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    • #346767

      A little set-up is needed here.

      If you are currently/eventually accepted by family and friends, coworkers and neighbors, for wanting to and living as feminine, would you stop there?  If you were happy and comfortable with your life as a male dressing and living as a woman, is that enough for you?

      Or, knowing the cost, physically, emotionally, monetarily, and psychologically, and time, would you go to the end of your quest and go through a full transition to be a legal female in today’s society?

      Either way, there is no guarantee of societal acceptance, but which way would you go for your own happiness and completeness of your life?

       

      This is now a point in  my life where I need to decide.  With having dressed and lived this long as I am, I think I have the emotional and psychological portions pretty well adjusted and accepted.  I have the monetary portion covered also now.  The time it would take to finish is short compared to how long I have been travelling this path.  The biggest question for me, post-cancer, is can my body handle the physical aspect of the rest of what is necessary to become a woman in total?  I have found out now that my doctor and 2 endocrinologists are encouraging me to reach that mythical 5 year mark for cancer survival before beginning any HRT process.  So the time will be my last and greatest investment in this.

      I would like to know how many other girls here would or would not try and finish what we have started for ourselves by choosing to be feminine, at least part time, or even full time, and reach that golden ring.

      PaulaF

    • #346956
      Emily
      Lady

      I wrestle with this conversation in my brain a lot! There are days when I want to chuck it all in and go all the way. Other days I’m not so sure. The days when I feel like it’s the right thing for me are staring to outnumber the other days. There is a lot at stake, so the decision is not, or ever will be, an easy one. Thanks for asking the question.

    • #347039
      Anonymous

      Interesting question, Paula. I now spend most of my time dressed, and I’ve convinced myself that I could happily live full-time as a woman. If I could, I would take hormones to grow my boobs more and give my hips some shape.But I don’t feel the need for surgery, as I’m happily married and too old for that to make any significant difference in my life.
      For the record: Age and medical history disqualify me from having either.

      • #347069

        Betty, I am getting close to that advice about age also.  I will be just under 63 when I reach that ‘magical’ 5 year point.  Hormones without final surgery are one of the considerations I have on the table, along with no changes and having both HRT and the surgery.  It is wonderful that your spouse is behind you through all of this and loss of sexual intimacy is a concern for you.  On my side of the coin, the cancer surgeries and treatments have taken that ability off the table.

        It just shows that removal of one obstacle leads to a plus on the other side of the conversation, and just the opposite too, having a plus show up on one side can have a negative on the other.  Hardest tug of war I have faced yet.

        Thank you and Emily for your responses.

        PaulaF

    • #347088
      Seren
      Baroness

      Hey Paula, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’ve been wrestling with little else for the past few weeks. I came out to my wife (partner of over 20 years) in March. We’re still working out what this means for us, but I dearly hope that we can share it together. However, since this first talk I’ve been overwhelmed by a growing dysphoria to the point where I’m now talking to 2 gender counsellors and researching hormone therapy. I’m not sure I’d consider ‘bottom surgery’ but everything else…?? If my wife wasn’t here for any reason I’d be diving in headfirst.

      Seraphina xx

    • #347101

      Hi Paula I do not believe i would at the present time. That is a very personal decision that does need a lot of thought.I have so much work to do before even thinking of having any type of surgery I am planning to start HRT as soon as i can met and finally see my new primary DR.. I hoping it will help me with my anxiety and stress i feel most times. If it can shift were my body stores fat from mid section to upper and lower parts of my body that would be wonderful. Losing my hair and hair line receding is a huge part of my anxiety. Maybe i will get to that point you have found your self. I am just not there yet. I know that does not help you.I am  just sharing my thoughts. Luv Stephanie

    • #347110

      Seraphina, Congratulations for opening up to your wife.  Please do everything possible to keep that communication open both ways, it will be so important as you move down this path.  There are several very good books available through Barnes & Noble online, and amazon as well, for the spouse of one of us girls, to help with learning more about us.

      Thank you for your reply hon.

      PaulaF

    • #347749

      So right Sa*man*tha, all those little prickly facial hairs that show up every day, and then that one little prickly down low.  Without just those two would make living my life so much better and comfortable.  I have never liked either of them.  If I could reach a point of having them both gone, I do believe I could live the rest of my life in much better harmony between body and mind.  Having a Vag is not the end all to this journey, I haven’t had one for 60 years now.  Would it change what I desire?  It might, but then again, it might not, 50/50.

