I am not gay

Really. I promise. Cross my heart.

I know, I’m wearing a dress.
No, they’re not real.
Yes, that’s lipstick – Raspberry Rush actually.

*sigh*

Transgender Heaven - Gender Journey

The rest of the world is blessed in it’s ignorance. They get to lump all the “sexually deviant” folks into a single bucket of “them” (usually pronounced with a sneer). Sexuality, as with most things in life, is not so easily separated into black and white. Rather, it is a tapestry of colors that cover the gamut of sexual preference, gender identity and gender expression. With much of the common knowledge running aground as a transgender myth.

In my life being transgendered has forced me to confront my own sexuality. I identify, in part at least, as a woman and often seek to express this identity in the clothes I wear, the way I look and the activities I undertake.

In those moments when I identify as a man I’m quite confident in my heterosexuality. My wife’s movement, her body, her voice, her scent – they send my heart a flutter (among other things 🙂 ).

When I am a woman, lets just say it gets more complicated. Though my lovely wife may not appreciate it, she still has a wondrous effect on me. I long for the feelings of protection, love, adoration, softness from one who is strong. Yet the thought of this being a man does not appeal to me. It’s as if I long to play the feminine part with a masculine partner who is not a man – Take that Freud!

My point in sharing is not to disclose details of my private life with you, or even to hold up myself as a prototypical example of all crossdressers, for surely this isn’t the case. I want to point out that the diversity of human sexuality is not confined to a few discrete points. It’s not possible to create a set of categories and use these to accurately define everyone, as is wonderfully captured by a poetic recounting of the third gender.

Live who you are. Love who you are. Define yourself by what is in your heart.

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Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.
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14 Comments
  1. Joanna Santos 11 years ago

    Vanessa,

    I agree that its a fine line at times and that we are complex as human beings. We can even be attracted to a person regardless of their bilogical gender all the while thinking that we are strictly heterosexual.

    As much as I enjoy being a woman at times I cannot see myself being attracted to a male. I have had their attention and receive nice comments at times which I consider validation that I am passing. But I know of other crossdressers for which the question is not all that clear.

    Joanna

    • Vanessa Law 11 years ago

      Thanks Joanna, I like the word you used – validation. Interest or even just acceptance from men is a powerful validation of our femininity. Though I can see how this is easily confused with us having homosexual tendencies.

  2. Cassie 10 years ago

    As the wife of a crossdresser I truly appreciate your blogs and insights. I consider this journey “The Road Less Taken”, and I fear you will only find out your full needs and motives as your self-awareness continues to evolve. I’m guessing you’re closer to the beginning, rather than the end, of this journey…Us, too, but I’m not sure I’m up to being along for the ride. Best wishes to you and your loved ones. You are a dear, precious human being who truly deserves peace and happiness.

    • Ragina 10 years ago

      Dear Cassie,
      I agree with you that the road that we are on is definatly the road less taken, for not all of us have the desire to submit ourselves to the potential ridicule and ostrasizm that a crossdresser can face out in the open. It can be very depressing to a point that some will never come out of that depression. For those of us that do, however, life can be very sweet indeed. I understand where you are coming from, not being sure that you want to be a part of what your husband is into. But know this, you are the main support system that your husband has right now.He has his own fears and confusions that he’s dealing with. My advice to you, dear lady, is to take the time to learn as much as you can and take the time to talk to your husband about what he’s going through. Remember, the road less taken may make the trip longer, but it is always more beautiful than the highway.

      • Eugene Horner 9 years ago

        Thanks for the words of wisdom.But you see I am the husband and Cassie is my stage name.

  3. Eugene Horner 9 years ago

    What I said is what I'm NOT! It's no ones business what I do in my own Damn home.I enjoy doing my house work in a Teddy Nylons and Heels!It's so Fem.No one cares in my building they are all aware and supportive.So what the Hell I Am Who I Am No Matter What I Am!And All The Rest Can Go To H*ll for all I care! Cassie

  4. Leslee_33333 9 years ago

    I like your title about not being gay. Thats the question my wife asked me and of coarse the answer was no. I think she found that answer more easy to accept than being Transgender.When we were first married after one week she said I should have been a girl She was cool with that for quite sometime but than decided it was time for me to not be transgendered. Sorry but its not something you just turn off and on at will.It would be nice but thats not how real TG girls are and I am one of them.

  5. Leslee_33333 9 years ago

    I like your title about not being gay. Thats the question my wife asked me and of coarse the answer was no. I think she found that answer more easy to accept than being Transgender.When we were first married after one week she said I should have been a girl She was cool with that for quite sometime but than decided it was time for me to not be transgendered. Sorry but its not something you just turn off and on at will.It would be nice but thats not how real TG girls are and I am one of them.

    • Vanessa Law 8 years ago

      Indeed – for me it was an issue all my life until I embraced myself, now I’m quite happy to just be, and don’t have any internal stres about being transgendered.

  6. Daphne Brynne 8 years ago

    Well for me, I might just be gay,a gay woman that is. My mind can deal with the concept of sex with a man but I desire sex with a woman as a woman. If my body matched my inner self I would rarely be up for sex with men but would always be seeking out other women. The way it is now, I can only perform if I trick myself into thinking I am a woman who’s having the sex.

  7. Veronica 8 years ago

    You know. It is questions like this one that sometimes makes us scared to actually be who we are. No we are not gay, well not all of us, I am actually bisexual. But just because we dress does not make us any less hetero than we might be.

  8. Daphne Brynne Allyn 8 years ago

    As for me I must say that I am Gay, but a gay/bi woman trapped in a man’s body. I have very strong desires to be with women as a woman. I could only be with a man were I the woman that I truely am in a threesome setting. I know what is like to be a genetic woman and feel horribly cheated by not being able to live my life as the gay woman I am inside.

  9. Stefanie 3 years ago

    Not gay
    Hetero
    Love women
    Now I could see a 3 some with a domme played by my wife
    And a male with me as the girl
    But only on fantasy island

  10. Alicia Roxxx 2 years ago

    im gay! lol

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