Would you stop crossdressing if you wife asked, to save your marriage, or other?

This poll asks if you'd give up crossdressing if there was a serious reason to do so.

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  • Yes, no question, of course I would
  • Yes, I would, but I wouldn't be happy about it
  • No, it's taken me too long to come out/accept "her"/embrace being a crossdresser
  • No, I'd try to find another solution
  • Other
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  • #658261
    Holly Morris
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    Registered On: April 15, 2022
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    Hi ladies!

    This is a sensitive topic, but one I’m curious about because of my own situation (if you’ve read my profile you know that I’m not able to dress right now, but that was a choice that I made based on a lot of factors).

    The question is, would you stop crossdressing if your wife asked you to? Or if there was a family situation that required it? Or to save your marriage? Or some other equally valid reason?

    For many of us, crossdressing is life, or at least a major component of it, so giving it up would be difficult, if not impossible. It’s taken a long time for us to come out of the closet, it’s taken us a long time to accept that we are a crossdresser, it’s taken us a long time to embrace our crossdressing, and lots of other reasons would make it hard to do, so we don’t want to give it up.

    But…

    If your wife asked you to stop crossdressing, or if your marriage was in jeopardy and that was required to save it, or if there was a family situation that required it, or there was some other equally valid reason, would you stop crossdressing? Or not? And why or why not?

    I would. I have.

    But how about you?

    Hugs,

    Holly

Viewing 29 reply threads
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    • #661179
      Davara Vixen
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      Depends on the marriage bond. And your out look as wanting to be in it. My wife is the greatest but she realized my desires as being femme that I have needs that parallel hers. So it’s a mutual trade. And I don’t mind being the submissive. It does tend to get awkward when company is over but she always has my back. She calls me her pixie show pony. All’s good as long as the house work gets done.

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    • #661128
      Krissy
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      Registered On: June 4, 2021
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      I wouldn’t stop for love or money, its what i do and what i am love me love my femme ways or dont love me. I love being a sensual beautiful woman and would never betray my true feelings as ive had for such a long time.

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      • #661306
        Krissy
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        Ive learnt you have to go for it and live the best life you can x

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    • #661118
      DianaCD22
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 19, 2020
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      I loved the woman I asked to marry me.  Prior to our wedding I told her that I liked to crossdress.  She did not seem that upset and we went through with the ceremony.  I dressed for her that first year of our marriage and she . . . .  HATED IT!  And she demanded that I never do it again.  I agreed but the desire was too strong.  Even though I purged, I would find CD friendly sites on-line. Eventually after several years of marriage I found a professional domme to dress with.  One of them took me out as “The Lady in Red.”  who you can see in my photos.  🙂

      We have been divorced now for 3 years and I know that part of the reason is that she did not accept me for who I truly am.  It created a division between us that grew as my desires to dress became stronger.  So, I did try to stop to save my marriage.  It did not work.

      Now I am with a beautiful woman who accepts me completely.  I cherish her tremendously and feel wonderful when I am with her as Diana or as David.

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    • #660449
      Kimmie
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      Registered On: September 27, 2016
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      I voted “other” because I would try as hard as I could to comply, but I’m not sure I would be able to stop and never go back.

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    • #659850
      Scarlett398
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      Registered On: June 29, 2018
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      Great question Holly!

      If it came between Scarlett’s wardrobe and my Sexy Redhead, I’d definitely choose my Sexy Redhead! I love my wife so very much and she loves me back which my Scarlett wardrobe can’t come close to doing! The relationship has always been fabulous and so has the sex!

      There’s two adorable corgis named Sully and Scarlett that come with my wife as well and the unconditional love I receive from them is fabulous as well.

      Besides, my Sexy Redhead lets me be Scarlett anytime she’s away from our home for more than six hours. She goes back to work at the health department as their only nurse practitioner in less than four months and I’ll be able to get my Scarlett on three days a week if I want to! Her recent retirement has only allowed me to be Scarlett once in the last two months. But we’ve had so much fun together shopping and going out to eat and the movies too, it’s OK to have a break from pretty Scarlett.

      We also have several trips planned before she goes back to work in October.

