Friends For Life, Or Not?
Being who we choose to be, people don’t always agree with who we are. Those who have come out and lost friends know really just how sad this is. Your life is filled with memories of all the things you did with that friend. Maybe you were even best friends since you were in school. Maybe it’s a friend of which you grew several other friends and lost all due to you finally expressing who you really want to be. Why shouldn’t you?
I have a dear friend who is currently transitioning. She knew a guy since the 7th grade. She’s 50 now. That’s a 43-year friendship. Can you imagine? That’s a long friendship! She came out as trans to this friend last year. As you might imagine, her friend told her that he didn’t think they could be friends anymore. She hasn’t spoken with him since. Six months had gone by. No calls, no emails. No contact at all.
This is a truly unfortunate reality. I, personally, feel that it’s an understandable decision. I couldn’t blame my friend or expect him to stay friends with me. That is a serious decision. Much like the decision we make. It’s hard on both parties.
I asked Effie her thoughts on the matter. She was very clear in saying that she believes that one shouldn’t give up on a friendship, especially if that friendship is a long one that you have worked to build for so many years just to be destroyed by finally appearing as who you really are. She goes on to say that you should never give up on a friendship like that. That they might just need time to process the changes that are coming. When you think about it, a lot of us have had our whole lives to come to terms with who we are. Some still struggling. But to the friend you are about to lose, it’s all new to them. Like Effie said to me, just give them time and space to process it all. She adds, never give up on that friendship but never stop being you. I could not agree more with her. We are who we choose to be. That, in my heart, should be good enough. Friendship, especially true friendship, doesn’t just grow on trees y’all. Like I said before, we have worked on that friendship for years.
Ok girls, now the end of this story.
My dear friend, Effie Jayne. First of all, is one of the best people I know. It’s her friend I’m talking about. She recently spotted him in his work area. Wondering if she should approach or not for just a moment and then made the decision to walk up to him. She did just that, she walked up to him. Her confidence level high as she is proud of who she is and cannot or will not change now who she really is inside. She approached him and said hi. Her friend turned around to see her. She has changed in appearance as you can imagine. Ok, she’s gorgeous. He turned and his eyes widened. She put her hand out and he greeted her with a handshake. They talked for thirty minutes or more. Her friend said that he’d like to continue their friendship.
Old friends, still friends. Makes me so happy that both Effie and I cried even talking about it. I’m so happy for her. I had to share this story with the beautiful girls of CDH. I got permission from Effie of course. If y’all don’t know her, she was a featured girl not too long ago. Message her and show her some love. As I said before, she’s currently transitioning and she’s just a lovely girl to talk to.
I’m so proud of you girl. You are making your way through life beautifully.
For my lovely friend, Effie Jayne.
All my love,
BAILY MARIE LOVEJOY
Thank you girls for taking the time to read my article and possibly send Effie a note of encouragement and love!
Now please take the time to comment on my article or answer one or more of the following questions:
- Have you lost a friend, wife, or significant other by coming out with the news that you are a trans girl or cross dresser?
- When you came out of the closet as a trans girl or cross dresser, what was the initial reaction to the news by your friend, wife, or significant other?
- When you became a trans girl or cross dresser, did you have long term feelings of guilt or shame and if so, how did you finally rid yourself of these feelings?