      PaulaF

    • #347752

      Hi Paula,

      Since I discovered Stephanie late in life, I will just enjoy the dual role that I have with my loving wife. I had always had to be the strong one in all my relationships but after divorce I found the most loving woman who enjoys both of me. I am still superman by day and by night sleeping beauty awakens. She has had cancer treatment also and is still in the “wait and see” part of her progress. With that said, I know that her immune system is weak. Since you already have the freedom to be Paula full time, any transitional surgery or hormones could possibly be the end of your life. As it stands now you could enjoy many more years of happiness being Paula. Are you willing to roll the dice? I can put on my beautiful clothes and makeup but for me Stephanie is always in my mind regardless of how I look. Hope you find your answer.., Stephanie

    • #347789

      I maybe outside of mainstream here as a gay cd. I enjoy both roles and enjoying both sides of gender. I dont think for me it would be exciting to be in one role.  Much of the excitement for many girls is knowing its so taboo and thats why there is so much hiding it. That taboo makes it so attractive. Then there is that part that times just being trans ,gay, or drag makes it so attractive. I like the variety of switching roles.

    • #347869

      Hi Paula. Uh… yeah, trust me. BigBangtheory is good, BigBangtheory is wise. (Wow, can you believe that movie is 24 years old?)

      Seriously, you really have to stop and consider whether your need to transition is so great you’d rather die than not do it. Because unfortunately that’s a possibility, at least your doctors think so. I’m a firm believer that if something is meant to be it will happen. Obviously it isn’t time yet. It’s not a “no”, it’s a “be patient”.

      In the mean time we’re all here for you. Talk about it all you need or want to. Heck, vent even.

    • #347987

      These past 10 weeks have been an interesting experiment for me.  I have been living 90% of my time in some form as Alison.  Except for when I need to appear as male, I have worn my forms almost all the time (I am wearing Pals forms which are sleep safe).  I have worn my bangs or wig, sometimes even in the house.

      I am divorced, and living with 2 adult children.  I am still “Dad” even when dressed up.  I don’t try to change my voice at home, I’m just Dad dressed up as a woman.

      Yet I am also going out as Alison too.  Supermarkets, big box stores, drug stores.  And most days taking a walk around my block.  This is a 2.5 to 3 mile walk, taking 45-55 minutes (depending if I add a “P” extension, and double back on the stem).  Sometimes I will walk down one of the side blocks as well.  The area is without sidewalks, and a good portion has nobody out in the streets.  Cars do pass by, and occasionally people will be walking the other way or playing in the street.  But I have seen some people multiple times who now recognize Alison walking and wave at me.  (I get points if I reach a certain number of steps per day which can be traded in for gift cards.  So for almost a year I decided if I’m going to take a walk, I’m going to enjoy my time walking en femme.)

      This has been a lot of fun, and I will probably continue this.  Last week, after finding out that we will continue working from home for a long time, and knowing how little time I need to be male, I decided I was going to paint my fingernails, and I have kept them painted for about 10 days now.  Normally I only have a few hours so it doesn’t make sense, the nails don’t dry and I end up destroying the polish before I reach my destination.

      Yet with everything I’m doing, I can say I definitely don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.  First, there are too many people who don’t know, and have no need to know.  I don’t want to play 20,000 questions (20 is far too little) and have to explain myself over and over.  I don’t want to have to explain to my 4 year old grandson why Grandpa looks like a girl.  I can’t even say why I am going this far.  Am I trying to prove to myself that I don’t want to transition (with or without surgury)?  Am I trying to see if I reach burnout?  Am I just overindulging in a hobby because it is an opportunity to do so that (hopefully) will never come around again?  I already discovered I can go better than 9 weeks without wearing the same thing twice, yet I’m continuing to dress.

      I have no desire to give up my maleness.  Yes I enjoy my feminine side very much, but not to the point of exclusion.  I don’t want to go much further in physical changes.  I still want to enjoy my time as Alison, but I don’t hate my male side that I want to say goodbye forever.

    • #348030

      Hi Paula. That’s a very difficult decision to make, and I appreciate your courage to bring it into the open and facing it. You have to go with your heart. Deep, deep down, how do you feel? I hope you find the answer that makes you happiest.

