I feel trapped.

I do not know how to tell my girlfriend that I don’t want to be with her anymore. I so badly do not want to hurt her, but the truth will make her feel very sad. Telling the truth will destroy someone I care about.

We’ll be together 2 years. We live together. I feel I just love her less romantically and more like a friend than a lover.

I do not want to tell her about my dressing femme. I don’t want to share Raquel. Dressing up is my creative outlet of self-expression, and I am selfish about it, maybe. No outside influences.

I’ve enjoyed sexy clothing on & off since puberty, and I’ve purged and come back, but recently I’m all in. Nowadays, I just want to look slim in the new dress I ordered discreetly, or pluck my eyebrows, or grow my hair long.

Maybe my sexual orientation is evolving. Maybe I’ve just been suppressing it for so long. I’ve always been attracted to femininity and turned off by masculine traits in people. I’m flirtatious with female coworkers, but also attracted to pretty CDs I meet online.

I think about it every day; if I lived alone, I could go home after work, and just slip into something silky, and paint my nails and practice my makeup, or strut around smoothly in that new pair of heels. I could cook dinner in a cocktail dress and maybe even get crazy and go out on the deck for a cigarette (after dark of course).

Why am I so scared? I hate being afraid of something and that is what will eventually bring me to confront it. I hate being afraid or ashamed of something that I truly enjoy. I guess it just takes time…

I kind of set a goal for myself to dress up and go out for Halloween. That is half a year from now. I feel that could be credibly liberating.

Part of me wishes that I desired to stay with my girlfriend and just share my femme side with her (go shopping, get manicures). She is such a beautiful, understanding person. But I do not see that other side of me being compatible with her. I feel that if my femme persona must be released but is incompatible with my significant other, and I can only choose one… then I have to choose me.

When I sit awake at night trying to self-analyze, I really wish I were doing it as the girl inside me in leggings or a chemise with painted nails. But for now, I suppress myself and I know that’s a mistake.

Maybe I’m just a terrible person. For Halloween I’ll be ‘Sexy Toxic Waste’. I ordered these neon green fishnets…

  • Would comming out with your cross dressing to your significant other or wife cause a breakup in your relationship?
  • Would your wife or significant other be accepting at some level if you exposed your secret of your thrill of cross dressing to her?
  • Do you find yourself attracted to pretty cross dressers on line when dressed en femme?

Thank you for reading my article and please feel free to write a response to either my article or one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above!

Sincerely, Raquel

 

More Articles by Raquel Botas

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    Ellie Mae
    Member
    Active Member
    23 days ago

    Hello Raquel, Would comming out with your cross dressing to your significant other or wife cause a breakup in your relationship? My marriage did not survive my coming out after 38 years. I tried sharing myself with my spouse always to be shut down or laughed at. MOST women do not accept trans husbands. Would your wife or significant other be accepting at some level if you exposed your secret of your thrill of cross dressing to her? I knew for a long time that sheis incapable to accept me and the main reason is because her own self worth… Read more »

    Last edited 23 days ago by Ellie Mae
    Robin Kliment
    Ambassador
    Member
    23 days ago

    Hi neighbor, Nebraska here. There’s not much that is easy in life, Tgirl included. Might be helpful to ask yourself IF you’d be feeling the same without the draw of CDn

    Rikki Edwards
    Active Member
    23 days ago

    Hi Raquel, My feeling is that if you have fallen out of love you need to be honest about that, and realize that crossdressing probably has very little to do with your romantic feelings for your girlfriend. I was married for 20 years the first time, and made the mistake of telling my wife AFTER we were married. We stayed together and had children, but my crossdressing was banished deep into the closet. I told my current wife about my crossdressing on our third date. We are still together, and while she is more tolerant than supportive, we are still… Read more »

    Erica Dee
    Duchess
    22 days ago

    Sounds sooooo familiar. You’re not alone

    RosalindDemuire
    22 days ago

    I agree with others that this is a common problem but maybe you have an advantage in that you are at the ‘girlfriend’ stage rather than married. You evidently have strong feelings about her, so why not be honest with her now and see how she reacts. If she rejects you then the decision to split up will have been a mutual choice. If she accepts you, then you’ve got the best of both worlds – an other half that knows all about you and you have a genuine partner. Honesty can be difficult, very difficult at times, but it… Read more »

    Bettylou Cox
    Duchess
    Active Member
    22 days ago

    Hi Raquel, It seems you have more than one issue to resolve in order to find the inner peace you need. First, telling the truth about your CD might be bad, in that it could ruin your relationship. On the other hand, keeping secrets from our SO is always bad for a relationship, so choose the lesser evil if you must choose. The second issue, your identity crisis is more complicated, and may require professional counseling – which is beyond my pay grade, so I won’t attempt it. But these are things to consider: Could you be gay or bi,… Read more »

    Cindy Propiedad
    22 days ago

    Sometimes we find help in the strangest of places. Last year I knew it was time for me to come out. But I was scared knowing I am not yet feminine enough to pass, and I made a comment to my then girlfriend. And fully expected her to make fun of me and break up. It turns out she has a dominant streak and was bisexual. She asked if I was still attracted to girls. And I said, “yes but lesbians hate guys.” Then she asked the strangest question from my point of view. “Do you like men?” I said,… Read more »

    Celeste Starre
    Member
    22 days ago

    I think you’re over thinking it. Sure she’ll be hurt but she’ll get over it. So Get on the bus Gus,make a new plan Stan,and get yourself free.

    Rachel Willing
    22 days ago

    Hi Raquel, Everyone’s situation is different, but in my case the “short answers” to your questions would be “Yes, No, and Maybe.” Those of us both in marriages and in the closet have a lot more to lose than someone still dating, so in that respect you have more options. When you say that you feel you just “love her less romantically and more like a friend than a lover” that could happen between any two people in a relationship, and not necessarily tied to the urge to CD. Being honest about your attraction to her would (IMO) seem to… Read more »

    Denise6943
    22 days ago

    I truly wish I could wave a magic wand and help you but I can’t. I had a rather similar situation but I was married and I told my wife about my interests that I’ve had since i was a kid. In my case she divorced me, made up a bunch of lies about me, promised me she will do everything she can to make sure I never see my kids again, got me fired from a good job and the list goes on. I thank God everyday that I have 2 good friends and that I found this site… Read more »

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