      That’s it for now girls and thanks for asking the question, Holly!

      XOXOXO Scarlett

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    • #659663
      Gabrielle Thomas
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      Registered On: December 22, 2015
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      I’m now divorced because i was finally able to answer this question years ago. Crossdressing is what we do because of who we are, not “what” we are. We are a “who”, not a “what”. Our journey is each our own. We journey forward and we evolve. Some of us stop at different points and stay, some of use stay there, the rest eventually move forward.

      At each stopping point, I used each one of those answers. Years went by, decades actually, and I finally came to the answer: I am a “who” and I cannot change who I am…. My character, my soul, my DNA, the fabric of self. I can change my behavior but the catalyst that dictates that change remains. We crossdress because of who we are, not what we are. In my case, I crossdress because I am transgender.

      • #659922
        Rhonda Lee
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        Registered On: September 29, 2021
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        Well put! I think most of us would change if we could, but it would force us to be someone other than who we were created to be, so we have to resolve the dilemma of whether to put forth a persona that differs from who we are in order to satisfy the desires of another and make us more acceptable to that person, or whether to retain our authenticity, which is intolerable to such party. I also am divorced, having been unable to  resolve this dilemma. I am not a good liar and could not force myself to act in a manner contrary to my belief as to who I am. Even had I managed to do so, my inward feelings and desires would likely have proved unacceptable. My wife did not even want me to THINK about expressing my feminine side. She thought I could change who I was and was not willing to accept anything less.

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    • #659114
      Morriah Wexton
      Lady
      Registered On: June 27, 2022
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      I recently had a discussion with my wife about my preferences as to what I wear. It started out by me telling her that choices in men’s underwear are limited really to just 3 choices – briefs, boxers, and boxer-briefs. I told her I found some that are really comfortable….in the women’s section. I told her that I wear panties for comfort and that some are nearly iondistinguishable from men’s underwear. She knows about my past preferences for sexy, lacy panties but we were able to work out a compromise where now I can openly wear panties and thongs that are not obviously feminine. I wouldn’t be “waving them in her face” so to speak. By openly and honestly talking to her we worked the situation out to where we’re both satisified.

    • #659078
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
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      Being another ‘single’, this is hypothetical for me as well, but I was intrigued when I thought about it.  I *think it would come down to two things, and of course I wouldn’t know for sure until the situation came up – which it won’t anymore at my age.

      1.  Am I in my “dream” marriage, where everything is great?  Happy wife, happy life, both deeply commited to each other…?   Or to be brutally blunt, is there more issues in my marriage than simply the clothes I’m wearing?

      2.  Yes, I could give up the clothes for my love, but I cannot give up being feminine.   Its a trans thing… it’s simply what I am.  Giving up clothes is one thing, asking me to be a different person … just isn’t possible.

      Stevie

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      • #659861
        Birdie Twenty-Three
        Baroness
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        Stevie, thank you for this reply, perhaps coming from your single status, you have a very neutral perspective and bring up good points. Specifically, the condition of the marriage; are there other issues.

        I am the SO of a CD who is also a member of CDH and when he came out in full,  (there had been little hints and signs throughout our relationship but he wasn’t comfortable to reveal the extent until recently) my mixed signals due to my discomfort frightened my CD husband back into the closet. When he saw me struggling with it, he said dressing wasn’t as important to him as he thought, certainly not as important as the marriage, but in my research, I have come to know dressing doesn’t just go away, it’s not like there’s a switch you can turn off.

        My concern is that my CD husband who now wants to return to the closet isn’t being truthful to himself, is making me a promise he’ll stop, which I didn’t even ask him to make, and this behavior is causing me, the SO, more angst then the dressing itself.

        Anyway, thank you for this reply, and thanks to all the ladies who share and participate on this site. I do appreciate the insights and I am greatly helped.

        Sincerely, Birdie

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        • #661123
          Zenn
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          Maybe your husband is scared.  You have been a restraint to dressing further, now that you know that restraint is gone.  Many never leave the closet, the what ifs keep them there (what if the neighbors, friends, family find out).

