Have you ever gotten the best of both worlds, without even knowing it? That’s what happened to me when I met my husband nearly two years ago.
I’m a straight woman who loves men, but I’d had my heart broken twice: once when my husband of 21 years died suddenly and once when I foolishly married a mean alcoholic while still grieving. With no place left to turn, I started over. I moved to a new city, took a new job, made new friends…. Life was good.
Then I met Prince Charming. One day at work, the man of my dreams walked into a conference room and straight into my heart. To say it was love at first sight is a severe understatement! He was widowed; very powerful and successful in a male-dominated field; tall, smart, sexy, handsome — the complete package. Amazingly, he fell in love with me, too. We married less than a year after we met.
My husband was very inexperienced sexually. He’d married his college sweetheart and was faithful to her until she died. He dropped hints that she had been very straight-laced and that sex with her had been plain, rare and unadventurous — the opposite of me. I helped my husband open up sexually — and wow! Did he open up!
About two months ago, he suddenly asked if we could be intimate while he wore my panties. (I’m into lingerie and have quite a collection.) I of course said yes. It was fun… and then it snowballed. Suddenly, my ripped, former-triathlete husband wanted to dress in my panties, stockings and silk robes every time we were intimate. Well, er, OK. Then he wanted to shop for lingerie for himself online. I dutifully helped him pick sizes and colors, all the while freaking out.
I’m adventurous, but had I married a gay man? Was Mr. Master of the Universe really Mrs. Doubtfire? Into the internet I plunged and found Crossdresser Heaven. Thank heaven! Here and on other sites I learned not to fear my husband’s feelings and desires. He’s not gay, he’s not a freak, he’s not bored, and he’s not going to become transgender. I learned that many men have a feminine side or feel like women inside but never have had the freedom or confidence in their marriage to show it.
That’s the case with my husband. He’s 100 percent into women and loves my beauty and sexiness as a women. As he puts it, he could almost be a lesbian, because he loves women, but he also feels that he has a feminine side.
I won’t say this hasn’t been an adjustment for me. Seeing my broad-shouldered husband in lipstick and lingerie took some getting used to, and I still like him best in his guy guise. But some great things came along with accepting my husband as he is.
First, we are totally open and honest with each other. He can tell me his feelings and desires and is grateful that I don’t freak out. Second, nurturing his feminine side has helped our marriage. He always has been a loving, kind, sensitive man, but I now recognize that those are his feminine qualities. Honoring the woman in him has made him even more loving and tender towards me. Third, it’s helped me realize that I love my husband completely — all parts of him, not just the ones that fit the “tall, handsome, athletic man” stereotype. Finally, it’s sort of fun having a husband AND a best girlfriend!
I don’t know where this journey will lead. My husband says he has no desire to ever fully cross-dress, go out in public as a woman, or transition. He loves being a powerful man — but a man who from time to time likes to dress as a beautiful, soft, sexy, feminine woman who is my love slave.
One thing I know for sure: wherever this path takes us, I will always love my Prince AND Princess Charming!
Thank you for a fantastic article. It’s so nice to hear from an SO and especially one who is so understanding and accepting. This is the kind of article that is very useful for sharing with our SO’s who may still be grappling with understanding our unconventional behavior, let alone accepting it. Your husband is a lucky man – God bless you, Lynne.
Thanks for the kind words, Mona! It was an adjustment at first, but certainly keeps things interesting!
Thank you for sharing your article, its’ great and well written. My crossdressing has brought me and my wife closer together as well, though sadly it doesn’t seem to for everyone. You are both very lucky to have found each other.
Amy
Thanks, Amy!
Dear Lynne, Thanks for joining CDH and thanks for writing this piece. I’m certain you will get feedback from many of us that affirms your husband’s needs. He is not dissimilar from (I’d guess) most of us. Nevertheless, we all have both individual likes and those that are pretty common to all CDs. If he has no chance of passing because of his size a physique, he’ll probably not want to try. That’s kind of how it is with me. You’ll notice from pictures and stories that some of us have been gifted with bodies that lend themselves extremely well… Read more »
Hi, Falecia. Thanks for your insightful comments. I’ll have to ask my husband if he’d like to try more “regular” women”a clothes to try on an outing. I wish more people were just accepting of these things. We live a a city that’s renowned for being accepting and eccentric but one never knows!
All the best,
Lynne
Lynne, I see that your profile says RI. Are you in/near Providence? We have a long history with Providence. Our son did UG and Medical school at Brown. I ran a 5k years ago (“Run the Drugs Out of Town”) back (I think) when Buddy was Mayor. Nonetheless, our favorite place in RI is Newport – the bars, the Yatch Restoration School, and the shoreline. We saw the Oracle racing catamaran tied to a dock years ago when it had competed in the America’s Cup. It was enormous. We used to run along the beach. I think we could easily… Read more »
Indeed, Providence. As HP Lovecraft said: the universal haven of the odd, the dissenting and the free!
