My heart is beating strangely, I’m feeling sad and I want to cry for no apparent reason. I’m sitting here thinking, and wishing, that my outer self matched my inner most desire.
I have what most would consider a good life. Married to a beautiful wife, the father of two wonderful children, ages 13 and 11. We have had 14 years of happy family life. Yet, since I was young, I have been interested in wearing women’s clothing and makeup. Now I am still attracted to women; I just also happen to like wearing their clothing and makeup. I never got a good chance to dress in my younger years, however, since I’ve been married, I’ve been able to dress a number of times.
One time I cross dressed in front of my wife with her clothes just for fun, and she found out. She wasn’t exactly happy about it, but after I took the time to explain to her about my secret “hobby”, she finally accepted it. After that, I’ve cross dressed as much as I’ve gotten the chance.
However, I have never been happy when I looked at my appearance in a mirror after cross dressing. What I saw was totally different than what I expected. I looked like a man wearing women’s clothes and that’s all. I did not look like a woman. Now I am over 40, and I was 77 kg (170 lbs.) with a 40 inch belly and short hair. I thought that’s possibly why I didn’t really look like a woman, so I decided to lose some weight, and grow my hair out enough to look more feminine. Three weeks after starting my project, my body weight was down to 73 kg (161 lbs.), I lost some inches from my belly, and even my face took on a bit more of a V shape.
Last Saturday, my wife and children went out of town for my wife’s family’s charitable activity. I didn’t accompany them and was home alone for two nights and three days. Luckily it was a weekend, and Monday was also a public holiday. Moreover, my wife had just bought some colorful blouses, as she got a good price from the fashion shop. Lucky me.
After they left home, I closed all the windows, locked the door, switched on the air con, and had a shower. Then I started by putting on a bra first. I cleaned my face, applied foundation, then powder. Drew in my eye brows, put on some eye liner, fake eye lashes and finished my face with some lovely pink lipstick. Combed my long hair into a feminine style and fixed with hairspray. Wore a waist cincher, then dressed in a colorful floral patterned blouse and a long black skirt. Put on earrings, a necklace, a golden ring and a gold and diamond bracelet on my left hand. Finally I placed some women’s sunglasses on my face, put on a pair of heels, a slim bag on my shoulder and I stood in front of the mirror and I got a bit of a shock for a few seconds. For the first time a pretty woman is looking back at me from the mirror. And it’s me – yes – it’s really me. And at that moment I am very happy. That day I even changed into other blouses, tried on different jewelry and took a number of photos.
After a few hours, I was faced with a problem – I didn’t want to go back to my original male clothes. I really, really didn’t want to go back. It was going to be very difficult to take off the beautiful blouse and skirt and go back to my male clothing. So I decided not to wear my men’s shirt again during the three days and instead I wore women’s clothing the entire time. I have been thinking a lot about what this all might mean. I still love women, that hasn’t changed; but I find myself drawn more and more to dressing and presenting as a woman.
As a next step, I might try to persuade my wife to take a second honeymoon trip, somewhere where nobody knows us. Then possibly ask her if she would agree to me wearing a dress and going out for a private dinner together with her. I would love to go on a girls night out. And I would love to get a lot of photos for my first experience out cross dressing in public. And yet, I don’t know if this will happen.
So I’m sitting here thinking, and wishing, dreaming and imagining that one day I will be able to fulfill my heartfelt desire.
Winnie,
Such a great article which explains the feelings and their experiences of many beautiful ladies here at CDH. Yours truly included… Your second honeymoon suggestion is very timely…. My wife and I are embarking on a ten day trip next week which may be a start for her to understand my alter ego. Winnie, I wish you all the best in your journey ..
Leonara
Hi Leonara,
Thank you for your comment.
Your reply is a great energizer for me to write the second article.
hugs with loves,
Winnie
Winnie, I am married 46 yrs and my wife found out when we were married 10 yrs. We had 2 children at the time. We have 5 now, all grown. My wife wants nothing to do with my femme side. But she let’s me get out 1 or 2 times a month. Everyones situation is different. My keyword in my life is Balance. My family has always come first in my life.
