Young bisexual considering 'coming out' ad a CD. Advice?

[Anonymous]

So I am a 22 year old bisexual who enjoys crossdressing in my alone time. I do not identify as transgender. Merely a feminine male who enjoys and often prefers dressing as a female.

So far I have kept it private. Lately however I have been feeling feminine and think I want to represent myself as such. When I crossdress I hate my body hair. I’m thinking about shaving it all off and probably will.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. It’s what I want to do, but naturally I feel nervous about telling friends and going public. I would like to be able to wear female clothes openly around the house and eventually out in public. I live with my ex-girlfriend and her mother. My ex sort of knows as she has found some of my secret female wardrobe, though we didn’t really talk much about it. She has been supportive with other ‘kinks’ (for want of a better word) and I have no doubt she’d be supportive. I’ve also asked her to teach me how to do makeup before as she’s fantastic with it, so even though we haven’t openly talked about it I’m sure she knows I crossdress sometimes. I think I would be able to pass pretty well once I can do my makeup without making myself look like a clown.

I guess the first step is finally talking to my Ex about it and eventually some trusted friends. I am still unsure about going in public dressed fem but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Typing this up has made me feel bettering feel more sure about pursuing it. However; does anyone have any advice, words of wisdom, encouragement or anything? I’m still hesitant and a little nervous.

I just like feeling pretty 🙂

[Lucinda Hawkns]

for going out in public that’s all depending on shell i say where you live, is cross dressing where you live open to society and do they except the cross dressing people. 2nd you have to be ready and willing to go out in public, try going out at night when no one is up and see how you feel. its nice that your ex is willing to help you with make up. you need to talk to her about your desire also. my wife knows i dress up and knows i have more female cloths then she does. she lets me dress up when the 2 older adult children that still live at home are out for the week end or just out for hours. i wear female cloths under my male cloths some times but all depending who i am going to see, don’t want then to hug me and feel that i am wearing a bra. i had niece dress me up for Halloween one year and she loved it, so did i but more then she did, i went out and had a great time, i think my niece knows that i dress up but we never talk about it and further. if we did she would be making me dresses and skirts. family member came down to see me as i was leaving the house to go out, was ok but they asked questions , like why dress as a female, do you like to dress up as a female, you look pretty. it was Halloween so you can dress up as what you want, i went to a cross dressing group 1 year and wore my female cloths then my male cloths to hide it and when i got there i took off my male cloths and was ready to go to the cross dressing group, all i had to do is but on my eye shadow and lip stick and perfume in truck. when you are ready to go out in public you will know when, make sure you look as pretty as a female and pass as one and when that time comes and you are out in public enjoy your fem side

[Rose]

Hi Nicky. Welcome to CDH; it’s nice to meet you.

Without knowing a whole lot more about your situation, I can really only give you some general advice. Let’s start with shaving, since I can relate to personal experiences. I started shaving my legs last fall. I intentionally waited until the weather got a bit cooler; I coach soccer, so I wanted to be sure I could wear jeans without having to wear them in warm weather. My intention was to see how it looked, and if I liked it I would keep at it until early spring, then let it grow back. That way, come summer I’d have hairy legs as “expected.” Now, though? I’m probably going to continue to shave. I like the way they look and feel – even if shaving can be a hassle. And I’m not convinced anybody will notice, and if they do I’d be surprised if they said anything.

In addition to my legs, I shave my underarms, chest, and stomach. If I could reach my back, I’d shave that too. I’m likely to get waxed, frankly, because all that hair looks gross sticking out of cute dresses and tops. I’ve hesitated to shave my arms, because (again) appearances. I’m leaning toward thinning the hair on them, though. So…  if you want to shave your body hair, go for it. There are straight men who do it for various reasons, so you won’t be too out of place, particularly since you’re younger.

Going out in public is something I can’t really draw on personal experience for. I’ve only been out once – to a support group, similar to what Lucinda described, except I changed there and changed back into drab before coming home. I would absolutely love to go out shopping as Rose, or go to dinner with my wife as Rose. What stops me? I’m absolutely terrified of my neighbors seeing Rose and passing judgment on me. I figure there will be a point where I probably won’t care, but for now I keep Rose indoors. Thankfully for me, my wife and kids are accepting and don’t bat an eye, whether I go all out or just do little touches.

If you’d like to start going out, I’d suggest doing so in small steps rather than a “big reveal.” Wearing panties and maybe a bra under your male clothing is an obvious step, of course. But a lot of women’s clothes will “blend” easily enough. Jeans, for example. (Just remember that pockets SUCK on a lot of women’s clothing, so if you usually rely on having deep pockets, you’ll need to adjust. Trust me.) A pale pink lip gloss can blend. Some shoes can blend a bit unless somebody looks closely. You can slowly incorporate those sorts of changes over a few months, and they become the norm for you. Eventually, you can use that as a way to lead into conversations with people you care about, such as family or close friends.

That’s an alternative, anyway. If the ‘big reveal” fits better for you, then go for it. My hunch is most of your friends won’t care; in my experience, younger people are far more accepting of differences such as crossdressing. And those who mock or ridicule probably aren’t your friend anyway.

Whether your out dressed or not, pay attention to the women around you. Take note of how they’re dressed, how they do their makeup, and so on. You’ll likely find a pattern – they don’t really stand out from the crowd; they blend. That’s your ally – don’t wear a fancy dress and 5-inch heels. Instead, maybe a denim skirt and flats will fit in better; if you don’t stand out, nobody will really notice you, and there’s less of a chance of somebody making a scene.

The caveat, of course, is it depends on where you live. If you live someplace deeply conservative, you’ll need to be careful. Safety should always be a primary concern, but especially if you live somewhere with people who are more likely to be hostile.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

[Author]

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