          Zenn

           

           

    • #659036
      Brooke Stevens
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      Registered On: April 26, 2017
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      I had to answer “other “ on this one. I would probably try. Yet I would probably fail. I know that whether I failed or not, it would bring me great sadness, and even serious depression. I have tried to stop. I HAVE tried to purge. It does cause me conflict with my deeply held religious beliefs. But I just cannot stop this. It has been some time since I have had the opportunity to dress up. That alone has caused me a good amount of tension. My wife’s physical and Psychological difficulties that prevent her from being intimate magnify the issue. I like to dress alone. I do not get much time alone these days. It is difficult. And it is hurtful. So I just don’t think I’d succeed at completely stopping.

      • #659131
        Aurora Borealis
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 25, 2021
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        Greetings, Brooke,

        I can so understand your difficulty. Im familiar with this hard space, Im stuck in it somewhat too, although I havent a wife to please or even an SO to listen to.

        I struggle and sometimes sweat over being CD and holding real spiritual values. They seem to be contradictory; I think it depends on where your heart is, not so much what you wear and do alone.

        Hugs, Aurora B.

        • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Aurora Borealis. Reason: Condensing message
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        • #659254
          Brooke Stevens
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          Registered On: April 26, 2017
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          I found a church that would accept me as a bisexual or transgender. I am not sure how they feel about just crossdressing but I know that 70% of their congregation is part of the LGBTQIA+ community. The pastor is a gay man who is married to a man. The most unusual thing about this church is that it is a PENTECOSTAL church. Pentecostals are generally much more harsh on LGBTQIA. But not this church. They taught me some things about scripture that has led me to be able to accept this part of my life. Amazing word studies and studies of the scriptures that indicate that God is actually NOT as adamantly opposed to us as we first thought. But loving and accepting. I still struggle a bit but at least I have some comfort knowing that I am not so much of a “perverted reprobate” others have claimed us to be.

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          • #659275
            Rhonda Lee
            Baroness - Annual
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            What and where is this church? I have attended MCCs and discovered a lot I did not know before, primarily the way people love, sacrifice, and act toward each other, which puts many churches to shame. In one of these churches I met an especially sharp pastor, Linda Herzer, who had a way of finding plain illustrations in scripture of acceptance of transgender people, things I had read many times but never before seen. She wrote a book I highly recommend “The Bible and the Transgender Experience” and set up a business with a friend of mine, “Transformation Journeys”, that certifies counselors and educates anyone willing to listen that there is more than may meet the eyes of most. The fact that many don’t see God’s acceptance of transgender people may be because many can read but few can see or understand. This was true then and now. Truth is all around us…plain as day.. it is just a matter of opening our eyes to see the unexpected. Seeing is believing but not all see, so not all believe.

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    • #658840
      Michelle Trott
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      Registered On: April 7, 2021
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      I would try to quit but I would not purge. When dressing is taken away it become all I thing about. So I think I may try and possibly fail. So I am keeplng my expensive things that are a part of me.Sounds like I am setting myself up to fail does it not?

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    • #658839
      Michelle Trott
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      I would try to quit but I would not purge. When dressing is taken away it become all I thing about. So I think I may try and possibly fail. So I am keeplng my expensive things that are a part of me.Sounds like I am setting myself up to fail does it not?

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      • #658841
        Gwyneth
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        Sounds like you may go back in the closet. MY closet is getting cramped.

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    • #658682
      Jasmine
      Registered On: June 8, 2022
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      Given that I came out to my wife as a crossdresser within about 6 months by marriage as well as admitting that I was bisexual no I wouldn’t because if you’re going to say you accept it and then turn around and say you need to stop it no that’s a double standard and I don’t have no time for any for that I guess that’s why I’m single now

      • #658694
        Rhonda Lee
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        My situation was somewhat the same, aside from the fact that my wife left me after 40 years of marriage. I did not tell her earlier because I did not know myself. She returned a year later on condition that she could accept that I would not change. A year after that she did a 180, leading to divorce. I do think that if someone is willing to commit to a marriage with full knowledge of the situation or they at some subsequent point confront the situation and decide to accept it, they should remain committed. The vows should count for something.

