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    • #174680
      Anonymous

      For those born pre 1970s or 80s, ‘open and honest’ wasn’t an option. Society wasn’t accepting, and in many places, being any variation of CD/TG/LGBT was illegal.
      You could lose your job, get beaten up, thrown in jail, and being outed was a version of hell.

      So, to most, being secretive was a defence mechanism, a habit that’s hard to break.

      However, plausible deniability is one thing, ‘pulling it off’ – ie shopping for “the wife/girlfriend/relative” is quite another.
      I have had quite a few experiences where the shop assistant, usually female, let me know subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) that they knew it was for me. I suspect the older lady shop assistants had seen it all before, and were hard to fool. It was always OK though, beyond letting me know, they smiled and were helpful, in the final analysis, I guess they viewed it as my business, and a sale was a sale.

      These days I am much better at ‘owning it’. I shop for my underwear, get a mani pedi. buy ladies clothes, and have pretty much a ‘so what’ attitude ready if someone says anything. That is rare, and the only raised eyebrows I get these days are from usually-sour old women. Young people are fine with ‘different’ these days – and more importantly – MUCH more importantly, the law is on our side these days.

    • #174708
      Anonymous

      I concur totally—I have no problems buying anything for Mikki while in drab……….maybe b’cause I am older and salespeople suspect that I’m buying this stuff for my ‘gold-digging’ much younger girl-friend…….they always smile and very helpful…………………..but WAIT A MINUTE………………I AM !!! HER name is Mikki !!!

      Mikki

    • #174742

      Hi Candy

      There have been times at the checkout when a sales assistant simply scanned the item from womenswear in silence.

      In my head, while patiently waiting, I have been screaming ‘ask me ask me ask me,  I want so much to tell you the item is for me, I love the design/fabric/fit/colour, and think it will look fab on me, so go on ask me who it is for, pleeeeeease’.

      love

      B

      • #174799
        Anonymous

        Bianca,

        Ah yes, been there on the “please, please, ask me!!! You know you want to!” *LOL*

        A couple times I did the voluntary disclose, “oh no, these are for me” and then was hoping they would ask more about the subject, but respected that they did not.

        Gaby

      • #179190
        Anonymous

        Bianca do you think the potential embarrassment is part of the allure and excitement?

        • #179466

          Hi Donna

          I have only ever once spoken to people face to face (at a CDH GNO) about my love of all things feminine.

          I think my desire to be upfront and open and chatty to a shop assistant is more to do with my pent up need to share my love of these things face to face with somebody, and presenting a dress ( or similar) to a friendly shop assistant who does not know me seems a perfect opportunity.

          Maybe I need a therapist ,😂😂😂

          love

          B

          • #179617
            Anonymous

            Thanks for reply.

            I think I know what you mean. You want people to know but not people who know you. As humans we like a bit of excitement or danger and in our case it’s that of being discovered or outed whether by a wife or a sales assistant rather than driving at 100 miles an hour. The sales assistant may work you out but you will never see them again unless your a frequent shopper. If it was somebody you knew things could be more long term. We are more comfortable with each other due to our similar passion for all things frilly hence some go out together or have meetings.

            I live near Manchester where I if did venture out I could in the centre without judgement however it’s to near to home and would worry somebody knew me, that’s just how some of us are.

            It would be great to have friends with same passion who could meet in secure environment but it is unlikely.

            Sorry not a very structured post more of a ramble but I’m working as texting.

            Love to talk Donna xoxo

    • #174946

      Being open and honest with a couple of sales associates has actually led to some delightful conversations.

    • #174970
      Anonymous

      I had a Mistress once that tasked me to find a particular bra and panty set. I was to go in male mode, ask for help, show them what I was looking for, tell them it was for me. Then ask to try it on, if they had it and then I could purchase it. Not gonna lie, I was terrified the first two stores, but after that, with all the ladies I spoke to were really good about it opened up and attacked that task.

       

      I did eventually find It, in a very obscure shop, and they even help me pick the correct sizes and fitted it for me.

      • #175638
        Anonymous

        Omg…so I had an amazing night and thought I would share what happened. I have recently been doing alot of reno’s for my Mistress, and she thought, that a night of to do something fun was in order. So we picked up the last of the supplies we needed, had a nice dinner and on the way back to her property she suddenly calls out” let’s go to the mall, I want to buy you a dress.”

        First off, I was in total Male mode. Looking extremely good I might add, but still, other then some panties, all guy. We tried one store.. nothing she liked. Next store, she comes across the cutest, tightest, high cut overall shorts in several colors, and a couple of off the shoulder belly cut tops, loads up my arms and off to the change room we go.

