she will cut it until I do. I don’t plan on getting mine cut anytime soon so I guess we will look like two cousin Its from the Adams family. They say a couple who ages together begins to look like each other and for us its really true.
Problem is, huntin’, shootin’, fishin’, golfin’ and getting pissed with your mates after the match are all “normal male behaviour”. Dressing as a woman is seen as a mild perversion and makes you less than male. And since she married you, it reflects on her.
Connie
xxx
Dear Connie, I believe you are so correct. Engage in stereotypical male boorish, vulgar, crass, callous dominating behaviour and it can be accepted “within their limits” because that is what men / hubbies do. SOs may not like it, but that’s OK, it’s expected of men and therefore acceptable with a much broader limit.
Ah, but now dear man / hubbie, desire to be pretty, less edgey, kinder, gentler, to emulate femininity and be a much improved whole person because of your feminine expression and “within their limits” seems to get very narrow for most wives / women, non existent for others.
Understandable to be sure. I am not sure I would be too amenable to my wife deciding that she was going to be masculine, doing her best to be the he that she feels she is in her heart.
Jane Morris aptly titled her book, “Conundrum” for surely this is the life are called to navigate.
Kindly,
Charlene
Hi Charlene
Thanks for the reply.
The one that really puzzles me is “you can crossdress, but not where I can see you”.
Do they honestly think that if they can’t see it, you’re somehow more masculine? Quantum femininity, moderated by the observer?
Connie
xxx
So clearly put, and an approach I hadn’t considered. But there is a difference between not being interested and shutting out which seems to happen quite a lot including to me.
The thing i struggle with is that my SO worked in a very busy pharmacy and met many people across the gender spectrum and has nothing but respect for their choices. But when it comes to me its a different thing. Dont get me wrong, i respect her wishes and she doesnt criticise or directly shame. I just wish i could be more open about my dressing and even take some advice from her and feel some of that acceptance she can find for people she doesn’t know. It doesnt make me angry or love her any less, just saddens me sometimes.
Krisy
Xx
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