I feel trapped.
I do not know how to tell my girlfriend that I don’t want to be with her anymore. I so badly do not want to hurt her, but the truth will make her feel very sad. Telling the truth will destroy someone I care about.
We’ll be together 2 years. We live together. I feel I just love her less romantically and more like a friend than a lover.
I do not want to tell her about my dressing femme. I don’t want to share Raquel. Dressing up is my creative outlet of self-expression, and I am selfish about it, maybe. No outside influences.
I’ve enjoyed sexy clothing on & off since puberty, and I’ve purged and come back, but recently I’m all in. Nowadays, I just want to look slim in the new dress I ordered discreetly, or pluck my eyebrows, or grow my hair long.
Maybe my sexual orientation is evolving. Maybe I’ve just been suppressing it for so long. I’ve always been attracted to femininity and turned off by masculine traits in people. I’m flirtatious with female coworkers, but also attracted to pretty CDs I meet online.
I think about it every day; if I lived alone, I could go home after work, and just slip into something silky, and paint my nails and practice my makeup, or strut around smoothly in that new pair of heels. I could cook dinner in a cocktail dress and maybe even get crazy and go out on the deck for a cigarette (after dark of course).
Why am I so scared? I hate being afraid of something and that is what will eventually bring me to confront it. I hate being afraid or ashamed of something that I truly enjoy. I guess it just takes time…
I kind of set a goal for myself to dress up and go out for Halloween. That is half a year from now. I feel that could be credibly liberating.
Part of me wishes that I desired to stay with my girlfriend and just share my femme side with her (go shopping, get manicures). She is such a beautiful, understanding person. But I do not see that other side of me being compatible with her. I feel that if my femme persona must be released but is incompatible with my significant other, and I can only choose one… then I have to choose me.
When I sit awake at night trying to self-analyze, I really wish I were doing it as the girl inside me in leggings or a chemise with painted nails. But for now, I suppress myself and I know that’s a mistake.
Maybe I’m just a terrible person. For Halloween I’ll be ‘Sexy Toxic Waste’. I ordered these neon green fishnets…
- Would comming out with your cross dressing to your significant other or wife cause a breakup in your relationship?
- Would your wife or significant other be accepting at some level if you exposed your secret of your thrill of cross dressing to her?
- Do you find yourself attracted to pretty cross dressers on line when dressed en femme?
Thank you for reading my article and please feel free to write a response to either my article or one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above!