        The young lady doesn’t t even bat an eye. Mistress even has me come out of the booth and show her every outfit I try on and comment on which one she prefers.

        As I was getting dressed, after finding just the right out fit, which I love, I over hear Mistress ask the young lady if she has ever had anyone else do what we just did. She answered that they have had few males who shop for themselves, but no one has ever tried anything on before. When asked how she felt about us trying things on, she relied, she thought it was really great and encouraging.

        I guess, my point after all that babbling…is put yourself out there. Own who you are and be excited about it. You might be surprised with the outcome. And score an the cutest summer outfit that will look awesome with a pair of wedges.

         

    • #175224

      Own it,,, Open and Honest! Thank You, indeed you are right. For so many years crossdressing was like an underground personal secret mission. These days is easier and most people accept the way it is no matter who you are or why. There are some who may be offended by our special breed of people, but only the ones who really don’t know themselves or have been honest about themselves? Thanks Again,     Kila

    • #175228

      I was born pre 70s and it was scary back then.We were not accepted and times were different.Thankfully now ,it seems,crossdressing is accepted.When I am fully dressed as Michelle and out and about I have found most people are too busy to notice and say anything about it.The Army taught me well ,how to blend in .I have been read at times,and if something is said to me,I thank the person for their observation and politely ask their opinion on how better to pass as female.This leads to some very interesting and friendly conversations,especially how well I walk in heels and where to purchase the style of dress I am wearing.

    • #175229
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=175228]he Army taught me well ,how to blend in[/quote]

      I’m ex-service too.
      Back in the ’70s when I joined, any overt LGBT flags, crossed you off the list, and would get you thrown out (or worse, subjected to the military ‘justice’ system).

      It’s different these days though.

    • #175446
      Leah
      Baroness

      totally agree, while Cross dressing is becoming a little more acceptable, many still are stuck that we are GAY, broken or something wrong with us. I have done most of my feminine attire purchases online, and have not much experience with in store purchases.  It would be very cool to have a younger sales lady assist and accept the clothes were for me

    • #176378
      Lea
      Lady

      For years I bought clothes and shoes without trying them on in the store, only to be disappointed when they didn’t fit.

      Several years ago, a shoe sales girl saw me trying on women’s shoes and started helping me find a pair that fit and felt comfortable, all with no judgement. Turns out she had helped other guys who were into cosplay or drag queen performers, but I was the first that was neither.

      Since then, I’ve become confident at saying I’m shopping for myself and trying on clothes, shoes, even lingerie, in a lot of different stores.

      Most sales people have been helpful. Their initial shock disappeared in a second and they treated just like any other customer, sometimes even better than other customers. I’ve been surprised by compliments and positive support.

      As a repeat visitor to some stores, I’ve ended up getting to know the sales people sometimes on the personal side, which also has helped me have the courage to share more.

      I’ve also run into other customers who complimented me on some item I was trying on, or were just supportive.

      There are people who disapprove, but never had one dare say anything to me. It’s important to be aware of your surroundings and think safety first though, always.

      Being open and honest has led to many wonderful experiences and also realizations.

      • This reply was modified 4 years ago by Lea.
    • #179471

      I love shopping for my self and owning it, I have been going to the same Simone Perele store for years now, the ladies are fantastic when I come in and spend so much time with me, picking out endless amounts of bras and briefs for me to try on. I even get invites to there private shows being the only male there is awesome

      • #179535

        I have shopped for myself but really haven’t had to own it yet I would have but wasn’t really asked. I hope to have this experience tomorrow. I’m going to get another outfit and maybe some shoes and a purse and I wanna get an employee or some random girl to help me find stuff and try it on. I definitely still need a LOT of work before I can dress in public but I’m getting there. I have to say Paula you look great! I can’t wait until I’m at half your level. It’s obvious you’ve been doing this for years I’m definitely in admiration!

      • #179783

        I get along with the girls working in a couple of the shops I frequent too. They know me only as Olivia even though I’m usually not dressed as such.

        The private shows sound like alot of fun Paula

    • #179496

      I took ‘owning it’ to work with me today.

      As a contractor I often do work at peoples houses while they are home, I underdress everyday and even drive there and back with my bra padded. This is all easier to do in cooler times when wearing layers but as it gets warmer (like today) when wearing just a t-shirt, things become a little more evident.

      Now to be honest, this is a repeat customer so I already had a sense of who they were and took an educated guess at their acceptance of me.