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        • #659868
          Birdie Twenty-Three
          Baroness
          Registered On: June 28, 2022
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          Rhonda Lee, as the SO of a CD, our marriage vows play hugely in my guilt for not being able to just welcomingly accept my husband’s dressing.
          My CD husband did not come out at first, didn’t tell me when we became committed and didn’t tell me through over ten years of marriage.
          I as they SO who is trying to accept, love him for who he is now, he is a different person and not the same person to whom I said my vows. If he hadn’t been aware of this aspect of his personality since he was a child, and this had evolved during the course of our relationship, I could accept who he is becoming, we all change and grow and our vows are to love, better or worse etc.
          I know I seem to contradict myself, I guess that is a symbol of my own conflict within.
          My vows weigh heavily on me, I hope they are weighty enough to keep me committed to my marriage to my CD husband.
          Sincerely, Birdie

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        • #659116
          Morriah Wexton
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          Registered On: June 27, 2022
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          My very thoughts exactly! I worked well for me. I’m still happily married and I openly wear panties all the time.

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    • #658643
      ChloeC
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 5, 2019
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      This is a rather difficult question, for me anyway, for as time goes by, there can be many different reasons for a marriage to break down. I’m now way too old, and way to into my life as it is now to seriously want to consider changing it because someone else wants me to change.

      That fact that over the years since probably before I can even now remember, I tried many times to ‘stop’ crossdressing’ both before and during my two marriages, and after divorcing my first SO.  Couldn’t ever do it, it’s too much a part of my life.  Which is why I ‘came out’ to my current SO very early in our marriage of over 40 years, to a degree of part of what I am and that it wasn’t going to change.

      I can’t ever believe our marriage would be that dire straits solely because of my crossdressing as I practice it now and will probably continue to the end.  If I were to all of a sudden, let’s say, start dressing 24/7 and go out and appear before some of our friends (well, some might be accepting, others I’m not so sure about), I think that could put a very severe strain on our relationship because I would be doing exactly the opposite of the original supposition of the question – that somehow my SO found any aspect of my crossdressing to be against her desires. That goes fully against our understanding from the initial year of our marriage.

      So, basically the answer is ‘No’, but with the caveats of above. Other aspects would have gone way downhill for it to come to that and maybe it would be time to separate…which I can’t ever see at this time, but I don’t know the future, only my hope for it.

      Hugs, ChloeC

       

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      • #660068
        Birdie Twenty-Three
        Baroness
        Registered On: June 28, 2022
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        The SO here, wanting to weigh in about change; asking for change, resisting change.
        For the CD, it seems the motivation to reveal comes from many places, but it requires a change from hiding it, sometimes for a lifetime, to openly living it. When it comes to dressing, the change for the CD is from within whereas the change for the SO, or family and friends is from outside forces.

        My conclusion is that although change isn’t easy, it’s difficulty can be measured by the origins of the change, who, what and why.
        just a thought…

        Sincerely, Birdie

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        • #660069
          Gwyneth
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          Registered On: January 21, 2021
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          You have a significant perspective – one that needs to be heard. One thing I’ve learned is that everything we do impacts all those around us. For good or bad. Thx for speaking out.

          Gwyn

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    • #658561
      Patty Phose
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
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      Of course I would stop. Giving up my little hobby, guilty pleasure or what ever you want to call it is not worth destroying a great relationship on so many other levels.

      With that said though, my wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. She was stunned at how pretty and sexy patty was and how different I looked. That first day we went out shopping as girl friends. After that we often went out and did different things as girl friends.

      Every Friday I would get dressed and go pick her up at college. Then we would have our weekly girl’s night out.

      So Patty has been part of our life from the beginning.

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    • #658548
      karley delaware
      Baroness - Annual
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      I could not stop.  People go to movies…….watch sports……….have hobbies………..me? Dressing is  a form of therapy. If asked……  I would not stop and it could destroy a marriage.  If I were to stop……my Pink/Blue sides would be out of balance…….I would become bitter…….impatient……….very hard to get along with…………and that would destroy a marriage and myself in the process.  So, if we parted ways because I would not stop…….at least she sees me as balanced……time may pass….. she may “come around “and we would be together again.    A philosopher wrote something along the lines……It’s better to dislike me for what I am……….. than like me for something I am not…………………………………….