Thanks for the reference. I’d never heard of Lovecraft. I’m always looking for new authors and new reads. I have a penchant for “books-out-of-print!”
Do you have recommendation for any particular Lovecraft offering?
There are many collections of his work. I got one on Amazon Kindle that I think covers them all. Very up and down in quality. He was the first author to my knowledge to bridge horror with early sci-fi. Some of it is waaaaay to sci-fi/fantasy for my taste but the more creepy New England tales are great. The best is “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.”
@Falecia McGuire This is what I do, too, still with varying degrees of success.
Lynne, I agree with Mona, great article and it’s awesome to hear from an accepting SO. I so appreciate the fact that you are accepting of ALL parts of your husband, even if you don’t completely understand his desires or needs. From my perspective, a crossdresser’s journey can be very lonely due to the guilt and shame that often comes with the desire to express our femm side (however far we take it). Having understanding people in our life is key to dealing with the contradiction that we sometimes are. Kudos to you Lynne for being willing to explore with… Read more »
Thanks, Kendra! To be honest it was hard at first. I just needed to learn and be open-minded. Life is short, so my view is let’s all be happy in whatever way we can!
Cheers,
Lynne
Lynne,
There is no doubt in my mind it was hard at first and yes life is short…good for the both of you.
Cheers to you,
Kendra
Awesome article Lynne, My gf is much like yourself in accepting all of me in whatever form. We both feel blessed.
Thanks, Olivia. Good to know other SOs are on the journey!
Best, Lynne
Hi Lynne , thank you for such a lovely article , it certainly made me smile for the both of you . I too have a supportive wife , although she doesn’t want to see me fully made over , otherwise I’m free to live my gender fluid /CD life. We’re out to all the important people , professionally & socially in our lives. The support is fabulous , knowing my wife has my back I feel more freedom to be me. It is the best of both worlds , I get called both Princess & wife , which I… Read more »
Hi, Tiff. You’re lucky to have so much acceptance. It makes me sad that more people aren’t more open minded!
Best
Lynne
Yes , we feel the same , it’s part of the reason we’re out about me, to show ( hopefully) to others that we’re not freaks & a relationship can be maintained .
Thank you for your article. I love hearing success stories. I enjoy reading articles from wives/girlfriends in order to see perspectives, concerns and pitfalls from the significant other’s side. It allows me to have faith that things will work out while understanding the possible inner thinkings and concerns my wife of 23 years may have for us. I told my wife of my dressing 18 years into our 23 year marriage and she “accepts" it but does not have a desire to see it at his point. I look forward to read more from you. Thank you!
Thanks for your kind words, Jamie. I may write another article so please stay tuned!
Best,
Lynne
Thanks Lynne,
I will show this to my wife if she ever discovers my secret. I’ve never dared to tell her in 30 years of marriage as I don’t know how I would explain it. I love her to bits, and I know she loves me to bits, and I know she would never leave me, but I fear that she would love me less.
Hi, Katie. It was hard for me at first. And as far as I know my husband just developed this interest. (I’m planning an article about that now.) I imagine it would be hard for any SO if it has been going on for a long time. For me, loving my husband means loving all parts of him, but it did take time to get to that point in my mind. In honesty, I think most SOs worry about things progressing. I know I do! But life is so risky. For us, we decided honesty was the path and we’ll… Read more »
Great article Lynne- and congratulations on finding your soulmate (third time’s the charm right 🙂 ). It is awesome that you accept our husband for all of who he is. As you noted not all CDs are gay nor will all transition (partly or completely)- in fact MOST will not. However some do take years to figure out where on the spectrum they fit. My own ex was neither accepting nor even tolerant of my dressing though I understand that not every woman can do as you do. I didn’t tell her about Cyn before we married because I honestly… Read more »
Hi, Cyn. Thanks for your kind words. I’ll read your articles; thanks for pointing them out. I anticipate that things will evolve with my husband, as well. That thought honestly is unnerving. But having lost one husband to sudden death and another to a nasty divorce, having a third go further en femme is the least of my fears. In a strange way, I sort of like having another dimension to love. A surprise, but a pleasant one.
Best,
Lynne
Just loved your story I wish my wife had your mind set maybe some day thank you for your support !!!!!!!
Thanks for your kind comments, Donna! I wonder if, as time goes on, all people will become more accepting? We can hope! All the best and stay well!
Lynne