      When I arrived, I went in to discuss the days plans with my long sleeve shirt covering things. As usual we chatted pleasantries, family, warmer weather, etc., the subject of how we handle lifes stresses came up and I decided in that moment to just own who I was, explain who I am what dressing did for me. We spent the next hour and a half having a wonderful conversation, non billable hours unfortunately. I finally got to the work I was there to do….in my still loaded bra and t-shirt no less!

      My openness, honesty, and the acceptance of that, had me on a bit of a high, which in turn made for a very productive day.

      .

    • #180722
      Anonymous

      I find myself less and less inclined to do any shopping online. I love going into a store or boutique and being a woman (dressed or not). I’ve only had one salesclerk (a woman) act a little put-off, but even she didn’t cause any problems. I’ve met some beautiful people and had wonderful conversations, by “owning it”…thanks for this post!

      Hugs,

      Shawna

    • #180779
      Trinity
      Lady

      Candy, thank you so much for this post, I read it a couple of days ago and you gave me the courage to go get me hair styled in a woman’s long hair style.

      i went into the same place that I have for the last 8 years hoping that the young lady that I feel comfortable with was in but she wasn’t, so I sat looking at the 3 men in the chairs and the 3 women doing their hair.  I ask one girl who had red hair and was maybe in her late 20s early 30s and looked like she is a person who has the most open mind if I could wait for her to do my hair and she replied with a yes, so now here I sit trying to figure out how to own it but not own it to the whole place, baby steps for me, so I come up with what I think was a genius idea ….. my phone…. I typed it all out, telling her i am a behind doors Cd and I will be going out that night for the first time as a woman with my daughter and wife and wanted my hair to have a new style and that I have pics on my phone of somethings I was thinking.

      so here it comes my turn I hand her my phone she reads it and looks at me in the mirror and smiles say she is honored and i should relax and take a deep breath. She looks at the pictures telling me that 2 of them would not work because of the way my hair grows. So she does it like the other picture.

      oh and I forgot I showed her 2 pictures of me in full makeup and hair done telling her that I don’t,want to look like the pictures of me and she said with a giggle “are you a librarian….. all I could do was laugh…. but as she was finishing up she said that she wished she would be doing my hair for me before I go out because there would be no way I would look like a librarian. She has also offered to give me some styling lessons and teach me how to,braid my hair.

      So again thank you for the post. For now on I will assess the risk map out a plan and then own it.

      • #180790

        Trinity

        Some days we are more gutsy than others! Way to go! Bye bye librarian…I mean no offense to actual librarians lol.

        You WERE that day, and each positive step we make, makes the next step that much easier.

        I hope your dinner went well too

    • #180836
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness

      I’ve had a lot fo fun and made “long distance friendships” with various vendors of female apparel etc. And in person I go into most stores make up/jewellery/ clothing in drab and just buy what I want and walk out of there and not give a fig about what anyone thinks. And as is widely recognised these days “shopfront retail” is struggling badly against on line.

      So if I go into a lingerie store and just ask for a 18c bra and 16 panties. most times the assistants just take me around to make mys elections. A sale is a sale is a sale!! and they cant afford to knock it back.

       

      Caty

       

       

       

    • #229169

      Hello Candy; I shop in drab for all my fem stuff, but dream and hope to shop en fem eventually. In 2016 I started buying at Wal-Mart(due to self checkout) and Target type stores. I never was asked by any cashier, if the clothes were for me. Start of 2018, I entered a local lingerie boutique and the lady owner asked if I needed any help, I said I was just looking. She said if I wanted to try anything on, she’d put me into a dressing room. She accepts CD/TG customers, I knew this going in and she’s been my main source ever since. Since then I’ve expanded my store shopping options, I’ll shop anywhere. If I know for sure I’ll be accepted, I’ll reveal my gender fluid status(one other owner knows about me). If not and asked if I need help, I respectfully reply: No thank you, I’m just looking. Since I know my sizes, I don’t need much assistance to find or try clothes on anyway. I “own it” in my mind, but I don’t display it to everyone.

    • #229592

      I shop for all girl stuff in man-mode; to start with I was rather nervous and apprehensive, but after a few months It just seemed to get easy, I just relaxed – after all I’m shopping and they are selling, thats all there is to it.

      Generally I have no problems at all. Most of the time the assistants are very nice and I even chat with some of them while they are doing the sale; I may get an odd look from a younger assistant; occasionally I get a sales assistant, usually an older lady – who says rather loudly when I pay up ‘thank you sir’, I just smile and I am polite with them.