      A compromise would have to be sought…..so many dress times………so many ……weekends to be totally  girl………in exchange for doing more chores……..paying for SO’s weekends out………….being a total guy in her presence………………karley

      • #659032
        Dawn Judson
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        My wife would like me to stop, but has not asked me to because she’s afraid I would begin to resent her.

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        • #659124
          Morriah Wexton
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          I was concerned about that as well. My wife and I worked out our situation to where I am able to wear panties all the time within certain boundaries which is fine with me. I told her that I respect her point of view and a few days after we had this exact discussion. If it absolutely came down to making a choice between her and women’s underwear there’s no question at all that I would choose her. But because she is who she is we are both happy with where we’re at.

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    • #658442
      Polly Stewart
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      I guess my situation is a little different so I relied with ‘Other’.

      With my former partner (we are finding our way back to friendship) I only show myself as the man she once knew! I suppose one might call it crossdressing as a male! So, in effect I have stopped full time female dressing despite the fact that I continue to use HRT.

      I’m now of the opinion that I shall let womanhood come to me rather than force the development.

      With thoughtfulness Polly

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    • #658379
      Jocelyn Beyoody
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 4, 2022
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      Not to be harsh, if the marriage depends on my not dressing, the issues not being addressed aren’t getting the attention they need. We are destined to fail. Any ultimatum made, you cannot save that relationship. Nothing will. And why is it I should leave behind a part of me. Maybe she/him needs to adapt or change their behavior.
      My heart is the same, no matter if I’m in panties or boxers. I won’t settle for conditional love anymore.

    • #658378
      Prudence
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      Being single I dont really qualify. So I checked other. But going into a relationship, someone wanted to change everything about me. I dont miss her at all. I hope all works out for the best. For those who face that choice.  Hugs

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    • #658375
      Lea
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      My wife once asked me if I had the ability to stop dressing. She quickly told me that I didn’t, answered for me.

      If I stopped dressing, I know it would make me sad, maybe even bitter towards my wife. I know I would return to it someday. I know I would start a long series of lying.

      Because I am a crossdresser. It’s a part of me. Baby, I was born this way.

      I also know that my things are too dear to me. I would not be foolish to purge for an experiment in life.

      If faced with that choice, I might just fully come out to everyone I know once and for all because this is who I am, this is me. Better than purging years of things I’ve bought, many too difficult to replace.

      I would look for an alternative.

      I love this question, I finally wrote down my feelings and I feel I know me even more just by going through this exercise.

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    • #658372
      Rhonda Lee
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      This question presumes there is a choice. I thought since I was young that there was, but could not avoid giving into the urges, no matter how hard I tried. Thought I’d grown out of it and it was just a normal result of puberty when I met my future wife, Desires returned after marriage and were mostly manageable. But my stash grew over time and my wife discovered it. I told the truth, but she could not believe I was not seeing another woman.  For that and other reasons she walked out.  I never knew there were others like me until I learned of Tri-Ess at age 60, shortly before she left I took the opportunity in her absence to visit a dressing service and take what I thought was a one-weekend fling. But once the toothpaste left the tube there was no putting it back. I came to accept that this was a good and natural part of me. A year later my wife returned. By then I had concluded I could not stop dressing so that was a condition of her return.  I was able to stay within acceptable boundaries, but eventually she insisted I not only stop but stop even thinking about it. I did not then, nor have I thought since, that this was an option. As desperate as I was to save the marriage I could not. I tried all kinds of therapy, but the good therapists did not even think it would be healthy to try to change me and refused to do so. One therapist, recommended to me by my wife’s counselor, who believed I had a sex addiction, mistook me for a transsexual who believed I was a female and might transition. (He had counseled transgender people but had never met a crossdresser so did not understand that I did not have desire to change sex and did not view myself to be a true female, in spite of my strong femme persona and need to express that side.) I had given permission for the therapist to communicate with my wife’s counselor. That combo of two clueless counselors sank the boat. My ex has not even spoken to me for a decade now and won’t appear where I am, even for family events. My conclusion: I could try to hide who I am, but I don’t believe I can change who I am, and being a poor actor I don’t think there is a real choice. If there were, I would have saved the marriage. I believe, for me at least, I am genetically predisposed to being a CD and changing would be more difficult than changing my eye color… not an option. I could not find a fitting question response to fit my situation, although I believe my name is legion.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658325
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: June 26, 2019
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 399
      Has thanked: 1460 times
      Been thanked: 1916 times

