“Hooked on a Feeling.” 

I can’t stop this feelin’
Deep inside of me
Girl, you just don’t realize
What you do to me

[Verse 4]
I got it bad for you, girl
But I don’t need a cure
I’ll just stay addicted
And hope I can endure

Saweetie “Fast (Motion)” Official Lyrics & Meaning | Verified
[Chorus]
I
I’m hooked on a feelin’
High on believin’
That you’re in love with me

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Key the intro…I know that many of you are singing along… 

Feelings, those things that men supposedly don’t have, and women wish we did until we do, and then many of us have been scolded for them. This love that I have for femininity is like an addiction, a drug that I can’t get enough of. I can spend hours on eBay or Amazon browsing wigs, dresses, shoes, jewelry…and buying 30 times more than I need and could ever wear…at home…not even out in the real world. My feminine wardrobe far exceeds that of my male’s. 

Why? I’m hooked on a feelin’ Deep inside of me. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t go out in public (I could go into all the reasons, but I’m going to let that just sit for another day) and I feel this intense need to placate my inner-woman. How many shoes are too many? If I counted all the purges in my life…my God, the money that I’ve spent to support my addiction… But is it an addiction? Or is it a need? Or is it simply just an out-of-control want. 

I have examined this from every angle conceivable and have come to the conclusion that I don’t know. I feel I’m more than a crossdresser and I’m probably standing thigh-deep in the transgender pool, but I still don’t have a suitable answer. I’ve promised myself multiple times that I’m going to talk it out with a professional, and I haven’t…always a good (in my mind) excuse not to. I’ve never been a member of procrastinators anonymous, but in this one area, I could be their president. 

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I’m high on believin’ that the answer will someday just present itself and I won’t have to make a decision—it will be made or forced upon me. That’s not a great way to live! I’ve endured anxieties because of this issue my entire life. Could I be happier if I just found out and made a plan to deal with it? Maybe. Who’s to say that it wouldn’t be worse. Me of course. I am my own worst enemy and maybe that’s why I buy all the things I do. It’s like buying flowers for your significant other when you know that you’ve been impossible to live with and you need to make amends. 

I don’t need any more clothes or shoes, but I want them and even though I can say no for a period of time, my willpower will always falter, sometimes in a flurry of purchases. I do my best these days to make peace within myself. It isn’t going to last as I feel the water rising, and eventually I’m going to have to swim or get out of the pool. 

Do I have a point in here? Kind of… We are harder on ourselves than we should be. Being who we are is the toughest thing I can think of to go through. Thankfully, we don’t have to do it alone, and some of us even have support from our families as we try to work through this. There is always support here at CDH, and for that blessing, I am extremely grateful. Buy the dress or the shoes if you want. Dream of what might be and do what you can to live in the moment. The road ahead may take a sharp turn—for better or worse, but not if you don’t put the heels on and sashay on down the road. Standing still isn’t an option. 

En Femme Discover Woman Within

Girl, you don’t realize what you do to me… 

Until next time…

Be safe, be content, and always be kind, especially to yourself…

Brina

More Articles by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish

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Samantha "Sammy" Stevens
Samantha "Sammy" Stevens
1 month ago

Sadly BJ has passed but obviously the “feeling” lives on… wonderful post.

Sandy Jayson
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi Brina. As good as you look in every picture I’ve seen I can’t hardly believe you’ve never been out. Having meet 2 of the girls from CDH and gone shopping in fem myself. Getting more into my own CD over the last 2 years, it seems the more I get out the more I want to do. There is fear in me of being looked at and being pointed out as that guy in a dress. So far if people have noticed all they have done is look for a moment and then gone back to there own business.… Read more »

Leonara
Ambassador
Active Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Sandy Jayson

Thank you Sandy, you continue to inspire me for Leonara to get out n about… as we quote Brina… HOOKED ON A FEELING
Leonara

Leonara
Ambassador
Active Member
1 month ago

As always thank you Sabrina for another inspiring article… yes I was singing along too
warmest regards, Leonara

Alice Black
Duchess
Active Member
1 month ago

It is ironic that you chose that BJ Thomas song as he just passed away. I thought Raindrops keep fallin on my head was great as well.. I am with you. I have the continual urge that is hard to suppress to buy more fem stuff. I had not bought anything fem since early April but then I saw some design pantyhose on Amazon that I just wanted to have and ordered them this morning especially since pair I am wearing right now have runs in them. So, I too AM HOOKED ON A FEELING as well. Alice Black P.S.… Read more »

Sophie Frenchie
Managing Editor
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi Brina, I enjoyed reading your article and understand everything you mention. As someone who was in that place once, I offer a few words in the hope it may help you in some way. When we exist in that room we have created for ourselves, we can never be sure when we may find the right door or time to leave and discover our true selves. I believe that we can encourage that opening to appear by consciously changing the way we are able to accept ourselves for who and what we are, without feeling guilt or shame, without… Read more »

Dorothy Brinson
Active Member
1 month ago

What a nice story. I Loved that song when it came out back in the 70’s. My feminine wardrobe is larger then my male wardrobe. I don’t know how many shoes are to many. I myself have about 30 pairs of shoes. My real love though is Wedding Dresses. I have 19 Wedding Dresses. I Love dressing up in them and wearing them around my house. Such a warm feminine feeling it brings over me. 3 of my Wedding Dresses I have purchased at a local store. It is nice I can walk into the store and be treated with… Read more »

Amy Myers
Baroness
Noble Member
1 month ago

Thank you, Brina. A lot of what you are describing is what I feel too. Like you, I don’t need more shoes, another dress, skirt, lingerie, but oh my, do I want them? You want to believe it!
Also, like you I have often felt like I don’t know where I’m going with this, or where I might end up, which is a scary feeling. At least now I am more at peace with my femme side than I ever have been in the past and in large to part to the friendship and support I have found here.
Amy

Gretchen Carolina Laurentina

BJ Thomas recorded that in the 1970’s long before any “Saweetie” was ever born. He just passed last week at 84. I think Mac Davis wrote it.

Stephanie Kennedy
Princess
Active Member
1 month ago

Hi Brina,, You are a very lovely talented woman in every way possible. Now is the time show your self to the outside world.You know who Brina Is what she is all about.I have read your Articles and you have taken the time to help me putting my thoughts to something that is at least readable. There is no point in waiting for what you know is inevitable. There is no going back now You have looked at it from every angle and have come up with the same result
Luv Stephanie .

Char
Ambassador
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Thankyou for this Brina.

After several purges myself, numbing with drugs and attempts to simply leave earth and avoid dealing with this “issue” I have given in Brina lol.

No longer do I resist and fight this feeling; I no longer search for the “right” label either. I am Char and I will decorate this body, “My body, how ever I choose.
Those that matter, don’t mind, those that mind, don’t matter 😉 because I am hooked on that feeling too; Purse first girls hehe

Namaste’
n huggles
Char

Char
Ambassador
Trusted Member
1 month ago

Awe, thank you so much for that Hon, and ditto… This has been an incredible ride to do consciously haha. From being sooo deeply ashamed of me, carrying beliefs that I needed to be punished for being so wrong, sick and bad bla bla bla to now. I walk through the world, or this little part of it I am in, as naturally as Char, as I did as a cowboy drummer/singer Charley, haha and to my amazement, I love being dressed and expressing it. My dad used to say, “if you conquer your fear, you’ll conquer theirs” powerful words… Read more »

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