    • #230937
      Amy Myers
      Baroness

      Yes, I’m one who grew up during those “older days”, which though things are not perfect in today’s world, it was generally much worse for anyone that didn’t fit the “mould” say 40 years ago.

      I had an experience recently, similar to what you were saying. I was the only person shopping in this women’s wear store, and I was looking around, and the only sales lady there (the manager as it turned out) was asking two or three times if she could help me with anything. I had a feeling that she figured I was shopping for myself, so I ended up telling her. She was so great, and said its’ no problem at all, and all of my staff are the same, but if you did have a problem, come to me! She also went on to tell me the quietest times to shop, and that there was a change room which was not as obvious I could use to try things on.

      As you said, a sale is sale, and I think that us CD’s are particularly good for the economy, as we buy guy clothes, and then lots of women’s too!

      Amy

    • #231022

      When I go shopping I aways will tell them it is for me. Having said that here is the only two problems I have had other than looks. I went to Macy’s for a bra sale and when I asked to try them on the sales girl called the manager. The manager came up and apologized to me and said I was free to use the dressing room. He then asked if I wanted another sales girl to help me. I said no.

      My wife and I went to Soma to get a bra fitting for both of us. [my wife was wearing the wrong bra for the longest time] The sales girl looked at us like we where aliens from outer space. She measured my wife and gave her some bras to try on. When it came to me she said she was not going to measure me. She was rude from the start so we bought nothing. While driving home I called Soma company and told them what happened. They apologized to us asked me for my number and said someone would call back about this. It wasn’t 10 minutes I got a call from the field manager. She asked if I knew the sales girls name and to describe her. I did not know her name but described her to a tee since there was only 2 girls there. She said she would call the store and get their side of the story and call me back. A very short time later she called me back and apologized again and told me she was at the Danbury store and if we came to that store, she would fit both of us and give 40% off what ever we purchased. I told her we could not come now but thanked her. She gave me her name and schedule and told me we could come to either store and the offer would stand.

      At Lane Bryant I am loved by all there. I come in half and half mode tights or leggings female jeans and a female top tee are my favorite. No wig no make up. Of course bra and panties. The manager told me my money is green and thats all that matters to them. Even the customers have commented in a positive way.

      Right now the stores are scared because of online sales. First they want all the sales they can get and our money is green and a lot of you pay cash to hide the sale right? Than means no loss from credit card charges.

      Second they are scared of possible lawsuits that can arise from discrimination.

      If you tell them it is for you, you will get more personalized service and you will be able to try them on and know that they fit and you like the way you look in them. If you get any lip from them call the manager that will put an end to it.

      Now a bit of advice when you shop treat the sales people with respect and if the shopping is going to get you excited then fix that before you go if you get my drift. Look and try on the clothes just like you were trying on male clothes. If you act like you belong there people around you will just keep shopping.

      Well this is what works for me and I hope it works for you. Thanks for reading this Brenda

       

    • #231367
      Anonymous

      I’ve shopped en femme, but not bought any clothing yet… It’s hard to lose that odd feeling even when you look feminine.

      It’s odd – women never bat an eyelid buying male clothing – my wife has bought me plenty of items in the past (none feminine, alas!).

      I guess the guilt stems from the early years, when we learn, or have it spanked into us that it’s wrong for a boy to wear girls clothes.

      If you’ve never been through that, then it’s interesting if it still seems a big deal.

      Why should it be?

      They’re just items for sale.

      This is one monster I’m going to face this Halloween – or slightly after it, when my next Brighton trip comes round

      A makeover at a women’s salon, attending a fashion and cosmetics show, and the purchase of, let’s see, panties and tights are on my list.

      I have a good collection of bras – I bought a lovely bundle of 4 beautiful padded bras for £5. All lovely quality and soft silky material – not to mention stunning looking, and shape enhancing!

      …so no bras on my purchase list.

      Perfume would be amazing…

      It would be amazing to have other ladies along to share these experiences!

      But I will make sure to provide a full write-up. After 2 months, I am both terrified and excited at going back, and stocking up on thick tights and a nice furry coat.

      All bought online…

      Can’t wait to break my high street fear!

      Love Laura

       

       

    • #334030
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=229169]Start of 2018, I entered a local lingerie boutique and the lady owner asked if I needed any help, I said I was just looking. She said if I wanted to try anything on, she’d put me into a dressing room. She accepts CD/TG customers, I knew this going in and she’s been my main source ever since. …..
      [/quote]
      Great experience.