      I explained elsewhere in another forum poll that cross dressing is part of my recovery program from alcoholism.  Thus, I would not be able to give it up, without suffering psychological consequences I.E. probable relapse into active alcoholism.  Some other solution would have to be negotiated.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658318
      Ashley Konners
      Lady
      Registered On: August 15, 2020
      Topics: 39
      Replies: 532
      Has thanked: 1938 times
      Been thanked: 2553 times

      I answered yes , but wouldn’t be happy. Maybe I’m going to sound selfish but I think it would be a bad situation to be in. We didn’t pick this as a fador a hobby but more it picked us.  It’s planted deep in us from day one. All the struggles, guilt, shame we go through when we discover that it’s a part of who we are at a young age.  My wife knew of my love for hoses when we first started dating , then years later I couldn’t keep my secret from her any longer so I came clean and told her everything. To love someone so much to share this your biggest secret with them and not knowing the outcome. Will she stay or leave me. Then to know how much you love this part of yourself and to put a to gun to your head and ask….. cding or me?  Yes I get how some just wouldn’t be able to handle it , understand or feel betrayed to not mention it before marriage, maybe it should be time to talk about your future together then.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658313
      Kelly Terry
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
      Topics: 45
      Replies: 463
      Has thanked: 621 times
      Been thanked: 2051 times

      I think that for most it’s as “easy” to completely stop crossdessing as it is for a left handed person to become right handed. It may not impossible but even at best it will linger in the background.

      I did tell my wife about my cd before we got married and at that point it moved to DADT (DontAskDontTell) and I lived with that for some decades while kids grew up and so on. Then I started to come out more and more and I think if she had pushed back I would just go back to DADT but it would not go away.

      Now I’m almost completely out so it would actually be strange if I somehow put away Kelly deep in the closet. Some people already asking where Kelly is when I’m in drab.

      /kt

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658308
      Carolyn Kay
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: August 25, 2016
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 417
      Has thanked: 1720 times
      Been thanked: 1973 times

      If my wife  give me the ultimatum, quit dressing or else, I would  probably just stop dressing around her, and go back into my deep hiding. I hated the deep hiding, but being a CD is part of who I am, there is no way I could totally quit and be happy. If she was to do that it would just be so terrible, it does make  me think about how good I have it now.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #659083
        Carolyn Kay
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: August 25, 2016
        Topics: 21
        Replies: 417
        Has thanked: 1720 times
        Been thanked: 1973 times

        Hi Dawn!!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #658300
      Trish White
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 2, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 271
      Has thanked: 983 times
      Been thanked: 1012 times

      Hi Holly, boy you do come up with some good ones girl. When my two boys were heavily involve in competitive sports I was unable to dress completely as a female for 20 years and I was miserable and not very nice to be around (usually). Having been through that I can say with out a doubt that it would be impossible for me to remove Trish from my life permanently. I would not want a divorce either because even though at best she tolerates my crossdressing I still love her. Hence my vote “I would find a way to make it work.

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658289
      Kelli Marlowe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 4, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 157
      Has thanked: 2001 times
      Been thanked: 897 times

      Been single awhile, not due to crossdressing.Waiting for Jennifer Aniston to discover me, then I’ll stop(unless she likes her partner in matching lingerie)

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658282
      Alison Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 819
      Has thanked: 664 times
      Been thanked: 3457 times

      This is far from a theoretical question for me.  When we were having trouble in the marriage, she asked me to stop crossdressing.  I was having significant problems with the way she was spending money (even to the point of hurting other family members), and dismissing me any time I tried to talk about it.  Working with a marriage counselor, I agreed to give it up.  I asked her for a minor change, almost as a test to see if she was willing to work on making changes.  I asked her to set the sleep timer on the TV before going to bed at night so it wouldn’t be on all night (we had already been in separate bedrooms).

