Maybe the title should be, “Why Do You Do it?” We spend more time than most anyone would imagine on that question, as do those who try to understand us. What I want to do instead is start a conversation on the “How” to see where it goes… shall we… Oh, and in the comment strings, I’ll be happy to go into more detail as I’m sure others will, too.

Each of us that has been doing this for years has developed “Our” little routines that through trial and error or simple necessity allow us to become the outer version of our inner longings. Sometimes, it borders on obsessive, extreme, unrealistic as well as self-torture, cost prohibitive, and uncontrollable. I will simply state this before I go into my how; what would you say to your wife if she collected and coveted her female belongings the way you do? “You need help,” I bet would be a common phrase in our thoughts.

I don’t believe there is anything else that compares to an obsessed crossdresser; I raise my hand—both of them as I am most certainly one of them. I know that some can only have those one or two (if lucky) complete outfits that are squirreled away safely from prying eyes to be reverently taken out when the opportunity presents itself. But for some of us… well… the closets we stack would make most women outside of the very wealthy or celebrity status envious. We have an “Eye” so to speak when it comes to fashion and accessories, even with makeup application and hygiene that many women and most men aren’t privy to. Why? Because knowing and having those things are life-sustaining blood to our femininity, and wearing and partaking in them is our heartbeat.

There are so many “How” topics I could write about, many of them have been done so by me in the past and by others, tucked away in our article archives. How to shave, apply makeup, eat right, diet, exercise, walk in heels, fit a bra, buy online, go out in public, match accessories, buy the right wig, and so many more. I want to focus on “How to be  you, the woman.” Not the unrealistic, fantasy want-to-be that excites our imaginations. Each of us, the same with women, has great attributes and some not so great. The more refined vision has learned to accentuate the positives, manipulate the negatives, and put their best foot forward. I understand there are two perspectives here; what looks good versus what excites us; our want-to-be fantasy look. I can wear those exotic heels and manage to take a picture. I can’t, however, walk gracefully in public wearing them without looking foolish. I can blur my image or use a filter (Faceapp too) to create a more positive illusion when I post, but I’m already doing my best to exhibit myself when I dress, and that’s what I want to be commented on and complimented on. So this is me offering my insights into finding and empowering you.

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Just as it is in many things, it is easier to add than it is to remove. If you are thin, shapewear adds curves (unless you go overboard and make it unproportionate). Shapewear also helps to smooth. Let’s start at an area that we all covet; the breast.

You can manipulate what you have with padded bras or use some cleavage tape to create the illusion and add in some inserts. I’m lucky that I have decent man breasts that I can pull up and to the center which gives me that desired cleavage appearance. Personally, I like the triangle silicone breast inserts (with a concave back) and an underwire bra with a thick back band. The inserts are more to my side with my breasts pulled up and to my center. The size is up to you. I have B-size to EE-size. Depending on the dress or top (or my feeling of the day) I decide which to wear. I also have one G-size breastplate (non-silicone) just for fun. I had the neck one and hated it and now have the rounded neck. They serve my fantasy, but I wouldn’t go out in public in them as they are hard to match to skin tone, and at 63, big and perky would garner much attention. I like to add the wear your own bra shapewear top. It helps on the tummy and to keep the bra (my inserts) more centralized.

Here is something to remember, and I suggest you study pictures of other crossdressers so you can compare your look to theirs. I have spent countless hours on other sites and in our section of picture postings to study (and compliment) those who excel at their presentations. I’m not just talking about those who are the 5% example who can flip a switch and look better than most females, but those who know how to wear their clothes, makeup, hair, and accessories to become stunning versions of femininity. Some are makeup geniuses, others are clothing or accessory aficionados, while some are master illusionists. If you love big breasts then wearing those loose hanging tops or dresses will overly accentuate largeness. You might have a flatter stomach, but it will make you look bigger overall. Fitted attire shows off the chest and stomach, hips too if they are padded proportionately. I have no rear end or hips, so I wear pads to help. I also have the adolescent love handles that no amount of exercise will ever take away, so shapewear helps with that. One important reminder… eventually, you will need to go to the bathroom, the more layers or type of outfit and shapewear you have on, the more difficult it becomes, especially when you have on your long coffin nails…

