Hi everyone!

I’ve been reading some CDH articles, forums, and chatting with some of you here. Many of the perspectives shared I find intriguing, sometimes alarming, and I’d like to share some of my own observations.

When I was growing up, I lived in many different settings. My early childhood years were spent in several small towns, on a farm, and then in later years, through high school, we lived in conservative suburbs. My early adulthood years were in the inner city, and shortly thereafter on another farm. My thirties were in first ring progressive suburbs and again the inner city into my forties. I’ve experienced many different cultures and the myriad of ways Trans, cis men, non-binary people and cis women dress, behave, and do what they enjoy doing.

Mainly, what I’ve noticed, especially during the last twenty years is that there’s an increasing blending between the genders. It seems that Trans and cis men, who have faced the stigma the hardest about wearing clothing not made for men are doing it if they want to. Years back, I found a website for cis men who wear skirts. Usually they’d have a man’s shirt on, but they still considered themselves cis men and weren’t trying at all to look like women in any way. Makeup is even being advertised to cis men now. Times, they are a changing.

When I think of my gender as a woman, it’s just something I am. I have many sociological female traits, and I identify with female primary and secondary sex characteristics. Many people have an idea of what a woman is, what a man is, and some even consider the perspective of non-binary people, too. I am a woman. I do what I want, when I want, how I want, and I don’t bow to anyone else in any way.

Since I’m a woman of the Trans variety, I also think about how I could change my primary and secondary sex characteristics. Not all Trans women do it, and it varies quite a bit from one to another. I realize at this point in my transition that there are many secondary sex characteristics that are immovable objects for me. I’ve slowly been accepting this medical limitation and I’m adapting to just being me. Living for myself and not for what others say I should be on account of my gender as a woman. I think that some Trans and cis women do indeed look like Barbie dolls and some look more like NFL players. ALL of them, however, are women. So what really is the difference between all of the genders?

I think the difference is mainly a person…

-Telling you they are a woman.

-Telling you they are a non-binary person.

-Telling you they are a man.

I know this may sound fairly radical to some of you. All genders come in varying heights, shapes, sizes, variations, interests, colors, cultures, creeds, and decorations. Here in the States, we’re currently arguing these principles as we have also been arguing the feminist case for the last one hundred years or so. In my state the legal requirement to defining someone’s gender is by the composition of their hormone levels, coupled with the gender they prefer, and of course the birthing doctors calling us as they see us.

I think it’d be easier to pass well as the woman I am, considering the stereotypical ways the majority of America and the world keep dictating. I guess what I really wish is that people would start transitioning their gender identity definitions into more realistic ones. I also wish it didn’t matter so much. As for me, I’m just going to be me, A Dasia.

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Dasia ThePhoenix

I'm Dasia and I live in Midwestern America. I'm 43 and married to my nesting partner Joan. I am a pansexual trans woman and have been transitioning for four years. My pronouns are she/her/hers. I have ambitions to finish my Interior Design degree which I'll couple with other helpful construction and business related majors. I plan on returning to school Fall 2019. I'm an author for TGH and CDH and have been enjoying my membership to chat with others to find support and give it.

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Dasia ThePhoenixLucinda HawknsDame Veronica GraunwolfAmelia walkerTallia Ronin Recent comment authors
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Olivia Faye Marie
Active Member

I think the flip side of what defines the difference between genders is how society tells us how we should be and act. in fact I think that’s a part of why we as TG/CD desire to act and look like women, since what we like and do has been and sometimes still is considered unmanly.

Amelia walker

Hi Olivia! That is a very interesting point you make about acting like a woman and it could be a good subject for another thread. Maybe it’s my healthy ego but I don’t recall ever being concerned about my masculinity, without being overtly feminine I have been me. I collect cute soft toys, love musicals, soccer, and the ‘Wild West’ in movies and documentary, Kawali (romantic Japanese schoolgirl drama) anime.

Active Member

Dasia, what a great article! You echo the theme of my last media review article https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/be-who-you-are-not-who-the-world-thinks-you-should-be/

It is only ourselves who can define who we are and the world will adjust as it evolves.

Michelle Liefde
Active Member

Great article, Dasia. I always find your words to be thoughtful and helpful in my own discovery of who I am. So thank you my friend.

Tiffany Alexis

Thank you for writing this Dasia. I used to be one of the close minded. It’s only thru meeting real people like yourself over the last 20 years that I was able to open my mind and break that cycle of ignorance, it also helped me come to grips with the fact I am somewhere on that spectrum, and find strength in that I’m not alone. Gender shouldn’t matter like it does. I’m starting to know mine tho finally.


Interesting post, thank you Dasia!

I sometimes think, “what makes this feminine” about a variety of things and “why shouldn’t a guy like me wear whatever”, followed by “why does it seem that the gender I portray means so much to other people”. Just sharing my thoughts out loud.

Amelia walker

I recall years ago reading about a man who had spent years in a tough British regiment and when he finished his term and returned to civilian life he discarded his male persona to live the rest of his life as a woman. In my home town Manchester in England there was a place called “Transformations” that offered to transform a man into a woman, clothes, makeup hairstyling, the full service. A security guard absconded with some money and according to the police was found at “Transformations” disguised as a woman. Of course, all of us on this forum know… Read more »

Dame Veronica Graunwolf
Active Member

Proud to know you sweetie! Well expressed thoughts.

Dave Veronica

Active Member

Hi Dasia – such a great article – thank you for sharing it with us. I too take heart in the increasing blending of the genders in the past decade or two, and the increasing acceptance by society. Yes, this acceptance is very slow and it still depends on where you live, but that is the nature of such cultural changes. I got a sense of your great courage and determination in this article – I wish you all the best in your journey to acceptance and happiness. You will get there. Love and hugs, Mona

Lucinda Hawkns

what a great article and live you have had. may i say you look lovely very pretty looking. for me i dress up to be happy and free of depression and panic attacks and most of all letting my fem side out. i have been x dressing for many years on and off, now in my 50s i have been on dressing and under dressing. wife knows and lets me dress up when our last adult child is not home. she has seen me dressed up and also getting dressed up but will not sit and talk like 2 woman… Read more »

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