I have a question to ask…
If you are going to transition and wish to pass as a cis-gendered woman, where and how do you find your frame of reference? Women that are my age have been mothers and many grandmothers as well. They have had to contend with periods and menopause; they have lived all of their lives and grew into the role I yearn to play. They’ve received help and guidance from their mothers, grandmothers, female relatives, and girlfriends. How can one make up for all that time and experience they have on their side?
I’ve always believed that I should have been born a girl, many times over. I have had many dark days, and I have purged countless times. My wife knew; she found out by accident and didn’t really approve or offer encouragement. As a trans woman, I would become the person I believe I should be, thought I should have been all my life. My crossdressing has always been a temporary fix, those stolen moments which have always been spent alone. There has never been a girlfriend around to confide with, one who might tell me a particular shade of lipstick or eye colour doesn’t suit me. Girls/women have that inner confidence, and they can chat away with other girls with ease. Yes, I know that there are shy girls, but the majority have developed the confidence to chat away, regardless.
The truth is that I have never really had the typically male perspective on life; my ability to converse with peers has always been hard. I’ve always felt uncomfortable making small talk and the ultimate male experience “At the urinals” has always held a certain terror. Yet with women, chat has come easier, although more cautious and safer. Subjects such as clothes, makeup, and boys are to be avoided.
How on earth do I suddenly get 60+ years of experience and put it into practice as I transition? Where can one turn to find help? As a woman, who at this point, has never even been seen dressed by anyone, let alone venture out of the house, where should I turn? My life has reached a turning point and I want it to be one that heads in a positive direction. There will be good days and bad days. I know that by becoming Jenny, I will create issues within my family and grandchildren. I know I will need to take the leap of faith in becoming Jenny. By doing so, I will finally be the person I should have been all along.
I appreciate you reading my thoughts and look forward to reading your responses.