      I haven’t yet got the the stage where I have a favourite lingerie, shoe or dress store that openly and happily accepts CDs, but that would be a dream come true (I don’t suppose any of you know such stores in the Sydney area do you)?

      As has been said, money is money, especially with online shopping giving walk-in stores so much competition.

    • #334059

      I had a some what similar experience a few months a go  .There is a company that has 2 shops about 20 mins drive apart . I visit them quite often some of the girls member me .

      In this particular instance ( shopping for my wife as usual L O L ) i was trying to work out the right sizes for 2 dresses i was interested in the lovely young lady AS ME IF I WANTED TO TRY THEM ON .

      I was quite shocked . Now i am quite sensitive to peoples  voice tones . How she spoke was in a completely natural tone ,treating me as i was just another woman . N O T as a man wearing anhydrous womans clothes .

      Did i take up her offer ? .Of corse i did , after i said i am a man to her , that was still fine .Both of them are here .One is an off the shoulder the is spaghetti straps .All i need now is to take the tags off and special ocations  to wear them .

      Rhonda .

    • #334105
      Robin Snow
      Duchess

      Hi Candy,

      When I came out to myself as a CD last year, I made a conscience decision to just own it in the stores.  It took me a while to work up the courage to actually go shopping but after reading all the wonderful stories of everyone’s shopping experiences  I finally went for it.  After almost chickening out, I found myself standing inside a Lane Bryant.  When the SA asked if she could help me … I barely got the words out of my mouth …  “Hi, I’m shopping for myself and I’m looking for ……”  She said just relax and she treated me like one of the girls.  I been back to that store several times an have developed quite rapport with several of the SAs there.  I have found whenever I walk into a new store to just own it.  Whenever an SA asks me if she could help me I always respond with now very confident “Hi!  I’m shopping for myself …”

      I branched out a little on my last excursion I needed a haircut.  I stopped in a Supercuts.  In chatting with the hairdresser I mentioned how I’ve been thinking of growing my hair out and perhaps changing my style to something more androgynous that can go either way depending on my mode.  She totally understood what I meant.

      Needless to say I’m looking forward to things getting back to normal so I can interact with people again.

      -Robin

       

    • #334107

      Hi Candy too many health problems to be accepted in to military branches but would like to say thank you for your service and nice to meet you girl friend Hugs .

      Stephanie

    • #334144
      Anonymous

      Candy,

      You could say that honesty is the best policy when shopping, as well as in personal relationships. The day I asked for help with a bra fitting was also the day I accepted myself as a CD, and became comfortable with the idea. And when I asked a Kohl’s SA for help finding a skirt or bottom to match a top I was wearing, I also accepted the idea that I was socially trans. This, and being blessed with an accepting wife lets me free to be Bettylou most of the time, now…and it is wonderful.

    • #336600
      Patty Phose
      Duchess

      Back in the late 70’s to early 80’s is when I began my CDing. I used to sneak out fully femme from time to time and then my first true and lengthy outing fully femme was for a college Halloween Party. I went dressed fully femme and walked from the car to the party the building was in, going past a lot of people. It was scary but so exciting and fun.

      I was a big hit at the party. I got lots of compliments and got hit on a lot by girls and guys. I also met other CD’s who invited me to party with them when they had their dress up parties. I dressed a lot in college, but most of my outings was at those parties and going to and from them. When I went out dressed on my own, I was really careful about where I went. Getting seen and noticed was fun and exciting, but I used to make sure I put myself in places where I could leave quickly if I had to.

      I’m still the same way today. I enjoy parties and meetings, and do go out occasionally when the desire just overwhelms me. But I still carefully choose where and when I go out when I’m alone.

    • #336815
      Anonymous

      Hi Candy things are much better for the trans community these days, back in the 1960s when i first started crossdressing it was a whole different ball game we had to hide it away, maybe that’s why some of us older ones are still in the closet we have got so used to hiding it that it’s become second nature, the younger ones are more accepting with diversity than the older generation xxxxx

    • #337327

      Hi Beautiful Ladies,

      When my wife and I were first married, a freind came out as CD, and I thought great, but my wife’s reaction was not good.  Early 90’s.  I came out 3 months ago and the reaction is much better and more accepting.  I have been shopping a few times and the sales staff have been wonderful.

      While I was out one of my nails came loose.  I walked into a salon and the girls there helped me fix my nail, and very friendly.

      I have been growing my hair, and have been wondering about getting a hair style that will work for both parts of me.

       

      Stay Safe everyone.

      HUGS

      Paula

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