How big is your closet?

This weekend was a cornucopia of transgender bliss. I spent most of Saturday and Sunday as Vanessa, wore a cute green dress I bought a few weeks back and finally figured out how to use the Nubra to create cleavage (a future article for sure).

It’s Sunday morning as I’m writing this. After spending most of Saturday reading in the park I’m now fully dressed and sitting at home in front of my computer with an itch to go somewhere. I feel, quite literally, all dressed up with nowhere to go.

I’d like to go somewhere, but feel as though anywhere I go will only be to share Vanessa with the world. I had thought about going to church. It’s too late in the day now, and I’m not sure I could go without causing a stir anyway. I’ll need to ponder this one for a while – I would like to make church as Vanessa a regular occurrence (come as you are…).

Shopping came to mind – it’ always seems to. I know I’ve spent too much money the last few weeks (I bought two great workout pants from Lucy, replenished my makeup supply and did electrolysis every week last month), and know that I wouldn’t be able to go to the store without buying something. Staying away from shopping centers is probably best for my budget.

So as much as I would like to go out today, I feel as though I’m stuck in my crossdresser closet. *sigh* Since I’m here I might as well make the best of it.

How Big Is Your Crossdresser Closet?

My comfort with crossdressing in public seems to wax and wane. When I first started out, just getting dressed in the privacy of my own apartment was a break through. Complete with breastforms, makeup and the necessary jewelry to accent my look I felt liberated.

Eventually I found the courage to join a crossdressing club, and once a month I would spend an evening dressed with other crossdressers. I felt as though I had finally come out the crossdressing closet. Looking back I realize that I had merely found a larger closet, but I can’t deny how fulfilling the experience was, and how edifying the experience is for others.

When I was most comfortable crossdressing in public I would regularly go to trans-friendly clubs, and occasionally go out as Vanessa during the day. Even then, I always had to dig deep to find the courage. Before I would go out a hundred reasons would go through my head as to why I should stay home.

Today I’m comfortable presenting as a more feminine man in public, whether it’s wearing subtle makeup, nail polish or feminine cut jeans and shirts. I’m a bit uncomfortable going out fully dressed as Vanessa, though I’ll do it occasionally. Every time I go out I have a wonderful time, and return home wondering why I ever had second thoughts.

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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.
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13 years ago

I voted “I go out wherever and whenever” but my actual trips are limited. I only have the opportunity to dress a few times a year, but I worked my way to going out most times.

First few were with the assistance of a makeup artist who also went out with me afterwards. The last few were solo, or with an understanding friend, and FUN.

rogina garter
rogina garter
13 years ago

I also voted that i dress and go out anywhere..however,i work for myself repairing boats and transformations aren’t so quick and easy to girl mode.

13 years ago

I love this idea of “how big is your closet”. It seems to capture the essence of what each of us have as our individual challenges. In reference strictly to cross dressing, I find going out is not so difficult. Interacting with others is a where it gets difficult. Its at that point you get to decide how you will extend yourself beyond the physical presentation. You get to find out how committed you are to being feminine or just how confident you are as a cross dresser. You can’t buy that kind of fun…

13 years ago

First off, let me say, good for you Vanessa. I’ll assume that the park experience was positive and all. Since I happen to live in the same city as you do, I’m betting that if you were ‘read”, reactions were muted. It was your experience with the Sunday morning dilemma of whether you should go to church or not arose that really struck a chord with me. I’ve been struggling with that same thing for about the past six months. I’ve been feeling that if I so strongly believe that God’s hand was in the way I was created, I… Read more »

12 years ago
Reply to  Vicki

Hi Vicki, just a short comment about going to church dressed. I am Episcopalian and as you know, we are somewhat liberal in some ways as far as the LGBTG community is concerned. Although I haven’t gone to my church en femme as yet, I always have on panties and when the weather permits, pantyhose( I live in the Southeast, summers are definatly not for pantyhose). I believe that the church is accepting of all transgender people. God has made us all as unique and wonderful people, however, the older folks just don’t quite get that part of ” love… Read more »

13 years ago

Re: church.

My synagogue had a gay rabbi for a number of years, and he even had his wedding in our sanctuary. They sponsor a booth at the DC pride parade. They say they’re LGBT friendly, and I’m often tempted to try them out on the “T”, but with family and many customers attending, I think that day will be in the future. Too bad. I’m not getting any younger.

Qamar Saeed Ul Zaman Bhatti
Qamar Saeed Ul Zaman Bhatti
11 years ago

It is a good and meaningful sight. I like him very much as I have learnt so many valuable things. Thanks for giving valuable informations.

7 years ago

i would go out, but I feel like I should look more feminine before I do. I am never clean shaven plus boners are uncomfortable in womans clothes.

5 years ago

Very nice advice. Am wearing matching bra and panties as I write but think my bra is too small. Help!

Lisa James
4 years ago

Hi everybody,
I am a newbie here and I am trying to find someone who will do a custom order for me.I am trying to get a tennis dress (with the knickers!) and a ballerina outfit, is there anyone out there who will make these for me please?

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
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