Huggs Terri
Wonderful article that beautifully captures that special moment when the image in the mirror matches your image of what you hoped to see looking back at you.
Hi Linda,
Thank you for your comment.
hugs with loves,
Winnie
So glad you finally got to see in the mirror Henderson you get like inside. I hope you are able to explore your feelings and decide what you want your future path to be. I am similarly on a journey of exploration as to whether to remain as part time dressing or to go further in presenting full time and possibly even transitioning at some point. Just remember the journey itself is as important as the destination. Enjoy life to the fullest and achieve your dreams not matter what they may be!
Cyn
Hi Cynthia,
Thank you for your comment.
hugs with loves,
Winnie
Great article, hope you get your 2nd honeymoon or even a girls night out. Enjoy your journey stay true to yourself Eddy
Hi Eddy,
Thank you for your comment.
hugs with loves,
Winnie
Winnie,
Thanks for sharing this! I definitely know what you are talking about. I find myself more and more drawn into this, the more I dress the more I enjoy it.
Thanks!
Kim
Hi Kim,
Thank you for your comment.
hugs with loves,
Winnie
To be yourself, and to find a partner who excepts you for you. Is the greatest feeling, but one most be honest with themselves first, we can not live a lie.
Hi winnie it is nice that you have a wife that accepts you and the outfit you described sounds lovely it would be something I would love to wear.
Hi Shannon,
Thank you for your comment.
hugs with loves,
Winnie
Thank you Winnie for your wonderful story it is very similar to what I have gone through. My wife as been very supportive of my new life although at times she still has her doubts. I have been dressing now for 5 weeks I get up in the morning and put my short satin nightie on and do my ablutions which includes shaving everywhere. I dress in my men’s clothing but with a bra, thong and tights on to walk the dog as I have told my wife I will abide with her rules which is not to embarrass her… Read more »
Hello Aileen,
Thanks for your comment and reply.
It’s my really true story.
Now I could wear a little makeup, very thin skin tone eye shadow, natural style eye brow, lady perfume for my daily office life. For other social events, I’m wearing Skinny pent and ladylike working shoe..
hugs with loves,
Winnie
Thank you Winnie for replying you are a inspiration to us all I too wear perfume what my wife bought me it seems to make me more feminine about myself. I did get a nice surprise though the other night my wife popped out to the shop when I had a knock at the door, now I am not allowed to answer the door while I am dressed however it was a parcel we was waiting for, so I answered it and the lovely gentleman asked me to sign for it calling me miss in the process. I was elated… Read more »
You are so lucky woman dear Ailen i my case is compltly opposite.Years and years each morning iam looking me as a woman in mirror but only in panties ,pantyhose tops and bra with small breasts but i need more and more ,As a woman i used daily my wife amd mine antiagging cream any ladies deodorantes and then i go to work as a woman with my femme soul ,partly body ,underwear and matt lipstick …. but Sasa need more and more
hugs Sasa
I loved, the article and totally can relate. I feel that in a past life l was a woman, somehow some place in time. I like wearing panties, no bra but a nice camasole would do, if one knows any females they hate wearing bras! I have never felt the desire to put on make up or anything like that, just wearing under wear. What’s important is finding a partner who excepts you for you. I have read many articles and many who wear wemons clothes are afraid of being alone, but aren’t we all. What good is doing anything… Read more »
I can relate to how you feel. Although I’m single I do have a girlfriend and she doesn’t know that I’m a crossdresser. I know what it’s like to get dressed and take my time getting my makeup just right. I know the feeling of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a great looking girl looking back at me. It took me quite awhile to get the confidence to take the next step and venture out so people can see what I look like. I know that it’s not easy to do but it’s something that you have… Read more »
Hi all, my fem name is Erica Lynn. I started wearing my wife panties about a year after we were married, that lasted a couple of years then I wanted to go further with my dressing. So I started wearing her bras and nylons, I felt more fem and she didnt like it and left me with the house. Slowly I would go to womans shops and buy womens things. I was so suprised that the woman helped me get my sizes and helped my with styles that fit my personallity. the I want to a shop where they taught… Read more »