Holding on to resentments caused me more than a few decades of misery, suffering, and more than one near-death experience.
When I was young, my Dad would jokingly say, “you know you’re having a bad day when the rope breaks”; I never understood that joke, until the day it did.
It broke just on the outside of the knot so when my thrashing body woke up on the ground, I had to loosen the rope from around my neck to breathe again; I had failed more than once at stopping my suffering that way, so it became time to try another choice.
Are you holding on to any resentment for Any-Thing, event, or person my Dears?
feel pain, regret, to feel again
resent (v.) 1600’s, from Old French re sentir
Basically, to keep re-experiencing the emotional misery and suffering we create with our feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, or injustice, from something we believe was committed “against us” in the past. I resented so many people for so many things, all the while exacerbating my own misery and suffering.
Reliving the hurt in your mind, maybe even unconsciously habitually, automatically, and without any conscious intentional choice; like not really meaning to, but it happens.
We may think it is because of something someone did, didn’t do, said, or didn’t say that we feel resentment towards them.
The truth is resentment is ours and ours alone. It is reliving the emotional trauma over, and over again in the mind and often across the lips, long after what happened has passed.
Resentment is always about the self; when we feel resentment, it’s like a gauge on the dashboard of our heart telling us that we are relying on that person, place, or thing for too much of something.
Too much of whatever it is we get from them while trying to fill our own basic needs. Acceptance, love, support, money, stuff. Pretty much anything we rely on them to give us. Sometimes, we will cultivate a small group of people to “get” from, so we don’t burn one out from overuse.
If I am even in part, dependent, on something outside of me to ‘make me happy’ or whatever, I will resent that thing, whether it is a person or not, whenever it fails to meet my expectations of how it ‘should’ be – for me to feel happy, loved, whatever.
Love gives, co-dependence needs and takes
Since buried feelings never die, how do we get past those feelings of resentment and move on?
First, approach resentment as the addictive state of mind it is. Science says that it is not the drugs or alcohol that we are addicted to, but instead, it is the chemicals of an emotional ‘state of mind’. In other words, we use our drug of choice to feel, or not to feel, those uncomfortable emotions that we have become addicted to.
Resentments are like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die
or holding a handful of red-hot coals intending to throw them at someone, while it is our hand that is being burned!
This week, if you hold any resentments, first, realize that you are using resentment to replicate and replay old dramas which cause you to continue the suffering long after the event.
Acknowledge that we cannot change the past, but we absolutely can create a present and future that holds a lot more happiness and richness for our lives.
Recognize that your resentment gives you only illusions of strength, while it slowly destroys you from the inside.
This week Reset by starting the practice of the wonderful life skill of conscious, intentional behavior and stop indulging in resentment.
Put a new thought between your feelings of resentment, whatever the reason for them, and the indulgence of ruminating on them creating more of your own misery and suffering; the more you practice this skill, the sooner you enjoy a more consistent happiness and contentment in your life.
We are changing the world, my beautiful sisters!
Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset, and thank you for being exactly who you are!
Namasté
n huggles for ya’s
Char
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Truly a beautiful and enlightened perspective to view a disease that rots the soul from within. I’ve lived with resentment all my life over one thing or another and struggle every fucking day with how to not allow the past to influence the present. I generally fail but the few times I’ve succeeded lift me up to another level of understanding and inner acknowledgment. However, to be honest, I seriously doubt I’ll ever be able to let go of all of it…the pain, betrayal, and feeling used or taken advantage of because of an inherently altruistic nature coupled with the… Read more »
Oh Isabelle, everything is possible Hon and I dooo hear you lol This mind of mine has been pretty dark on way too many occasions haha The first step for me to stop resentment dead in its tracks was to put down my blame thrower lol ugh, how I loved that weapon hahaha I lived my life giving others the responsibility of my happiness, financial abundance, well, honestly, pretty much anything good omg. The biggest shift ever was when I said out loud to myself, “I am not a victim, I am a creator, so lets get creating something good… Read more »
thank you for the beautiful story, I would live to meet you and give you a hug…and thank you for the cry, tears do heal my soul…
The pleasure is mine Stephanie 😉 Thaaankyou for saying Hon.
Perhaps one day we can make that huggable wish a reality hehehe, I believe that everything is possible hehe
Namaste’ Stephanie, and for now, cyber huggles girl hehe
Char
Such an amazing piece. I’m so glad the rope broke! I’m going to be reading this over and over. I hold so much resentment toward my ex wife for her cheating yet I have a fantastic life; my wife is incredible as is my daughter! Your words are going to help me more than you know. Thank you so much!
Love and Kisses,
Eona
It is my honor and privilege dear soul, sometime its more damaging to hold onto something than to simply put it down, lift the chin up, and walk into our future of Joy and abundance of all the good stuff.
I am so grateful for you Eona Oh 🙂
Thanks for being you hon, keep on mmmK!!
Namaste’
n big huggles for ya dear
Char
Hi Char!
Your articles never disapoint. I have to say that “Resentments are like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die" immediately moved to the number one most profound thing I have read/heard this year. Probably this decade. I come from a family where resentments are a way of life. Thank you for this. I really needed to read it.
Don’t ever stop 🙂
Hugs
Autum
aaaand I am so grateful you did Autumn , I wish you everything wonderful you can possibly imagine sweet soul 🙂
Namaste’ n warm huggles my friend, thank you for being here!!
Char