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I’m not sure why this thought crossed my mind a day or so ago, but I was wondering how my maternal grandmother would have reacted if I expressed a desire to dress as a girl.
I think it may have come up in one way or another, even before I realised how much it was something I wanted to do because I had long hair at several points in my life. On the other hand, it was one of these times when I was asked about the idea of going as some kind of girl as a costume came up and she mentioned a time a boy her age did that and got arrested (probably mid-late 1940s). That shook me and was one of the first major drives to repress this part of myself.
My conclusion is that in the end I think she would have loved and encouraged it, but there may have been some negativity up front. My mother is an only child who only had boys and a somewhat poor relationship with her mother. In her last days, my grandmother made it very clear that I was the only person left in her family she really trusted and I admitted I felt the same about her without the privilege of having had others who had passed. I think she wanted a girl in her life and would have been happy to have me be that. Being from her place and time, she was lucky enough to be in a position where certain old-fashioned, now very outdated ideas looked positive even with a critical perspective like hers, but I think she saw me as someone who could do no wrong. Something she might dismiss as being for “deviants” or some other kind of group she would dismiss would be all right for me because she knew I checked out.
I am certain though she would have told me not to tell my mother for the sake of ruining *both* of our fun. I know my grandfather wouldn’t like it, but I don’t think he would make the situation worse.
It would have been a lot to admit, but I wish I had done it. I would have had the best wardrobe of any girl around, that’s for sure!
As for my paternal grandmother, I am sure it would have been disapproval, but positive or negative it was always cold and detached. Ultimately a neutral I would only even think about in comparison.
Grandmothers have a different way about them when it comes to this. So many drag queens are especially close with theirs. I’m sure most of us here have lost theirs by now, but what would they think? Do you wish they knew your feminine side?
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