      I kept to my word for a few months, but she did it for one night, after which there were excuses.  Although she’ll deny it, the message I got was that “working on our marriage” meant I should change but she didn’t have to.

      When I realized she didn’t want to make the changes to save the marriage, we agreed that we would get divorced.  My youngest was 16 so we were planning to wait until she was 18 so there wouldn’t be custody questions.  In the meantime, I started dressing in private again.  But it wasn’t long until I wanted to go out and experience being in public at least once in my life.  I went to a nearby transformation place one day (she was working nights so slept during the day; 2 kids had left for college and one was away at a sleep-away high school band camp).  It was the day after our 30th anniversary, a day which we both totally ignored.

      That day changed my life, as I started to go out more and more (mostly to parties thrown by the woman who did my transformation, but other times too).  She did tell me she was wrong for asking me to stop dressing when she saw photos from the parties and said how I looked happy.

      Because the housing market crashed, we didn’t divorce for another 10 years.  Things didn’t really change, and started to get worse, and I just had enough.

      Now, I would tell someone before I got into a serious relationship, and if they had a problem it would be a deal breaker.  I have discovered Alison’s place in the world.  I say that when I had my first transformation, I let the genie out of the bottle, and she’s never going back in.

      I think that puts me at the “it’s taken me too long to embrace being a crossdresser” category (although the “I’d find another solution” or “other” both apply too).

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658273
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1095
      Has thanked: 4153 times
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      This would be a very hard question to answer in a hypothetical situation.  How many have started dressing when they were young but kept it hidden. There are also many that have had these desires for life, got married and all that goes with it, whilst harboring the desire then for it to come out at some stage of the marriage. Some have even been in a marriage and the urge to dress has come about. This forum is littered with experiences and testimonies in various circumstances and how that goes.

      To stop dressing for a period of crisis would be achievable for many but how many would actually give it up completely, your text makes no definition between the two.

      I am single and when I was younger marriage was there to be had but this internal dilemma stopped me from going ahead as, at that time, it was definite no no in society. In later years I was in a relationship that was going down the path to marriage and I sat and had the conversation. She was very accepting and understood but we talked further about the complexities within the marriage and of me having time and space to dress. Then came the ultimate question -‘Could you give it up’, in that she meant on an almost permanent basis. My honest answer was that I couldn’t. There ended the relationship but we have remained good friends and she has been out with me dressed and has no issues. As she said when we were having the discussion, if I were a brother, relative or friend it was fine but in an intimate relationship it was different and that made sense.

      In another relationship I was dropped like a hot potato after having the conversation.

      For me honesty was the best policy to save any heartache further down the line.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #658269
      Barbie Satin
      Registered On: May 15, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 193
      Has thanked: 443 times
      Been thanked: 679 times

      That’s a very good question. I realized young that I could never have a relationship with a normal woman. I only dated women who were much more open minded than the average American female who has been raised to value bland boring normalcy. Women who are more open minded are degraded and called all kinds of vile names in American society.

      I was engaged twice and both times it was with women who were attracted to me as Barbie. I think if you are a CD and marry a normal woman you are just setting yourself up for major problems. It’s not just CD’s who have this problem. Any man with some harmless fetish faces the same dilemma.

      The number one thing any dominatrix will hear from her clients is, “If my wife knew she would divorce me”. I do believe that if you have to stop being yourself to keep a relationship then it never was based on anything real to begin with.

    • #658267
      Marianne
      Ambassador
      Registered On: May 20, 2017
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 464
      Has thanked: 283 times
      Been thanked: 821 times

      I have tried to stop on my wife’s request and purged most of my wardrobe, loosing many loved things, but soon was back in it again. Right now we have a stall mate with her looking the other way and l keeping my things out of her vision as much as possible.  If it came to an open dispute again l am afraid we could split up, something l do not wish even though it would open the path to a full transition for me, something I have wished for all my life.

       

      Marianne Tornander

       

      Marianne

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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