The one thing you will notice about the girls who post pictures from studio visits is the hairstyles that are used. Soft and flowing around the face, shoulder-length. They are magicians at making the older look younger and pretty, no matter what canvas they started with. I will also note that they tend to make all their clients look similar; sisterly. They know what the end game is to our presentation, and something few of us can accomplish on our own. I’m not going to go deep into makeup how to. Just remember a couple of things. Try to match your foundation to your neck color. Whiteface on tan sticks out. Dark on white equally. The less you use the better, but… few of us can get by because of our beard shadow. I’m lucky now that most of mine is white. I’d love laser treatments, so tired of the nicks of trying to shave so close. Contrasting along the cheeks and nose is a must. Look at the pictures and videos online. As much as I love the extra-large eyelash look, at my age it only draws attention. Like a color book, don’t draw outside the lines. Try to refine your look to what you see other women your age wearing. If you are 30 and sexy, have the body… go for it girl! If you want to try it for experimentation… sure, going out in public… that’s for you, not me. I want to be noticed… no not in a negative way, but hopefully, in the “Wow, she looks put together” way. That’s the look I strive for. I want my look to say that it matters how I present myself. I’ve taken the time to look my best because it makes me feel good to do so.

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Such a debate rages on whether you can wear hosiery with open-toed shoes or sandals. The world is changing, but… sandals only with light hosiery not black is ok. Mostly closed shoes, peep toes, you can get by as long as the shoes and hose match the outfit. No black hose with pink platforms if the dress is blue. I guarantee that women will judge and dissect you more on your choices than on how well you applied your makeup. Dress for the occasion that you are attending. At home… for personal photo sessions… the choice is yours. Taking lots of photos is key to learning and understanding what looks best on you. Sharing them and getting feedback helps too. Like a loving family member, be aware that many of us here will only give great feedback, so find that trusted person who will tell you the good and the bad.

This is only a start. If you like this type of article, let me know and I’ll get to work on another, more specific one that helps with coordination and buying options. So you know… I have 40 pairs of shoes from flats to thigh-high black boots ;), close to 60 dresses, 25 wigs, skirts, tops, workout clothing, hosiery, underwear, and assorted jewelry boxes full of accessories. I’m not saying I could wear a different pair of clip-on earrings each day for a year… but…

I have my likes, my go-to options, my wishful (if I lose 20 pounds and shrink 3 size outfits that I can currently zip but won’t give up… yet) and I still don’t have enough, never will. It’s why each winter I usually go through a selective purge and sell a third of what I have on eBay so I can buy more because it’s the shopping and buying that feeds my femininity as much as it is wearing it.

Until next time…

 

May the dress fit exquisitely, the makeup be perfect, and the moment exhilarating…

EnFemme

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Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish

Brina is from Iowa. She is currently the Managing Editor of CDH and TGH. When she isn't busy on-site, she spends her time writing--more than a hobby, but still seeking that 1st bestseller. Under her male guise, she has 5 published works of fiction and one short novella under Brina's deplume. A recently completed CD novel should be ready in the next year and Brina hopes it can become a series with fun characters.

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Indi 500
Duchess
Member
10 days ago

Thank you for writing such an informative article.  I am a newcomer to finding my feminine identity and I read and save articles like this for inspiration and hope of the feminine lady I will become.  But getting to that point is what scares me.  I feel like I am dropped in a superstore the size of a stadium and I have no idea where to start nor any idea of how to get to the door through all of the aisle of content and opinions on which is the best direction to go.  I really wish that I had… Read more »

Randi Alexander
Lady
Member
6 days ago

thank you so much Brina for your insightful article – more please. As a deeply closseted CD your article gives me dressing desires that I have no chance of achieving, but I enjoy the dream – Randi 

Irene Hanley
Lady
Active Member
2 days ago

Brina,
Thanks for the informative article. It reinforces what I have been working on for the past few years. I am going to find the time to read through your other articles and look forward to your next one,
Irene

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