Going and Growing

I’ve been going out en femme for almost a year and a half. During that time I’ve witnessed a steadily growing confidence in myself as I navigate the world at large. My first couple of times out were brief and relatively low-key lunch and dinner outings with a group of other CD friends who helped me take my first steps. The restaurants we visited were accustomed to seeing our group, so a new addition such as myself was no surprise to anyone. I was still very nervous and while I loved the opportunity to get out into the world, I still wanted nothing more than to be an invisible and silent participant. My wife Tiffany started joining me on my third time out with the CD group and the stakes began increasing, adding more encounters with the public in places such as museums, theaters, and various attractions all over town. With each successful endeavor I could feel my confidence growing little by little. I witnessed my growth in three ways. 

First, I noted decreasing anxiety with each successive trip out and each one became easier than the one before. The first time I went out to lunch en femme I was so nervous that I felt a strange combination of euphoria and nausea. Thankfully the anxiety-driven nausea is well behind me now.  

Second, I started becoming more expressive in my dressing as I became more comfortable being seen in the world. My first outfits were quite muted in color, with lots of earth tones, almost like I was trying to wear some type of female camouflage, thinking and hoping no one would see me as the dreaded “dude in a dress”. Thank you Tyler Perry (Madea). However, as my confidence grew, and with Tiffany’s help, I started adding more color and style variation to my look. This actually helped me feel even more feminine and boosted my confidence further. 

Third, and probably most importantly, I began to engage in more visible and intentional actions in public, pushing my comfort zone as I progressed, and started setting small personal challenges to stretch my boundaries a little more each time. It sounds comical now, but one of my first personal challenges was to verbally order at a restaurant. Obviously I don’t have a female sounding voice and I can’t muster up a convincing one, especially on the spot in public. Initially, I would just point at the menu, smile, and nod as if I had a bad case of laryngitis. Tiffany’s advice was to focus more on speaking softly and with a more focused enunciation rather than trying to change my tone. In April of last year we went to a restaurant where I had to walk up to a counter and place an order on my own, interacting with a young lady behind the register. My first thought was to just sit down with the group and tell them I wasn’t hungry, but I straightened my spine and told myself that if they can do this, I can do this; so I stepped up, ordered my lunch, and moved on down the line. Upon successful completion of this task I got a small dose of new-found confidence.

A couple of months later, I was out with the group and we were going to an attraction where we had to park a long way from the venue. As we were walking from the car, I took the opportunity to walk ahead of the group on my own. Tiffany wasn’t with us that day so I set out by myself, promising to meet them at the entrance. There were many people coming and going as I made my way down the street. I watched the world through my sunglasses looking for some sign or indicator that I was an oddity or somehow out of place. I saw no such sign and I even stopped a couple of times to take a selfie to remind my future self of what a big thing I was doing that day.

Moving along a couple of months, we were going to a restaurant in a strip mall, but when we arrived we found the wait time was quite long. I volunteered to walk down the strip by myself to see how the lines were at the other restaurants and report back. I set out on my way, stopping at each one to peer inside and have a look at the menus; it felt quite natural. I kept looking at my reflection in the windows as I walked by and I saw nothing more than a lady walking down the sidewalk by herself, which again, was like taking another injection of confidence booster serum.  

Flash forward to April 2025. Tiffany and I have had two big events happen back to back this month. We celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary the first weekend of the month. For the first time ever, we went out together, just the two of us, with me dressed en femme. We had planned to go to a nice dinner followed by a play at a community theater, but there was a major traffic delay that caused us to miss the restaurant. We ended up grabbing fast food from a drive through, but we did make it to the play. The experience was completely normal and uneventful; we were just two ladies going to the theater. One nice lady at the ticket counter complimented us both on our outfits and our hair; we had both purchased new dresses for the occasion so that was a bonus. Regardless of how uneventful it may have been, being out together a couple of hours from home and just the two of us, without the safety net of our group of CD friends, was definitely intense and exhilarating. We came away vowing that this was only the beginning of our adventures like this.

The following weekend, we went out for our monthly CD group activities. On the Friday night, seven of us went to a large shopping mall which had a dinner show inside. The venue was nearly sold out but we had no trouble getting seated and enjoyed the food and the show. On Saturday, we went to the opening day of a Renaissance festival which was packed with literally thousands of people. There were plenty of unavoidable close interactions with the public and we spent the entire day out mingling among the crowds. Here again, I saw no sign of my being out of place and my confidence inched up another notch. One of our friends snapped a candid photo of us just casually walking along at the festival. There is nothing specifically interesting or appealing about the photo, it’s the normalcy of it that I like the most about it. It’s not staged or posed in any way, it just captures a couple of ladies going about their business and enjoying their day. 

In January of 2024, as I stepped out my door for the first time, I could never have imagined what I would be doing just a few months later. Looking forward, I am sure my confidence will continue to grow as I continue to go out and experience more and more of the world in a completely new way. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m excited to see what comes in the months and years ahead. If you haven’t ventured out yet, and that is something you would like to do, I can tell you it’s been nothing short of a wonderful experience for me but I understand going out en femme is not for everyone and circumstances are uniquely different for all of us. Timing is important as well. It took me many years to reach the point where I was ready to go out. I do wish that I would have stepped out sooner but I may not have been in the right frame of mind thus possibly leading to an unpleasant experience that might have set me back even to this day. However, if I could give any advice to someone like me, it would be to start small and grow your confidence as you take it step by step. Set small, and achievable, goals and savor the rewards from accomplishing each one. Who knows? Before you know it you too may find yourself enjoying the world in a completely new way.

Happy travels to all as we go and grow on this amazing journey.

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