    • #348121
      Jane Don
      Lady

      There is nothing as effective as a serious health scare to help folks change for the better (for themselves-not a boss or other people)– For myself–I go whole hog IF I had the financial Freedom– I figure-the ones that accept me Now will continue to accept me–The others can go Whistle–

    • #348139
      Anonymous

      Interesting queries given that I am about a month into adopting a 100% “feminine” lifestyle as the partner to a beautiful supportive but dominant and sexy woman.

      We don’t use the old pointless gender adjectives. There is no male/female with us. We simply cultivate, enhance and adorn the beauty within us and about us together.

      I no longer have a “penis”. We now call it a “bunny”. She has a “hole”. Works for us!

      Sherrie has not “suggested” any alteration or enhancement that is permanent or non-removable. Yes, my copper hair colour and longish bob with bangs  cut are much prettier than any “men” wear, my ears are pierced, I have eyelash extensions and next week I will have some cosmetic lip enhancement. With little effort I can revert back to the male social construct.

      Your dance with cancer should keep you out of the hormones game. There is heart desease in my family tree and female hormones and a healthy heart are at odds. A transsexual friend of mine recently died of heart problems at age 60.

      So my advice is to invest in a top flight makeup artist and master hairstylist, not a transformation service but a real great MUA and hair/wig stylist to see how just how feminine you can look without hormones and surgery. Then get your pretty butt down to the mall (when El Covido is history) to Nordstroms, Holt, Melanie Lynne and try on some top flight ladies fashions. Some stores and shopping centres have fashion consultants that can take you to all the right stores. I had one booked before El Covido. Take pictures and think hard before throwing your body’s chemical balance into hormonal chaos and getting cut up.

      Watch a few episodes of a show called “BOTCHED”.

      Gender is not about your junk. Your genitalia is just what you happen to have. If people, and they do, see me as a woman, well I am a woman with a penis. And I’ve dated several big boobs women and guess what? They really hate them. One had reduction surgery before I met her and she loved having less.

    • #348186
      Anonymous

      Hi Paula,

      I am new here, although I have had feminine feelings all my life. I am a cancer survivor and they are keeping a close eye on me. I doubt the doctors would allow me to transition. Then there is work and my kids. I am married and my wife is accepting and supportive. We have talked about the subject and she would support me. This last year I have gained a lot of self acceptance and self growth of my female spirit. I currently feel blissful. I am happy where I am at, but full transition would be the ultimate. If all the stars were aligned in my life, I would go for it. But right now it’s just not happening.

      Kay

    • #348252

      Hi Paula. As others have said, “great question”. I am approaching 65 and have known gender unrest since I was 5 years old. Wow – 60 years of struggle.

      I am a woman in heart and soul. A male in body. It is in my role as a man that everything in this life has been forged; every relationship – son, husband, dad, grandpa, employee, church leader and so on.

      I long to be a woman in body, but I love too many and too many love me to take the man out of their life in order to “enjoy” life as I would like to create it. To me the notion that, “well I still would be the same person”, is ludicrous. No I wouldn’t. In fact if I were to transition, I wouldn’t want to be the same person. I would transition to be related to and to relate to others as the woman I am. Yes too much collateral damage to transition.

      So, though I still long for that perceived life as a woman, I have come to the place of inner understanding and acceptance that it would be best for all that I not transition.

      With this acceptance however has come an acceptance of nurturing my femme spirit and being the blended person I am. I have achieved a comfort in heart that I will be the man as necessary for others, while finding acceptable ways of expressing the woman I am.

      This, it seems to me is the best way to be the authentic me.

      Be wise in your choices.

      Hugs,

      Charrie

    • #348328

      Hello Kay, and welcome to our wonderful group.  One thing I have learned by being a survivor of the big ‘C’— absolutely EVERYONE is watching you, like they are afraid you might break or something.  I can understand their concern for a possible recurrence, and I do very much appreciate that concern, but we have to move on a live or lives as normal productive as possible.  The surgery scars can be hidden under sexy undies, and I do just that, but I also try to maintain my feminine outlook and way of living (that is a wonderful word that very few can really understand).

      So, I will be looking as far forward as I can for the next 3 years, taking the medical advice that is given to me, and also listening to my heart to find where I am to go.

      PaulaF

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